03x28 - Don't Be Elfish/Lights, Camera, Traction

[bunniefuu]

♪ Hakuna matata ♪

♪ what a wonderful phrase ♪

♪ hakuna matata ♪

♪ ain't no passing craze ♪

♪ it means no worries ♪

♪ for the rest of your days ♪

♪ it's our problem-free ♪

♪ philosophy ♪

♪ hakuna matata ♪

♪ yeah! ♪

♪ Hakuna matata! ♪

♪ Timon and Pumbaa! ♪

♪ Hakuna matata! ♪

♪ It means no worries ♪

♪ for the rest of your days ♪

♪ it's our problem-free ♪

♪ philosophy ♪

♪ hakuna matata ♪

♪ Timon and Pumbaa ♪

Granny's Christmas
fruitcake is on sale in the lobby.

♪ We wish you a
merry Christmas... ♪

Look at that, Timon!
It's the new Vincenzo 64!

♪ To you and your kin ♪

♪ good tidings of Christmas ♪

♪ and a happy new year ♪

We... must... have it.

Aah! Pumbaa, we'll never
be able to afford that thing.

That's it, Timon. Look!

"Wanted immediately, mall
Santa. No experience necessary."

Ooh! Let's volunteer!

And I would do this, why?

Playing Santa for little kids
would show the real Santa

how good we are, and then
he'd have to give us our present.

Come on, Timon. What do you say?

I... ee... hey!

Granny's Christmas fruitcake
is still on sale in the lobby.

What luck!

♪ Santa's gonna
bring us a present ♪

♪ Santa's gonna
bring us a pre... ♪

I only agreed to do this for the
paycheck so we can buy that toy.

This Santa stuff is
a load of malarkey.

♪ Santa's gonna
bring us a present ♪

♪ Santa's gonna
bring us a present ♪

"Hear ye, hear ye, I bring
oh, so happy tidings of..."

♪ Christmas ♪

Eesh!

You could warn a guy.

"'Tis time to bid
thee welcome to..."

Oy!

"Jolly old St. Nicholas."

Hello, boys and girls,
one and all! h* h* h*!

Timon, you're supposed to keep the
kids in line, entertained, and happy.

Here comes the
happy Christmas elf!

Yay!

I want a condo, just
like mommy, and I want...

Back! Get back!

Can I talk to Santa now?

Can I talk to Santa now?

Can I talk to Santa now?

Now? How about now?

Can I talk to him now?

We know the Santa,
is it my turn now? Now?

"No, but you are next.

Here is a candy cane,
you good little boy or girl."

Can I talk to Santa now?

Not yet. Eat your
stinkin' candy.

- How about now?
- No.

- Now?
- No.

- Now?
- No!

Aah!

Next child, please!

I want a race car set.
I want a race car set.

I want a race car set.
I want a race car set.

I just love... ♪ Christmas ♪

I want a race car set.
I want a race car set.

I want a race car set.

Ok. That's 3 race car sets.

Thank you, Santa! Thank
you! Thank you! Thank you!

Next child, please!

All right!

Ha! You missed!

Yahoo!

Bye! Ha ha ha!

Ooh!

Oh, you little...

Be sure to pick up a
Dolly-go-potty. They're going fast!

Eeyh!

Is that necessary?

Look at the cute little elf!

Let's play!

A car and a horsey
and my very own condo.

Will you remember that, Santa?

Sure will.

I made this for you, Santa.

I love you.

I'm really starting
to get fed up with...

♪ Christmas ♪

Next child, please!

I want a Dolly-go-potty!
I want a Dolly-go-potty!

- I want a Dolly-go-potty!
- Oh, excuse me.

I want to get a picture of
my daughter with Santa.

Could you hold my baby, please?

Chee-chee.

I want a toy oven and a fuzzy
puppy and a Dolly that goes potty!

Can you read that
back to me, please?

"Toy oven, fuzzy puppy,
and a Dolly that goes potty."

Ohh!

You are an angel, Santa.

Say, what's your real name?

Well, then, it's official. I'm
going to name my baby, Pumbaa.

Don't cry, kid. This is
the happiest time of year.

It's... ♪ Christmas ♪

Aah!

Oh!

You incompetent gnome!

Hunh! Oh!

That's elf, lady.

How come I have to do...

Hey, no cuts...
this stinkin' job?

Why can't I be the Santa?

Hey, no cuts!

I said no cuts!

