01x18 - If the Shoes Fit...

[bunniefuu]

[theme music playing]

NARRATOR:
Man lives in the sunlit world

of what he believes
to be reality.

But... there is,

unseen by most, an underworld.

A place that is just as real

but not as brightly lit.

A dark side.

Hmm...

[elevator bell dings]

[indistinct chatter
outside room]

[chatter and laughter
growing louder]

Ooh!
Oh, excuse me!

Well, if you ain't the cutest
roadblock I ever did see.

What's your
name, honey?

Marion, but my friends
call me Mimi.

Mimi! That's a
tiny name for

a woman of such
considerable stature.

You going to take good care
of your future governor, hmm?

Oh, yes, sir,
Mr. Gumbs.

Oh, that's nice.

Here, a little something
for your trouble.

[sighs]
Mighty fine.

Now, honey,
I've been

on a hot trail
all day long.

I could sure
use some ice.

And some of your finest bourbon
sent up right away, okay?

Oh, yeah, if you
could give out

some of those pennants
down in the lobby.

You have guests
here, huh?

Everybody out
to lunch?

I'll take care of it
right away, Mr. Gumbs.

Your wish is
our command.

That's the spirit.

What's your name, son?

Peter, sir.

Peter, well.

That's a good name
for a little fella.

Peter...

you think you can hang up one
of those posters on the wall?

Oh, right away,
Mr. Gumbs.

Thank you.

[dialing]

GUMBS:
Louie Farnham, please.

Just tell him
it's the candidate.

Ah, good.

I'll give you one
of my buttons later.

You can go now.

Louie, here.
Is that you, Beau?

Louie, where'd you
find this hotel?

It's eerie.
No people here.

Listen, I want to get out
of here as quick as I can.

So, you make sure that
limousine is here on time.

Whoa, whoa, hold on
a minute there, Beau.

I got a couple
of local reporters

who want to know where you stand
on the E.R.A. and the libbers.

Put them off, boy, put them off.

Well, there's a delegation
from-- thank you--

from the local
Chamber of Commerce.

They want to ask you
some questions about

sales tax and interest rates.

Cancel it, Louie.

What about the Good
Citizenship Award

for the Teenage Honor Society?

Oh, Louie, you're going at
this whole thing so wrong.

You don't want to bog
them down with no issues.

People don't care
about issues today.

All they want to
hear about is peace,

prosperity, a piece of the pie.

We got to make them feel so good

about eating barbecue
with little old Beau here,

that they're going to have
a happy smile on their face

when they go to the polls
in November.

GUMBS:
They know what I stand for,
Louie.

Yeah, that they do,
Beau. That they do.

Make sure that
limousine's on time.

I'll talk to you later.

Peter, I thought
you le...

[chuckling]:
Well, son...

I'm glad you
stayed anyway.

You had a chance
to see a master

of the common touch
in action, boy.

Thank you, sir.
It was a real treat.

You bet your
sweet petunia.

Hey, you want to know what
politics is really all about?

Oh, yes, sir.

Well, you'd better
sit down for this.

Son, politics is a game.

It has nothing to do
with the issues.

It's a show.

That's right, people
want to have a good time.

You make them laugh,

and they'll
love you for it.

Ha, ha!

Just give them a good time,
that's all they want to hear.

Big rallies, parades!

And drums!

[imitates drumming]

Pretty girls!

Balloons!
Popcorn!

Ha, ha, ha! That's right,
get them all while you can.

Get your peanuts
and your popcorn here!

The world, the whole
world wants a good show!

And I'm the man who
can give it to them!

Life is a stage
my son, a big stage,

and only the best actors win.

You get my drift, son?

You see the way
things really are?

Oh, yes, sir, Mr. Gumbs.

I know exactly what you mean.

There's just too many
pointy headed intellectuals

in the State Capitol,
wasting people's time.

Putting them to sleep
with long-winded speeches.

They're either boring
the public or scaring them.

Scaring them, Peter,

with their toxic waste
and nuclear pollution,

inflation,
sky-high mortgages.

Now, that's the politics
of gloom and doom, Peter.

Nobody takes the time anymore
to entertain the little people.

And that's why I'm going
to be your next gover...

[knocking on door]

Who's that?!

MARION:
Your drinks, Mr. Gumbs.

Now, you watch how I
handle the little people.

Why, Miss Mimi,
how delightful!

