01x01 - Episode Un

[bunniefuu]

[public address announcer]
Welcome to the United States...

Excuse me. Is there a...

how you say...

"VIP line"? Or...

[officer 1] What?

[officer 2] No.

It's always like this?

[agent] Next.

Purpose of your trip?

Visiting the family.

Return?

No. Just arrived.

- When do you plan on returning to France?
- Sorry.

Didn't already book yet.

- [radio beeps]
- Jimi, no return.

What is... who is Jimi?

- [radio clicks]
- Copy that.

Supervisor. He needs to sign off
when someone's been flagged.

Flagged? This happened to me?

Yes, it just happened to you.

And is it bad? Flag?

It ain't good.

Sir, I'm not dangerous at all.

I'm a comedian.

Very famous.

[music and applause]

[music continues through phone]

That's all in France?

Yeah.

- [agent] Hmm.
- What?

I don't know. It's just not...

- Here.
- Exactly.

Yeah.

Ooh...

Looks like you've been flagged, too.

Oh.

But he just put the flag,
like one minute ago.

Doesn't matter who did it or when.

Once you've been flagged...

Mandatory cavity search.

What is it?

Two hours later.

Hey. It's me.

Gad! Hi. I'm Brian Kurihara.

I'll be your assistant while you're here.

- Took you a while, huh?
- Yeah. I don't want to talk about it.

- Cavity search, huh?
- What's with the sign?

Why do you need the sign?

Just so you would know
that I was the one that...

Yeah, but now everybody knows.

Everybody knows...?

Everybody knows that I'm here.
That Gad is in town.

C'est Gad.

You don't need that.

Okay, yeah. Sorry about that.

Oh!

[Gad] You drive this everyday?

[Brian] Uh, yeah, it's my only car.

[Gad chuckling]

Oh, here. You know, I have a...
I can give you a résumé.

That's that one right there.

Okay.

I see you were assistant to David Spade.

Well, actually I shadowed
David Spade's assistant.

That's why the asterisk is there.

See. And then if you follow it
down to the bottom there,

it says, "shadowed."

- Yeah, but these all have the...
- The asterisk.

- So...
- Yeah.

Right. So, I've only shadowed
up until this current point in time.

But I'm ready.

You know, I'm very ready.

But this is, how you say,

"shitty." For me, this is.

Okay. Yes, "shitty" would work there,
sure.

C'est de la merde.

But, I should add
I'm a bit of a comedy nerd.

Student of the arts.

Yeah, you were a fan of Gad and then when
you had the opportunity...

Actually, I never heard of you.

Oh, really?

Yeah, but your manager called and
he told me you're trying to be a comedian.

Brian, I'm not trying to be a comedian.

I am a comedian

for 25 years.

Huh.

[music and applause]

[music continues through phone]

But this is...

In France. Yeah, all in France.

- Yeah.
- So.

But do you have anything in the US?

No. But I'm the Seinfeld of France.

Well, I was. I'm more now

the Ray Romano of France.

Why did it change?

Legal reasons.
I'm not allowed to talk about it.

Okay. Press no further.

So, should we just get back on the road?

- Yeah. I mean, yeah.
- Okay.

Episode one

[crowd cheer builds]
[piano begins playing]

Paris.

One Month Earlier.

[Gad] Bonsoir Paris!

[cheering]

[cheering fades out]

[in French] Hey!

Wow! Your best show in months!

Pfft.

[in French]
You always say that.

Are you kidding? They loved you!

What do they know?

What's the matter, Baba?

Adrien's here, what do you need?

Please don't massage me.

I'm full-service management.

A little massage is the least I can do

for my favourite client.

Only client.

Only one I need.

Ooh, you are tight...

Of course I am. I'm exhausted!

How many shows do we have left?

If we cancel Toulouse, thirty-four.

Thirty-four...

Adrien, you ever feel like...

you just want a normal life?

Come on, Baba. Not this again.

It's just, we're doing all this.

But what's it for?

What's it for?

You're rich! You're famous!
You have so much!

But no one to share it with.

You share it with me, Babito!

Stop thinking so much. Have some fun.

Come on, let's go.

Let's go f*ck a little, huh?

- It'll make you feel better. Let's go.
- Are you serious?

[muted sounds of paparazzi]

[bed squeaking]

[woman, in French]
Can I take a photo?

I promise I won't post it.

- Maybe after?
- Okay.

[woman groaning]

[camera clicking]

[woman, in French]
Smile a little.

[cell phone vibrates]

Shh.

Maybe that's good with the photos.

Sorry, I have to take this.

[in English]
Yeah, hello.

Hey, is this a bad time?