He said I c...

If you don't get back in line,

I'm going to tell Santa to
give you nothing for Christmas

except a gift certificate
for the homework store!

And that goes for all of ya!

Say, that was effective. I foresee
some changes around here.

I'm feeling generous all of a
sudden. Let the next one go.



What, no cookies?

The line is officially closed
until someone brings me cookies.

Why do we have to do this?

Because, you
little curtain climber,

if you schmooze me,
I tell Santa you're ok.

But if you don't, I say the word,
and you get no goodies, got it?

I specifically requested those
poofy marshmallow cookies.

You don't get to
see Santa. Ever.

Of course you can see Santa.

Timon, I hope the real
Santa will forgive you,

but I doubt it.

Hmm!

Ooh, nice entrance, shorty.

Now, back of the line, unless
you want to give me a foot rub.

I am here to deliver a
message from the big man.

Ooh! The big man! You mean
Roger ebert is mad at me?

Say it ain't so.

Yeah, that's funny.

Mr. Claus feels that you are
making the franchise look bad.

Oh, yeah?

Well, this franchise is
independently owned and operated.

Now, why don't you go
decorate a lawn somewhere?

Ok. That's it. Youse
no longer nice.

Hmm. Oh!

No need.

You're already on this list.

Timon, Timon,
that was a real elf!

And that scroll was the list!

Timon, he said you weren't nice,
so that means that you're on...

The naughty list.

Believe it.

Aah! Pumbaa, there
is a Santa claus,

and I must've always
been on his naughty list.

That's why I never got any
presents. I gotta get on that nice list.

Pumbaa, I am going to
get into the Christmas spirit.

I am going to
give till it hurts.

There's no more
dollies that go potty!

No more... oh, a Dolly!

♪ We wish you a
merry Christmas ♪

♪ and a happy new year ♪

We need someone
to direct traffic!

♪ Good tidings we bring ♪

♪ to you and your kin ♪

♪ good tidings of Christmas ♪

♪ and a happy new year ♪

We need help in gift wrap.

♪ Now bring us
some figgy pudding ♪

♪ now bring us
some figgy pudding ♪

♪ now bring us
some figgy pudding ♪

♪ and a cup of good cheer ♪

Will someone please buy
some of granny's fruitcake?

♪ We won't go
until we get some ♪

♪ we won't go
until we get some ♪

♪ we won't go
until we get some ♪

Ooh.

Hoo.

♪ So bring some 'round here ♪

♪ we wish you a
merry Christmas ♪

♪ we wish you a
merry Christmas ♪

♪ we wish you a
merry Christmas ♪

♪ and a happy new year ♪

- What else can I do?
- Gotta be nice.

What else? What else?

We're all done.

Here's your check, Timon.

You earned it.

Money, shmoney.

I just wanna make
sure I'm good and nice.

All right. Now you've done it!

You made the big man proud.

Huh?

You know, I always did
believe in the spirit of...

♪ Christmas ♪

Aah.

Yeah, yeah, I know, but I've got
all year to make that nice list again.

Oh, Timon, Timon! I just found
a log full of yummy termites.

Yeah, that's great, Pumbaa.

Just beautiful.

Termites are beautiful?

No. She is.

I'd stick to the
termites, Timon.

A meerkat may not live
on bugs alone, Pumbaa.

Ahh!

Oh, Leonardo riffraffio and
Harrison mustang are the dreamiest!

What I wouldn't give just to be in
the same jungle with a big movie star.

Too bad you're not a
big movie star, Timon.

Why, you're not even big.

Ha ha. Very funny.

Pumbaa, that's it! Girl
wants movie star, I want girl.

Ergo, I shall
become a movie star.

Yeah! We can be a team
and make buddy pictures.

What you really
want to do is... Direct.

I do?

Sure. This is your
chance to call the shots,

take control, fulfill
your artistic vision,

and make me look
big on the silver screen.

Gee, Timon, that sounds tough.

Nah. We'll just make one of those
little low-budget independent films

that everybody goes crazy for.

No, I meant it's going to be
tough to make you look big,

on account of how
teeny-tiny you are.

Come on.

Oh, look. A bug.

As I am my witness, I
shall never go hungry again.

Don't worry, miss. You're the
perfect backdrop for my movie.

- A movie?
- Tell her, Pumbaa.

We are making a small,
yet artful, documentary

exploring the trials and
tribulations of a jungle meerkat.

