03x22 - The Enormous Radio

[bunniefuu]

[theme music playing]

NARRATOR:
Man lives in the sunlit world

of what he believes
to be reality.

But... there is,

unseen by most, an underworld.

A place that is just as real

but not as brightly lit.

A dark side.

[orchestra playing
classical music over radio]

♪ ♪

Any word from the children?

The camp director called today.

It seems Peter doesn't
want to learn how to swim.

You'll have to write him.

Yes.

[gentle laugh, glasses clink]

[sighs]
It's wonderful music,
that Schubert.

Mmm.

MAN: It's on the program
next week at Carnegie Hall.

[music crescendos]

[static crackling]
Oh, no, not again.

[static crackles]

Please fix it, Jim.

[music resumes]

[static resumes]

Oh, damn.

[static crackling]

[slaps radio]

There's not even a hum.

I'm afraid
it's completely broken.

Should I take it down

to that lecherous handyman
in the basement?

No, uh...

I'll buy a new radio.

I'll go by the shop tomorrow.

[doorbell ringing]
Coming!

All right, watch it,
watch it.

Oh, my.

Your toes, lady,
your toes.

Will you watch
your feet, please?
Oh!

Thank you.

Watch your toes, your toes.

Oh, my...

[sighing]

All right, lady,
where do you want it?

Oh, I don't know!
It's so big!

How 'bout over there?

Well...
Watch your feet.

That's it; all right.

Oh...

It's so big.

But it's so ugly.

Hey, lady,
it's only a radio.

A radio's a radio.

Listen, sign here,
will you, please?

I'll plug it in
while you sign, okay?

Okay, lady, thank you.

Have a good day, huh?
Uh-huh.

[switch clicks, radio buzzes,
then classical music fades in]

[music blares]

[volume lowers]

[glass breaks in distance]

Oh!

♪ ♪

Ugly or not, it does have
a lovely tone, doesn't it?

[static crackles,
frequency oscillating]

[shrill static]

[classical music resumes]

[eerie wind whooshes]

[birds chirping through static
and classical music]

[dog barks fiercely]

[music, static, barking stop]
Oh, this is madness.

Jim?

Oh, I'm so glad I reached you.

They just delivered
the new radio.

Uh, what?

[sighs]
It's enormous.

No.

But something strange happened.

I just went to...

Oh.

Oh, of course, darling.

It can wait until tonight.

Bye.

[hangs up receiver]

[clock ticking]

This is the top
of the line, Irene.

You just have to know
how to tune it, that's all.

[static crackles,
then classical music plays]

♪ ♪

Well, there.

Listen to that Chopin.

Did you pay those bills?

The ones from Saks?

Hmm? Yes.

MAN [over radio]:
For Christ's sake,
Kathy, do you always

have to play the piano
when I get home?

KATHY:
I play every chance I get.

I'm at the office all day.

MAN:
So am I!

Why don't you leave that
lousy little job and stay home?

Then you can diddle
on the piano

to your small
heart's content.

Did you hear that?

[piano playing resumes]
What?

On the radio?

The voices, they were fighting.

Must be a play or something.

I don't think
it is a play.

KATHY:
I thought that you didn't
get a raise this year.

Jim, come here.

You have to hear this.

MAN: I wish to God I'd never
bought you that damn thing.

KATHY: I wish to God
I'd never met you.

[piano playing continues]

[phone ringing]

[phone continues ringing]

[static crackling, buzzing]

[clock chiming]

[door sliding shut,
motor whirring]

That's odd, it sounds
like the elevator.

[tuning through frequencies,
various voices and music play]

MAN: Have you
seen my garters?
WOMAN:
Button me up.

Honey, have you
seen my garters?

Just button me up and
I'll find your garters.

You know, I wish
you wouldn't leave

apple cores in the ashtray--
I hate the smell.

That's truly strange.

Isn't it?

You're like an old woman.
Here are your lousy garters.

[tuning radio]

WOMAN [Irish accent]:
"On the coast of Coromandel

"where the early
pumpkins blow,

in the middle
of the woods..."

[woman continues in background]
My God!

It's the Sweeney's nurse.

"These were all
his worldly goods.

Two old chairs..."

[nurse continues in background]
Oh, God!

Turn it off!

NURSE:
"...without a handle..."

IRENE:
Turn it off!

[knob clicks, nurse stops]

What if they can hear us?

That's just some
sort of poetry show.

No, it was the
Sweeney's nurse.

I've talked with
her in the park.

I know her voice very well.

She must've been reading
to their little girl.

Don't be silly; calm down.

They live in 17C!

We must be getting other
people's apartments.

Can they hear us?