No, perfect time.

[in French] Adrien!

What are you, crazy?

Sorry! She wanted the view!

Go on, get out of here!

Guest room, remember?

- T-shirt?
- Why do you need a T-shirt?

I'm staying the night.

[in English]
Who's that?

- No one.
- No one?

[in French] I'm no one?
Is that what you just told them?

[in English]
Is someone there?

[in French] Third drawer!

[in English]
I don't care if someone's there!

No. It's okay. No one's here. Tell me...

[woman, in French]
I heard that!

[in English] Look, I just need you
to sign something for Luke.

I sent it. So look out for it.

- What is it?
- It's nothing.

It has to do with his modeling.
Please don't ask a ton of questions.

- He's still doing the modeling?
- Yes.

And he's working a lot, actually.

I mean, it's down to him and a couple guys
for a Sunglass Hut sh**t.

But why do you let him do this?

It's embarrassing, no?

For you.

For no one else.

He loves it.

He's passionate about it.

Passionate about modeling?

Just sign it and send it back.

This is just a legal guardian thing,
so Jason can go with him, okay?

Jason?

My boyfriend, Gad, of like seven years.
I've told you about him a million times.

- The actor guy?
- Yeah. And...

former professional model.

So, he knows this world inside and out.

Luke is lucky to have a mentor like him.

Yeah, but he's so...

how do you say...

"f*cking stupid," no?

Just sign it and send it back to me.

I don't know. It's a very big decision.

It's no decision, at all.

Alright, you're not in his life.
It doesn't affect you.

Don't be a pain in the a*s!

[call disconnects]

[Adrien grunting]
Oui!

[in Scottish accent]
From this day forth,

ye shall no longer refer to me
as Prince Deckard.

You must kiss me now.

And send me back to me amphibious ways.

Understand in these days,
shall I look upon,

with a heavy heart...

aware...

aware of what used to be...

once...

upon a time.

[sirens in background]

Brian, what is this?

- The Tropicanyon.
- Yeah.

It says it...
It says it there on the sign.

It's a Hollywood landmark.
Everyone lived here

Chaplin, McQueen, Monroe, Danza.

Really, here?

Yeah.

Okay.

All right. Here we are.

That's...

Is that it? Or there's more...

No. This is the main living area.

But the world-famous Comedy Store
off the...

the... block west there.

Laugh Factory is just off to the east...

No comedy clubs, Brian. No comedy clubs.

Okay.

May I ask why?

I'm not here for this.

Then what are you here for?

This is...

how do you say...

A "sh*t h*le"?

- sh*t h*le.
- sh*t h*le makes sense. Sure. Yeah.

I'm sorry.

- I'm really f*cking this up.
- Yeah. A lot, Brian, really.

So, that's it?

I'm fired?

This is over?

That's the end, huh?

Wow. Way to go, B.

Way to go.

One day. One day.

You can't get past one day, ever.

Idiot.

Maybe it's good.

[Brian] How so?

Maybe it's the change Gad needs.

- You think?
- Yeah.

That's the new Gad. Just, you know,

regular Gad, just a normal guy

staying at The Tropicanyon.

Yeah.

I like that.

I like the sound of that.

- [siren in the distance]
- The sound of that?

No. What you said.

The sound of what? I don't...

The last part about, you know,
the normal Gad.

The new Gad.

So, maybe you go somewhere
and then you come back later.

Excellent.

- Okay.
- So...

Where should I go?

I don't care.

Okay, great.
Yeah, I'll figure it out

- and I'll text you when...
- Brian, I don't need to know.

I'll text you when I need you
to come pick me up.

Great. So, I'll just pick a place.
I won't tell you where.

And then I'll hang
and I'll wait for your text.

How's that sound?

Sounds great.

Great.

[doorbell rings]

C'est Gad.

Seriously?

You came here?

You couldn't just sign the f*cking thing?

No. I want to fulfill my duties
as a father and legal guardian. Yeah.

- Oh my God.
- Where is he?

What? No. Gad.

- Wow, house looks great. Expensive?
- This is not a good time.

That's none of your business.

It's a little of my business.
I send money every month...

Which is called child support,
and Luke is not even here right now.

- Where is he?
- At the gym.

Now at the gym?

Yeah. I don't know.
They like to work out late.

It's something about the metabolism.

When you say, "they," it's him and...

Jason Alan Ross?

What if you call him Jason Ross?
It's okay or it's not allowed?

Goodbye, Gad.

Wow. I love that. That's the book thing.
It looks great on the wall.

No, really.

I never got my check for the royalty,
by the way.

Yeah, well maybe they're not about you.

