01x23 - The False Prophet

[bunniefuu]

[theme music playing]

NARRATOR:
Man lives in the sunlit world

of what he believes
to be reality.

But... there is,

unseen by most, an underworld.

A place that is just as real

but not as brightly lit.

A dark side.

[country music playing]

Super driving, Gus, really.

That was a lot of fun,

just you and me
on the whole bus.

And you being a Virgo
and me an Aries.

[chuckles]

Let me know
when you get all fueled up.

I'll be ready.

[musical bus horn honking]

You devil, you.

[giggles]

Hello!

Hello?

Cleaning, huh?

[chuckles]

Well, I can see
you got a dust problem.

Whoops.

I almost stepped on a crack.

You should put up
a poster that says "cracks."

Step on a crack,
you break your mother's back.

You know? Hello?

[turns off vacuum]
Next bus, 15 minutes!

I know that.

I've been on that bus.

I'm a 12-hour veteran
of that bus,

all the way from Sasawatche,
Iowa to Sapulpa, Oklahoma.

[vacuum whirring]

My advisor advised me
to head south.

Sure is deserted
in here.

My ticket says Lubbock.

In parenthesis,
"Girl meets guy."

You know what I mean?

[giggles]

It's been approximately
12 hours and 13 minutes

since I consulted my advisor,
the prophet Madame X.

She said, "Make no delay.

"Get on the first bus
headed to Texas, and there

you will meet
your Sagittarian."

So, here I am.

A stop on the way to romance.

You married?

Me and my husband just
bought this place.

Oh.

I got the
night shift.

[both laugh]

Got anything to eat,
like maybe an all-beef dog?

I used to like a guy
who loved all-beef dogs,

but he married my cousin.

They served all-beef dogs
at the wedding.

"A," "B," "C..."

[sighs]

It's so exciting when your stars
are lined up for romance.

"D," "E," "F,"

"G,"

"H!"

What do you think?

Harry?

Henry?

[giggles]

Oh, thank you.

I guess a dollar
ought to cover that, right?

Hope you don't mind
if I pay you in quarters.

I carry my cash in quarters.

That way I'm prepared if
I pass an astrological machine.

I like to keep in close contact
with my destiny.

Did you say machine?

Yes.

Astrological machines.

They're fabulous.

Voice-activated
and-and very intelligent.

We have one in my
salon in Sasawatche--

the prophet Madame X.

She takes into account

your birth date and the
electromagnetic field

under which
you were born.

You must be a Taurus.

You pay attention
to business.

My husband bought this.

Oh, he did?

He must be a Leo--
a gambling man.

Maybe this thing
will just pay for itself.

I really wouldn't bother
with that if I were you.

It's probably just a video game.

I'm taking about
the prophet Madame X.

Did you say your machine's
called Madame X?

The prophet
Madame X.

This one's called Horace X.

I don't believe it.

Horace X is the son
and heir of Madame X.

He's everything she is,
only more.

And so handsome.

[mechanical whirring]

MALE VOICE:
Hi, I'm Horace X.

Hiya.

It's your fan, Cassie Pines.

Born April l8, l9...

Aries cusp.

Hello, Cassie.

That's right.

Aries cusp.

Sasawatche, Iowa.

Ascendant Gemini,
Virgo moon.

You can put your hands
on my screen, Cassie.

Press harder, huh.

[sighs softly]

You really are spiffy, Horace.

[laughs]:
Oh, my gosh.

Isn't this top drawer?

Uh, you have reached
your destination, Cassie.

What?

Didn't you hear me?

You have reached
your destination.

I'm supposed to go to Texas.

Danger awaits the traveler.

Danger? But...

Danger. Do not travel.

But...

I am Horace X.

Wh...

Over and out.

Oh.

No, wait a minute.

There's some mistake.

Oh, sh**t.

[mechanical whirring]

All stars pointed to travel.

I am Horace X.

It's me, Cassie Pines.

Born April l8, 19...

Aries cusp.

I remember, Cassie.

Yes, well, I was just talking
to you a few minutes ago.

I'm destined to go to Texas
to meet a tall Sagittarian,

just as soon as the bus
gets to Lubbock.

It was foretold to me
only this morning by Madame X.

You can put you hands
on my screen.

[giggles]

That's good.

That's nice.

That tickles.

Press harder, Cassie.

There.

You will take a journey.

That's right.

I'm on one.

When the time is right.

And the time
is right now, right?

Cassie, what did I tell you?

I don't know.

I thought maybe
you were mixed up.

