07x05 - Artless

[bunniefuu]

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja
Turtles ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja
Turtles ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja
Turtles ♪

♪ Heroes in a half-shell
Turtle power! ♪

♪ They're the world's
Most fearsome fighting team ♪

LEONARDO:
We're really hip.

♪ They're heroes
In the half-shell ♪

♪ And they're green ♪

RAPHAEL:
Hey, get a grip.

♪ When the evil Shredder
Attacks ♪

♪ These Turtle boys
Don't cut him no slack ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja
Turtles ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja
Turtles ♪

♪ Splinter taught them to be
Ninja teens ♪

LEONARDO:
He's a radical rat.

♪ Leonardo leads
Donatello does machines ♪

DONATELLO:
That's a fact, Jack.

♪ Raphael is cool but crude ♪
RAPHAEL: Give me a break.

♪ Michelangelo is a party
Dude ♪
MICHELANGELO: Party!

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja
Turtles ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja
Turtles ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja
Turtles ♪

♪ Heroes in a half-shell ♪

♪ Turtle power! ♪

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

SPLINTER:
Ah. The River Arno.
Italy is so picturesque.

Don't you agree?

DONATELLO:
It certainly is,
Master Splinter.

Hey, isn't April meeting
us here in Florence?

Tonight, Donatello,
after she finishes her report

on The Last Supper.

Well, if it was my last supper,
you can bet I'd order pizza.

Shh. Here's April now.

APRIL [ON TV]:
This is April O'Neil
with a live report

from the artists
of the Italian Renaissance.

To this very monastery came
the genius, Leonardo da Vinci

to paint his masterpiece,
The Last Supper.

It's badly faded,
but still one of

the world's most
beloved art treasures.

Oh, Dob, look.
I want it for the art galaxy.

Good thing we detoured through
the sharer system, Yikum,

these Earthlings
look like pushovers.

Oh, let's take the space-walk
beamer down and see.

Professor Marco,
how much restoring

do you think
The Last Supper needs?

[IN ITALIAN ACCENT]
As you in America would say,
oodles and oodles of it.

[HUMMING]

[GRUNTS]

Oh, I don't believe it.

Oh, no. The Last Supper is gone.

Ladies and gentlemen,
this is unbelievable.

Not only does The Last Supper
have to be restored,

it first has to be recovered.

Turtles, it looks like we've
got our work cut out for us.

That's for sure.

Whoever stole that wall
just sliced it away

like a pizza wedge.

Hey, why all the fuss?

It's just a bunch of paint
some dude slapped on a wall.

It is much more than that,
Michelangelo.

Tonight I will show you
what I mean.

Shh. April has arrived
for her next broadcast.

[CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICK]
[YELPS, GROANS]

[IN ITALIAN ACCENT]
Hey, look, the movie stars.
Smile and say, mozzarella.

What kind of picture you make?
A space movie?

Oh, no, time to make
turtle tracks.

They think we're movie stars.

Get real, dude, who'd pay to see
a movie about mutant turtles?

Hi-ya.

[GRUNTING]

[YELLING INDISTINCTLY]

In here, quick.

Turtles, am I glad to see you.

Same here, April.

We heard about The Last Supper
being ripped off

and we want
to help you find it.

Well, that's sweet of you, boys,

but I wouldn't know
where to start looking.

Well, maybe there's
a lost and found for walls.

ALL:
Ah, come on.

Hey, it was only a suggestion.

CURATOR:
Ah, this museum gives me
the creeps at night.

Oh, come on,
but we still have to check on

the Statue of St. George.

That sure doesn't look
like St. George to me.

GUARD:
It looks more like his dragon.

Ew, Earthlings, what a bother.

Get the lead.

Nothing hurts them.

They must be wearing
b*llet-proof underwear.

What's underwear?

[SHOUTING IN ITALIAN]

MICHELANGELO:
Man, I thought I was laid back.

Didn't this dude ever
finish anything?

Quite a number of things,
Michelangelo,

including this one.

Whoa. Who's the humongous
man of marble?

That is David.

It was carved by your namesake,
Michelangelo.

Dude, I knew there was
a reason I dug it.

Hey, what's that weird glow?

[BUZZING]

It's our way of saying "hi."

What, do you have
a problem with that?

Who are you?

Oh, well, I'm Yikum
and he's Dob.

We're from the planet Lukra.

Oh, I've seen some
weird tourist outfits,

but you dudes take the cake.

Wrong, you unpleasant peasants,
we take the artwork.

[ZAPPING]

Oh, no, you don't.

[CLINKS]

Oh. Looks like I don't either.

Turtles, fight with honor.

[CLINKS, THUD]

DONATELLO::
Back off, this one's mine.

I saw her first, dude.

Ha-ha. Well, this should
make an amusing story.

[BOTH YELP]

[GRUNTS]

Okay, Michelangelo,
she's all yours.

Forget it, dude,
I'd never strike a female.

Stand back, my students,
and observe.

[YELLS IN JAPANESE]

[CRIES OUT]

[BUZZING]

They're shrinking.