All right? Maybe they're about
a different narcissist

who left me with a child.

- [assistant] Viv!
- Hmm?

We're ready.

- Someone's there.
- Yeah.

Who is it?

If I tell you, will you leave?

- Maybe.
- All right, well that's Le'von.

He's in charge of EXhale's social media.

We're about to sh**t some content.
So, if you would...

- Content?
- Yes.

For Instagram.
It's not just books anymore.

EXhale is a full-blown brand.

We have almost 10,500 followers.

That's great. Wow.

So, I'm a brand, too.

You know, I have over...



- Yeah, but in France.
- Oh.

What do you mean? It's the same.
It's people.

Yeah, but...

No, no but. It's the same. It's... no?

[Le'von] It's actually not the same.

I forget what the conversion rate is,
but it's just...

It doesn't quite translate to America.

Yeah...

[rock music playing]

[Brian] So, did Viv say
what he's working out tonight?

Legs? Chest?

Cardio or something?
Anything that might tell us where to look?

[Gad] No, she didn't say.

[Brian] Damn, that would be
very helpful right now.

This place is packed.

Only in America you see a lot of people
at night working out.

Do they have a discount, these people?
I don't get it.

You know, I believe it's the same.

But I can check for you.

- No, it was just an observation.
- Oh, okay.

It's my perspective on...

Yeah.

There he is.

Oh, chest. Right in front of us.

You're not going to get in without a card.

Brian, I don't need a card.

C'est Gad.

C'est Gad.

[inaudible]

[Luke grunting]

What are you doing here?

[in French]
Luca, I'm here.

I'm here for you.

How are you, Luca?

I hear the modeling is going well...

[in English] I don't speak French.
And it's Luke.

[in English] Really? Luke?

Luke?

You didn't sign, did you?

That's what I came to talk about.

There's nothing to talk about.

There's a lot of things to talk about.
C'mon. I came for you.

I came for this.

I'm your father, no?

You're throwing that around now?

Yes, cause it's true, no?

[man] That depends...

on your definition of father.
Jason Alan Ross.

- Heard a lot about you.
- Hi.

Did you just start to answer from there

and then you walk up
with the finish here?

- I did.
- Hell, yeah.

What are you doing in town?

I live here now.

- Over at the Tropicanyon.
- [both] What?

Yeah. The Tropicanyon. That's it.

I'm here. I'm based here now.

I'm here for him to, you know,
I want to focus

on Luca's career.

Sorry, Luke. Luke... career.

And the modeling. And help him.

- You can't be serious.
- Your comedy career...

Yeah.

Aren't you popular in, like, France
or something?

Yeah, it doesn't matter, right?
Because it's not the U.S.?

- Exactly.
- Yeah.

No, to be serious,

you know that's it. I quit.

I'm done with comedy.
I walked away from it.

Good. Cause I hate comedy.

Okay.

Yeah,

we don't do a lot of comedy
around the house.

It's a serious time in the world
these days.

There's not a lot of room for laughter.

[Jason groans]

You're an actor, right, Jason?

Used to be. I gave it up though.

- Why do you care?
- I don't know...

It's okay, Luke. A lot of people
are curious about the business.

Yeah, I lived that life, ya know.

Kept me away from this guy.

Plus now we're...

thinking about adding a little one
to the mix so...

Really?

Acting just doesn't...

fit in anymore.

I thought mom made you quit
because you weren't booking any jobs.

- Luke. Shrugs.
- Yeah.

I mean, you know,

If I were to get a straight offer
from Me Llamo Marco

I wouldn't kick it out of bed,
you know what I mean?

No, I don't know what you mean
cause I don't know Mamo Marco.

- You don't know Marco, bro?
- No.

- The new Fox show?
- I don't know.

From the creators of Rosewood,
the producers of...

I don't even know who is Rosewood.

What do you think
is supposed to happen here?

You left and ghosted us for years.
I don't even know you.

- Baba!
- No don't Baba me.

You text me like once a year.

- That's not enough.
- Luca. No, calm...

And now you show up at my gym
and I'm supposed to be fine with it?

I don't need you. I got J.

Dude's been there for me.

You don't know my life.

Luca, now I'm here.

Let's go. Two and a quarter.
Let's push it out baby.

Let me help you. I'm gonna help you.

No. You don't know what you're doing.
Back off!

No. Other way around.
Numbers on the inside.

Clip 'em. Let's go. Give it up.

No thinking. One, two, three! Go.

- It's all you.
- Let's do it.

- You got this.
- J!

Come on, you got this.

[shouting] You got this, Luke!

Okay, all you. All you.

You got this.

[Luke straining]

[Luke] J!

