07x15 - Busk a Move

[bunniefuu]

[♪ upbeat instrumental music]

I still can't believe
that Destiny and I
were able to start

a vegetarian restaurant
in Dusty Tush.

I know. Growing up here,
even the cereal
had meat in it.

You haven't lived
until you've tried
Frosted Steaks.

How's the tofu scramble?

Pretty good. It feels like
it's missing something.

You know, I had a hunch
you'd say that.

Aw, babe! I love
when you bring me
pocket bacon.

How's your omelet?

It's not bad.
It's a bit bland, though.

Yay! Purse Turkey!

There's more
where that came from.

Oh. Nope, that's a receipt.

I still can't believe
we reached for the same pair
of boots at the same time.

That was quite the feet-cute.

It's what spurred me
to talk to you.

Never tell anyone
about the cheesy wordplay.

Gouda thinking.

Wow, once you're on
the wordplay train,

it's real hard
to get off, huh?

Honestly, I don't mind.

So I'll see you
at the dance tonight?

Not if I see you first.

Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh!
Oh, my gosh!

What up, Bill-iam?

Haven't seen you this excited
since they announced
that 11-gallon hat.

I am excited.

I met this girl, Luna,
and she wants to go to
the Hoedown Getdown with me.

The only thing is,
she asked me to lead her
in the Dusty Tush Shuffle

but I don't know the dance.

Well, we can teach you.

Yeah. I mean, in this town,
you learn how to do
the shuffle

before you're potty-trained.

The toddler recital
is adorable,
but the clean-up is...

less so.

Thank you, guys,
so much for helping me.

But before we get started,
I'm a little hungry.

Oh, well, could we
interest you in some...

[both] Sleeve kebobs?

Can't you guys
just eat somewhere
that serves meat?

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪

[♪ instrumental country music]

Hey, Jake, it's nice
to see you painting again,

and not trying to swallow
your own fist.

Thanks. Wanna buy it
when I finish?

Nah. I'm not really
an art-buying kind of gal.

What are you gonna call it?

Lou Declawing the Corn Dogs.

Name your price.

Hey, nice painting of Lou
declawing the corn dogs.

Would people prefer
if I left the claws in?

You know, Jake,
I've been thinking of starting

these new camper-led workshops
for the counselors.

You should teach one on art.

That sounds great.

I could show the counselors
how to paint

Lou Searching For Earring
in Jambalaya.

Or maybe, like, a rainbow
or something.

Ooh, a painting workshop?
Sounds like fun. Can I join?

I'd be honored.
Can we hold the class
in the mess hall?

There's already
those little cheese boards
set up for snacks.

Cheese boards?

Jake, those are mouse traps.

Mouse traps?

You know, that would explain
some things.

[♪ upbeat instrumental music]

Thanks for letting me join you
on your trip to the movies
today, Noah.

And thank you
for following me here
on my day off.

If there's one thing
I love to do when I'm not
on the job, it's...

my job.

Cool, so what are we seeing?

Oh, fun.
You didn't take the hint.

It's called
Type T For Treachery.

That doesn't sound
like a kids movie.

Jeez, Why did you
even invite me?

Once again, I didn't.

Welcome to the Dusty Tush
Motion Picture Palace,

where all your dreams
come true.

Unless your dreams
are about seeing a movie
in a clean, safe location.

Iris? I didn't know you worked
at the movie theater.

It was either this
or marry a rich man
and honeymoon on a boat

where he'll
mysteriously disappear.

[laughs] I kid.

Unless you got a boat.

Respect the hustle, Iris.

You really shouldn't.

Two tickets for
Type T for Treachery, please.

That'll be $18.

-Great. Do you take
credit cards?
-I do.

But the theater
only accepts cash.

I love this lady.

Winnie, do you have any money?

You expect me to pay? [scoffs]

This is the last time
I join you on your day off.

Yes, let's make this
the last time.

