Island in Between (2023)

[bunniefuu]

Growing up in Taiwan, I

heard a lot about Kinmen.

Like most Taiwanese,

I had never been to these

islands so close to China.

Until I came with my

parents a couple years ago.

I knew that Kinmen had

been the frontline for Taiwan

during the Chinese Civil w*r,

but it was still a

shock to see that China

is literally right there.

I sang this song

all the time as a kid.

We were taught that we,

Taiwanese, were Chinese in exile

and one day with

help from the US,

we would retake China,

freeing the mainland

from the evil Communists.

And Kinmen would

be the launching pad.

About 100 miles across

open water from Taiwan,

Kinmen is surrounded on

three sides by the mainland

and has frequently been

shelled by red a*tillery.

Kinmen is in effect the cork

in the Communist invasion bottle

performing much

the same role for Asia,

as does Berlin in Europe.

This was my dad in 1968.

When he drew Kinmen for

his mandatory military service,

my grandmother cried.

She was afraid that he

might not make it back alive.

As I got older,

politicians on TV

stopped trying to convince us

to take back China at all costs.

But the folks in Kinmen were

still expected to defend Taiwan,

even though they

have family and history

just on the other

side of the divide.

As for my family, like most

ethnic Chinese in Taiwan,

we've been here for generations

and have no

connections to China.

Instead, my father

dreamt of going to the US,

which is where I have

spent most of my adult life

until I moved back to

Taipei a few years ago.

After so many years away,

I'm still figuring out

my own relationship

to Taiwan and China.

Kinmen connects Taiwan to China,

but also keeps them apart.

Maybe that's why I'm

drawn to this place.

I want to make sense of it.

Growing up, this

channel of water

was the edge of our universe,

separating good from evil.

Then one day, we

were suddenly allowed

to cross to the other side.

And all it took was

a half hour ferry ride.

On my very first trip to China,

I used my Taiwanese

Compatriot Permit.

It's basically a

separate passport

issued by the

Chinese government,

the same government

that considers

my Taiwanese passport ill*gal.

But when I began

working in China,

it was actually easier to travel

with my American passport.

The China I saw was

not the sad and scary

communist wasteland that

I learned about in school.

It was an exhilarating place,

bursting with colors

and possibilities.

I wanted to be a part of it

with whichever

passport I needed to use.

I was last in China in 2018.

I had a hard time

getting a film I made

to pass through the censors

so we could show it there.

Then China's crackdown

on Hong Kong happened

and the pandemic

shut down everything,

including the

Kinmen ferry in 2020.

I'm not sure I'll go to

China again anytime soon.

When Covid broke out,

I moved back to Taipei

after several decades in the US.

There you go.

I've spent more time with my

parents in the last three years

than in the past

30 years combined.

This place is feeling

like home again.

Though I can't help but

wonder how long this will last.

I have split the last

15 years in my life

going between Taiwan,

China, and the US.

More and more, I feel

like a kid whose parents

are involved in a

three-way custody battle.

Hostile, codependent,

manipulative,

each pair with their

own dysfunctions.

They all think they

know what's best for me.

They don't care what I want.

Many in Kinmen think that China

will never attack Taiwan and

the US should stop interfering.

"We'll be reunified

peacefully", they said,

"because after all,

we're all one big family."

At dinner recently, my

mother casually reminded me

that I should have a

plan if China invades,

but they intend

to stay in Taiwan.

"We're gonna be too

old to leave", she told me.

Starting in 2024,

Taiwanese compulsory

military service

will be extended to one

year for all eligible men.

When these young

men arrive in Kinmen,

would they be surprised like

I am by the peaceful sunsets,

the same ones that my

father must have seen

when he served here

all those years ago.

And by the kindness

of the people here

who are forever

caught in between.