Oh. Documentaries are so boring.

But our film is full
of heart-pounding

action adventure and
death-defying terror,

where the star... that's me...

Faces all sorts of
dangerous jungle stuff,

and... and I think there might
even be a part in it for you.

Really?

Every picture needs a romance.

Right, Mr. Director Pumbaa?

Don't worry, Timon. Leave it to me
to make you a big movie star hero.

You know what they say.
The hero always gets the girl.

Eek! Help!

Might anyone save... me?

This is supposed
to be a love story.

What am I doing up a tree
when she's down there?

You have to prove your love for her by
swinging down across the raging river

and jagged rocks to
rescue her from peril.

Then do I get to kiss her?

Yes, on page 2.

Gimme the vine.

Help!

Ooh! Whoa! Aah!

This isn't in the script.

Just go with it,
Timon. Improvise.

Improvise? Aah!

And... cut!

Pumbaa, I want to be
a star, not see stars.

The point of this whole
movie is for me to get the girl.

It's not like I'm
asking for the moon.

That's it!

What could be more heroic and
romantic than a voyage to the moon?

Prepare yourself, Timon,

for my first
science-fiction spectacular!

Do I get to kiss her now?

Soon.

And... action!

Mm-hmm.

Eek!

Back, ye spurn of nether
places, aha, take that, you beast!

Oh!

I'm supposed to be
impressed by this?

She's not impressed,
Pumbaa. Do something.

Cut! This isn't
working for me, either.

If I'm going to make
you a star, Timon,

this needs to be a larger-than-life
pulse-pounding epic.

Do whatever it takes,
Pumbaa. I'll just be over here.

Maybe you and me, that is to
say, we should rehearse that...

Kissing scene.

Please, don't talk to
me while I'm in character.

Ok, places, people! I've
called in a stunt double, Timon.

Aah!

Pumbaa, I thought the
stunt double was for me.

Timon, everybody knows a
real star does his own stunts.

But what...

What's your motivation?
You want to live!

And you're hungry.

And... action!

Aah! Aah!

Help! Help!

I'll be in my trailer.

Pumbaa, you're k*lling me.

Not until page 12.

Come on, Timon! Work with me.

I'm trying to make you look
like a hero so you can get the girl.

So how about we try something a little
more old-fashioned and down to earth?

Yeah!

Come to think of it,

heroes were never
bigger than in the old west!

What's the matter now?

A real movie has explosions.

Explosions?

We have to give the
audience what she wants.

Ow!

Makeup!

Ooh!

Am I a movie star
yet? Did I kiss the girl?

No, you get to kiss
her in the sequel.

Pumbaa, maybe I wasn't clear
when I said I just want the girl!

And for her to kiss me,
I gotta be a movie star.

A big one!

Well, you're right, Timon.

We need to find a role
that makes you more likable.

I'm sure you'll think
of something, buddy.

Buddy?

Oh, yes!

You'll be really likable
in a buddy movie...

Only with a little twist.

We'll make a buddy cop movie!

Yo, check it, honey.

When you finish that filing,

it's going to be you and me on another
long and lonely 24-hour stakeout.

Groovy, baby.

Detective Timon, you've just
been assigned a new partner.

Oh, come on, chief. I
already have a partner.

This partner is
special. He's a robot.

Meet officer b*mb.

Officer b*mb?

Ooh!

How about a w*r movie?

Forget it! You don't
know what you're doin'!

I was crazy to
make you director.

Well, I'm sorry, Timon.

Never mind that. I'm
invoking my star power.

I want a cruise ship,
a sunset, and that kiss!

And no snakes!

Oh, Timon, even though we are from
completely different social classes,

I think you are so
strong and handsome.

You are no meerkat.

You are a virile manly beast

I want to worship
until the end of time.

Who wrote this trash?

I did.

Hee hee.

Ok! Now the big kiss!

Ahoy!

b*mb straight ahead!

Pumbaa, this better work.

I better be a movie
star when this is done.

Don't worry, Timon. I
edited out all the bad stuff.

Pumbaa, this wasn't
supposed to be a comedy!

I look like a fool. I'll never
get to kiss that girl now.

But everybody loved it!

And you are forgetting
the most important thing.

What's that?

Even if it's a comedy, the hero
always gets the girl in the end.

Oh, Timon, I didn't
know you did comedy!

I just love comedians!

Pumbaa, you are a genius!