02x34 - The Bird of Kildarby

[bunniefuu]

[Ray Parker Jr's Ghostbusters playing]

♪ Ghostbusters ♪

♪ There's something strange
In the neighborhood ♪

[alarm blaring]

♪ Who you going to call? ♪

♪ Ghostbusters ♪

♪ There's something weird
And it don't look good ♪

♪ Who you going to call? ♪

♪ Ghostbusters ♪

[tires screeching]

♪ I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪

[ghosts roaring]

♪ I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪

[whirring]

♪ Who you going to call? ♪

♪ Ghostbusters ♪

♪ Who you going to call? ♪

♪ Ghostbusters ♪

And in conclusion, I, your Mayor,

welcome this great structure,

brought here stone by stone

by our own prominent citizen,

Warner Applegate III.

[pipe and drum music playing]
It will provide a wealthy centerpiece

for our gala summer festival and...

[music continues]

[crowd murmuring]

Milo?

Yes, sir?

What is all that racket?

[stammers] Irish pipe and drum music, sir.

I know that.

Why are they playing during my speech?

I, uh...Uh, I don't know, sir.

Well, find out and fast.

[stammers] Yes, sir. Right away.

[clears throat]

As I was saying, this great structure...

[laughing]

Ahhh!

Huh?

[coughing]

Troublemakers, eh?

We'll make short work of them.

Boys, on the double.

[footsteps approaching]

New York's finest are equipped
to deal with any situation.

[laughing]
[men screaming]

[crowd murmuring]

What's the problem, Mr. Mayor?

The joint's haunted?

Don't be silly. I'll show you.

Haunted, my sweet aunt Myrtle.

[wind gusting]

[Mayor struggling]

[Kildarby] Thus, fair thee
shall who enter the Castle Kildarby.

I think we're gonna need some help.

[laughing]

Just try it, ecto breath

[phone rings]

Good afternoon. Ghostbusters.

Whoa!

-[Slimer] Uh-oh.
-Yuck!

All right. All right.

I'll see if Dr. Venkman's available.
Hold on.

[Janine] Some joker on line one,
says he's the Mayor.

It must be the Mayor.

No one else would claim to be him.

Dr. Peter Venkman.

[Mayor speaking indistinctly]

Yes, sir, Mr. Mayor.

What can the Ghostbusters
do for fair city of New York today?

[Mayor speaking]

I understand. Mr. Mayor.

Janine, hit the alarm.
We've got a big one.

You got it.

[alarm blaring]

[Ray] It's gotta be at least a Class 6.

Otherwise, why the horns.

What's up, Peter?

Yeah. Come on, give.

The mayor wants to see us right away.

Janine, honey, hold on the fort.

[siren blaring]

♪ Ghostbusters ♪

♪ Ghostbusters ♪

It's about time you guys got here.

Gee, we're sorry, Mr. Mayor.

I guess you wanna
hire someone more punctual.

We'll go home.

Back in the car, boys.

No, no. Wait!

Bye.
[car engine starting]

Your job isn't finish yet.

Quickly, get rid of those ghosts for us.

Hurry!

Well, give us some background.

Hey, where did you get
Sleeping Beauty summer home?

[Mayor] This is castle Kildarby.

It was donated to the city
by Warner Applegate III.

Warner Applegate?
The billionaire philanthropist?

Did you say billionaire?

This same. Last year, he bought the castle

from the current Lord Liam Kildarby,

who was down on his luck.

Everything was fine until
we started the ceremony.

I was giving my speech and suddenly
this terrible noise drowned me out.

[whispers] Which make two terrible noises.

What

Uh, nothing, sir. We'll take it from here.

[pipe and drum music playing]

Ray, you like classical music,
don't ya? Check it out.

[whirring]

Gentlemen, there seems to be
an inordinate amount of energy here.

[howling]
Ah!

Woah!

[slamming]

You were saying. Egon?

Anything I said now would be redundant.

[water splashing]

[breathing heavily]
It's incredible.

Hundreds of personalities, I tell ya.

All following the commands of one leader.

It might be best to find
this controlling entity

and deal with him first.

I'll check Tobin's Spirit Guide.

Castle Kildarby.

Well? Well?