I hope you haven't
been running yourself

ragged for little
old Beau, here.

Mr. Gumbs, it wasn't
any trouble at all.

Oh, that's sweet.

I would like to take
this opportunity

to propose a toast
to one of the last

flowering beauties
of all time.

To Miss Mimi.
[giggling]

[Mimi laughing]

A gentle lady...

[gasps]
and a true
Southern belle.

[giggling]

Do you like
to dance?

Oh, Mr. Gumbs,
I love to dance.

Me, too.

A-one, two and
three and four.

[Marion humming tune]

Whee!

[Marion continues humming]

Whoo!
Oh! Oh...

Oh...

[both grunting]

[grunting]

[giggling]

It's all right, honey,

I'll be okay.

You just go put some
mint in the juleps, and...

...I got an election to win.

[groans]

[sighs]

The things I do
to win two lousy votes.

Oh...

[dialing]

[humming]

[on phone]:
Hello, Room Service.

Peter, my boy!

I want you to send somebody
up here real quick.

I want my clothes pressed
and a shine on my shoes.

I've got an election
to win, son.

Thanks. Bye.

[humming loudly]

[Gumbs humming in bathroom]

[water running]

[water running]

The point is that I know
that you all would rather be

watching the pretty ladies
and the marching band

than listen to me babble on.

Frankly, so would I.

To tell the truth, I didn't
come here to make no speech,

I come here to share
your barbecue.

And I hear that you all have
the best barbecue in the state.

And if I'm elected the governor,

I promise all of you
free sauce in every pot.

[laughing]

[circus music playing]

Anyway, listen, I'm hungry,
and I'm sure, so are you.

So, come on, everybody,
lets just dig into them ribs.

And all the kiddies,
we got... cotton candy

and popcorn
and, uh... apples.

Yeah, good American food.

Help the kids grow up
real big and strong.

So, come on, everybody,
listen to old Beau Gumbs

when I say, "Fellow Americans,

"friends, let's all
have a good time!"

[knocking on door]

Who is it?!

Bellboy, Mr. Gumbs,
with your clothes.

Well, come on in!

Compliments of the hotel, sir.

Why, that's right
neighborly of you, Paul.

Uh, it's Peter, sir.

We got your clothes ready
as fast as we could.

Ah, thanks, Peter.

Just hang it up
in the closet, huh?

My car almost ready, son?

Oh, we've all been looking
out for it, Mr. Gumbs.

It'll be ready
when you are.
Thank you.

Oh, uh, Peter?

Give this to Mimi for me, huh?

Yes, sir.
Thank you.

[chuckles]

[phone ringing]

Hello.

Beau? Beau, we got
some crowd here.

Oh, I mean, it's going
to be terrific.

They've been coming in
from all over the place.

It's going to be great tonight,
[circus music plays]

Beau, I'm telling you.

Listen, you're going to be
terrific, Beau.

You're going to be wonderful.

Hey, Beau, you dressed yet?

Beau?
Yeah, I'm here.

But where's the circus, Louie?

I'm not going to compete
with no circus.

"Circus"?

Circus-- what are you
talking about, Beau?

Ain't no circus in town.

Then where's the music
coming from, Louie?

Music?

There's no music, Beau.

Beau, you been hitting
that sauce again?

[circus music plays]
Louie, don't you worry about me.

You just find out
where that circus is.

I can here the music, and I want
to know all about it, okay?

[circus music stops]

[laughs]

[door creaking]

[door creaking]

You called sir?

Yes, Peter.

Now, what's going on here, son?

There's been a major foul-up.

Somebody has switched
my clothes.

That's right, look.

I mean, this is not my suit.

Now, who's suit
is this, anyway?

Why, they're yours, sir,
just like you wanted them.

No, no, no, son.

I'm not going to
a Halloween party.

I'm going
to a barbecue.

I'm trying to win
some votes, son.

This ain't gonna do it.

You give this
to my opponent.

Why, those will be
just fine, sir.

Why look, Mr. Gumbs,

they even shined up
your button.

You on drugs, son?

No, sir.
Try them on, sir.

I'm sure they'll
be all right.

Come on, sir.

Try them on.

I'm sure they'll be just fine.

This is dumb.

Really dumb.

[circus music plays]

BELLBOY:
You'll never get a feel
for it, Mr. Gumbs,

until you try
the whole thing on.

Here. See how
the jacket fits.

This is silly, Peter.

