03x15 - My Own Place

[bunniefuu]

[theme music playing]

NARRATOR:
Man lives in the sunlit world

of what he believes
to be reality.

But... there is,

unseen by most, an underworld.

A place that is just as real

but not as brightly lit.

A dark side.

MAN: Maya, is it safe to leave
my bike in the hall?

MAYA:
It would be safer inside.

[children shouting,
laughing outside]

[siren wails,
car horn blares in distance]

I thought
you would like it.

I can see a little wedge
of Central Park out there.

It has a slight
eastern exposure.

It's beautiful.

[clears throat]
How much?

We will fix that hole
in the bedroom window.

No problem.

How much?

I think you'll be
pleased with the price.

Mai, I'm an investment banker.

I don't own the bank.

I told you how much
I can pay.

We have decided not
to rent to relatives.

The landlord has
problems with relatives.

It's annoying how
they come and they go.

Read my lips.

How much?

The rent is $285.

Two hundred...

[scoffs]
and eighty-five dollars?

[siren wails in distance]

Exactly.

[softly]:
Oh, my God...

Oh, my God.

I-I pay $500 a month
for a shoebox

that I share
with three other guys!

The building
is rent-controlled.

Will you take it?

Oh, well, I'll have
to think it over.

[chuckles]
Just kidding, Maya!

Just kidding!
You're the greatest!

Yahoo!

You can see just a tiny bit
of Central Park from here.

Oh!

A fireplace.

Oh, this... is great!

Okay, did I tell ya?

Did I lie?

[cork pops]

[playfully]:
I don't think so.

It's gorgeous.

Here's to the Taj Mahal...
on a budget.

[plastic cups tap]

[cup clattering]

Oh, you are suave.

Mm-hmm.
Mmm.

What do you think
this is gonna do
for our love life?

I think maybe
you'll stop reading

the Wall Street
Journal in bed.

Mmm, funny.

No, I have a 7:30
breakfast meeting!

Please...

No, I can't stay
tonight.

But I'm not leaving yet.

[quiet fluttering]

[people clamoring]

[groans]

[thunder crashing]

[groans]

[thunder crashes]

[startled shout]

[water running]

[toilet flushes]

We have a toilet
and running water!

Who are you?

Who are you?

I live here.

I live here, too.

Look, Ram,
I can't argue any longer.

I've gotta get to work.

[pronouncing]:
"Rahm."

Maybe there's a foul-up
with the computer.

You have a toilet
and a computer?

Listen, do you have

to burn that stink b*mb
in here?

It dries out
my sinuses.

Never mind.
What about the lease?

What about it?

Do you have it?

I do not think so.

That's it.

That is what?

You're outta here, pal.
You're history.

History?

[siren wailing in distance]
Hit the bricks, sahib.

I am not sahib.

"Sahib" means "master."

You are sahib?

Look,
if the phone was connected,

I'd have the cops here.

Most likely
they'd call Immigration.

You probably don't have
any papers.

Hah!
You'd be back on the boat.

I'm not a bad guy.

This place means a lot to me.

I've always had to live
with other people:

my parents,
roommates in college,

roommates from work.

I've never had
my own place.

When I found this,
I paid for it,

and I've got a right to it.

Look, here's five bucks.

Get yourself a little curry;
you'll feel better.

Oh, come on,
it's too hot to argue.

It's gonna break
a hundred today.

Perhaps the rains are coming.

At first, the great heat.

And then, at last,
the monsoon.

What are you talking about?

It's the rhythm of life
in India.

How'd you get here--

a little birdie flew you
on its little back? [chuckles]

I do not know.

I was living in a very small
room with my family.

There was my brother, my sister,

my sister's husband,
their son...

Okay, okay, okay,
I get the point.

There was no space,

so I went to live
on the sidewalk.

And then in
the gutter.

[chuckles]
You wouldn't believe the people.

People stepping on people.

People sleeping next to people.

I am very fortunate

to be here.

Don't get too comfortable.

Well, I was thinking
perhaps my soul was squeezed

right out of Calcutta.

To the Upper West Side? Right.

It is my fate.

You break into my apartment,
and it's your fate.

You're getting very angry,
but it is only out of fear.

Listen, I want you out
of here-- you understand me?

They got places for people
like you-- shelters.

Go there.

But I like it here, Sandy.

He was here
when I left for work.

Mr. Darhouse, to have anyone
evicted in New York

takes a court order--

an order that must be
enforced by the marshal.

It's a long process.

Perhaps this man
left on his own.

What?

Yeah, maybe.

Ram?

[thunder crashes]

Hah!
[shouts]

Namaste, Sandy-ji.

I didn't see you
in there.

We see what
we want to see.

Yeah, well, I'd like
to see you in a cab

back to Calcutta.

What, may I ask,
are you doing?

I am washing your shirts.

I love having
something to do.

There's a laundry room
in the basement.

Look at this place!

You're turning it into a slum!

My fiancée's coming
over for dinner.

Your fiancée?
Yes.

I will fix you
a special meal.

Special meal?!

I wouldn't let
you make toast.

[glass breaks]

Look, I want you
out of my kitchen!

I want you out of my life!

Mmm! This is wonderful.

Just great.

What do you call that?

Lamb Mughlai.

Forgive my pronunciation.

My Sanskrit's
just a little rusty.

And this?

Gulab jamun.

You see, you take
your cheese ba*ls,

you throw 'em in some
rose water, add a little syrup.

You comedian.

Look, how many times
do I have to tell you?

I didn't cook this--
[slams floor]-- Ram cooked it!

Why isn't he here?

[sighs]
Okay...

[chuckles]
Joke's over.

[slaps floor]

I cooked everything.

Honey, it's
a big surprise!
Shh.

