02x18 - The Old Soft Shoe

[bunniefuu]

[theme music playing]

NARRATOR:
Man lives in the sunlit world

of what he believes
to be reality.

But... there is,

unseen by most, an underworld.

A place that is just as real

but not as brightly lit.

A dark side.

Yeah, but Marian,
this isn't even my territory.

How did I know
they were going to have

the worst winter
in 35 years?

No, I am not
with some cheap floozy.

I'm in some creepy motel,
for God's sakes.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[imitating wind]

You hear that, Marian?

Yeah, that's the wind.

It's getting worse, too.
Yeah. It's...

[door opening and wind howling]

Uh, Marian. Uh,
I got to go.

They're, uh...
They're towing my car.

Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. I love you.

[thudding softly]

Hello, there.

Oh. Hi.
Do you work here?

Uh, no, no. I'm just,
uh, checking in myself.

Oh.

Chester Caruso is the name.

A, um, regional sales rep
for Gormacker Lingerie.

What an unfortunate name.

Caruso?

No. Gormacker's.

Well, I'll tell you, we're,
uh, under the dresses

of some of the most respectable
women in America.

And some of the most
unrespectable ones, too.

Hey, listen, you know, it's, uh,
it's still pretty early.

Uh, what do you say
we go get a couple of drinks?

You know,
maybe a little dancing.

They used to call me
"Soft Shoes Caruso."

Soft shoes?

Oh, yeah.

I'm still fast on my feet.

And slow where it counts,
if you know what I mean.

You look a little dead
where it counts to me.

[ringing bell rapidly]

What's with
all the racket out here?

You're interrupting my exercise.

Well, I'm terribly sorry, but if
it's not too much trouble,

I'd like to get a room.

You happen to have

the only vacancy sign
this side of Kalamazoo.

You, uh, two are together?

Well, if you only have one,
we could share.

Uh, no. No, we're not together.

Could I just sign the registry
and get my key, please?

You can sign right here.

You can have cottage
number eight.

It's real nice in there.
It's got one of them

magic finger mattresses
to massage your back.

Mmm. Perfect.

Thank you.

[wind howling]

Hey!

What do you want?

I want a room.

Well, I ain't got no more rooms.

Well, what's that?
There's a key hanging there.

Uh, that's
uh, cottage number seven.

Uh... I don't let nobody
go in there.

What do you mean, you don't
let nobody go in there?

I need a room.
It's freezing outside.

What kind of a motel is this,
anyway?

I'm remodeling.

Look, I'll give you an extra
ten bucks for the room.

And I'm going
to warn you.

I don't go for no hanky panky
in my rooms.

So put those thoughts
out of your head right now.

I hear anything going on between
you and Miss Kalamazoo,

I'll be down there with my
shotgun lickety split,

you got that?
Yeah, yeah.

That's a... interesting turtle
you got there.

His, uh, name is Prometheus.

It's, uh, kind of a memorial
to my father.

He liked turtles.

You like turtles?

Yeah, sure.

Everybody likes turtle,
don't they?

Dad sure did.

Well...

Oh! Uh, here.

Have some pigs' feet.

Uh, well...
Ah, go on. Compliments
of the house.

They're great for
the digestive tract.

Yeah, maybe
I'll have some later.

And say good night
to Prometheus.

He knows you're here now.

Good night, Prometheus.

And, uh, don't
steal the soap.

The last guy
who stole the soap

ended up having a bad accident
on the highway.

I won't steal the soap.

[wind howling]

[sighing]

Whew.

Ah, just what I need.
A nice, warm bath.

Better make that
a nice cold bath.

[romantic music plays]

Boy, I haven't seen one of
these since I was a kid.

[yawning]

[increasing volume]

What the...

[giggling]

Do you like it?

Oh, yes, but...

I hope you don't mind
I turned the radio up.

Well, it's the only thing I've
had to keep me company for...

Oh, Harry.

I'm so glad you came back to me.

But I'm not Harry.

[giggling]

Oh...

Um...

[chuckling]

Um...

Now, now.

We mustn't go too fast.

Remember what happened
the last time.

No.

I don't remember.

I don't even remember
being with you. I...

How did we...

Harry.

I am trying so hard
to please you.

But I'm not Harry.

[giggling]

Let's pretend then.

[giggling]

[sighing]

Oh.

It's like
we've never been apart.

You want to dance?

Dance?

Come on. You never used
to be this shy before.

Harry.

Cheek to cheek is so
much more romantic.

You know, I haven't
danced like this in years.

Not since the old
Imperial Ballroom.

[laughing]

Marian and I used to
go there all the time.

What's that for?

You know I don't like it when
you talk about your other women.

Marian isn't "other
women," she's my...
Your what?

Your mistress?
Your girlfriend?

My wife.

Oh, you're married?

It's not a secret.
We've been...

What I mean is, we...

[knocking at door]

WOMAN:
Hey, Soft Shoes, will
you turn that radio down?

[wind howling]

Uh, I'm sorry I, uh...

