03x36 - He's A Bad, Bad, Bad Sport/Dapper Duck Burgers

[bunniefuu]

♪ Hakuna matata ♪

♪ what a wonderful phrase ♪

♪ hakuna matata ♪

♪ ain't no passing craze ♪

♪ it means no worries ♪

♪ for the rest of your days ♪

♪ it's our problem-free ♪

♪ philosophy ♪

♪ hakuna matata ♪

♪ yeah! ♪

♪ Hakuna matata! ♪

♪ Timon and Pumbaa! ♪

♪ Hakuna matata! ♪

♪ It means no worries ♪

♪ for the rest of your days ♪

♪ it's our problem-free ♪

♪ philosophy ♪

♪ hakuna matata ♪

♪ Timon and Pumbaa ♪

Gee, Timon, it's sure fun
playing games with you.

Huh?

Oh, yeah. Yeah,
it's exciting all right.

There. Hey, I think
that's checkmate.

What?! But that can't
be. I'm much more...

What? You're not as...

Yes?

Eh, never mind. I wasn't paying
attention. Let's play again, hmm?

Oh, goody!

Checkmate!

Oof! Rrr!

Ooh, that's okay, Timon. I'm
sure you'll win the next one.

And... there.

Phew.

Checkmate! Gosh,
Timon, I'm sorry.

I don't know how I'm beating
you so easily. I just can't explain it.

Oops. Oh, well. I never
liked that game anyway.

Let's play a different game.

Trivial trivia.

Now, this is a game
that means something.

It tests your knowledge
of important facts.

There's no luck involved here.

Literature. "Name
the Shakespeare

character who said,
to be, or not to be?"

That's easy. Hamlet.

Right.

History. "What famous
Italian invented the radio?"

Eh, ooh... oh, wait.
Uh, fettuccine Alfredo?

No, it's marconi, Timon.

I thought everybody knew that.

Science. "What metal alloy is
remelted and cooled to form cast iron?"

Pig iron!

Right.

Science. "In algebra,

what does x equal in
the quadratic formula?"

Ohh! Sheesh, I don't know.
Eh... X equals m-c squared?

No! X equals negative "b" plus or
minus the square root of "b" squared

minus 4 x "a" x "c"
divided by 2 x "a."

Wow. I thought for sure
you'd get that one, Timon.

Let me see those cards. You're
getting all the easy questions.

I'm reshuffling them. And
this time, I'm going first.

Nature.

Now that's more like it.
Nature is something I know.

"What species of mongoose

makes its habitat in
the Serengeti desert?"

Eh... um... eh.

Ooh.

Warthogs?

No, Timon. The
answer is meerkats.

Ohh! This game is pointless!
Who cares about trivia? Not me.

Besides, I couldn't concentrate.
The sun was in my eyes.

It's nighttime, Timon.

Another piece of
worthless trivia.

Don't despair, Timon. I
know a much better game.

Darts, a game that requires
perfect eye/ hand coordination,

which I just happen to have.

Ha, let's see you top that.

Huh?

Yee-ee-eh!

Maybe the wind
messed you up, Timon.

Let's try some other game.

Now, here's a game
that's about technique.

It's all in the wrist. Watch
out for my k*ller serve.

Pool. Stick. Billiards.
Now this is my game.

Why, I was practically
raised in a pool hall.

I've never played
this game before.

Oh, really? Well, that's
too bad. Heh heh heh.

Watch a master
and learn, Pumbaa.

Now, I hit the pretty solid
colored ba*ls in the holes?

Exactly.

Darn, I missed one.

I think this stick is broken.

Here, take mine. I insist.

Eight ball in the corner.

Gee, Timon, it seems okay to me.

Ohh.

Remember Timon, it's
not whether you win or lose,

it's how you play the game.

Ooh... I think I broke my knee.

At last, Pumbaa, a game which
combines power, agility, and reflexes.

I'll try not to show
off too much.

Your serve.

Basketball is a game where
my natural athletic ability

and quickness give me
a decided advantage,

but I'll try and
take it easy on ya.

Oh.

Here. Losers take
out the ball, right?

There's something
funny going on here.

Aha! There's too
much air in this ball.

And that hoop
looks far too high,

clearly not regulation.
Cheating, Pumbaa.

I'm shocked.

- But, Timon, I didn't cheat.
- Uh, uh, uh,

I'll let it slide this time, but we
better play some other game.

Hmm.

Ah, hockey.

Knives on our feet. Clubs
in our hands. A real game!

All you need is pure
aggression and the will to win!

Game on!

Game on!

Whoops! Oh, dear,
what a terrible shot.

I guess I'm just no
good at hockey, Timon.

Ha ha, you got that right.

Aah!

Look, Pumbaa,
it's the Hindenburg.

Don't be ridic...

I mean... really?

Where?

Ooh, look, Timon, Elvis!

Ooh, where? Where?

Great shot, Timon.

Eh... oh. Thanks.

It's a sudden death
overtime shootout, Pumbaa.

First to score wins!

I'm gonna win even if I
have to go right through you.

That's nice, Timon.

Whoa-oh-oh-oh! It's an open net!

Victory is mine!

Whoa! Aah! Whoa!

Ah, looks like I
win again, Timon.

Sorry.

Ohh... oh.

I don't wanna play with
you anymore, Pumbaa.

There's no reason to feel
bad about losing, Timon.

You tried your best.

You have nothing
to be ashamed of.

I'm a born loser.

I'm worthless and weak. I belong
at the bottom of the food chain.

A light snack for some hungry
carnivore who's a winner.

Don't be silly, Timon. You
just hit a tiny losing streak.

When you fall off a horse,
you gotta climb back on.

I just know you're
gonna win the next game.

