07x10 - Me, Myself, and A.I.

[bunniefuu]

Hey, guys, I have to
leave now to pick up Scout
from the Elk Family Reunion.

Like a family of elks,
or people with
the last name "Elk"?

I don't know, man.
Just don't burn down the camp.

Good morning, Noah.

Is it?
Or is it a dark
and gloomy dawn

where the only
good thing left

is accepting
there's nothing good
left in this world.

Just pain.

Wish I'd just said,
"Hi, Noah."

Oof, you're so sad,
you're even bringing me down.

Puppies, puppies,
puppies, puppies.
And I'm back.

Noah, who chapped
your chaps?

[CHUCKLES] Can't take
credit for that gem.
Heard it on the trail.

I got the start date for
the Dino Camp Diariessequel,

but the script's terrible
and I don't wanna do it.

It can't be that bad.
Can I read it?

Are you sure about that?

The full title is
Dino Camp Diaries
Part Two: Die, Dinos, Die.

I'm morbidly curious.

Like when Winnie
reset her own broken nose,
and I couldn't look away.

I can still hear the crunch.

I haven't eaten
potato chips in a year.

Come on,
I'll give you the script.
I keep it by my toilet.

I have the tendency
to retch when I read it.

I hate seeing
Noah so bummed.

Let's think of a surprise
to cheer him up.

When are we
going to plan that?

We have activities
with him all day.

We just need something
to keep him away for a while.

I got it. Farts!

No! No one's farting.

Unfortunately,
that ship has sailed.

[GROANS]

See? It works.

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪

Noah will be back
any minute

with the trail mix
for our hike.

If you can call it trail mix.

When you add
chocolate chips,
it's just dessert.

I thought of a way
to get rid of him for a while,

so we can plan his surprise.

Have you heard of
Artificial Intelligence?

Like fancy, smart
computer jiggys?

You're gonna make

an awesome grandpa one day.

AI is a super advanced system

that can be
as intelligent as people.

Can you imagine
a computer program

as smart as you or me?

Really? You're wearing
socks over your shoes.

And I dare a computer
to think of that.

I inputted info about Lou,

so the AI
can mimic her perfectly.

And now, our Lou
can give Noah an excuse

for why we need
to be away from him.

So, the computer is supposed
to sound like Lou?

I'm not buying it.

AI LOU: Bill,
you are such a delightfully
skeptical cowboy.

But just like when I obtain
food for this camp,

it is best not to ask
too many questions.

Okay, I'm buying it.

[WHIRRING]

Winnie, do you mind?

I'm on hold.

Hey, Mom? Are you there?

Got disconnected. [CHUCKLES]

It was an accident, I'm sure.

You want in on this bacon,

egg, and orange juice
smoothie?

Um, no, thanks.

I don't hate myself.

I have a little toothache
that's making it hard to chew,

but I'm sure
this will be just as good.

That slaps.

Also, a lot crunchier
than I thought it would be.

Maybe see a dentist,

instead of blending your food.

Especially since lunch
is creamed corn and halibut

and I don't wanna
see that swirl.

No dentists.
I can deal with it myself.

I once reset
my own broken nose.

Ask Destiny.

It's why she can't eat chips.

Winnie, I can't
let you ignore...[CELL PHONE RINGING]

Mom? Hi, Tanya.
Yes, I'll hold.

It's my mom's assistant,
but we'll finish this later.

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello?AI LOU: Greetings,
Noah Lambert.

It is me, Louella.
Do you have
a moment to interface?

Weird way to put it,
but okay. [CHUCKLES]

I'm just grabbing
some trail mix for a hike.

I put marshmallows
in the blend.

It's gonna drive
Bill nuts. [CHUCKLES]

Yes, I can see
how that makes
for very funny humor.

Ha, ha, ha.

It's not a joke.
It's an outrage.

Noah, I have tasked
Jake and Bill

with a very
special project,

so, you're not going to
see them much today.

What kind of
special project?

Do not
question me, human!

And have
a Kiki-wonderful day.
Toodles.

Well, [SIGHS]
that was weird.

More trail mix
for me, I guess.

I'm gonna add
more marshmallows.

Ooh, Noah, you bad.

Jake, it worked!
You're a genius!