- No!
- Oh God!

- [Luke crying]
- f*ck!

Did you clip it bro?
Did you f*cking clip it?

Bro! Did you...

- clip it?
- Clip it?

[Viv] Calm down.

[Luke] I swear to God, mom, if this
swelling sets us back one f*cking day,

I will freak the f*ck out.

This is his fault.

Who even asked him to come here?

I don't want to see
his weird f*cking face again.

- [Viv] You don't need to freak out.
- [Luke] What the f*ck is he...

I'm sorry you had to hear that.
That's got to sting.

I mean, I can relate. If I lost
that kid's love, I'd be done for.

- He hates me.
- Nah, I think he's just scared.

I mean you were a little reckless
back there.

I mean, he tears a muscle, it's over.

- What's over? You mean the modeling?
- Everything is.

[Luke] Don't you try to calm me
down right now!

I didn't realize that.

Oh, yeah. Stakes are...

super high. I mean, especially
with the surgery in a few weeks.

What?

What surgery?

Pectoral implants, yeah.

You mean?

Augmentation de...

No, this would strictly be
to make them bigger.

A lot of the top designers tend to favor
super lean arms with a plump chest.

[Luke] Do you see this?

Take a closer look,
cause it's f*cking swelling.

Can't he just...

work out? And then...

Well, no. I mean that would build up
the arms too, right?

[Luke] ...in the f*cking gym anymore!

Right.

[Luke] The ice is melting.
I need constant ice on my chest!

I mean there should be another way
to grow the...

Hey, you got a pitch?
I'm all ears, captain.

Yes, but he's 15.

Yeah, that's like 40
in any other profession, bro. I mean,

if he's not walking Fashion Week by...



Trust me, he can start looking
for a real job.

Oh, wow.

And we wouldn't want that.
Obviously, of course.

That's what I'm saying, yeah.

[Viv] I'll be back.

[door slams]

I told you this was a bad idea.

- Okay, let me go see him for a minute...
- No, you're leaving.

Babe, anything I can do
to lighten your load?

I don't know. Maybe change his ice packs.
I mean, it's been 20 minutes.

- They're melting, Jason. Jesus.
- On it. Sorry about that.

- Let me see him. Just...
- No, he doesn't want to see you.

Go.

Hey, what's with the pec surgery?

- Oh, you're parenting now?
- I'm his father. I want to know.

Okay, well look. Don't worry.

I said to him if he wants them,

then that's his choice,
but he has to pay for them himself.

Oh, really? The money's the concern?
Really?

You're fine with this?
Our son is getting a boob job?

Stop it. You're not from here.
It's different.

This is just what they do.

- Who do?
- What do you care?

- I care!
- Okay.

I'm his father! I want to know.

Like you're here for him?

You're here for you, don't you see that?

The narcissist. That's what you call me.

- Don't mind me, just running the ice up.
- Say goodbye to Gad, Jason.

- Bye.
- Goodbye.

Wait. Please.

Okay. I know I've been...

a piece of sh*t.

- Yeah, that's how you say it. Exactly.
- Okay.

- Now I'm here, okay?
- Okay.

And I'm ready to fix that.

Fix what? That's not how it works.

Look I know that you're used
to getting everything you want.

But I'm sorry, Luke has a life.

And you're not in it.

Hey!

I didn't sign.

- So, I still have the right if I want...
- No, you gave up that right years ago.

Goodbye!

- I know that if I...
- No!

[lock clicks]

[Brian] So, are you going to go back
to France or whatever?

It's not France or whatever, Brian.
It's just France.

I don't know.

I don't know what to do.

All I know is that I can't

let Jason Alan Ross raise my son.

No way to this guy.

- Wait. Jason Alan Ross?
- Yeah.

- He's King Deckard from Once Upon a Time.
- What?

- Do you know this guy?
- Yeah. I know his character. Yeah.

- Stop the car!
- What?

- What?
- Stop the car!

I got to pull over.

Don't crank the wheel!

[tires screech]

["America" playing]

I can't believe this.

This is what Jason was talking about.

I don't know what it means...

but it means something.

[Brian] It does?

It's a sign, Brian.

Yeah. We have them all over.

All over the place.

♪ Far ♪

♪ We've been traveling far ♪

♪ Without a home ♪

♪ But not without a star ♪

♪ On the boats and on the planes ♪

♪ They're coming to America ♪

♪ Never looking back again ♪

♪ They're coming to America ♪

♪ They're coming to America ♪

♪ They're coming to America ♪

♪ They're coming to America ♪

♪ They're coming to America today ♪

♪ Today ♪

♪ Today ♪

♪ Today ♪