[BUZZES]
[ALL CRY OUT]

[♪♪♪]

[SCREAMING]

I hate to say it, dudes,

but us ninjas are about
to get injured.

Not necessarily, Michelangelo.

I was working on something
just the other day.

A rocket pack?

Yeah. It can keep one turtle
flying for hours.

LEONARDO:
I hate to bring this up,
but there are four of us.

DONATELLO:
Well, at least it'll
slow us down a little.

Oh, great, instead of a splat,
we'll make a "splut."

We haven't got much choice.

Everybody, grab hold.

Here goes.

[GRUNTING]

Hey, we're safe.

Really? Tell me about it.

[ALL YELPING]

DONATELLO:
Don't panic, guys, just grab
for the edge as we go over.

RAPHAEL:
Oh, great,
what good will that do?

Well, one side of the stone
is the walkway,

and I'm hoping it's this one.

Ah, made it, dudes.

[INDISTINCT YELLING]

You gotta stop saying that.

Aye, more monsters.

Just like the ones
who stole our statues.

Monsters? But they told us
they were movie stars.

Hey, dudes, cool it with
the tomato surprise.

Eggplant.
These guys mean business.

Let's get out of here.

We don't want to hurt anyone.

[TIRES SCREECH]

Hurry, my students, get in.

We're taking a bad rap,
compadres.

These dudes think we're the ones

who've been ripping off
their artwork.

Turtles, we must
clear our good names.

How could the people turn
on us like that, sensei?

They had great cause
to be upset.

Artworks,
like Michelangelo's David,

mean as much to the people
of Florence as-as...

As the beach means
to a California surfer dude?

Precisely.

And that same day
another statue was stolen,

Donatello's St. George.

Me? I don't have a St. George.

I don't even have a St. Bernard.

ALL:
She mans the other Donatello.

The painter Donatello
is your namesake.

Yeah, just like I was named
after the Michelangelo

who sculpted the David.

And The Last Supper
was painted by Leonardo.

Hm. I sense a pattern here.

Space aliens
who are turtle fans?

SPLINTER:
No, no,

fans of the Renaissance masters

on whom April
is doing her series.

Of course.

They must have picked up her
telecasts in outer space.

Oh, no, I already announced
that my next show would be

about Raphael's
frescoes in Rome.

Then we know where
they'll strike next.

Donatello, do you know the way?

DONATELLO:
What's the difference?
They say all roads lead to Rome.

APRIL:
The Trevi Fountain.

Maybe we should stop
and throw in a coin.

It makes your wish come true.

It's gonna take more than
wishing to stop those Lukrons.

They make Krang and Shredder
seem like Punch and Judy.

Yes, I fear a battle against
such advanced beings

will be like
ancient Roman warriors

fighting against
nuclear-age weapons.

Well, fellas,
I got you this far,

getting into Vatican City
is up to you.

We'll handle it, April.

What if those Lukrons
capture you?

That's the whole idea.

It's the only way we can find
out our opponent's weakness.

Ciao, for now.

There you are.
Vernon?

I've been a nervous wreck ever
since you vanished in Florence.

Now, come with me.

But-- But--
No buts.

You're on the air
in five minutes.

We don't even know which Raphael
piece they're going to grab.

April has a hunch
it'll be this mural.

It's called
The School of Athens.

And it should be right here.

Uh-oh, looks like school's out.

We're too late, those Lukrons
have taken the entire wall.

[CROWD YELLING]

Sounds like they're
not through yet.

Come on.

[CROWD SCREAMING]

Those tourists were coming
from the Sistine Chapel.

Well, what are we waiting for?

Yikum, we simply must take this
back to show at the art galaxy.

It's so-so cute.

But, Dob, we already
have a piece

by this Michelangelo Earthling.

Yes, but this
is an entire ceiling.

Our customers back on Lukra
would pay a fortune for it.

Oh, all right. But hurry up,
I'm tired of this planet,

It's dirty and depressing,
and it simply reeks of oxygen.

Stop. You will not
take this ceiling.

Oh, well, that's what
you think, cheese breath.

Our customers on Lukra are wild

about these primitive,
native handicrafts.

But this masterpiece belongs
to the people of Earth.

It is part of their history.

You'll be history if you
don't get out of my way,

you-you furry little creature.

[BEEPS]

SPLINTER:
Shockwave. April, run.
Run for your lives.

Shockwaves I can handle,

it's giant rats
that freak me out.

SPLINTER:
Hurry. We must leave.

[GRUNTS]

Splinter?

[YELLING]
Splinter!

Splinter! Help!

[BUZZING]

Quite remarkable,
these figures almost look alive.

If you say so.

Now, can you beam these trinkets
up to the spaceship and go home?

Yo, Donatello, where are we?

In the underground
catacombs near Rome.

Right. What's a catacomb?

A tomb.

A what? Ahh!

Just who do you think you are?

He is Michelangelo
and I am Leonardo.

Donatello.

Michelangelo? Leonardo?

Raphael? Donatello?

Why didn't you tell us
you were the artists?

Us, artists? Hoo-hoo!

Dude, you really
are from outer space--

Well, we're kind of modest.