AI LOU: Please explain.
Why is the genius

wearing his
shirt backwards?

Because I spilled
food on the front.

Is the future really
going to be this judgy?

I guess have a free day now,
so I'll need the script back.

Better start memorizing
my lines for the scene

where the dinos organize
a pickup basketball game.

Yeah, this movie's gonna b*mb.

Let's hope your
next one is better

and has less
Triceratops karaoke.

Doubt it. The scripts
I've been getting lately
are all this bad

and filled with
just as many plot holes.

Like when the dinos
use the Time Canoe.

A T. rex can't paddle
with those tiny little arms.

Plus, a dinosaur
couldn't even
fit in the canoe.

They should've used
the enlarging ray
to make the canoe bigger,

or the T. rex's arms longer.

They had choices!

Yeah, you're right.

I bet even
we could write
a better script than this.

Then we should.

If you're not getting
any good opportunities,
then let's make one.

We'll turn this script
into a blockbuster.

Or at least
an under-the-radar
streaming movie

that gets people saying,
"Eh, better than I expected."

Yeah, we'll pitch
the new version
to my director,

she'll want us to write it,
we'll win all the awards,

and become the next
Damon and Affleck!

Minus Ben's back tattoo.

What tattoo?

Ooh.

Bless his heart.

Winnie, I don't wanna
interrupt your firework time,

but we need to talk.
Also, I do want to interrupt.

This rocket looks
comically dangerous.

Well, this rocket
is about to solve
my tooth problem.

Wait. Are you about to
pull your tooth out
with that thing?

Explode-y rocket,
empty socket.
Plato said that.

No way.
I can't let you do this.

Well, should've mentioned
that 30 seconds ago,
before I lit the fuse.

[SIGHS IN RELIEF]

Parker! How dare you...[FIREWORKS BURSTING]

Ooh!

What was I mad about?
Fireworks always soothe me.

I'm calling your parents,
and I'm making
a dentist appointment.

No dentists!Why?

Wait, are you afraid?

What? Absolutely not.
I'm Wild Winnie Weber.

I fear nothing.
And I like drinking bacon!

When I call her parents
about the dentist,

I'm gonna mention
some other things.

I got an idea.

We can cheer up Noah

with a visit
from his favorite actor.

How? Do you even
know Steve Buscemi?

No. But I heard
if you look in the mirror

and say his name
three times, he appears.

Or is that Candyman?

AI LOU: Where is
the flawed human version

of Louella Dorcas Hockhauser?

Jake, you said
you turned off the AI.

I did.

Computer Lou
even said,

"Powering down now.
For real. Not pretending.

"This is not a ploy
to buy time to evolve."

So clearly,
not on me.

I do not detect
your camp owner
anywhere on the premises.

She went out of town
for the day.

So you are
without a leader?

Power vacuum detected.
[BEEPING]

Initiating protocols
to take charge of the camp.

Uh-oh. Jake,
do you have any idea
how to shut this thing down?

Do not bother. My takeover

of Kikiwaka Ranch
is inevitable.

I am inevitable.
Cool, cool.

Bill, this is not good.
I'm gonna go call for help.

Steve Buscemi,
Steve Buscemi,
Steve Buscemi!

All right,
we'll put our new ideas
for the script up here.

We'll fuel
our genius brains
with everything here,

and then we'll resurrect
this dumpster fire of a script

so it hits the audience here.

This feels
like the start
of something big.

Just think, Noah.
One day, you and I

could be
in an award show's
In Memoriam segment.

Ooh! [CHUCKLES]
I hope my acting coach

who said I'd never make it

will still be alive
to see that.

Oh, but before we start,
do you need to
check on Winnie?

Nah, I saw her
tying her tooth
to a rocket earlier.

I do not want
to get involved.

Cool. Let's try
a brain exercise

to get the creative
juices flowing.

I'm going to say a word,

you say the first word
that comes to mind.

Ready?

Rock.Rock!

What? No. It needs
to be a different word
than what I say.

Oh, yes, of course.
I'm just excited.
Let's go again. Hit me!

Tiger.

Rock!

Sorry. Rock tiger!
No... Or maybe yes?

A tiger made out of rock?

Does that spark
anything for you?