[♪ upbeat instrumental music]

All right, let's do this.

I can't wait to learn
the Dusty Tush Shuffle.

And you will.

But dancing is about
more than just dancing.

It's about baring your soul
through the power of movement.

And sometimes,
breakaway pants.

She's right.
And if all goes well,

one day you and Luna
could be sharing boot beef
like Victoria and me.

Here's hoping.

First rule of dancing
with a partner,

you need to smell nice.

When I dance with Victoria,
I always wear cologne,
and she loves it.

Everyone knows
the way to a woman's heart
is through her nose holes.

[chuckles awkwardly] Actually,
for Luna's sake,
let's skip the cologne.

And go straight
to the body spray?
I don't understand.

Well, sweetie, I've never
told you this before,

but I don't love
when you wear cologne.

Wait, what? Since when?

No, not long.
Just since the day we met.

Well, thanks for finally
telling me.

I go through
three, four bottles of this
a week.

It's like half my paycheck.

And it smells like it.

And, Bill, another tip.

Okay, make sure you talk
to your partner
while you're dancing.

It's a great way
to get to know them.

-That's why Parker and I
are so in sync.
-[clears throat]

Oh, gosh, what's wrong?
Is it the purse turkey
coming back up?

Actually, I don't love
the whole
talking-while-dancing thing.

-You don't?
-Well, it just distracts me
from being in the moment.

But, normally,
I'm super-interested
in discussing my star chart.

Wow.

Usually, Geminis
are more communicative.

So... [chuckles nervously]
How about this dance lesson?

[both] Let's take
a break. [chuckling]

I haven't felt
this uncomfortable
since hearing the words...

"boot beef."

[♪ upbeat instrumental music]

Welcome, everyone,
to our very first
camper-led workshop.

You're all in great hands,

now that we've got
the mousetraps off of him.

Take it away, Jake!

Today's class is called
Jacob Jacobs
Counsels Counselors.

First, we're gonna paint...

the humble banana

You may ask, "Jake, why are we
painting a banana?"

To which I'll respond,

"Because I found it
in my pocket
when the class began."

You really thought
this would be a good idea?

Not anymore,
but we're in too deep. Bye.

Now, everyone,
take your paintbrushes and...

create.

I see. I see.

Now, everyone,
take your paintbrushes
and throw them in the trash!

-Um what?
-I'm so sorry. That's my bad.

I forgot to tell you all
not to be talentless hacks!

Start over, plebeians!

Jake, I don't like
to use these words,
but you're being a bit of a...

meanie-baneanie!

Trust me, it's just a part
of the training process.

In every great movie
about teachers,

they're challenging
their students
and are always yelling!

Okay, but can you at least
dial it back a little?

Oh, I see. No problem.

-Good looking
painting, Steven.
-That's better.

If we lived
in a two-dimensional world!

Jake, I told you not to...

Actually, in his defense,
Steven, it wouldn't k*ll you
to shade.

[♪ upbeat instrumental music]

Iris, we asked
all around camp,
but no one carries cash.

Even the tooth fairy
pays me in crypto.

Whatever she's giving you
for molars, I'll double it.

I'm sorry, kids,
but no money, no entry.

I can't give away
any more free tickets.

I'm on thin ice
with my manager
because I'm blackmailing him.

This day off
can't get any worse.

Uh, maybe it can.

I think I just saw a scorpion
crawl up your pant leg!

[screams]

[exhales sharply] I think
I got it out.

Is what I choose to believe.

Hey, someone gave us money.

Quick! Almost get stung
by a scorpion again.

She must have thought
I was a street performer
and donated it to us.

This is how we can make
enough money for the tickets.

You also don't need
all your plasma.

Oh, good. You're back.
I can't wait to get this...

Can you believe
what Victoria said
about my cologne?

Wait, are you still hung up
on that?

Just don't use cologne.

When I'm on the range
with the other cowboys,

everyone smells
totally natural. No one minds.

