01x19 - Mojave Desserted/Rafiki Fables: Beauty and the Wildebeest

[bunniefuu]

♪ Hakuna matata ♪

♪ what a wonderful phrase ♪

♪ hakuna matata ♪

♪ ain't no passing craze ♪

♪ it means no worries ♪

♪ for the rest of your days ♪

♪ it's our problem-free ♪

♪ philosophy ♪

♪ hakuna matata ♪

♪ yeah! ♪

♪ Hakuna matata! ♪

♪ Timon and Pumbaa! ♪

♪ Hakuna matata! ♪

♪ It means no worries ♪

♪ for the rest of your days ♪

♪ it's our problem-free ♪

♪ philosophy ♪

♪ hakuna matata ♪

♪ Timon and Pumbaa ♪

Ah, Pumbaa, old pal,

there's nothing like enjoying
the delectable fruits of one's labor

as one sits under a
shady jungleberry tree,

on a patch of peat moss
in balmy 70-degree weather

on a Wednesday afternoon.

I hear ya, Timon.

You did read the
warning sign, didn't you?

What warning? The
sign says, "eat the bugs."

And, brother,
don't mind if I do.

But, Timon, the sign
says... "Do not eat the bugs."

Oh, no!

They must be
poisonous. I'm gonna die.

Oh, no, you're not, Timon.

Phew!

It says here the only poisonous
bug indigenous to this region

is the red-footed roach beetle.

Aah! Heimlich, Heimlich!

I need the Heimlich!

Oh, no, you don't, Timon.

It's only poisonous if eaten
under a shady jungleberry tree

on peat moss, in balmy 70-degree
weather on a Wednesday afternoon.

Aah!

Oh, wait a minute.
Never mind! Don't worry.

I should've read
the whole thing.

Uh! Eeh! Ah.

"It's only poisonous if you
immediately start experiencing

the following symptoms."

"Spiraling eyes...
Smoking nostrils...

Growth of multiple appendages,

including an extra head,

followed by immediate retraction of
multiple appendages and the extra head,

and finally, a sudden
but temporary shrinkage."

Oh.

Good heavens!

Where am I?

Welcome to meerkat heaven!

Last name?

Uh... Berkowitz.

Well, then...

Let's see what the all-knowing
book of glorious achievements

and sinful accountability has to
say about your life, Mr. Berkowitz.

Why, here you are as a baby.

It's mine, as in not yours! So
get your own grub, you mook!

What?

Look how cute I am,
and so full of beans.

What, you, like, want my
help and nothin's in it for me?

Try the classifieds, pal,
and check under mook.

Out of my face, you mook.

Yeah, that's what I said...

Mook. Mook, mook,
mook, mook, mook!

Oh, no, no, no. No,
I'm sorry, Mr. Berkowitz.

It appears you lack the
redeemable qualities required

for admittance into
meerkat heaven.

- Goodbye.
- Aah!

Wait! Wait! Give
me another chance!

I promise I'll never
call anyone a mook

never, ever, ever
times infinity, ever again.

Well-I-I-I...

I suppose I can give
you another chance.

You must return to earth and...

Perform one unselfish
act of kindness.

Only then will you be
admitted into meerkat heaven!

Let me get this straight.

You're going to make me alive
again, and after I do one good deed,

I'll die and end
up here forever?

That's right. Very good.
And you mustn't tell anyone.

I won't tell a soul.

Ha! A little heavenly
humor there.

Hey, whoo! Taxi!

I'm alive, I'm alive!

And as long as I
don't do anything nice,

I'll never die.

My buddy's back!

It's a miracle!

Why, it's a second
chance at life, Timon!

Right, whatever. Let's eat.

No! I mean, you had a near-death
experience, a brush with the other side.

Do you know what this means?

Sure.

It means you've emerged
with a fresh outlook on life,

ready to repent your
old ways and start anew!

- Well...
- I can see it in your face, Timon.

You're inspired with a new
appreciation for other living beings,

and a longing to
make a difference

in this otherwise
uncaring world.

- Uh...
- You're going to help others

and do lots and
lots of good deeds.

Oh, crud.

Don't worry, Timon. I'm
your bestest best friend.

I'll help you help others
and do good deeds.

You know, Pumbaa, this second chance
at life thing, it's way overrated.

Gee, Timon, don't you
want to do good deeds?

If we were to happen
upon a very rare opportunity

to help someone in need, of
course, I'd only be too happy to oblige.

- Help!
- Whoa!

Young man, would you be a dear

and guide me across this
oh-so-treacherous river?

Why, Timon, looks
like you've found

a very rare opportunity
to help right now.

And I'd be more than happy to
help, but I'm not the best swimmer.

You're a fine swimmer.

I just ate.

That was hours ago.

Did I mention I'm
allergic to water?

You mean you're
not going to help?

Fine!