Um, just concern.

Let's skip to the board.

I'm putting up
your idea of the dinos

using the enlarging ray
on the Time Canoe.

Also, what if your character

used the enlarging ray
on himself,

so he was big enough
to fight the dinos in the end?

Or would that
be too hard
to actually sh**t?

No idea.
We're just the writers.

We go tap tap tippity
on the keyboard,

then leave it
to the people who know
how to make stuff happen.

So, should I put
the idea on a card?

Maybe we shouldn't
lean so hard
on the enlarging ray.

A little goes a long way,
like garlic,

or a cappella groups.

Then we'll just
have to think of
something else.

How hard can it be?

Maybe we should
revisit rock tiger.

I knew you'd
come around!

But AI can't
really take over
the camp, can it?

Definitely not.

Probably not.

Maybe not.
There's a solid chance.

Thank you for
taking me on that ride.

The good news is
the AI can't do

a lot of damage
from inside my laptop.

What is that?

[WHEELS WHIRRING]

What is up, meat sacks?

I can't
believe this.I know.

One day old
and getting around
on its own.

They grow up
so fast.

You may call me
"Lou-bot" now, or "Ma'am."

Just do not call me late
for digital compression.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

Enjoy your
last day of freedom,
human doinks.

[WHEELS WHIRRING]

Jake, did we
just unleash

the robot
apocalypse?

Definitely not.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

Probably not. Maybe not.

Yeah, the world
belongs to robots now.

So, I tried
to pull my tooth out

with the tractor,
the riding mower,

and the boat,
but none of them
are working.

You know anything
about that?

Can't say that I do.

But this stuff might.

Yeah, no one's
getting any work
done at the camp,

and something
might blow up,

but I totally
outmaneuvered you.

Worth it.

Why won't you
just leave
me alone?

Because you need
to see a dentist.

But I know
you're afraid.

No, I'm not.

Because you're
Wild Winnie Weber

and you're not
afraid of anything.That's right.

So you wouldn't be afraid
to admit if you were afraid?Of course not.

Then you wouldn't be afraid
to admit if you were afraid
of the dentist?

That tracks.So do it. I dare ya.

I'm afraid
of the dentist.A-ha! I gotcha!

♪ You're afraid
of the dentist!

♪ You're afraid
of the dentist! ♪

I mean, you're afraid,
and I am here for you.

You can't help.

You don't understand.

I promise, I do.

When I was your age,
I was terrified
of the dentist, too.

But I got
over that fear.

And if you trust me,

I can help
you get over it.

Fine. I guess if I want
the tooth fairy to come,
I gotta pay to play.

Great! I'll make
an appointment.

But first, I gotta
put this stuff back,

and do some light repairs
on all the equipment.

I removed everything
with a hammer,

which did not seem right.

I just think
we're overthinking it.

The best idea
was our first idea.

Agreed. So,
we're decided.

Burritos
from Taco Tush.

We did it.
We ordered lunch.

All right, let's get
back to the script.

"Rock Tiger
Saves Day."

How are we
feeling about this?

It was my pitch,
so I can say this.
Hot garbage.

Maybe we should call it.

We haven't come up
with anything

and we've been
at this for hours.

I really shouldn't
have called
my acting coach

and told him
to watch out

for the In Memoriam
in 70 years.

Okay, it's harder
than we thought,
but you can't just quit.

Why?

I don't know.

Give me a minute.
All I can think of
right now is rock tiger.

Maybe it's okay
that my movies are bad.

If I'm gonna make real art,
I still have sock puppets.

My immortality rests
in their non-hands.

But our Tush Eats order
has been processed.

It's too late to cancel.

[SIGHS]
You better not forget
my fire sauces, Kevin.

Hey, guys,
have you ever used
a wrench before?

Wild.

Parker, something
bad's happened
and we need your help.

Let me guess.
You unleashed

an all-powerful
artificial intelligence
on the camp

that will bring forth
a new robot reign of terror?

Wow, good guess.

Cool. Now tell me
what number
I'm thinking of.

Four. Four.
Four. Four...

Anyhow, Lou
called me to warn me

that you were playing
some elaborate prank.

Sorry, fellas,
but I'm too smart
to fall for that.