[static crackling, buzzing]

NURSE: "'...wife?'
said the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo.

"'I'm tired of living
singly on this coast

so wild and shingly...'"
Hello? Hello?

JIM:
Can you hear me?

NURSE: "'If you'll come
and be me wife,

quite serene
would be me life...'"

I guess they can't hear us.

"'Oranges and lemons,' says
the bells of St. Clement's..."

Try something else.

"'You owe me
five farthings,'..."

This is crazy!

"...say the bells
of St.Martin's.

'When will you pay me?'
say the bells of Old Bailey..."

Try something else.

[static crackling]

WOMAN:
Have some more sandwiches.

My God, I made enough
for an army or a marching band.

[crowd conversing indistinctly]
That's Margaret Fuller in 11E.

I knew she was giving a party.

I saw her stocking up
in the liquor store.

Isn't this too divine?

Try something else.

[tuning through various voices]
See if you can get 18C.

WOMAN: Talk to somebody
for Christ's sake, honey.

Talk to somebody!

MAN: I don't want
to talk to anyone.

WOMAN: It's not a hat,
it's a love affair.

If she catches you standing
here not talking to anybody...

"Not a hat,
it's a love affair."

[laughing]

Oh, my God!

Isn't this wild?

MAN:
Two, no trump.
Ooh.

WOMAN:
Two, no trump? Are you nuts?

MAN:
I don't know who's nuts,
but I do know my hand.

Two, no trump.

WOMAN:
Oh, sure.

MAN 2:
What's this? Tell me.

It's a bounced check,
that's what.

Didn't I tell you about this?

Didn't I warn you...

[woman sobbing over radio]

...that one more time,
and that would be it?

I can't believe you can be
so damned irresponsible!

So selfish and stupid!

[clock ticking]

MAN [over radio]:
Are you all right, darling?

WOMAN:
Yes.

Yes, I'm all right, I guess.

But you know, Charlie,

I don't feel
like myself anymore.

Sometimes there are
about 15 minutes in a week

when I feel like myself.

I don't want to go
to another doctor.

The bills are too much already.

But I just don't feel
like myself, Charlie.

I just never feel like myself.

WOMAN 2:
Typical.

Leave it to you
to find an excuse

for such a thing.

I mean, really, who cares?

Who cares?

[birds chirping outside]

Have a good day
at the office, dear.

See you tonight.

[sighs]

Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm.

[knob clicks,
static buzzes and whines]

[tuning through
various voices and music]

MAN [over radio]:
The w*r. Shrapnel.

WOMAN:
Really?

[man laughs]

MAN:
No.

No, I got it on a knife fight
on the Lower East Side

with my ex-wife.

[man and woman laugh]

WOMAN:
She stabbed you?

MAN:
In more ways than one.

[woman laughs]

MAN:
Say...

Don't pull away.

Come on, come back here.

WOMAN:
Come get me.

[man laughs]

[woman laughs]

WOMAN [passionately]:
Oh! Mmm...

[phone rings]

Oh.

[man sighs with satisfaction]

MAN:
Anybody ever told you

you have nice lips?

WOMAN:
No. No.

Ah, hello?

MAN:
Don't pull away.

Oh, hi.

WOMAN:
You want me, don't you?

Lunch? Today?

MAN:
Come here.
IRENE:
I can't.

WOMAN:
Come get me.
I'm in
the midst of something.

[sultry laughter over radio]
Well, I'll call you.

Right. Bye.

WOMAN:
Mmm.

[woman laughs]

MAN 2:
This is it, huh?

This is what it comes to. This!

WOMAN 2:
Oh, I'm surprised you care.

Jim, go up to 16C.
What?

Hurry! Mr. Osborn
is beating his wife.

[blow strikes, glass shatters]

They've been quarreling since
4:00, and now he's hitting her.

Go up there
and stop him!

WOMAN 2:
Don't you touch me again.

I'll k*ll you, Frank.

I swear, I'll k*ll you!

I'll see you dead--
[knob clicks]

IRENE:
No.

You don't have to listen to
this sort of thing, you know?

It's indecent-- it's like
looking into peoples' windows.

I bought the damn radio
to give you some pleasure.

I paid a great deal
of money for it.

I thought it would
make you happy.

I wanted to make you happy.

Look at you.

Don't...

Don't quarrel with me.

All of the others have been
quarreling all day long.

They're all worried
about money.

Mrs. Hutchinson's

mother is dying of cancer
in Florida,

and they don't have enough money
to send her to the Mayo Clinic.

At least Mr. Hutchinson
says they don't have enough.

And Mr. Hendricks

is being laid off in April,

and Mrs. Hendricks is being just
horrid about the whole thing.