Sometime, in the 15th century,

Lord Kildarby and all his men were k*lled,

when an invading army
staged a surprise attack.

But the invaders were never able
to stay a single night in the castle.

The spirits keep flinging
the invaders over the parapet!

After the invaders left,

and the family Kildarby
returned to the castle,

there have only
been occasional spirit manifestation,

usually only the sound of pipes and drums.

Piece of cake.

They just have to be told
that the w*r is over.

Let's go in.

Remember, Lord Kildarby's
troops numbered in excess of 800.

[gasps] Oh!

Uh-oh.

Yo, Lord Kildarby.

You at home?

[wind blowing]
[straining]

I can come back if he's busy.

[Kildarby] Who seeks the Lord Kildarby?

Oh, just a neighbor and I'd like to meet
new people on the block,

tell them where the drug store is,

cheap video rental, that sort of stuff.

Name's O'Venkman.

[Kildarby] Enter, O'Venkman.

[all] What?

[all] Oh.

State your business, O'Venkman.

Uh, just thought I'd see why

you are making our citizens
do half gainers into the lake.

None may invade Castle Kildarby.

We have repelled intruders
for more than 400 years.

I'm afraid it's not that simple.

This pile of rocks
now belongs to the city of New York.

Take care, intruder.

Do not risk my wrath.

You may have had all the weak folk
back at home frightened to death

but you never had to deal
with a kid from Brooklyn before.

I don't scare.

[banging]

Seize him!

[murmuring]

Well, maybe just this once.

[exclaims]

There's gotta be a way out is here.

[howling]

[panting]

[Peter] Other than feet first.

[howling continues]
Nobody gets the drop on Peter Venkman.

Hey, no fair.

Smart guy. "O'Venkman."

Why didn't I say O'Spengler? O'Stantz?

O'Zeddemore. Oh, boy.

[howling]

[door creeks]

[gasps]

[helmet clanks]

Got it.

[ghosts howling]

Oh, suren he must be here.

Search the place.

[Peter] Suren you keep lookin' here.

I'll be checkin' the corridor.

Aye.

[bangs]

[clinking]

[panting]

Oh, well, I'm in enough hot water already.

There he be. Behind the stair vault.

[ghosts roaring]

Safe!

There's Peter.

Looks like he's in trouble.

Come on, Peter. Hurry!

Whoa!

Uh-oh.

Hey, guys, looks like this one's gonna be
a little more trouble than we thought.

Are you going to need us?

Let me put it this way.

Help!

[pipe and drum music playing]

[whirring]

Awfully quiet here.

[Winston] I wish it was.
I'm getting pretty tired of that tune.

I was referring
to the psychokinetic energy level.

[beeping]

A-ha.

Impossible.

There can't be many ghosts here.

We've come to negotiate the release
of your prisoner, Peter O'Venkman.

Is it death you are now?

We outnumbered you 265 to one.

True, but these ladies even the odds.

Take us to Lord Kildarby at once

or we'll destroy this castle
and every ectoplasmic element in it.

And for what purpose is it, you gentlemen

wish to be seeing me?

We want our friend brought here at once.

[bangs the table]
Is it giving the orders,

you think you'd be doing in me own castle?

Watch it, your Lordship,

or my friends and I will start blasting.

I've sent for your friend.

So, you shall get your wish.

But don't be presuming too much.

Your weapons do not frighten me
as much as you think.

You'll be please to know,
Egon, that these Irish spooks

have the same quality manners
we find with our domestic brand.

Ixnay on the outhmay, Peter.

We were just negotiating
with Lord Kildarby.

Negotiating?

I'll not be negotiating
with the likes of you.

Let me handle this, Ray.

Oh, sure, Peter. After all,
you've known his Lordship longer.

Your Spookiness,

my friends and I are here
as emissaries of the Mayor of New York.

We've been hired to make
this little shanty of yours

ready to be visited
by millions of tourists.

So, what do you say to 850
one-way tickets to Ireland?

Or maybe some low income housing
up around 150th Street?

So, what do you say? Is it a deal?

Shipping us off?

Low-income housing?

I'll not be threatened in me own house.

Why, I'll...I'll...

[whispers]

Suren you've hit on it, me boy-o.

