02x05 - Caution: Bobby at Work

[bunniefuu]

OK, he's coming down
the home stretch,
and he's crossing
the finish line.
I won!

I won!
No, you didn't.
It's a tie!

Hi, I'm Howie.

But you can call me Diane.

I'm a nut that way.

No, don't call me-- well, you
can call me anything you want.
Just never call me
late for dinner!
BOBBY: Hi, late for dinner!

What's up?

HOWIE: Nothing.

BOBBY: Nope.

This is!

[LAUGHS]

HOWIE: Bobby, how
come you've got
numbers written all over you?

BOBBY: Well, it's
for my audience.
See, with all these
numbers on me,
they can always count on me.

[LAUGHS] Get it?

[THEME MUSIC]

-Well basically, my
dad's a bus driver.
-Well my dad's a fireman,
and last week, he
saved some people from
a burning building.
Woah!

-My dad's a nurse.

ALL: A nurse?

-Well, he's the biggest,
strongest nurse in the world.
-Oh.

[THUNDER]

-So, what does
your dad do, Bobby?
-My dad?

He's a-- well, he, uh,
he kinda-- well, uh--
-Like a-- like a traffic cop?

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

[CRASH]

-No.

-Is he a championship bowler?

[FANFARE]

-No.

-So, um, basically,
how about a balloonist?
[CIRCUS MUSIC]

-No.

-You don't know
what your dad does?
-Uh, well-- uh-- Bobby!

Time for dinner, dontcha know?

Oh, did you hear that?

My mom's calling me.
Gotta go.
Bye.

-Now Martha, I don't want
you to lift a finger.
The kids and I are going
to take care of dinner
and the dishes, honey.

[COUGHING]

-Aww, Howard.

You're just so gee golly
sweet, dontcha know.
-Mom!

Mom, what does Dad do?

-Aww, gee golly, Howard.

I hate to have you
cook when you've
been out working all day.

-Ma!

What does Dad do for a living?

-Well, honey.

He works hard to earn a
living for his growing family.
-Oh.

That clears it up.

-Honey, your father's in sales.

-Sales?

Does that mean the boat won't
go if Dad's not up there?
-Land h*!

Uh oh.

-I think I may have
overdone them a little.
-So Dad's job's
in sailboats, huh?
HOWARD: No, Bobby.

I'm in clothes.

-Well so am I.

-No, I handle a line of clothes.

-Oh.

-All right, you clothes.

Straighten up here.

Hey, you in the flowers.

Back in line.

-Yo, shorty.

End of the line.

SHORTS: Why do I have to
go to the end of the line?
HOWARD: Well, let me explain.

-Explain what, Dad?

HOWARD: Well, about
my job, Bobby.
Remember when you had
that stand last summer
and you sold lemonade?

Well, that's kind of what I do.

Only I sell all kinds of pants.

-Oh.

-Cold lemonade!

-Cold lemonade!

-Really cool pants!

Today only, half off.

-They're certainly well done.

HOWARD: Well, they
used to be hot dogs.
-Yuck, pass the ketchup.

-Selling pants
sounds like fun, Dad.
-Ew, gross!

These are like, charred
beyond recognition.
Pass the relish.

-I wouldn't call it fun,
now then yet, Bobby.
Your father works
gee golly hard.
You know, he practically
gives that company
the shirt off his back.

-I thought he sold pants.

HOWARD: I'll tell
you what, Bobby.
-What, Dad?

-Aww, great.

Why don't you come to
work with me tomorrow?
-Oh, Howard.

That's a jim dandy idea!

-I remember going to work
with Dad when I was little.
Just a bunch of
boring boneheads.
-Boneheads?

KELLY: Yeah.

And like, watch out for that
creep with the donkey breath.
-Donkey breath?

-And Dad's secretary
was a real witch.
-A real witch?

Boneheads, donkeys, witches?

Sounds like fun!

KELLY: And that crabs
guy really makes me sick.
-Kelly, you stop that out now.

You know, Howard, I think going
to work with you is going to be
just so much gee
gosh fun for Bobby.
-And who knows, Martha.

