03x05 - So Sumo Me/Now Museum, Now You Don't

[bunniefuu]

♪ Hakuna matata ♪

♪ what a wonderful phrase ♪

♪ hakuna matata ♪

♪ ain't no passing craze ♪

♪ it means no worries ♪

♪ for the rest of your days ♪

♪ it's our problem-free ♪

♪ philosophy ♪

♪ hakuna matata ♪

♪ yeah! ♪

♪ Hakuna matata! ♪

♪ Timon and Pumbaa! ♪

♪ Hakuna matata! ♪

♪ It means no worries ♪

♪ for the rest of your days ♪

♪ it's our problem-free ♪

♪ philosophy ♪

♪ hakuna matata ♪

♪ Timon and Pumbaa ♪

Oh, boy, Timon.

Etiquettica, the land
of all things tasteful.

And good-tasting things, I hope.

Stupid budget airlines.

Pumbaa, this is the lastest
last time we fly 17th class.

I'm tired of bein'
treated like a mook.

Uhh!

Excuse me.

You must be the
important visiting dignitaries.

Us? Dignitaries?

Ha! Hear that, Pumbaa?

This guy thinks
we're dignitaries!

That's a riot, Timon.

Uh... what's a dignitary?

Visiting dignitaries are
representatives of other countries

that we chauffeur
around in fine limousines,

touring the sights
of our great land

before journeying to the palace

to meet with our lovely
Empress of etiquettica

and there attend
the royal banquet.

Mmm!

So, are you the visiting
dignitaries... Or are you not?

No. That's not us.

- We're just...
- yes! We are your visiting dignitaries.

But, Timon,
we're not... pfffftt!

Yes, we are the visiting dignitaries
that get to eat food for free.

Lots of good food. Fooooood.

Food? Mmm!

I'm so hungry, Timon.

Don't worry, Pumbaa.

As long as we keep that
mook thinkin' we're dignitaries,

we're gonna get
treated like kings.

I thought kings got
treated like kings.

Wouldn't dignitaries get
treated like dignitaries?

Ooh!

Incoming!

What are you doing?

Lunch. Dignitaries
do lunch. See?

Uh! You got bugs in your teeth.

Heh. A custom in our land.

My lunch!

Welcome to the imperial
museum of etiquettica.

Your souvenir postcard.

A perfect reproduction.

This is a priceless
rendition of our first Emperor

Jean-Claude fluggin
with the big noggin.

Man, what a fathead!

Hey, Timon, I bet all his
hats were afraid of him!

He was our Emperor.

Still had a big, fat head!

Ah... ah...

Go find a tissue or something.

And remember your manners.

Ah... ah... ah...

And here is the
priceless, original copy

of etiquettica's constitution.

It's... gone!

Ah... chooo!

Ugh.

- Oh...
- Oops.

Was this important?

Don't worry. I'll clean it off.

Ooh. So much for Mr. Big head.

This way. Uh, no.
Wait. That way.

Oh, now we're lost.
Some dignitaries we are.

Look, Timon, a map.

I can see it's a map.

If we go down this corridor

and then hang a right
and go down this hall,

we'll get to where
we need to go.

Uh, provided, of course, this
green stripe is where we need to go.

Oh my goodness!
The flag of etiquettica!

Oh. You see, in our country,
it's considered a compliment

when someone throws your flag

on the, uh, floor and
then stomps all over it.

Humph!

Uh, Timon, you might
want to stand back.

I'm feeling a... Great
big belch coming on.

Dear Pumbaa, we are about to
meet the Empress of etiquettica.

For cryin' out loud, hold it in.

The Empress will see you now.

Huh?

Your highness... ness... ness.

Well?

You can't greet the Empress
unless you say something.

But you must or it will be
an awful breach of etiquette.

Uh... in our country, it's a
custom to greet this way.

Rude not to, in fact.

Then why didn't you do it?

Such strange customs.

Thanks. You're too kind, really.

I'm sure you know what an honor it is
to sup with the Empress of etiquettica.

Hear that? An honor.

Just do what she does,
and we won't blow it.

Ohh!

Hey! There's a big, hairy,

six-legged, winged
bug thing in my soup!

Oh!

How did you know
what my favorite soup is?

Oh!

Uhh! Ohh!

Well, I never! Ooh!

Here, dinner,
dinner, dinner, dinner!

Grrr!

Whoa!

Don't move!

Uhmp!

Ohh...

Huh?

- Uh...
- Let me guess.

It is a custom in your country?

Uh...

As for you...
you... I have never

seen such a rude,
filthy, uncultured peasant

in all of my life!

Who are you calling a pheasant?

I'm a warthog!

Now wait just a
truffle-pickin' minute!

Alright, fine! You caught us.

We're not fancy-schmancy
visitin' dignitaries.

Impostors! I should have known.

Yeah, yeah, so we might
not be all cultured, either.

And, yes, maybe we
even eat bugs and like it!

But we are who we are.

And we're proud of it! So
you'll just have to accept us.

Blaaaahhhh!

Well, Pumbaa, I'm sorry.

I acted like a class a mook
and ruined our vacation.

It hasn't been so bad, Timon.

I think I learned
a valuable lesson,

that no matter who
you pretend to be,

you're really my
bestest best friend.

Lunch!

Finally! Lunch!

When in Rome...

Aah!

Ohhh!

Ooh!

Good morning, Pumbaa.

Timon, there's
something out there!

Might be news to you, Pumbaa,
old buddy, but we live in a jungle.

There's always
something out there.

I'm talking about a
human something!

And it's watching me!

Pfft! Ah don't be ridiculous,
Pumbaa, who would be watching you?

This is Jean Farrell,

noted animal behavioral
scientist speaking.

