02x12 - Monsters in My Room

[bunniefuu]

[theme music playing]

NARRATOR:
Man lives in the sunlit world

of what he believes
to be reality.

But... there is,

unseen by most, an underworld.

A place that is just as real

but not as brightly lit.

A dark side.

[wind whistling]

[door creaking]

[door creaking]

[lock clicks]

[door creaking]

He-Hey! Hey,
sport, catch.

Ernie!

[man groans]

Ah, gosh, I'm
sorry, sport.

I thought you were gonna
catch it, for crying out loud.

So what are you doing
in here, anyway, huh?

Nothing.

Well, come on.
Then let's do something.

Let's toss this old foosball
around. Come on. A man's sport.

Come on.
Come on.

No, thanks.

Hey, don't be a wussy, kid.
It was an accident.

Hey, hey, where do you think
you're going, huh?

Come on, hey.

Come on.
Clean up this mess,

will you, for
crying out loud?

You should mind
your grownups, son.

On the other hand,

I don't know if
that's good or not.

Oop! Oh, Timmy,

is that Ernie,
the creepy potato bug?

What happened?

I dropped him.

I'm sorry.
He was pretty neat,

even if he was
kind of gross.

You think
he'll go to heaven?

Oh, Timmy, I know
he'll go to heaven.

Listen, I want
you to wash up
real careful.

I don't want any glass
in your hand.

Okay.

Oh...

Biff, why don't you
take out the garbage for me?

Don't worry, honey.
Ernie's gone to bug heaven.

[playing arpeggio]

[turns on radio]

Hey, kid,
it's the playoffs.

Chargers and the Broncos.

What do you say
we check this
thing out, huh?

Okay.

Hey, that a boy!
All right!

Maybe next year
you know what we'll do?

We'll go to San Diego
and get some tickets

and go see one
of them games, all right?

Come on.
Come on over here.

Come on. Listen
to this thing with
your old stepdad.

I'm gonna make
a man out of you
yet, pal.

[chuckles]

I don't get to see you
that much,

you know, my being
on that boat all the time, so...

I'm sorry.
I have a lot
of homework to do.

What, homework
in the third grade?

Geez! Hey!

[door creaking]

[door creaking]

[door creaking]

[lock clicks]

BIFF [in next room]:
You're too soft on him!

MOTHER:
He's a sensitive boy!

And he doesn't need you

leading him down
some macho road!

You're damn straight
he does.

You cannot waltz in here
twice a year

and expect the boy
to look up to you.

That's how
I make my money!

You got something
against eating, huh?!

Dear God, please take away
all the disease, pain

and poverty and suffering
and starvation in the world.

And God bless Nana, Aunt Teresa,
Mr. Abrizzio, Miss Smith,

Mommy and I guess
my stepdad Biff.

[toy squeaks]

And please tell Santa if he
didn't already get my letter,

I really want that Cuddlestuff
Panda for Christmas

more than anything.

[toy squeaks]

[door creaking]

[low growling]

[door creaking]

[footfalls]

[door creaking]

MOTHER
You all set?

Uh-huh.

Did you have a good day?

I miss Ernie.

Oh, poor Ernie.

Biff doesn't like me
that much, does he?

Sure he does. He loves you.

It's just that he...

he doesn't really understand
kids, that's all.

I tell him to be patient
with you,

but the truth is, you have to
be patient with him, okay?

Okay.

[sighs]

♪ Sleep, my child,
and peace attend thee ♪

♪ All through the night ♪

♪ Guardian angels,
God will send thee ♪

♪ All through the night ♪

♪ Soft the drowsy hours
are creeping ♪

♪ Hill and vale
and slumber steeping ♪

♪ By my loving vigil keeping ♪

♪ All through the night. ♪

Good night.
Sleep tight

Don't let the
bedbugs bite.

Good night.

[door creaks, then shuts]

[footsteps thudding]

Mom?

[clicking sound]

[indistinct chatter]

BIFF:
I really like the sweater.