I'll cross the
lousy river myself.

Oh!

My good man, as you can
see, I'm in a bit of a spot here.

Would you mind untying
me from this dreadful trap?

You know, I'd love to.

It's just that, unfortunately,
I belong to the, uh...

Uh, the do not untie knots club.

You do?

Do you?

If I untie those knots, I'd be
banished from the club forever.

You would?

Would you?

They'd definitely
take away my Fez.

Wow!

Wow, indeed.

I'd help, but sorry... hooves.

All right, fine. I'll
untie them myself.

The first time
I've had to do this.

Wow, Timon, hey, look!

Help me, help me!

I have fallen from my
nest, and I cannot fly.

Would you put me back in
my warm, comfy wittle nest?

Pwease?

Oh, I'd love to, kid,
but I got this, uh...

Bad back.

Oh, yeah!

I mean, if I try to
reach over my head,

my spine goes into uncontrollable
spasmodic confibulations.

Sorry.

I'd like to help you,
but I can't climb trees.

Sorry, hooves.

Fine! I'll get back up myself!

"I got a bad back. Oh, my
spine." Yeah, my spine, too.

- Thank you! Pumbaa!
- Thanks for your help.

I can't believe you just stood by
while that orphanage burned down.

Oh, that was an orphanage?

Hmm! You know, I'm beginning to think
you don't want to help others at all.

Pumbaa, Pumbaa, Pumbaa.

I can't just go around helping
every mook who trips over a stick,

bonks their head,
falls over a cliff,

and hangs onto the ledge
begging for help, now can I?

Help, I beg you!

Pumbaa!

If I help Pumbaa,
it'd be a good deed,

and I'll die and end
up in meercat heaven

with that mook of an angel.

But if I don't help
Pumbaa, well...

I'm gonna fall and die!

Oh! It's either him or me.

Oh, Timon! I don't mean to rush
you, but what's taking so long?

Hang on, pal! It's
Timon to the rescue!

Yah!

Sheesh! Thank you, Timon.

Yeah!

You're welcome.

That was sure nice of
you to save me like that.

Why, I definitely
call that a good deed.

Timon!

Wait! My life's
mission isn't complete!

Send me back! Send me back!
I've got more good deeds to do!

I need to help
others. I... I... I...

I think I'm going
to like it here.

Hummina, hummina, hummina, wow!

Hey, Timon!

- Pumbaa?
- Timon, wake up!

What happened?

I thought I had died
and gone to heaven,

and there were
bugs and girls... and...

You're not dead, Timon.

And do you know why?
Because today's Tuesday,

not Wednesday!

What? No! What?

That bug you ate is
only poisonous if you

eat it under a shady
jungleberry tree,

on a patch of peat moss,

in balmy 70-degree weather,
on a Wednesday afternoon!

Wasn't it a leap year? That would
make today Wednesday, right?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

It's definitely Tuesday!

What if the bug is still in
my stomach on Wednesday?

It doesn't count.

But...

Looks like you won't be making
that trip to meerkat heaven

for a long, long, long,

long, long, long...

Okay, all right already.

Long time.

Ooh! Yee!

Aye!

Ooh! Ugh! Uck!

Osh! Yuck! Yah!

What are you doing, Timon?

Is this some new kind of dance?

I hope not. 'Cause you'll make
me do it. And I don't want to. Timon!

Ooh eeh oh ugh!

It's my back, Pumbaa! It
itches, and I can't reach it!

Why aren't my arms longer?

Little more to the left. Oh,
higher, higher! Not too high.

Little more to the right.
Right in there. Oh, forget it!

This isn't working.

Hey! Give me that
stick over there.

This stick?

But, Timon, oh, this
is the forbidden stick.

What? Where do
you get that rubbish?

It says right on it. Look...

"The forbidden stick.

Do not touch under
penalty of law!"

Right there.

We should obey the law,
even if we don't understand it.

If we didn't, it would
lead to anarchy.

You know what, Pumbaa?

My back doesn't itch
anymore, anyway.

Really?

Yup. It's 100% de-itchified.

No more itch. Itch
all gone. Back okay.

That's good. You know what?

I think arguing about the
stick took your mind off the itch

and it went away by itself.

Yeah, you're probably
right, Pumbaa.

Ahh!

Ahh, yes, yes, yes,
yes, yes, yes, yes!

♪ Hey, I'm dancin'
around a tree stump ♪

♪ a beautiful,
beautiful tree stump ♪

♪ hey, I'm dancin'
around a tree stump ♪

♪ ya da duh da da da duh da ♪

Pumbaa, you gotta hide
me! They're after me!

They're gonna get me!
I don't wanna be got.

Hello.

- Seen this meerkat?
- We know you have.

- He came this way.
- Just a few moments ago.

- You had to have seen him.
- Don't give us any guff.

- He's in big trouble.
- You will be, too.

