03x26 - w*r Hogs/The Big No Sleep

[bunniefuu]

♪ Hakuna matata ♪

♪ what a wonderful phrase ♪

♪ hakuna matata ♪

♪ ain't no passing craze ♪

♪ it means no worries ♪

♪ for the rest of your days ♪

♪ it's our problem-free ♪

♪ philosophy ♪

♪ hakuna matata ♪

♪ yeah! ♪

♪ Hakuna matata! ♪

♪ Timon and Pumbaa! ♪

♪ Hakuna matata! ♪

♪ It means no worries ♪

♪ for the rest of your days ♪

♪ it's our problem-free ♪

♪ philosophy ♪

♪ hakuna matata ♪

♪ Timon and Pumbaa ♪

Ahh!

You know, Pumbaa, there's
gotta be something easier than this.

Like what?

Like something where
we'd be set for life

and never have to worry
about anything again.

I'm not worried about
anything now, Timon.

We're looking for a
few good wart hogs.

What was that supposed to mean?

It's an army recruitment poster, Timon,
as in they want us to join the army.

The army! Of course!
Why didn't I think of that?

In the army, you get
free room and board,

big shiny medals, and
all the mess you can eat.

Mess?

That sounds good!

There's only one problem, Timon.

They're looking for a few good
wart hogs, and you are not a wart hog.

Says who?

Oink, oink, brother Pumbaa.

Maybe this isn't such
a good idea, Timon.

Suppose there's a
w*r or something.

Don't be ridiculous.

w*r! w*r has been
declared! It's w*r!

Uh-oh.

Welcome aboard, soldier.

Uh, there seems to have
been a terrible mistake.

We thought we were
signing up for tango lessons.

I'm a lover, not a fighter.

Yes! I, for one, am a
conscientious objector,

meaning I object to
sh**ting at anything.

And I am a not-so-conscientious

objector, meaning I
object to be shot at.

I'm not even a wart hog, see?

We're not even members
of the same species.

Don't worry, soldier. I'll
make a wart hog out of you yet.

Now let's ship out!

Joining the army was
a great idea, Timon.

This place is crawling with
bugs just waiting to be eaten.

I know how they feel.

Soldiers, your first
mission is to take the hill.

- The hill?
- The hill?

How are we gonna
take the hill, Timon?

The hill looks untakeable.

I have a strategic plan.

We're going to flank the hill
and take the enemy from behind

by circumnavigating the globe.

You mean we're going to desert?

Precisely.

Quick! Follow those bugs!

So there we were,

all by ourselves, trapped in
the middle of no meerkat's land.

Cannon to the left of us,
Cannon to the right of us,

bombs bursting everywhere!

Weren't you scared?

P'ah!

Actually, we deserted.

Oww!

Ten-shun!

The hill... is that way!

Let's just do this and
get it over with, Timon.

Ok. On the count
of three. One, two...

Two and a half, two and three
quarters, two and seven eight.



- Charge!
- Charge!

Ok. You can't say we didn't try.

But we didn't, Timon.

- What is this?
- What do you think?

It's ketchup.

Oh, boy! I love ketchup!

Got any mustard?

You're not supposed to eat
it. You're supposed to wear it!

Now lie down like
you're wounded.

But I'm not wounded, Timon.

Now you are.

Medic! Medic!

Could you fluff my pillows
a little more, please?

Oh, you poor, brave young lad.

It's not the pain of my
wounds that hurts so much.

It's the thought of having
failed in my mission.

Up and at 'em, soldiers! We
need every wart hog we can get!

D'ohh!

Wow! We're really
making good time, Timon.

How far have we gone?

About 6 inches in
the past 10 days.

How far do we still have to go?

About 5 miles.

We can't go on
like this, Pumbaa.

Enough is enough, Timon.

Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

I told you joining the army
was a great idea, Pumbaa.

We've got to get out of here!

So they got you,
too, huh, sarge?

Pull up a chair. Grab a
bug. Misery loves company.

I wasn't captured.
I'm here to rescue you.

Guards! Guards!

Any other ideas, Timon?

Ok. I think I got
this figured out.

We could either go
back and run into that

sergeant guy again,
or we can go forward,

take the hill, end the
w*r, and go home.

Sounds good to me.

After you, Pumbaa. Please.

Uh, you first, Timon. I insist.

Okay.

We go together!

Charge!

Meerkats?

We've been fighting meerkats?

I have met the
enemy, and he's me!

Mount!

Quick! Back down the hill!

Quick! Back up the hill!

Look! It's a warthog
and a meerkat together!

How about that?

Well, if they can be
friends, then why can't we?

What are we fighting for anyway?

I say we forget this
whole silly w*r thing,

shake hands, go home,
and live together in peace.

Great idea.

Hear hear!

What do you wanna do?

How about we look for bugs?

Good idea.

If only the real world could be
like the Timon & Pumbaa show.

Oh, boy! It's finally
here. Tonight is the night.

Pumbaa...

I'm home.

Oy. And what a day.

Timon, guess
what. Guess... what.

I don't have to guess. I know
what. I been up since dawn,

bustin' my hump to
bring home the bacon.

- Bacon? Gulp.
- Er, it's a figure of speech.

Dig in, pal. I'm goin' to bed.