Maybe someday, he'll
follow in my footsteps.
-Huh?

Come on, Bobby.

We don't want to
be late for work.
-I'm following in
your footsteps, Dad.
MARTHA: Just a
second, young man.
I want my little
businessman to look smart.
-Well, I don't
want to look dumb.
[SPITTING]

-Oh, now.

-Ew!

-Look there!

You've got a smudge on
your cheek, for gosh sakes.
Can't have that on
my little mansy.
And you're so gosh golly cute--

[SPITTING]

-You're just the spitting--

-Gross!

--image of your
father, dontcha know.
Here.

[SPITTING]

-Yuck!

She should know.

It's her spit.

[DOG BARKING]

-Hi, Roger.

Patooey!

Roger, now you're the
spitting image of Dad and me.
-Bye bye!

Oh, and don't forget, Bobby.

Uncle Ted's coming to
pick you up at noon.
-OK.

When's none?

-When Captain Squash's
hands are both
pointing straight up to the 12.

BOBBY: Oh.

HOWARD: Don't worry, Bobby.

We've got lots of time.

-Isn't this great?

I'm going to work with Dad!

BOBBY: How come there's
so many cars, Dad?
HOWARD: Well, because
it's rush hour, Bobby.
BOBBY: When I rush, I
go faster than this.
-No no no no.

You don't understand.

This is a traffic jam, Bobby.

BOBBY: It is?

[CARS HONKING]

-Yuck!

Traffic jam.

HOWARD: Bobby, take
that out of your mouth.
Bobby!

Take the seat belt
out of your mouth.
You could choke
on it, young man.
-Don't grown ups have
great imaginations?
-There it is, Bobby.

That's where my office is.

Right over there,
in that highrise.
-A highrise?

Is that like Uncle Ted's pants?

BOBBY: What floor
do you work on?
HOWARD: Lucky 17.

BOBBY: You better hurry up!

Captain Squash's are
getting close together, Dad.
Dad, what's
everybody looking at?
-Nothing, Bobby.

They're just, uh, you know.

-Bobby.

This is Mr. Harris.

-Oh, are you the one my
brother says is a bonehead?
-Bobby!

-But Derek said--

-I'm sorry, Harris.

I-- I gotta-- Hey, I gotta go.

Bobby, that's really
not-- Bobby, oh.
Bobby, this is Mr. Dwarkin.

-Hi, you're Howard's, huh?

BOBBY: Ew.

Do you smell a donkey?

-Huh?

-Bobby!

-But this guy stinks!

-Bobby, that's not nice!

-I know!

But Kelly said--

-I gotta go.

Well, I'm late for a meeting.

-Well, hi there.

You must be Bobby.

I'm your dad's secretary.

-Gee, Dad.

She doesn't look like--

HOWARD: Well, Bobby.

This is my office.

BOBBY: Wow!

-Remember when this was taken?

BOBBY: Sure do.

BOBBY: Mom spit on Kelly's hair
so it wouldn't look like a rag
mop for corn's sake so
Kelly started crying
and then Derek kicked
me and I started crying
and then you said this
photographer was going to put
us in the poor house so we'd
better smile or else so we did.
MR. CRABS: Hey, Howard.

Is this your boy?

-Bobby, this is Mr. Crabs.

-Uh oh.

My sister told me at
breakfast this morning
that you're the one
who made her sick.
Don't make my dad sick!

If he gets sick, then everybody
in my house will get sick
and Derek and Kelly will
have to miss school!
And my mom shouldn't get
sick cuz she's peppermint!
And I told the milkman that--

-This kid is so
imaginative, you know.
-Yeah.

I think it's time for
that meeting, Generic.
-Now, Bobby.

You just sit here quietly.

Here are some pens
and paper, and you
can draw a nice picture, OK?

And I'll be back real soon.

-Sure, Dad.

Don't worry about me.

I'm your spitting image.

[LAUGHS]

-Crayons!

[SINGING] Fish don't sting.

Cha cha cha, under the
water, the fish don't sting.
Doo doo doo.