[chuckles]
Yeah. I like that.
I like that a lot.

TIMMY:
Thanks, Mom.

MOTHER:
You're welcome,
sweetheart.

[wrapping paper rustling]

BIFF:
Merry Christmas.

Keen, Biff. Thanks.

Yeah, that one's
exactly like

the one I had in that gunboat
in Nam, you know?

If Charlie saw that thing,
it'd scare him half to death.

[g*n rattles]

Oh, hey!

Here, sweetheart.

Cuddlestuff Panda Bear!

Oh, wow, this is great, Mom!

Oh, wow!

Oh, Mom!

Oh...
Oh, this is keen!

Oh, good.

Keen.
MOTHER: Mwa!

[door creaking]

[door squeaks]

[door creaking]

[door creaking]

[lock clicks]

Dear God, please get rid
of all the...

[rattling sound under bed]

[demonic roaring]

MOTHER [in other room]:
Why don't you just
let Timmy be Timmy?

BIFF:
Because he's growing up to be
a limp-wristed, lily-livered...

He's not your boy!

I mean, you have
no right to try...!

I'm your husband!
I'm the head of this house!

I have every right
in the world.

You treat that kid
like a six-year-old girl!

[door slams]

Dear God, please get rid
of all the disease, poverty,

pain, suffering and starvation.

And God bless Nana, Mr.
Abrizzio, Miss Smith and Ernie.

And just Mommy.

[distorted voice]

[wind whistling]

[rhythmic creaking]

[heavy breathing]

[saw whirring]

[screaming]

Mommy! Mommy!

HELEN:
What is it, honey?
I need a drink of water!

BIFF:
Go get your own water.
You're no baby.

Don't encourage him, damn it.

[eerie roaring]

[grunts]

Mommy!

HELEN:
Timmy.

Timmy, please don't
create a scene, honey.

Can't you get
your own water?

There's a boogeyman in here.

Okay, Timmy.

[snarling]

There's monsters in my room!

BIFF:
Timmy, damn
it, be a man!

Grow up, will
you, for once?!

Look what you've
done to this kid.

He's in the third grade
and he's afraid of the dark.

[saw stops]

[growling]

[gasps]

Don't mind your father.

He just wants
what's best for you.

He's not my father.

He's your new father.

Just give Biff
some time.

He's a good man inside.

Shall I sing to you?

♪ Sleep my child
and peace attend thee ♪

♪ All through the night ♪

♪ Guardian angels
God will send thee ♪

♪ All through the night ♪

♪ Soft the drowsy hours
are creeping ♪

♪ Hill and vale
in slumber steeping ♪

♪ I, my loving vigil keeping ♪

♪ All through the night. ♪

There you go.

You go to sleep.

I have to take some
Christmas presents
to the neighbors.

No!

Yes. I'm going to be right back.

Now you behave yourself,
and listen to your father.

Don't go.

Oh, sweetheart.

[kissing sounds]

[keys jingling]

[door opening]

[door closing]

[footsteps departing]

[wind whistling]

[car door opening]

[car door closing]

[car engine starting]

[evil laughter]

[gasps]

You like songs, eh, kid?

Aye, aye, aye, aye.

Hey, listen, I'm gonna make
a man out of you yet.

Hey, come on, come on,
try this.

Try it, come on.

[spits]

It's gross.

You bet it's gross.

It's beer, kid. It's beer.

Here's a beer-drinking song
for you, too. Hey!

♪ What do you do
with a drunken sailor? ♪

♪ What do you do
with a drunken sailor? ♪

♪ What do you do
with a drunken sailor ♪

♪ Earl-eye in the morning? ♪

♪ Shave his belly
with a rusty razor ♪

♪ Shave his belly
with a rusty razor ♪

♪ Shave his belly
with a rusty razor ♪

♪ Earl-eye in the morning. ♪
Hey!