What makes you so sure, Pumbaa?

Because I have
faith in you, Timon.

Come on, Timon,
you know the rules.

Whoever draws the
longest straw wins. Ready?

- Okay, okay.
- Draw!

Ha! I drew the long straw.

I'm the best straw
drawer in the universe!

I'm king of the
straws! Whoo-hoo!

In your face, buddy.
Heh heh heh heh heh.

Congratulations, Timon.
I knew you were a winner.

Aw, gee. That's tough luck,
Pumbaa, but you can't win 'em all.

Don't feel bad just because
I'm a winner and you're a loser.

If you say so, Timon.

Hey, I'm hungry. How about
digging up some grubs for lunch?

Sure, pal. All this winning
works up a king-size hunger.

Let's eat.

You know, Timon, when it comes
to being my bestest best friend,

you're always a winner.

One dapper duck jolly
meal, a squawkamole burger,

an order of quacky fries,
and a Mallard mocha shake.

Did you get that?

Yes, sir, I'll shake a tail feather
and get that for you right away.

Your order is ready, sir, and I
threw in an extra jolly meal toy.

Ahh! Just give me the food,
will ya? My ears are gonna bleed.

Yes, sir, and come again soon.

Ohh.

Hey, Timon...

How come when I say my dapper
duck good service catch phrase,

"come again, soon!"

The people don't come
again soon or at all?

Pumbaa, the people just left,
they aren't gonna just rush back in,

'cause they got
what they came for.

Hey, mister, do I get a jolly
meal toy with that, huh? Do I, huh?

- Do I, huh, huh? Do I, huh?
- Yeah, you want one?

You want 90? Go ahead,
take 'em. Good riddance.

Ooh, there's a new
drive-thru customer.

Welcome to dapper duck
burgers. You know you're in luck,

when you see the duck.
Can I take your order?

Ahem.

I would like a
jolly meal, please,

with no onions on the burger.

I said, no onions at all!

Timon, we have a special order.

Can you make a
burger with no onions?

Oh, yeah, sure.
I'll just tell the

burgermaster 5000
here to skip that step.

What are you, nuts?

I got no idea how to
do that. Just forget it.

By the time that mook out there
figures out we messed up his order,

he'll be long gone.

Hmm... okay,

but this is not very
good customer service.

Here's your order.

Come again soon.

Hey, it finally worked.

Great.

Pardon me. I guess I
didn't make myself clear.

I... don't... want...
onions... On... my... burger.

Allow me to explain.

Onions make me mad.

Those who get my order
wrong also make me mad.

So, now I am double mad.

Um, maybe it would
help if I got a little air.

Ahh, now...

Could I trouble you to
fix this burger for me,

so I don't have to
get any madder?

One, two, three
oh, gotta get 'em all.

He's so mad. Are you done yet?

Got 'em! This burger is...

Clean.

Hey, in there, is
my food ready?!

Dehydrated onion crystals?!

Aah! He's gonna hurt us.

Keep it down, would ya?

It's okay. Onion crystals aren't
real onions until you add water.

- Are you sure?
- Of course I'm sure.

If they don't get wet, it's
like they're not even there.

Where is my non-onionated food!

Uh, coming right up.

Here you are, sir. We hope you
will be satisfied with your order.

Yes, and come again soon.

I think you two ought to know
that I'm even madder now.

See...

I really hate onions,

and I really hate people
getting my order wrong.

Now, if I get any madder,

I'm gonna have to do
something to fix the problem.

For instance... if something
is wrong with your brains,

I'll take them out and shake
'em around to wake 'em up.

Hmm... no brain.

Well, if there's something
wrong with your ears,

maybe I can clean them.

I want a burger with no onions!

Please, we are very,
very, very new at this job.

We can get it right.

Well... hmm.

I remember when I
was new at my job.

Okay, I understand.

Oh... thank you. Thank you, thank
you, thank you, thank you, thank you!

Now then, as assistant vice
temporary co-manager on duty,

I am authorized to give
you a whole new burger...

Onion-free, of course.

Come again soon.

Stop saying that! That phrase is
a jinx. It's making everything bad.

No, it isn't!

I'm being a good salesperson.

You forgot my ketchup.

See?

Now, if you get my order
wrong one more time,

that's gonna be you.

Come again soon.

Come on, come on, come on!

- Aah!
- Aah!

What is it? What's wrong?

Ahem.

I, um, I... I... didn't
get my jolly meal toy.

See, that's... that's
really why I came in here.

I just... I just love toys.

Jolly meal toy?

Jolly meal toy! Oh, no
problem. Why, they're right...

Here.

Here. Here! That is, they're
right here. There's lots of them.

Ooh, hey, look, it's fabio!

Oh, uh, here we
are. Just one left.

Say it. Say it this time. I
want to come again soon.

No, you're right. It's a jinx.

Oh...

On the commercial
the toy did back flips.

Yay! Ha ha!

Oy. Uhh.

Again.

Oh, am I ever mad now!

Open up! I've got a
vocabulary lesson for you.

I'm gonna teach you the
meaning of the word pain!

We're not here!

"Come again soon," he says.

- Aah!
- Aah!

Isn't anybody
gonna take my order!

Darn! Time to
go to my night job.

Mm-mmm.

Real food at last.

If we ever get it.
You know, Pumbaa,

I'm kind of glad that
stuff happened tonight.

I was just looking for an
excuse to quit that dump.

Now we're free again.

And you were so right. It couldn't
have been that important to say,

come again soon.

Yeah, yeah. Well, no harm done.

Boy, the service
is terrible here.

Hey, molasses, that
guy got his order,

when are we gonna get ours?

Oh, you're gonna get yours.

Right now!

- Aah!
- Aah!