I know why the fish don't sting.

Cha cha cha--

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

-Buttons!

MULTIPLE VOICES: Yes?

Yes, hello?

Is anybody there?

Hello?

Yes?

Hello?

Security.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello there.

Is anybody there?

Yes, hello?

I can't hear you.

-[SINGING] Fish don't sting.

Under water, the
fish don't sting.
Cha cha cha.

MULTIPLE VOICES: Yes?

-Yes?

Yes?

Oh, I know!

You guys are here
to mess up my hair.
COOK 1: Excuse me,
ladies and gents.
Coming through.

COOK 2: OK, I've
got a heavy load.
Look out!

COOK 1: Anybody for lunch?

-OK!

COOK 1: Your dad's paying?

BOBBY: Uh, OK!

ALL: Well, in that case, yeah!

COOK 2: Well then.

Allow me to tell you
about our specials.
A tofu and jelly
sandwich on rye.
COOK 1: That'll put hair
on your sister's chest.
COOK 2: Yeah.

And we've got a Gorgonzola
and bologna on a bagel.
COOK 1: Uh uh.

Outta the gorg.

Fresh out.

COOK 2: I wanted that
for lunch myself. [
COOK 1: Well, snoop around.

COOK 2: Oh, alright.

I'll dig around in the cooler.

[TELEPHONE RING]

BOBBY: Hello?

Uh huh.

Bye bye!

Hi, Dad!

HOWARD: What's going on?

BOBBY: Well, some man called
up and he wanted lots of pants.
So I told him maybe he can
go to the mall with Mommy.
Cuz that's where she takes
me when I need pants.
TR: Generic?

BOBBY: Generic.

HOWARD: Yes, TR?

TR: Thanks for
the lunch, Howard.
Oh, hi, TR.

-Thanks, Generic.

Ooh, nice tie, TR.

-Bye, Howard.

Bye, TR.

-What's this?

-Just a fax.

-Who's this?

-Oh, this is-- this is Bobby.

Bobby, I'd like you to meet
a very important person.
My boss.

-Well, well, well.

-I think I figured
this thing out.
When grownups meet
for the first time,
they rub eachother's head.

[SCREAMS

-I didn't rub it that hard!

[SCREAMS]

-TR, I'm really-- I
mean, I-- You see,
it wasn't-- he's my-- well,
you see, I-- oh, great.
--[SPEAKING BAD SPANISH]
Cue pesa!
Hey, where's Bobby?

Oh, there's my man.

I gotta tell you, Howard.

This is my lucky day.

I just met this great
girl on the elevator.
She had on a really
enchanting perfume.
Smelled like that
cheese stuff Martha
makes that I like so much.

Ah, speaking of food-- Hey,
come on in here, you guys.
COOK 2: Alright, stand back.

-OK, where do we put this stuff?

-Clear this place out, come on.

-These guys make
a great sandwich.
BOTH: Sorry, we're
out of Gorgonzola.
-Uh, I was a little short, so
I charged it to you, Howard.
You don't mind.

I'll catch you later, you know.

-He's my wife's brother.

-Well.

Perhaps I'd better be leaving.

-Hey, hey, hey.

Wait.

Wait, wait, not so fast.

You've got to be in my
picture of Bobby's first visit
to the office!

Now don't move, stay there.

-Ted, Ted.

-No, no.

Come on over here, Howard.

You stand-- everybody!

Come on, line up, let's go.

OK, you with the bad rock,
a little further back.
OK?

Bobbo, you're in the front.

-Do I get to stand
in the middle?
-Hey, how about
some smiles, people.
Huh?

Why so glum?

Ha ha, did I tell you the
one about the traveling pants
salesmen?

He drives up in the car, see?

-Ted!

-Say cheddar!

ALL: Cheddar.

-OK, OK.

Everybody back to work.

I'll talk to you later, Generic.

-That's right.

Hold it, hold it.

Before you go, I was wondering.

You think you might be
interested in some really great
looking contemporary polka
dot bedroom slippers?
-Ted, not now.

-Well why not?