I'm thrilled to be
observing a rare specimen

of the enchanting animal
known as the serengeti warthog.

This africanus
pharucaglocus has a thick hide,

thinly sprinkled with
course brown hairs.

It also has a thin
mane of long bristly hair

over its back and head

with great, curved upper tusks
protruding from its huge, flattened head

with many large
warts on its face.

Oh, this creature is often spoken
of as the ugliest mammal on earth.

Now, wait just a minute, lady.

That's my pal
you're talkin' about.

You call this
handsome fellow... ugly?

Gee, okay, he's not Brad
pig, but he ain't exactly ugly.

Okay, so he's exactly
ugly. Next question.

Timon, she's watching me again!

Make her stop...
stop... watching me!

I find the shy temperament
of this particular warthog,

whom I shall call Melvin,
to be quite charming.

Nothin' to be afraid of, Pumbaa.

She finds you charming.

Wait till she gets close
enough to get a whiff of you

and the romance will be over.

My ability to get close to
Melvin is impeded, however,

by the presence of an
annoying common meerkat.

Annoying?!

Common?

Now, just a parasite-pickin'
minute, lady! Just...

Yii!

Fortunately, the tiny
beast poses no real threat

and is easily expunged.

Yaaahhh!

It hurts to be expunged.

I feel the only way I can
truly understand this creature

is to be accepted
as part of his herd.

Wow! Timon, she's back!

Timon! She's after my bugs!
I don't think I like this, Timon!

Timon?

Relax, Pumbaa. I'll protect you!

Ooh!

Mmm, mmm.

I believe I've finally begun
to be accepted by Melvin.

Food has proved to
be a great bonding tool.

Pumbaa, what are you doing?
I thought this lady scared you.

Not anymore, Timon.

She's real nice and she has
an endless supply of bugs.

Come get some.

The meerkat, whom I
call Billy Bob, still persists.

I'm compelled to learn more about
him. I must find a way to get close.

Hey! Those are my bugs!

Such a fascinating
creature, this meerkat is.

I could watch little
Billy Bob all day long.

Timon, lady. The name is Timon.

Hey! Timon!

Do you think I could
have some of your bugs?

I'm awfully hungry.

Miss Turkey neck over there
won't like it, but I'll take the risk.

Gee, can you spare it?

No... but I'm a nice guy, so
I'm gonna give it to you anyway.

Well, I love the
uniqueness of this specimen.

One nagging question remains.

Why is such a social beast
living away from his colony?

Because I choose to!

Gee, I thought it was
because you had fleas.

Remember you told
me that little secret?

In truth, I have become so
obsessed with this question

that I fear I have
been neglecting Melvin,

the original
subject of my study.

Ooh! Ooh!

I must stay focused
on my Melvin.

Urrrhhh...

Oh, brother.

Hey!

Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm!

Pumbaa, why don't you share
some of your more aromatic qualities

with our lovely
hostess here, hmm?

Mmm, mmm.

And yet, sweet Billy Bob has
also captivated my interest.

Ha! Truth hurts,
doesn't it, pig boy?

The truth is, I have begun
to doubt my own ability

to prioritize my work.

I have, therefore, decided that
until I can make a clear choice

about which animal to study,
the meerkat or the warthog...

I shall study no more.

Now look what
you've done, Pumbaa.

Sorry, Timon. Really sorry.

Now we're gonna have to help her
make a decision about who to study...

The meerkat...

Or the warthog!

Leaving will not be easy.

I've grown quite fond
of my two dear subjects.

Did you know that meerkats
have great peripheral vision

and remarkable depth perception?

Warthogs have
absolutely no sweat glands.

This smell is an
acquired characteristic.

Meerkats have great mental
capabilities and learn very fast

and, like most felines,
we are clean to the point

of making this hog here
look like a... well, a pig.

Warthogs have a tasseled tail
which they keep erect when they run.

Aah!

Meerkats dig at an amazing rate.

Warthogs like to wallow
in the mud, so there!

Meerkats are extremely playful,
with an incredible sense of humor.

Warthogs too!

I shall miss them both.

Did you know that meerkats
can walk on their hands

for hours at a time?

Warthogs... uh...

Speak every language in the
civilized world except Greek.

Oh, really?

Parlez-vous français?

That's Greek to me!

Good shootin', Pumbaa.

Thanks. You too, Timon.

Ahh?

You know musical theater
is a meerkat's real medium.

We warthogs prefer to express
ourselves through the rumba.

Leaving has turned out to be
more difficult than I ever imagined.

♪ Swing your partner, do-si-do ♪

♪ give her a spin
and around we go! ♪

Ha ha! No one calls a
square dance like a meerkat.

But I shall persevere.

You've never really
heard the accordion

until you've heard it
played by a warthog.

I have decided to stay here

in the jungle and
continue my work after all.

I only hope I can coax
my two favorite subjects

to return and spend
some quality time with me.

Aah! Aah!

Aah!

Huh?

♪ Yodel-ay-ee-hoo ♪

♪ yodel-ay-ee-hoo ♪

♪ yodel-ay-ee-hoo ♪

I give up. I admit it.

I can't decide which is
better... Meerkat or warthog.

I love you both.

You're both
absolutely fantastic!

In fact, I want to be you!

Look! I'm a meerkat.

No! I-I'm a warthog.

No. Here, look... I'm a meerhog!

I'm a wartkat!

Who's the real animal now?

Uhmm! Uhmm!

I'm nutty as a coconut!

What luck, man!

We've found a genuine
wild woman of the jungle!

We'll be the first scientists in
the world to actually capture one!

Bravo for us.

You know, Timon, I'm
gonna miss that lady.

Yeah. She brought
out the best in us.