[electrical crackle]
Ouch!

I got a shock.

Oh!

I am Horace X.

I know that.

I wasn't questioning you!

[electrical crackling]
What's going on?!

I-I'm son, s...

son to heir...
[crackling]

I am, I am the son
and I'm the heir of Madame X!

I didn't mean anything by it.

[electrical crackling]

[grunts]

[crackling stops]

Wow, Horace.

You really are something.

I mean, I know you just
got out of your box, but...

It's my birthday.

Well...

I have to ask you a question.

I don't want you
to be offended though.

Cassie, how are you?

This is something real specific.

My mother told me about you.

Well, that's nice.

This is a question
about etiquette.

It's nice to be polite.

May I please consult
another source?

Wanda Sue, do you have
any tea back there?

Cassie!

Now you're angry with me.

I wonder
where the bus driver is.

Gus?

Gus?

Well,

I think you're
gonna like it here.

Going home to get
some shut-eye.

Oh.
Now, don't bother

about locking
the door.
Thank you.

[chuckles]:
I never do.

Okay.

Don't forget
to turn out the light.

Gus is just about gassed up.

Should be rolling any minute.

Oh.

Thank you.

Bye.
Bye.

Bye-bye.

Men and me...

we never clicked.

Madame X led me to believe
that when I met my Sagittarian,

we would fall in love
immediately.

It would be love at first sight.

So you can see why it's so
important that I get to Texas.

Oh, I hope I get there.

Horace, I see an airplane.

That means travel.

And...

[sighs]

right next to it is a hatchet.

That's no good.

Oh, these are terrible
tea leaves.

I need the good kind, loose.

[sighs]:
Oh.

It must be about time
for Gus to leave.

Where are my cards?

Oh.

[gasps softly]

Tails.

And a three.

Tails and three.

Think thrice.

Obey caution in this life.

[bus horn honking]

Horace, this is my last chance.

[bus engine starting]

Can I get on the bus?

I am Horace X.

Who's calling?

Cassie Pines.

Aries cusp.

Horace, the bus is leaving.

Can I get on it?

[bus horn honking]

You want me to lie to you?

You better go on
without me, Gus!

I just got a message
to wait here.

Yeah.

Maybe I'll take the next bus.

Yeah.

Maybe I'll be able to do that.

[bus pulling away]

You drive careful now!

Now that's better, Cassie.

[mechanical whirring]

Can I take the next bus?

Maybe I can still
make it by midnight.

[distant thundering]

What was that?

Was that the bus?

What did I tell you?

Oh, God!

Put your hands
on my screen, Cassie.

Ouch.

You're burning me.

Someone's coming, Cassie.

But, Horace, the bus...

Important, Cassie.

Beware of false prophets.

Horace, you saved my life,
didn't you?

Cassie, listen to me.
[vehicle approaching]

Beware of false prophets.

What do you mean,
false prophets?

[door opens then closes]

[footfalls approaching]

Well, hi there, pretty lady.

Hi there, sweet pea.

Dark outside, ain't it?

But then there's always dark
before the dawn.

You remember that,
I mean, literally speaking...

dark turns into light,

night to day,
sinners to repenters.

Dark before the dawn.

If you came here to take
the bus, it's already left.

I was driving along,
moment to moment,

and all of a sudden I felt
a tingling in my toes,

and my heart started beating,
and I felt an incredible desire

to drive into this depot.

I walk in here,
and there you are.

Whoo-ee, I mean, you sure
are a looker, sweet pea.

Heat Jones.

Founder and preacher of
the Moment to Moment Church.

The word is present,
the time is here.

Live, breathe and believe

in the now,
the everlasting now.

I guess you didn't
hear what I said.

The bus left.

You missed it.

Do you know how big
a moment is?

The ticket lady went home.

I don't even work here.

Would you like me to tell you
how a big a moment is?

You sure are pretty,
you know that?

Now, you see, see,
now you see, that was a moment.

There was a moment
right there.

We shared it.

The Moment to Moment Church
is based upon sharing.

The next bus leaves
at 8:00 a.m.

Oh, I don't think
about the future.

Living is now.

Would you like to share
another moment?

No.

This is a moment.

You got eyes like pools
frogs could swim in.

Please let me up.

Don't do that again, okay?

Another moment.

Great, we've just shared

three wonderful,
memorable moments.

We're getting to know
each other, darling.

Ah, that's what my
church is all about.

Gut feelings,
I mean instantaneous

gut feelings
that spring right up

from the bottom
of your soul...