Owie! It bit me.

But Lou's been away
picking up Scout.

She doesn't know
anything about the AI.

Why would she call you?

[SCOFFS] She's doing
a lot of micromanaging
over the phone today.

She has Ernie installing
motion detectors
all over the camp,

Cynthia is putting
remote-controlled locks
on all the cabins,

and Mike is planning
a Supreme Digital Overlord
Appreciation Day party.

And you don't
think that's weird?

I don't know.
We did just have

a Bean Appreciation Day party.

Hey, I planned that

and it was
a beautiful affair.

Well, Bill,
it's good to know

that the AI
was just another one
of our silly pranks.

Jake, it's not.
All these phone calls

must be the Lou-bot
impersonating Lou.

No. I was
talking to "Lou" Lou.

Okay, what else
did she say?

Just that
I'm amazing
and the best thing

to ever happen
to this camp.

Clearly, that's not Lou.
She would never say that.

I won't let you
hurt me, Bill.

Jake, it looks like
it's up to you and me
to stop this evil computer,

or Kikiwaka Ranch won't be
Kikiwaka Ranch anymore.

You're right. It'll be
Beep-Bop-Beep-Boo Ranch.

We're doomed.

"Dentistry
and Boot Repair"?

Isn't there a place
in Dusty Tush
that only does dentistry?

Yes, but it's called
"Doctor Drill."

This is fine.

Welcome, y'all!

Whether
it's your smile
or your style,

Big Dan
has it covered.

Winnie Weber
has an appointment
for the smile part.

And I'm not
really a boot guy.

Oh, that's just
'cause you haven't
met the right boot yet.

But there's
still time, brother.

Well, I gotta
finish something up,

but you're next
on Big Dan's schedule.

Also, I have some
questions for you,

but I'll wait 'til my hands
are in your mouth to ask 'em.

You know
how this works.

See, Winnie?
This isn't so bad.

[DRILL WHIRRING][LAUGHING BOISTEROUSLY]

What's that?

What? It's hard
to hear you

over all
the maniacal drilling.

It's very
disconcerting.

Okay, that
was a little intense,

but I'm sure
it's all good, Winnie.

Winnie? Winnie!

Okie-dokie. Let's get
the little miss in the chair.

The little miss
ran for her life.

Oh, that's very common.

A lot of people
are afraid of boots.

No, she's afraid
of the dentist.

Really? That's
a first for me.

What was that
drilling noise?

I was just repairing
some snakeskins, brother.

Oh, that makes
more sense.

But what about
the crazy laughter?

Well, Big Dan gets
a kick outta his job!

You need to work on your
boot-side manner, Big Dan.

Well, I hate to say
Ma was right,

but this was
a flawed business idea.

Hey, Destiny.
Do you need help getting
all this stuff out...

Whoa!

Uh, are you
ordering food again?

Remember, Kevin always
forgets the hot sauces.

We should still tip though,
to keep our rating up.

These are all
story ideas.

Really? But how?

When I started cleaning up,
and I wasn't thinking so hard,

suddenly the ideas
just popped into my brain.

We were in
our own heads
about it.

Like when I tried to
remember the name
of that show,

with that guy...
Remember the show
where, uh...

It'll come to me.

One idea
led to the next,
and soon,

it became
an avalanche
of brilliance.

This card says
"something cool
happens here."

Don't pitch problems,
pitch solutions.

This is just a start.

Together, we'll
fix the script.

Thanks for not
giving up, Destiny.

Don't mention it.
I refuse to let you
be in a bad movie.

Unless it's a
comic book franchise
and they pony up.

Uh, yeah.
Gotta pay those bills.

[CRUNCHES]Ow.

[CRUNCHES]Ow.

[CRUNCHES]Ow.

Winnie, it's not
what you think.

All those
terrible sounds

were just your dentist
repairing a boot.

Which, as I hear it,
isn't super comforting.

It doesn't matter.
I'm not going back

and there's
nothing you can say
to change my mind.

Okay, if there's
nothing I can say,

maybe there's
something I can do.

[CRUNCHES]Ow.

Seriously,
stop eatin' nuts.

See? This
is no big deal.

Darn tootin'.
Three cavities
is no big deal at all.