That's it. That's it!

If there's a gambling man
among your number,

perhaps we can agree on a wee wager.

Sure, I guess.

What...What's your game?

Cards, liars, poker, whist?

If you and your compatriots are man enough

to defeat my wee pet birdie,

we will leave Castle Kildarby.

If you are defeated,

everyone must leave this island
and never set foot on it again.

Conference.

How tough can a little bird be?

I don't know.

[whispering]

Come on. Where's your spirit of adventure?

Your gambling blood?

The worse that can happen is
they don't let people inside this heap.

Yeah.

They can look at it from the lake shore.

Sure, why not.

Well, OK.

All right, Your Blarneyship, we accept.

Done. [laughing]

If you win, we leave Castle Kildarby.

If we win,

you and everyone else leaves Manhattan

forever.

[all] Manhattan?

Peter?

OK. The wrong island.

I'm sorry.

The bird of Kildarby
awaits you just outside the castle.

Suren it's nice doing business with ya.

Show the gentlemen the gate.

Egon, see if there's anything

on his bird of Kildarby
on Tobin's Spirit Guide.

[beeps]

Uh...

Something you ate, ol' buddy?

It's a big bird, Peter.

A very big bird.

[Winston] Then, I assume this shadow
don't mean a chance at thunder shower?

[bird shrieking]

How will you catch a 500-pound bird?

With a 200-foot worm?

Watch out.

[bird shrieking]

[all] Woah!

[Ray] Get in the car.

It'll give us some cover
when the bird comes back.

[grunting]

It should take about 29.4 second

for a bird that size to circle,

realign and attack.

Great. Plenty of time for us
to come up with a brilliant plan.

I vote we just get out of here.

I second that.

[engine turning over]

Ready? 11 seconds.

No problem. Anyone wanna play card?

[bird shrieking]

Get this heap started.

I'm doing what I can.

It's an old car.

Get moving.

[car starting]

Thanks.

[crashing]
[siren blaring]

[tires screeching]

[honking]

[Winston] How are we gonna
beat that thing?

[Peter] I don't know. I don't know!

Here he comes.

Oh, I'll fry that vulture.

[tires screeching]

[shouting]

[Peter] Say Ray, did you manage
to grab me a copy of today's paper?

Um, thinking of looking for a new job.

We better come up with something quick.

I'm about to run out of road.

[windows shattering]

[bird shrieking]

Egon, can the Ecto-Containment Unit

hold this ectoplasmic parakeet?

[Egon] It could,
but we've no way of capturing it.

The traps are too small.

[people screaming]

[Peter] Well, I think I've got a plan.

Ray, you might wanna turn off that siren.

I think we're attracting it's attention.

Never mind, Ray.

Hold on to your seats.

[crashing]

Gotta go now, Cheryl.

The bosses are back.

I'll get it ready.
Let me know when you've got him.

No, we thought we'd keep him
here as a pet.

By joining this trap
into the Containment Unit,

-then...
-[Egon] Duck...

[banging]

Ahhh!

Wait a minute.
You can't fool me. That's no duck.

Oh...

[shrieking]

[clinking]

Get ready, Ray.

[Ray] Ready.

Hit it.

[buzzing]

Got him.

All right.

Oh, so much of the Kildarby canary.

Janine, honey.

When you bill the city for this one,

make sure you throw in new garage door.

Ugh.

[Mayor] Well done, gentlemen. Well done.

How can we ever repay you?

Invoice him, Ray.

Here you go, sir.

Well, I guess it's way to...

How did you ever get rid of those ghosts?

[Peter] What's the matter guys?
Afraid to tell him?

Come on. We're doing him a favor.

Your Honor, I know you're gonna love this.

What are you talkin' about?

Well, the ghosts are still here.

[ghosts laughing]
What?

[Peter] We made a little deal.

I mean, they had nowhere to go.

You wouldn't want them
to hang around in skid row, would ya?

Of course not. Bad for the image.

So, we let them stay in the castle.

They promised not to scare
anyone during the day.

They'll keep New York
the swell place to visit it's always been.

So, what do you say?

And the pipe and drum music?

No more music, I swear.

[pipe and drum music playing]

At least, not until after sundown.

[theme music playing]

[screams]