If I walk out
the door in this suit,

I'll be the laughing stock
of the whole state.

Look at this.

I mean, this is a disaster.

I'm a walking catastrophe.

What, is it
too tight sir?

Maybe we can, uh,

stretch
the shoulders a bit.

We're not talking fit, son.

You don't get the picture.

This is just not my suit.

[sighs]

I'm going to get
to the bottom of this.

If this is some
kind of campaign trick,

heads are gonna roll.
I think I know

what's wrong, sir.

[sighs]

Here, try this flower.

Young man, you are
touched in the head.

Now, what am I supposed to do
with that flower, huh?

That does it.

I'm going to call your boss.

Do what you have to, Mr. Gumbs.
[dialing]

You've had it, Peter.

Hello. Hello?

[circus music plays]

Anybody there?

What's wrong with this phone?

[gasps]

[laughs]

Now that's
funny, Peter.

I surrender.
I'm yours, Peter.

Anything you want--
now, can I...

Can I have my real clothes,
please?

You know, Mr. Gumbs,
you're right.

There is something wrong.

I know what it is,

and I think I can fix it.

[circus music plays]

Now you listen
to me, Peter.

A joke is a joke.

And I don't mind
a good joke.

A lot of people get
elected telling good jokes.

But when the joke
is not funny,

it becomes a joke.

And I don't want
to be a joke.

I ain't gonna become
governor if I'm a joke!

Now you're gonna help me
take these shoes off

so I can get rid
of these jokes!

Okay? Now come on, son.

Get these shoes off!

Come on.
But Mr. Gumbs,

the suit looks so much
better with the shoes on.

Now, what are
you talking about?

Are you crazy?!

These are not shoes.

They're water skis.

Haven't you noticed?

Look at these shoes!

Trying to make
a fool out of me?!

What do you think I am, crazy?

Now get them off!

Take these shoes off! Off!

This is insane.

[screams]

Oh, no!

Come on.
Come on, shoes.

Come on, shoes.
Take it off...

Easy, Mr. Gumbs.
You look great!

[knocking at door]

LOUIE:
Beau Gumbs, are you in there?

Who is it?
It's Louie, Beau.

Open up.

[insistent knocking]

[crying]:
What do you want?

Let me in.

Do you know
what time it is?

[creaking]

GUMBS:
I don't care
what time it is.

Okay, Beau, what's the game?

We've got a rally waiting on us.

It's not my fault, Louie.

This bellboy here,
he won't let me get dressed.

What are you babbling about?

Beau, are you ready
or aren't you ready?

I mean, you
look fine to me.

But these clothes, Louie.

Look at these clothes.

Beau, now, it's a little late

in the campaign to be
worrying about your image.

Will you start thinking about me
a little bit?

Beau, you're k*lling me.

My ulcer is burning like
a fire in me,

and you're not helping it any!

You'd better start laying off
that sauce, Beau.

Louie, the...

The bellboy.

Come on now.

Don't tell me you're
starting to get stage fright.

I mean,
not you, Beau.

Louie,

do I look all right to you?

The truth?

The truth.

You look like yesterday's grits.

Oh, come on,
you look just fine, Beau.

Now come on,
get a move on now, will you?

The car'll be here
pretty soon. We've got
a rally to catch.

You're gonna win this thing
Beau, I mean it.

[laughs]

What's happening to me?

[circus music plays]

PETER:
I told you
it looked good, didn't I?

See, it all fits together.

Who are you anyway?

Why, I'm Peter, sir.

And you're Beau Gumbs,
the happy candidate.

The people's choice.

I think you're
almost ready to go.

But it looks silly.

It's supposed
to look silly.

I'm not supposed to be silly.

Why?

Don't you want
to be the master showman?

Don't you want to make
the people laugh?

Give them a good show?

Don't you want to entertain
the little people?

And make them love you?

Oh, I do. I do!

It's time, Mr. Gumbs.

Do I look all right?

Oh, Mr. Gumbs,
you look just wonderful.

[fanfare plays]

[cheering and applause]

[circus music plays]

[music stops]

PETER:
Mr. Gumbs.

Mr. Gumbs.

Your car has arrived.

[triumphant music plays]

Ladies and gentlemen,

my fellow Americans,

we're gonna have a good time!

[cheering and applause]

NARRATOR:
The dark side is always there,

waiting for us to enter,

waiting to enter us.

Until next time, try
to enjoy the daylight.