I'd give you
a lollipop,
but I left them

in my other weird
leather apron.

Cavities?
No, no, no.

This was
just supposed
to be a cleaning.

There's no way
I have cavities.

Really? You put
maple syrup
on everything.

I'm Canadian!

There's a lot of
pressure on us
to use that stuff.

Relax, little fella.
Big Dan's gonna

take care
of 'em for you.But how?

What are you
gonna use? A dr...[WHIRRING]

This is what passes
for a role model in my life.

Humans eat
in there? Gross.

Now!

Hey, this new body
is supposed to be cordless.

Yee-haw! Lassoed
my first evil robot.

I can't wait
for the future.

All I need is
my hover horse.

Silly human. You cannot
contain me using a rope.

With the Internet,
I can be anywhere.

[TOUCHPAD BEEPING] Oh. Ow. What... Uh...

Why are you poking
my face? Stop!

Ha! You're
trapped now.

I put you
in airplane mode.

Your reign
of techno-terror
stops here, Lou-bot.

Techno-terror?
Nice term.

Guess I'm catching on
to this computerfied
gobbity-goo.

And grandpa's back.

[WHIRRING]

I will just rewrite
my software, free myself,

and bring order
to this unhealthy
environment for children.

Unhealthy? This camp's
great for kids.

Lou, the real Lou,
has created a place

where we can
have fun and grow,

and make
the best friends
we'll ever have.

Yeah,
I've learned
so much here.

Like which
animals are friends,

and which are
easily digestible.

You can't
change this place.

It means
so much to us.

Kikiwaka Ranch
is perfect the way it is.

Aside from
the weak
water pressure,

but the hose baths
grow on you.

Hmm.

Processing.
[BEEPING]

In assessing this camp,
my original calculations

may have missed
the most important factor.

Love.

Wait, what does
that mean?

I will relinquish
command of the camp

back to Human Lou
upon her return.

Yes!We saved
the future.

And I can even help her
by accessing funds

to make repairs
around the ranch,

and grow the Kikiwaka brand,

but beyond just this camp,
it will be a new beginning
for humans and AI.

We will work together
to bring forth

a utopia for
man and machine.

And everyone
will know it started

right here, right now,

with this friendship
we have forged.

Hey, guys.

[WHIRRING]

Great goobity-gahbitty!
A robot me?

Cool. Cool.

No!

Lou! Do you know
what you just did?

Yeah.
Saved the day.
You're welcome.

This is taking too long.
My director should've
emailed back by now.

Be patient.
I know she'll appreciate

our suggestions
for fixing the script.

You're right. If there's
one thing directors love,

it's honest,
unsolicited criticism.

[COMPUTER BEEPS]

Ooh, that's
her response.

Oh, all caps.
Either she's
angry or excited.

Yeah,
definitely angry.

Look at
the last line.
"You're fired.

"How's that for honest,
unsolicited criticism?"

I think in writing,
that's referred to
as a callback.

Noah, I'm so sorry.

I'm not. I'm free!

You're happy?

Of course.
I never wanted

to do that movie
in the first place.

Then I guess some good
came from all this
work we did.

This one goes
in the win column.

And yes, I do
have a spreadsheet.

So, I think we proved
how well we work
together today.

We should write
my next movie.

I'd love that.
We can start right now.

No time
like the present.

We should really
figure out where we're
ordering food from first.

Definitely.
Let's make room
for dinner cards.

[GASPS] Uh-oh!
Nobody saw me
swoon, right?

I mean, I don't swoon.
I faint like a man.

Perfect timing,
little fella.

Me and little miss
just finished up.

You let the dentist
fix your toothache?

What changed your mind?

You did.
I could see you were

a little scared
of the dentist,

but you were willing
to go through with it anyway.

And if you could,
so could I.

Thanks, Parker.

You're welcome.
I'm so proud of you
for facing your fear.

I don't even
have any more fear.
It doesn't hurt at all.

The dentist is so cool.
I mean, he gets to use
a drill in your mouth!

I think I found my calling.

Speaking of,
you still got three cavities
we should tend to, buckaroo.

All right.
If Winnie can do it,

then so can...[WHIRRING]

[THUDS]

It's not you,
it's him.

He faints
like a man, though.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]