Thanks, Timon, but...

That's right. I'm packin' it in.

Hittin' the hay.

Submittin' to the sweet
silent song of the sandman.

- The who?
- You know, Pumbaa. The sandman.

Mythical king of sleep who lulls people
into dreamland with his sleepy sand.

Oh, right, but, Timon...

Pumbaa, I'm trying to sleep
here. Can't this wait until morning?

I'm sorry, Timon, but I need
you to make me a promise.

A promise? Sure, sure. Anything.
Whatever it is, I promise it.

You mean you promise

we'll watch the legendary
porkaswanee migration together?

Yeah, yeah, sure. I promise.

You and me will do the legendary
porky swap 'n' doodle thingy.

Porkaswanee.

Whatever. Now can
I get some sleep?

- But, Timon...
- what, Pumbaa?

What? What? What?

Well, Timon, the porkaswanee
migration is tonight.

Ahh... yoy! Oof.

Oh, no, no, no, no.
Tonight Timon sleeps!

But, Timon... you promised.

Technically, yes.

But that was before I knew this
porka poopoo pop and potty...

Pumbaa, just what exactly is a
pork 'n' beany What'chamahoosal?

Gee, Timon, I thought
you'd never ask.

Behold, the legendary
porkaswanee.

An artist's
conception, of course.

With the wings of a swan
and the body of a warthog.

Uh, like me.

This beautiful creature appears
only once every 100 years

when its nocturnal migration
takes it over this very jungle.

And we're going to be lucky
enough to see it together.

Can you believe it, Timon?

Uh... Timon?

Ohh.

Timon, you promised.

Doh. All right.

We'll stay up and watch
for your pork noodles.

Porkaswanee.

Whatever.

So, when are these, uh,
things supposed to fly by?

That's part of the mystery,
Timon. It could take all night.

Timon?

Timon!

Timon! Are you
trying to fall asleep?

Huh? No. Oh, no. Don't be silly. I'm
just checking my eyelids for cracks.

Say, Timon, I'm gonna go
to the little warthog's room.

You keep an eye on things.

So, Timon, did I miss anything
while I was gone? Timon?

Timon, how could you?

Huh? It's not me,
Pumbaa. It's the sandman.

He's making me so tired,
I... I just wanna sleep.

But, Timon...

I know. I promised.

Ahh... ever since I
was a little warthog,

I've heard the stories about the
legendary flight of the porkaswanee.

It's a once-in-a-lifetime
opportunity, Timon.

And now I get to
share it with you...

My bestest best buddy
in the whole world.

I know that you'd
rather be asleep.

So I just wanna thank you
for being such a good friend.

Because even though you'd
rather be in a nice, warm, cozy bed...

You're not.

No. My great old pal Timon, as
always, is right here by my side.

Timon, do you really
think we'll be able to do it?

Do you really think we'll stay awake
all night and see the porkaswanee?

Pumbaa old pal, I promised you we'd
stay up all night long, and we will,

because one way or
another, sleep or no sleep,

I am going to make sure that you
see your beloved flying porkatweenies.

- Porkaswanee.
- Whatever.

I don't know, Timon.
Staying up all night

is harder than I
thought it would be.

Yaah!

A little night music oughta
keep us up, eh, Pumbaa?

But, Timon, what about
the rest of the jungle?

You're right, Pumbaa. We're the only
ones kooky enough to want to be awake.

Well, we've got to do something
until your portsadillies get here.

- Porkaswanee.
- Whatever!

Wait, I got it.

Comic books?

Sure. Who can
sleep after reading

terrifying tales from
the haunted jungle?

"But the hideous thing what lurks
in the jungle" was never found.

"Some say it's still out there in
the darkness, lurking, lurking."

Well, that oughta
keep us awake, huh?

You shouldn't have
scared me like that, Timon.

I thought you were the hideous
thing what lurks in the jungle.

Hi. Uh, listen. Did someone call the
hideous thing what lurks in the jungle?

Sheesh. Ask a simple question.

We must really be tired.
We're starting to see things.

Hideous things.

It's so late, Pumbaa.
It's 2,000 o'clock.

Oh, porkaswanee, where are you?

Must... sleep.

Nap good.

Sleep.

Sleep.

Sleep.

Sleep.

Sleep.

But... the... porkaswanee.

Sleep. Hey, what am I sayin'?

Enough already!

I made a promise to Pumbaa,
and a buddy always keeps his word.

There will be no sleep
until we see the paparazzi.

- Porkaswanee.
- Whatever!

Ha ha. Oh, trust
me, you will sleep.

For no one defies me...

the sandman!

Besides, I don't get overtime.

So you can forget about seeing
your silly little porpaskinny...

Porkaswanee.

Whatever. Since you are being naughty
and will not go to sleep willingly,

I am forced to use
my magic sleep sand!

It's guaranteed to cure
insomnia, you know.

Yo, sleepyhead... we got sand,
too, and what we lack in magic,

we make up in volume.

They're magnificent, Pumbaa.

So are you, Timon.

Thanks for keeping your promise.
I never would've made it by myself.

Don't thank me yet.

When this guy gets free, he'll
probably give us nightmares for months.

Maybe he'll forgive us.

Shaaa... when pigs fly.