We're gonna be Hindus!

Look, the bank's transferring me
to Calcutta.

We'll find a nice place
on the sidewalk.

We'll call it home.

You'll have a red dot
on your forehead

'cause you're married!

These are $35
Brooks Brothers shirts.

He used stones to wash them
in the bathtub!

Sandy!

What?

Do you have
a temperature?

Are your sinuses
acting up?

Relax; it's okay.

He's not here now.

But every time I'm alone,

he shows up, watching me.

What is scaring you?

Nothing. Nothing.

He's a wimp.

A nice little wimp.

I should just throw
him out, but I can't.

Why don't I spend the night?

If he shows up, we'll
take care of him, okay?

Come on.

[liquid bubbling in distance]

[hinges squeak]

[bubbling continues]

Did you like
my cheese ba*ls?

Shh!

[whispering]:
Did you hear everything

that went on in the other room?

I have many times heard my
sister make love to her husband,

and my brother
make love to his wife.

It's a great joy to them.

It doesn't bother me.

That's it--
I want you out of here.

I'll pay for your ticket
back to Calcutta.

Calcutta is full.

My fate is to be here with you.

You're driving me nuts.

You must follow your path;

I must follow mine.

SANDY:
I can't do it.

I can't throw him out.

Is he here? Now?

In the kitchen.

No, no, no, no, no.

[laughs]:
Don't go in there.

Why not?

I'm serious, Laura.

Sandy, we could solve a lot of
problems if we just take a look.

In my kitchen?

No, I don't think so.

This is getting
too weird, Sandy.

I don't know
what's bothering you,

but it's just gone
a little bit too far.

Are you saying
that I made this up?

I think you need some help.

[laughing]:
Help?

I need help?

I think you need
some professional help.

Maybe I could use
a little understanding,

something you're obviously

not willing
to give me.

Oh, you're gonna
leave me now?

Great! Just...

go on,
get out of my apartment!

Yeah, keep that.

Give me a call
when you get to Bellevue!

[slams door]

[thunder crashes]

[overlapping, indistinct voices]

SANDY:
Wha...?

[voices stop]

Perhaps your path is
not with this woman.

You know, I
could k*ll you!

Get away from me.
I don't want breakfast!

I don't want
goat curds and yogurt!

I gotta get to work!

[quiet muttering]:
It's 10:00. It's 10:00.
It's 10:00...

Exercise would restore
your tranquility.

It's 10:00-- the
market's been open
for half an hour.

[sighs]
God, it's hot already.

The monsoon is very near.

It will bring joy
and regeneration.

PJ.

PJ here.
What are deutsche marks bid?

Ah, you should ask...
Oh, no. How about yen?

[PJ continues indistinctly]
Okay, okay, you're a
genius-- are you happy?

What do I do now?

Take a deep breath.

PJ: I told you...
Do I sell or average down?

Tell me.
No, don't, I'm on my way.

Cover for me.
[slams receiver down]

Your job does not
encourage tranquility.

Don't you ever
shut up?!

Much that happens in life
is unreasonable.

You could die
right now.

Get it?

When I die,

I will shed my body like clothes

at the end of the day,
and be reborn.

I could come back
as any living creature.

Like a bird or a rat?

Something that doesn't babble?

I've had it!
I want you out of here!

Out! I'm not kidding!
Understand?

I have a right to my own place!

This is America! Out!

Please, Sandy, don't let
your fears speak for you.

[pants]

Okay.

Oh, God.

Well, you don't want to go,

and you know I'm not gonna pound
your head in with this...

so...

...just do me a favor

and wait in here
while I shower.

In the bedroom?

Yes, the bedroom.

Certainly.

[Sandy humming a tune]

[traffic passing by outside,
horns honking]

[slams door,
continues humming]

[continues humming]

[horns honking in distance]

[hammering continues]

[board clatters to floor]

[hammering]

How you doing?

[hammering]

Adios, muchacho.

[birds chirping]

Ram?

I got wiped out today.

Massacred.

m*rder*d.

Not that it makes
any difference to you.

Come on!

[board clatters to floor]

It wasn't personal!

[board clatters]

[hammer clatters]

[doors creak]

I've been thinking...

I'm sorry.

[wind whistling,
leaves rustling]

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

H-Hello, Julius?

This is Mr. Darhouse in 11-B.

JULIUS: Yeah?
Listen...

[chuckles]
this may sound funny,

uh, but did anything
unusual happen

outside the building today?

[Julius speaking
indistinctly]

Did anyone fall out?

Are you kidding?
Or jump?

You kidding?
Nobody jumped.
You're sure?

Nothing.

Okay, okay.

Thank you.

When did you move in here?

I'm tired.

I gotta sleep.

[wind whistling]

[clamoring crowd approaching]

[indistinct chatter,
chickens clucking]

[grunts]

[thunder crashing]

[shouts]

[shouts]

[man speaking native language]

[Sandy grunts,
man speaks native language]

[thunder crashes]

[man speaks native language]

[grunts]

[thunder crashing]

[grunts]

[thunder cracks, chicken clucks]

Ram!

Ram, I'm sorry.

[crowd murmuring]

[wind whistling]

[shouts]

[screams]

[Sandy's scream
fades into distance]

[yelling stops, thunder crashes]

[chicken clucking]

[children shout playfully
in distance]

It's beautiful!

How much?

We'll have that hole
in the window fixed.

[wings fluttering]
Oh, look!

What, dear?

Well, I...

Oh... I thought I saw
a bird on the sill.

Oh, well.

How much?

$285 a month.

[laughing]:
Really?

[sighs]

NARRATOR:
The dark side is always there.

Waiting for us to enter.

Waiting to enter us.

Until next time, try
to enjoy the daylight.