Oh, this makes all
the difference in the universe.

You mean, you'll give us
our art back?

Certainly not. We're taking
you back to our galaxy too.

That's what you think,
octopus-puss.

I can't move.

We're in some kind
of stasis beam.

Well, at least we know
their weakness:

they haven't got any.

[ZAPPING]

[CLATTERING]

[BEEPS]

Wait a minute, you can't
kidnap us to another planet.

We can do anything we want.

And what we want is to put you
to work in our art galaxy.

But I'm the turtle Leonardo,
not the artist Leonardo.

None of us are artists.

Oh, don't quibble,
you'll make us a fortune

churning out more of these
charming Earth knickknacks.

Oh, this is awful, first I lose
the turtles, and now Splinter.

Where could they be?

Hm. The Trevi Fountain.

The one that's supposed
to make wishes come true.

Heck, it's worth a try.

I wish I could find my friends.

April, I had a feeling
I would find you here.

Splinter, you're all right.

But I fear
the turtles are not.

Something must have gone wrong.

Those aliens are too powerful
for any of us.

Perhaps.
The secret of martial arts

is to turn your foe's
very strength against him.

Come, I have a plan.

VERNON:
The Colosseum?

April, this is definitely
not in the script.

Would you mind telling me what
kind of art we'll find here?

Uh, um...sand paintings.

Now hurry,
we're going on the air.

But I don't want
to sell this one,

you promised we could
keep it for our home.

Well, I changed my mind.

It won't go with
the levitation sofa.

Besides, it's peeling terribly.

This is April O'Neil
with a special report

for anyone interested
in great art.

It's that Earthling reporter.

Oh, she must have another find.

I'm here at Rome's Colosseum,

probably the Earth's most
priceless masterpiece.

Did you hear that, Yikum?

The Earth's most
priceless masterpiece.

Oh, we simply must
teleport it back to Lukra.

But, Dob, it's so enormous.

Oh, better yet,
we'll sell it by the pound.

Oh, you're right.

Let's beamer it up.

[BEEP]

They're planning
to steal the Colosseum.

Along with Master Splinter
and April.

Something that huge
is bound to put a strain

on their power source.

Then let's get ready to move.

[BEEPING]

I was right,

lifting the Colosseum
is taking all their energy.

Premo to the extremo, dudes.

ALL:
Turtle power!

Oh. They--
The artists are escaping.

Stop them, Dob.

[BUZZING]

Turtles, how did
you get here?

Well, it has to do
with warping space

by way of a macro-cosmic
dimension.

But you escaped?

Thanks to you
and your sales pitch.

Hey, we haven't shaken
those Lukrons yet.

We need some weapons.

There's a display over there.

Hey, dudes, what are we supposed
to do with these gizmos?

When in Rome
do as the Romans did.

This can't be what they mean
by Italian designer fashions.

[BUZZING]

You dreary little Earthlings
think you can escape us?

You're a sculptor, Michelangelo,
let's see how you handle stone.

[YELPS]

Outta the way!

Scatter! Watch out!

[BEEPING]

[BUZZING FALTERS]

Oh, no, we've overloaded
the beamer.

But we still have
battery power.

Heads up. Incoming.

LEONARDO:
Hi-ya!

MICHELANGELO:
Gotcha!

Well, looks like you Lukrons

were a little too advanced
for your own good.

You're not so tough
without your machines.

Please, spare us the lecture.

Let's hope we have
enough battery power

for a small space-walk.

[BEEPS]

[ZAPPING]

Turtles, we can't let them get
away with those masterpieces.

[ARMOR CLANGING]

Yeah, they've still got
Michelangelo's David,

and the Sistine Chapel.

And more serious yet,
my grappling hook.

[BUZZING]

Really, Dob,

this thing is taking
forever to repair itself.

What do you expect?
It's last year's model.

First we'll take back these,

and now we'll take back
our artwork.

Impudent Earthlings.

[ZAPPING]

Really?

Now it's my turn.

[CRACKLES]

Uh-oh, this beamer
still has some power.

Oh, you don't know how happy
that news makes me.

Stop, everyone, you're fighting
over a bunch of worthless junk.

Junk? But you said these were
Earth's greatest artworks.

They would be if only
they were genuine.

See for yourselves.

"Made in the Crab Nebula."

It's a fake.

Oh, no.

All the works have them.
Dob, we've been taken.

If word of this gets back
to the art galaxy,

we'll be the laughing
stock of Lukra.

On the other hand, the people
of Earth love these things,

even if they are fake.

Return them and no one
will ever know.

BOTH:
Deal.

[ZAPPING]

MICHELANGELO:
This is it, amigos,
my very last slice of pizza.

The Lukrons never considered
that the stickers themselves

might be the true fakes.

And speaking of fakes...

As you can see
Leonardo da Vinci

used this very special
technique to paint his--

Wait, what's this?

The Crab Nebula?

Michelangelo, you said you
took all those stickers off.

Well, okay,
so maybe I missed a few.

This can only mean one thing:
Leonardo was a space alien.

Either that or a turtle.
[ALL LAUGHING]

[♪♪♪]