- That is, if you don't hand him over.
- You look like a smart hog.

Hope you're smart enough.

I've never seen Timon
before in my entire life.

I'd never rat on my
bestest best friend.

Ow!

I mean, Timon's
only a so-so friend.

Ow!

I wish he'd stop kicking me. Ow!

I don't know what
you're talking about!

- So, his name's Timon.
- I don't suppose he's hiding somewhere.

- Tree stump?
- What about the hog?

- What about him?
- You think he'll move?

- Hey, hog, you gonna move?
- Yeah, you gonna move?

No!

All right, Pumbaa!

- Okay, get the dynamite.
- We'll blast him out of there.

Dynamite?

Aah!

- You're under arrest.
- You have the right to beg for mercy.

You have the right
to spill your guts.

Everything you say will be turned
against you in the court of law.

I love that part.

It wasn't me, but a wild man
in a ski mask, wearing a glove.

I've been framed!

Ha!

How inconvenient.

You're in for it now, t-bone.

Aka, Mr. Forbidden
stick toucher.

- Trouble's what you're in for.
- And that's too bad for you.

Wait! Where are you taking me?

You must be new around here.

- We're off to see the rhino.
- The wonderful rhino of laws.

- He's gonna love them.
- He's a got a funny way with laws.

Funny? What do you mean funny? Funny,
ha ha, or funny strange? What funny?

- He likes to make up new laws.
- On the spur of the moment.

Whenever he feels like it.

- He's funny that way.
- It's amusing.

- I laugh.
- Ha ha.

I'll begin by saying, I
don't like your manner.

I don't like your voice.

I don't like your haircut.

And your tail is too long!

With all due
respect, your honor,

chill out.

It is hereby ill*gal
to tell me to chill out.

Counsel for the jungle.

Exhibit "a", the
forbidden stick.

Yeah, we caught
him with it red-handed.

He used it to scratch
his hairy back.

That's disgusting!

Someone get a book
of law to throw at him.

Gee, Timon, I never realized

what an unhealthy
disrespect for the law you have.

What is the big deal?

It's just a stupid stick, a
normal old piece of wood.

Who cares?

Grabbin' the stick.

Throwing the stick in the air.

- Making fun of it.
- Not showing proper respect for it.

- Yeah, no respect!
- Yeah!

This is absurd! I demand
a mistrial, your honor!

This is a mockery of a
farce of a shame of justice!

Uh-oh.

I think I want a lawyer.

If it pleases the court,

Timon's my bestest best friend.

We go lots of places.

He's always in trouble.

He doesn't mean to be.

I always try to
help him out, but...

I object!

I want a real lawyer!

I want a, er... matlock!

Silence!

This is my court!
Only I get to object.

According to article catch


you'll be subjected
to a series of tests.

These tests will determine
your guilt or innocence.

Now, throw him in
the snake pit of virtue.

If he makes it
out, he is innocent.

Help!

Ow! Ouch! Stop
it! Hey! Ooh! Aah!

- He crawled out.
- What's that mean again?

Mmm. That means he's innocent.

We'd better do another test.

Now, you must walk the
really warm coals of truth.

Yee!

Ooh! Aah! Ow! Yee!
Ow! Ooh! Yee! Aah!

Pumbaa, how can you do that?

I've got these funny pads
on my feet. I never knew why,

but it doesn't hurt
when I stand here.

Though you have
passed two tests,

you still must catch
the rock of justice.

- So?
- Is he innocent?

Hmm. Oh, I'm not
really sure quite yet.

Let's continue the tests.

Enter the cave of pain!

Ahem!

I feel justice would
be much better served

by, oh, say, the cave
of heavenly delights.

Yeow!

Oh, for the love of Pete!

Finally, the written test!

"Who was the 37th president
of the United States?"

I don't know.

Uh, Donald schwartzenegger.

Who cares who the 37th
president of the United States was?

What does that got
to do with anything?

I can't take it anymore!

I did it! I confess! I'm guilty!

Have mercy! Have mercy!

I scratched my back
with the forbidden stick!

Gee, that's too bad.

Up till now, it looked like
he was going to be innocent.

Oh, well.

♪ Guilty, guilty, guilty ♪

You may execute the sentence.

Court adjourned. Bye-bye.

- We're outta here, baby.
- Yeah, let's roll.

That's it?

A slap on the wrist?
You call that justice?

I think you got off
pretty easy, Timon.

At least you
learned your lesson.

- Right!
- Yeah. Don't touch the forbidden stick.

Ha ha!

I'll remember that, Timon.

Good. Let's get
something to eat.

Pumbaa, hand me that rock
there before I Chip a tooth.

I can't, Timon. That's...

The forbidden rock!

Oh, please!

What's going to happen,

another slap on the wrist?

Ha hee hee!

Pumbaa! Get me
out of this thing!