I'm the new West coast
distributor for this stuff.
Uh, but I got a feeling
it might not work out.
Could you put in a
good word for me here?
Maybe I could apply.

Get a job here, or
something, working for you?
Or maybe I could be your boss--

-Ted, Ted, Ted, Ted.

I think it's time
for you to go, OK?
-Hey, great phones.

Ooh, look at all these lights.

VOICES: Hello?

Is anybody there?

Hello?

Yes.

Hello.

[BEEPING]

-I didn't do it!

I didn't do it!

-Get him out of here, please.

-Cheddar!

MARTHA: Bobby, did you really
take this all by yourself?
-Yeah.

-Well, I'm a very
photogenic subject.
You know.

Take a look at this
dweeb in the wig, huh?
-Yeah, there's--
there's Bonehead,
and the donkey breath guy, and--

MARTHA: Bobby, now
cut that out there.
HOWARD: Honey, I'm home!

TED: Howdy, Howard.

How are ya?

MARTHA: Hi, honey.

How was your day?

-Hi, Dad!

-So what did the old
shag head have to say?
-You know, I thought he
was going to fire me,
but instead, he
kicked me upstairs.
I got a raise!

-I knew that.

-Oh, Howard.

I am so-- I'm going to
bust my buttons about you.
-Aww.

You know what he said?

He said-- he said I really
put pizazz into my department.
You know, lunches
for employees, snappy
looking sales
charge group photos.
He said morale is way up.

-That's my spitting image.

-Bobby-- Bobby,
where's your shirt?
-Well, I want to be
just like you, Dad.
So I decided to sell my clothes.

-But not your pants?

-I couldn't do that, Dad.

My bicycle seat's too rough.

I'll be chaffed.

[LAUGHTER]

MARTHA: Oh, he is so cute.

He's my own.

-Chaffed.

-He's mine.

-So, now do you know
what your dad does?
-Yeah!

He gets in the car
and parks in traffic
while people wave at each other.

And he makes you
wear your seat belt
even though he uses his arm.

And he rides the elevator
with smelly people
to the eighth floor,
and then walks
up to the seventeenth floor
cuz he doesn't want to go to--
-Wow.

-That's basically cool.

-And he works with a real witch.

And his boss's hair comes
off when you rub it.
[LAUGHTER]

-Yep!

My dad works hard.

And now I know what my dad
does is really important.
Yep, my dad sells pants.

And what would the
world be without pants?
Well, here's a little
song I wrote about that.
-[SINGING] I'm proud of my
dad, cuz he sells pants.
He works harder than
an army of ants.
Without all the pants
that my dad sold,
the world's behinds
would all be cold.
Brrr!

Pants are everywhere.

They are every place.

Astronauts wear
them in outer space.
That's right!

My dad's the guy.

He sells the pants.

Now, this is the part of
the song we should dance.
5, 6, 7, 8.

Kick, turn, kick,
turn, step, turn, up,
and-- Pittsburgh, Italy,
America, and France.
I don't know anyplace
they don't wear pants.
Except maybe Scotland,
where they wear those kilts.
-Well that's it,
that's our show.
-You don't have to tell
the people that's our show.
They just saw it.

They know that's our show.

They're not stupid.

-Well, I think it's time that
we say goodbye to our viewers.
-Well, I think we
should also say goodbye
to the people who make
the show possible.
So I'll say goodbye
to the viewers,
and you say goodbye to
all the wonderful people
behind the scenes.

So this is Bobby saying goodbye
to all you people watching!
[BELL RINGS]

-OK, um, I guess this is
everybody behind the scenes.
Thank you, everybody.

Goodbye.

Thanks for a great show.

Thank you.

Uh, Bobby wanted me to
say thanks to everybody.
Thanks.

Good show, and everything.

Thank you, everybody.

Hi.

Thanks.

Uh, you guys at home.

Come right up to the-- come
right up to the TV, OK?
Come right up.

OK, this is going to be great.

You there?

OK.

How many people love garlic?

[BREATHES] This ending stinks.

It does.

[THEME MUSIC]