And that woman
who plays the Chopin

is having an affair
with the handyman.

And Mr. Osborn
is beating Mrs. Osborn...

So don't listen to it!

Turn it off.
It's not your business.

Don't! Don't yell!

Life is too awful.

It's... too
sordid and awful.

WOMAN [over radio]:
Who? Tell me,
who is it this time?

WOMAN 2 [British accent]:
With the handyman,
if you can believe that.

WOMAN:
No! You're not telling true.

WOMAN 2:
That filthy, driveling,
stump of a man.

And she's doing it with him
every chance she gets.

Like rabbits, I tell you.

WOMAN:
[gasps] Oh, my God!

WOMAN 2:
I can hear them all day.

[classical music plays
over radio]

Well?

There's nothing wrong
that I can see.

But what about
the interference?

You hear anything now?

[classical music playing
over radio]

Sounds perfect to me.

But I told you...
Look, lady,
like I said before--

there's nothing wrong
that I can see.

I mean, you just got
to talk nice to it, that's all.

MAN:
Don't you think that
people should have manners?

He says that to me.

And do you know what
the most awful part of it was?

Jack Melville overheard
the whole thing.

[laughter]

[laughs]

Um... Irene?

Are you with us?

Oh.

Oh, yes. I...

just, um,

wandered off for a moment.

Well, listen,

good people,
we really

do have to be on our way.

Thanks so much.

It was really a
lovely dinner, Irene.

Oh, did you really think so?

Thank you.

It's always nice
to see you, Jack.

Good night, Clare.

Good night.

I'll walk you out.

WOMAN:
I just don't feel
like myself, Charlie.

I just never feel like myself.

MAN:
Oh, for Christ's sake, Kathy,

do you always have to play
the piano when I get home?

HANDYMAN:
So, um, anybody ever tell you
you got pretty eyes?

KATHY:
Yes.

[laughs]:
My husband.

[handyman laughs]

JIM:
Irene?

What's gotten
into you?

What do you mean?

What do I mean?

You barely said
ten words all night.

You just sat,
staring into space,

or staring at Clare.

It's just rude,
that's all.

I've never seen
you like this.

They seem
to be such nice people.

Why don't you treat them better?

I work with him, Irene.

I see him every day.

But you never
really know, do you?

Know what?

The truth.

What they really are.

They have such nice open faces,

but who knows
what horrible things

they do to one another...

alone... in secret.

You're talking
nonsense.

And I don't
like it.

Not one bit.

[clock ticking]

Hello, darling.

Everything okay?

Perfect.

Couldn't be better.

Well, that's a good thing.

I just paid the bill
for that radio.

Cost $400.

It's a good deal more
than I can afford.

I bought that radio 'cause I...

I thought you'd enjoy it.

That's the last extravagance

we're gonna be able
to indulge in this year.

[knob clicks]

[classical music playing
over radio]

Listen to it, Jim.

Isn't the music beautiful?

I noticed you haven't paid
your clothing bills yet.

I saw them
on your dressing table.

Why'd you tell me you had
paid them when you hadn't?

Why'd you lie to me?

I just didn't want
to worry you, Jim.

I'll be able

to pay for everything
with this month's allowance.

Last month, remember,
I had to pay

for those slipcovers
and that party.

You've got to learn

to handle the money
that I give you

a little more
intelligently, Irene.

You've got to understand,

we don't have as much money
this year as we did last.

I had a very sobering talk
with Mitchell today.

I worry about money
a great deal,

and I've worked
awfully hard

to give you and the children
a comfortable life,

and I don't want
to see all of my energies

and all of my youth wasted
in slipcovers and radios

and fur coats and God--

Jim, please,
they'll hear us.

Who?

The radio.

I'm sick...
I'm sick to death of that radio!

The radio can't hear us.

Nobody can hear us, and who
cares if they can hear us?!

Who cares?!

Please, Jim, you sound
just like them-- just like them.

Like them?!

Like them?!

Since when are you
so g*dd*mn Christly?

What turned you into
a convent girl overnight?

What makes you think
you're so much better than them?

You stole your mother's jewelry

before they
probated her will.

You never gave your sister
a cent of that money

that was intended for her,
not even when she needed it.

JIM [over radio]:
Where was all your virtue
and your piety then?

IRENE [over radio]:
Jim, you know
there were reasons for this.

JIM:
Reasons?!

I've heard your reasons,
and I'm-I'm just sick of 'em!

I don't want
to hear your reasons anymore!

Irene, you look at me!

Look at me!
Irene, look at me!

NARRATOR:
The dark side is always there.

Waiting for us to enter.

Waiting to enter us.

Until next time, try
to enjoy the daylight.