♪ What do you do
with a yellow-bellied sailor? ♪

♪ What do you do
with a yellow-bellied sailor? ♪

♪ What do you do
with a yellow-bellied sailor ♪

♪ Earl-eye in the morning? ♪

♪ You keelhaul him
till he's braver ♪

♪ You keelhaul him
till he's braver ♪

♪ You keelhaul him till
he's braver earl-eye the m... ♪

Aah.

[sighs]

♪ Hooray, up she rises ♪

♪ Hooray, up she r... ♪

[laughs]

♪ Hooray, up she rises
earl-eye in the morning ♪

♪ Hooray, up she rises... ♪

[whistle blows]

[whistle blows]

[drum playing]

VOICE:
Yellow-bellied sailor.

[bell ringing, tune playing,
drum playing]

[quacking]

VOICE:
Yellow-bellied sailor.

[drum beating]

Yellow-bellied sailor.

[whistle blowing]

[barking, tune playing]

Yellow-bellied sailor.

[whistle blowing]

Yellow-bellied sailor.

[squeaking]

Yellow-bellied, yellow-bellied.

[whistling]

[drum beating]
Yellow-bellied,
yellow-bellied, yellow-bellied.

Yellow-bellied, yellow-bellied,
yellow-bellied.

[drum playing, roaring]
Yellow-bellied, yellow-bellied
yellow-bellied.

Yellow-bellied,
yellow-bellied, yellow-bellied.

[growling]
Yellow-bellied, yellow-bellied,
yellow-bellied.

Yellow-bellied,
yellow-bellied, yellow-bellied.

yellow-bellied,
yellow-bellied...

Stop it!

[wind howling, frog croaking]

Get out of you here,
you old octopus!

[groans]
I ain't no
yellow belly!

I ain't afraid of no ghost!

Buzz off, saw!

[roars]

Make my day.

This is my room!

This is my house!

These are my toys!

Get out!

[door squeaks and slams]

I'm no yellow belly, you hear?

[banging on door]

BIFF:
Shut up in there!
Go to sleep!

I got to go the bathroom.

[door squeaking, growling]

[gasps]

[distant cheering on TV]

MAN [on TV]:
Frank, what a game!

I got to tell you.

Not since the Packers back
in '59 have I seen two teams

go after each other
with such ferocity.

FRANK:
You can say that again.

I can hear the heads cracking
all the way back here in...

[screaming]

MAN [on TV]:
...to bring you a word
from our local sponsors...

What the heck
you doing in here?

I got to go to the bathroom.

Well, go on down the hallway
and use your own bathroom.

Now, go on, go on.

I can't.

Why not?

What did you flush down
the toilet now, huh?

Nothing!
There's a witch in there.

Hey! Hey!

Listen, you go on back
down the hallway

and use your own damn bathroom.

I'm not gonna coddle you
and your stories

like your mother does.
She spoils you.

She makes you weak just
like her. Now, go on, go on.

You shut up about my mother!

She's brave.
You're the weak one.

You're weak in your head!

Look, I am gonna paddle you
now, boy. Now, go to your room!

Go on. Go to
your room!

Go on!

[insects chirring]

[whimpering]

Hey.

Hey?

What are you doing
under there, huh?

[groans]
Stop whining, will you?

[crying]
Come on, stop whining.

Take it like a man.

You're not a
baby anymore.

[door slamming]
What the...?

[cackling]

[yells]

[cackling]

[laughing]
[squishing]

[Biff groaning]

[cackling]

[saw powering up]

[whirring]

[organ plays solemn music]

Nana?

Timmy?

Thank you.

Aunt Teresa?

[sighs]

It's just such
a shock, Helen.

He was a fine man.

I never knew
he had heart trouble.

Neither did we,
Aunt Teresa.

He didn't have
any heart trouble.

Monsters
got him.

[sighs]

Oh.
Timmy.

No.

He was the scaredy cat.

The monsters got him.

Timmy, I think
you should go to your room.

NARRATOR:
The dark side is always there.

Waiting for us to enter.

Waiting to enter us.

Until next time, try
to enjoy the daylight.