And for the record,
Funky Pete just got that name
for his sweet dance moves.

That gives me an idea, Bill.

Is that idea
you're finally ready
to teach me...

And you're walking away.

Victoria, you've gotta...

Can you believe Parker
said that he doesn't like
that I talk when we dance?

Cool, back to your thing.

Look, there's nothing wrong
with quiet moments.

Sometimes, you can say
just as much without words
as with them.

Hmm. Well put, Bill.

I don't like
how you said that,
but about that dance...

-Lou, can you teach me...
-Gotta run,
deboning a lasagna.

Does no one wanna hear
how my sentences end?

Where are my adoring students?

Ooh, I hope
they're all getting me apples.

They all quit, and frankly,
I don't blame them.

Jake, you're a great artist.

But by the end there,
we were painting
with our tears.

Well, you can't spell "paint"
without "pain!"

I think.
Spelling isn't my strong suit.

This just isn't fun.
I quit, too.

I only showed up
to bring you this apple.

It's a shame
you're gonna quit.

You actually have a gift.

-I do?
-Your banana looks so real,
I took a bite,

breaking the first rule
of art, which is...

never eat a painting.

Quit if you want,
but you could have been
great, Destiny.

Okay, you just said
a lot of things.

But is the headline,
"I'm great?"

Because I love being great.

Not just great, exceptional!

That's better than great.

Okay, I unquit.
I'm ready to learn,
whatever it takes.

Excellent. You have
so much potential.

In many ways, you remind me
of an older me.

As a painter, right?
And literally nothing else?

Because you did try
to eat a painting today.

[drumming rhythmically]

We have to have
enough money by now.

I've been doing this
for hours!

Um, it looks like we have $20.

-Really?
-Yes!

And by 20, I mean six.
And by dollars,
I mean gum wrappers.

If it's any consolation,

I think
you're the next Shakira.

It is.

Wait, I have an idea!

♪ Don't be stingy ♪

♪ Please be groovy ♪

♪ Give us money
For this movie ♪

♪ All your cash
You'll want to give ♪

♪ Or else I'll find out
Where you live ♪

♪ Where you live ♪

Okay!

I think that song is finished!

It's so easy.

Show me the ball
and win it all.

If you get it wrong,
your money's gone.

Mmm, I'm so sorry, you lose.

That'll be 20 bucks each.

She's a witch!

Wow, Winnie,
you really lucked out.

The secret is,
you hold on to the ball.

Those chumps
never see it coming.

Nope! Can't let this go on.

Keep your cash
and please do not tell
the cops.

-Noah!
-Don't use our real names!

I don't want people knowing
that I'm Lou Hockhauser!

That's "Hock" with an H.

[♪ instrumental country music]

Show me cross hatching!

You call that cross hatching?

-You disgust me.
-I disgust myself, sir.

Quick, what's the perfect
color complement
of Prussian blue?

-Uh, chartreuse!
-Lucky guess.

What about burnt umber?

-Cerulean!
-Dang, you're good.

Which means, as your mentor,
I'm good.

I'm so glad
I invested in this beret.

You took it from my closet,
but I agree, sir!

Destiny. I think
it's finally time

to take your training
to the next level.

Bring it on. I'm ready.

Then put on this raincoat
and goggles.

It's about to get weird.

All right, Bill, let's put
some dance in those pants!

[sniffs, grunts in disgust]

Why do you smell like
you just rolled around
in a pile of manure?

Because I did!

I should've just invited Luna
to a movie.

See, you told me
to smell more natural.

And what's more natural
than manure?

Let's see if Victoria
likes this better

than a than $100 bottle
of Eau de Bro.

I take zero responsibility
for this act
of passive aggression!

Whatever. It's just
a little dirt.

I don't think you know
what manure is!

Come on, Parker.
Victoria would never
do something so immature.

Or she would.

Ow.