Just keep your
moments to yourself.

You know, I'm good
at guessing names.

Let me see now, uh...

Lassie?

No, no, that's a dog.

Um...

Patsy?

Nope.

Cassie?

What?

Is that your name?

Yeah.

Yes, sirree,
I'm getting good at this.

Like I said,
I'm Heat Jones.

You like my name, huh?

Stay away from me.

Don't come near me.

You see here--
this is a moment.

This moment here
is like a magnet

between you and me.

I know who you are.

You do?

Am I that famous already?

Listen, you know,
I've been trying

to get a TV show
of my own.

You're a false prophet.

Oh, I am not a prophet.

I don't deal
in the future.

The word is now.

Yes, you are.

You're a false prophet

and you can't pretend
that you're not.

How do we know that?

Horace told me.

Who's Horace?

You've got
to be kidding.

This is Horace?

He'll never need a haircut,
now will he?

[loud clank]

It just so happens
that I'm here

because Horace told me
not to take the last bus.

Why?

Because he knew
it was going to blow up.

Blow up?

Yes, I saw the whole thing.
It happened right here.

No, it didn't blow up.

Sure didn't.

I mean, I passed it
ten miles down the road.

But you know, if... if you
had of been on that bus,

we never would've met.

But it did blow up.

It was as bright
as daylight in here.

Little darling,

ain't you never ever heard
of heat lightning?

It follows me wherever I go.

But Horace said...

Did you hear any sirens?

Ambulances? Police?

If a bus had blown up,

somebody would be here.

It was just my natural
animal magnetism

mixing with the cool
of the night, creating heat.

Heat lightning.

[distant thunder rumbling]
That's what it was,
darling.

Why should I believe you?

'Cause you got eyes
I'd never lie to.

Don't look at me like that.

Special moments
for special days.

Today's my birthday.

And I think I've got myself
a jewel for a birthday present.

I'm going to Texas
to meet somebody

on his birthday.

Who has to go to Texas?

You got your birthday boy
right here.

HORACE X:
Hey, I saw her first.

Did somebody say something?

Come here.

Come here, Cassie.

Watch out.

I can't.

I have to talk to Horace.

Horace, Cassie here.

Aries...

I know it's you, Cassie.

Yes, it's me.

Touch me, Cassie.

Wait, what are you doing
with that machine?

I have to find out
what I should do next.

There is no next!

Haven't you been listening
to me?!

There's only now!

Well, if there is no next,
then what do I care about now?

Let me down.

Don't listen to lies.
What?

I will protect you.

What is that machine doing
talking anyway?

Don't listen to him.
What?!

Watch out. Lies, falsehoods,
lies, false prophets.

Stop talking about me.

You better go somewhere
else and preach.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute,
you're talking to a machine.

You're listening
to that machine.

Is there something wrong
with you?

Horace is a voice-activated
genius.

No...
He's not just a machine.

Horace is a machine.

He is wires and
sparks and doodads.

Horace is a machine.

Leave us alone.

Leave you alone?

With a machine?

There is something wrong
with you, darling.

We don't need your moments.

Everybody needs moments.

You just want to spend yours
with a machine rather than me.

I want to know why.

Because with Horace, I know
what's going to happen next.

Well, why do you want
to know that?

It's nice to know.

Well, what about me?

Aren't I nice to know?

False prophet.

Horace says
you're a false prophet.

He's a machine!

You know something.

I don't think I like Horace.

When I see something I want,
I go for it.

Our moments are too good,
darling,

to let that machine
get in our way.

Please leave us alone.

No.

[electrical crackling]

[electrical snap]

Stay away from me.

[electrical snap]

[electrical buzzing]

You can put your hands
on my screen.

[Horace X laughing]
[screaming]

Horace!

Horace, no!

No!

How do you like that,
huh, curly?

[laughing]

He sure is handsome
for a Sagittarian.

Cassie.

Yes, Horace?

Cassie. Cassie...

What, Horace?

It's my birthday, too.

Today is my birthday.

I'm the Sagittarian.

Happy birthday, Horace.

Is he really a false prophet?

Touch me, Cassie.

I told my mother

you didn't have to go
all the way to Texas.

[wind whistling]

Where am I?

I seemed to have lost
a few moments here.

Cassie.

Cassie.

Cassie.

Where are you, darling?

Cassie?

CASSIE [mechanical voice]:
Help.

Someone help me!

NARRATOR:
The dark side is always there.

Waiting for us to enter.

Waiting to enter us.

Until next time, try
to enjoy the daylight.