I must have
fallen asleep. I...

What the heck's
going on in there?

Nothing. Uh...

It won't happen again.
I promise.

Yeah, but I've got
to get some sleep.

[chuckling]
Was that Marian?

Oh, no, no.
That was, uh...

Another woman?

Uh, no, no,
you don't understand.

I had a big surprise planned
for you, Harry.

A really big surprise.

[sighing]

But now...

We can still do it.

There's no need to get upset.

I haven't done anything wrong.

No, Harry. It's too late.

You can't keep a girl like me
waiting around forever.

Look.

Look at what I
brought you.

You've broken my heart
one too many times, Harry.

Oh, my God.

Good-bye, Harry.

But I'm not...

My name is Chester!

[gasping]

[wind howling]

[machine chugging]

My God.

Just what in the devil?
I've been shot.

Where?

Everywhere!

In the shoulder and the...

I don't see any blood.

I was shot.

This is crazy!

You been drinking?

No, for God's sakes!

There's whisky
on your breath.

Look, there's a crazy woman
with a g*n in my room.

Whose fault
is that?

I told you I didn't
want you in that cottage.

You're not listening
to what I'm saying!

I'm listening.
You're ranting
like a madman.

I should never
have given you
the room.

Oh!

Hey, what are
you doing?

I'm calling the police!
If you won't...

Now hold on
just a minute.

This is a nice,
respectable place here.

Look, if you're not
gonna do something,

I'll punch you
in the nose.

All right, all right.

Hold your horses,
will ya?

I'll go down
there with ya.

[wind whistling]

I don't see anyone.

Check the bathroom.

[water dripping]

This what scared ya?

Never seen
that before.

Let me get my sleep,
will ya?

Why don't you check
the closet?

Oh, for Pete's sake.

[gasps]

Hey, you really are a
sick one, aren't ya?

Oh, no, that's my business.

Oh, I'm sure it is.

No, it-it really is my business.

I-I sell women's lingerie.

Uh-huh.

I think I want another ten
dollars for the room.

What?!

You're crazy!

You're the one
who's crazy around here.

Women with g*ns in your room.

Want to go find yourself
another place?

Here.

If I were you,

I'd think about
giving up the booze.

[wind howling]

[wind howling]

That's tomorrow.

Oh, my God!

Oh, Harry, I'm so sorry
I scared you like that.

No, you-you don't
understand.

I'm not Harry.

I'm Chester.

Chester Caruso.

Remember that big surprise
I promised ya?

[chuckles]

I don't remember anything.
I'm not Harry.

I'm Chester Caruso!

I'm a lingerie salesman.

I've never done
this territory before.

I'm from Ohio.
I have a wife and three kids.

Close your eyes, Harry.

Close them, Harry!

In 29 years of marriage,

I've only been unfaithful
to my wife once.

I don't even remember it.
Maybe it never even happened.

We were both smashed.

I'm not a bad person.

All I wanted
was a chance.

A chance to dance,
to...

You're gonna have your chance
to dance,

Harry.

Oh, forgive me, Marian.

I promise I'll never leave
Toledo again.

I'll get a desk job.

[sing-songy]:
Harry...

[romantic piano intro plays]

[big band music plays]

Remember the first time
you saw me, Harry?

It was at that dance pavilion
down by the lake.

And you said
I was the most
beautiful girl

you'd ever seen.

You fell in love
with me right there.

At first sight.

I did?

Don't you remember,
Harry?

Oh, let's relive
that moment tonight.

Just you and me.

They used to call me
"Soft Shoes."

The greatest ballroom
dancer in three counties.

The pride of Toledo.

[knocking at door]

WOMAN:
Hey, I thought I told you
to keep it down in there!

Sweetheart...

Don't you call me
sweetheart.

Now what's going on
in there anyway?

Look, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry. Uh...

I have to go.

Hey!

She's gone.

She's not who you think she is.

I swear to you.
I don't even know her.

Why don't you come
on in, Harry?

The door's unlocked.

The water's still warm.

Whoa.

Care to join me?

[romantic music playing]

Don't worry.

We won't touch anything
till you get here.

Any idea what might
have happened to him?

No, but he was a nut.

Waking me up in the middle
of the night,

saying some woman
was sh**ting at him.

You didn't hear
anybody with him?

Any shots or anything?

No, all I heard
was that darn music.

Kept playing it
all night long.

Strange is what
I'd call it.

That's that same room
that that young gal

drowned your daddy in.

If I remember
correctly,

she went
and k*lled herself

right after
we questioned her.

What are you
talking about?

You're not saying that you
believe something like th...

Oh, I'm not sure
what I believe in.

But I'd be a hell
of a lot happier

if we just tore
that whole damn
cottage down.

I knew I never should have
rented it.

I think I hear that music again.

[romantic music playing]

That's impossible.

We turned everything
off in there.

[romantic music continues]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

NARRATOR:
The dark side is always there.

Waiting for us to enter.

Waiting to enter us.

Until next time, try
to enjoy the daylight.