Since Parker hates when I talk
during dances,

I've decided to give him
all the quiet moments
his heart desires.

And what in the diaper farts
is that smell?

Let's just say dirt
and move on.

All right, Bill,
let me show you
how to lead the shuffle.

It's under your fingernails.
I can't do this!

[mumbling]

I don't know what you said,
but I can't help
being a Gemini!

[♪ upbeat instrumental music]

[leaf blower whirring]

Not to question
your methods, sir,

but how will this make me
a great artist?

Because you must be able
to tune out any distraction,

whether in the studio
or in the eye of a hurricane.

Isn't the eye
the calmest part?

Are you a painter
or a weather lady?

A painter, sir!

Then let's see
some gradient blending!

Ow! What do dodgeballs
have to do
with gradient blending?

You think Picasso
stopped to ask that?

No! He dodged ba*ls
and kept painting!

What is going on in here?

Art!

Hey, that almost...

hit me.

Guys, this is a bigger mess
than Parker's Pop, Lock
and Poutine workshop.

No one should dance
after eating that much gravy!

The mess is worth it.
I'm turning Destiny
into a great painter.

But why?

This was just supposed to be
a fun bonding experience
for campers and counselors.

Where are
the other counselors?

They left right after
the yelling and right before
he ate a paint banana.

And you didn't leave
during all of that because?

That's for me
and my two therapists
to figure out.

It may be time
to bring in a third.

Jake, why did you decide
to teach the workshop
like this? It's not like you.

Because this is how
all the best teachers
in movies run their classes.

Yeah, well, in real life,
great teachers don't berate
their students.

They inspire them to love
what they're learning.

Like how I inspire you
to love outhouse cleaning.

But we don't love that.

It'll come. Trust the process.

The point is,
kindness is the best teacher,
don't you think, Jake?

Jake do think.

And Jake love
teach class again, Lou.

That's great to hear.

We're just gonna need
some more raincoats.

[chuckling] So close
to learning a lesson.

[♪ upbeat instrumental music]

There you are, Bill.
I've been looking
everywhere for you.

[scoffs] Which probably means
you checked under
one couch cushion

and called it a day.

Like he does with the remote.

Hey, at least
I can find my car keys.

Spoiler alert, they're always
in your purse.

Can I have them
so I can escape this?

Where have you been? I tried
calling you, like, 100 times,
but you never picked up.

Since you two
weren't teaching me anything,

I tried to learn
how to do the dance online.

But then, I kept seeing ads
for saddle polish,

so I freaked out about
how well the internet knew me,

and I smashed my phone
to bits.

As you do.

I'm only here now
because I didn't wanna
stand Luna up.

Okay, well,
we have a few minutes
before the Hoedown starts,

so as long as someone
doesn't mind me talking
while we dance,

I can teach you the moves.

[chuckles] Go ahead, Victoria.
And when you're done,

maybe you can give yourself
a congratulatory
"Good job, Victoria!'

the way you always do.

-Guys, can we...
-Does that annoy you?

Because it can't be
as bad as when you order
a PB and jelly.

Either use the abbreviation
or don't!

Good job, Victoria.

-Seriously...
-What if someone thinks

I want a peanut butter
and jerky?

It's Dusty Tush,
it's happened!

You know what?
I'm just gonna tell Luna
I can't do the dance.

And another thing,
why do you always cheer
when a bird flies by?

It's a flying dinosaur.
How do you not cheer?

I guess I never thought of it
that way.

You're always helping me
to see things differently.

And by the way,
I don't like talking
when we dance

because I'm too busy
getting lost
in your beautiful eyes.

Well, I don't like
when you wear cologne

because I enjoy
your everyday musk.

It smells like syrup
and privilege.

Why didn't you just say so?

Well, I'll make sure
to do that in the future!

Good. Because I just wanna
spend the rest of that future
with you!

Great. Because I just wanna
spend the rest of my future
with you!

Hey, Parker,
what are we saying?

Well, I think
we're saying that...

Well, I think I'm saying

that I love the way
you see the world.

I love your passion.

Heck, even when we argue,
you're my best friend.

Because I love you, Victoria.

I always will.

-[chuckles]
-Victoria Vance.

Will you take
this calamari ring

and make me
the happiest man in the world?

Shirt squid?
Sweetie, it's perfect!

Yes! Yes,
you musky man! [laughs]

When we talk about this later,
we'll leave out
that I said that.

We're getting married!
Can you believe it? Bill!

Bill?

Oh, right. We made this story
about us, didn't we?

I can't believe it!
We only made enough
for one ticket.

[sighs] You should go see
the movie on your own.

It is your day off after all.

Aw, Winnie.

This feels like a trap.

Look, you worked
just as hard as me for this.

I couldn't see it alone.

Plus, I always
enjoy your company,
even on my days off.

That is so sweet.

Friends like you
are the reason we started

the Two-for-Tuesdays
ticket special.

Too bad it isn't Tuesday.

Iris...

it is Tuesday!

Really?

Well, then I guess you guys
had enough money hours ago.

[chuckles]

It's funny
the way things work out
sometimes, huh?

You totally ruined
Noah's whole day off.

Ugh, some people
are so un-self-aware!

Oh, it's the last showing.

I'm sorry
you kids missed the film.

Why don't you let me
make it up to you?

What did you have in mind?

How about a little mystery
of our own?

We get a shovel
and we find out
if my first husband

was buried
with anything in his pockets.

My treat!

You know what?

I think we're just gonna
stream something.

Go! Go!

"Luna. I don't know
how to do the dance."

No.

"Luna, I don't know
how to do the dance."

Oh, that's terrible.
Why'd I fall asleep
in Noah's inflection workshop?

There you are, Bill.

We're so sorry
for letting our bickering
derail your dance lessons.

It wasn't fair to you.

But our fight
did lead to one good thing.

You finally learned
what manure is?

[both] We're getting married!

You're getting married?
That's amazing!
Guys, congratulations!

Even if you do both have
major main character syndrome.

Thank you.

But right now, we promised
we'd teach you this dance,

so that's exactly
what we're gonna do.

I appreciate that,
but it's too late.

People are already lining up
to start.

There's no way I can
memorize it that fast.

Then, we'll just have to
buy you some more time.

Lucky you, Luna.

You get the traditional
first dance with the mayor.

We have a mayor?

Let's dance.

[♪ country music playing]

Starting your left.
Seven, eight.

One, two, three, a four.

Five, six, turn your partner.

That's it. Here we go.

Five, six, seven.

One, two, three, a four.

Five, six, you're ready!

[people cheering]

[whooping]

[people cheering]

-[music ends]
-[people cheer]

Bill, you are
such a good dancer.

So are you! You know,
I'd love to call you sometime,

but unfortunately,
I smashed my phone to bits
this afternoon.

Targeted ads freak you out?

They know what I want
before I even want it.
It's unnatural!

Lou, guess what?

We're engaged!

You're engaged?
Congratulations!

-Check it out!
-Oh, wow.

It really catches the light.
I... I think it's the grease.

It's just until
I can buy her a real ring.

Which reminds me,
can I have a raise?

[chuckling] Sorry,
I can't hear you
over the music.

Can someone
please play the music?

-[♪ music starts]
-There it is.

[whooping]

Yeah!

Oh!

The raincoat and goggles
look is...

A reminder
of pageant-based trauma

that made me subconsciously
tie my self-worth

to unattainable metrics
of success.

This third therapist
is really working out.

You know,
I'm starting to think Winnie
is secretly the easy Mustang.

Now, I know our subject
is a smidge more complicated
than a banana,

but try to have fun with it.

I give you...

the Mona Lou-sa.

How long is this gonna take?

I gotta go declaw
some corn dogs.

[♪ theme music playing]