01x17 - The Spectre of the Pine Barrens

[bunniefuu]

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[Jonny]
'If you ask me, this home-video
is the closest we'll ever get'

'to the real Jersey Devil.'

Switch it off, Jonny.

I'll be having bad dreams about
that for the rest of my life.

It's a lot more interesting than
staring into the empty woods.

[Dr. Quest]
'Ninety percent of research
and investigation'

'is patience, Jonny.'

The New Jersey Pine Barrens are
almost as big as Yellowstone.

And we've only
been here five days.

Five days too long.

Listen to this.
Some of the inhabitants

of the Pine Barrens are
direct descendants of Redcoats

who took refuge at the end
of the revolutionary w*r.

What's that to do
with the Jersey Devil?

Nothing.

'As the legend goes, a woman
named "Leeds" had 12 children.'

And you said, "One's too many."

Apparently, she agreed.

She swore if she
had a 13th child

she hoped it would be a devil.

A dog that walks around,
will find a stick.

What's that supposed to mean?

Be careful what you wish for.

Precisely. She gave birth
to child number 13.

'A beast, who's been terrorizing
the Jersey Pines ever since.'

'Smack in the middle of the most
populated state in the Union.'

Hadji, have we heard
from our friend

at the Nixon Library, yet?

I'm accessing an e-mail from
there, as we speak, Dr. Quest.

[computer beeping]

The Jersey Devil has been
blamed for the disappearance

'of young children..'

This has been going on
for the past two centuries.

The last known abduction
was in 1967.

'The girl's most distinguishing
mark was a peace sign'

'tattooed on her left hand.'

They tattooed their kid?

Different rituals,
different cultures, Jonny.

After all, it was the 60s.

Dr. Quest, the infrared scanners
have picked up something.

'15 degrees, maybe
three miles from here.'

Fifteen degrees and three miles?

[dramatic music]

[beeping]

I'm transferring the image
to the holographic projector..

'...now.'

'The Jersey Devil!'

[intense music]

[Jonny]
'Could be anything.'

'Relax, Bandit.
Don't be such a wimp.'

We are losing the image.

[dramatic music]

[tires screeching]

[Jonny]
'Forward, pop!'

[music continues]

How're we doin', Hadji? Seems
we're about to run out of road!

We're almost right on top of it!

A-a-a-h!

[tires screeching]

[Dr. Quest]
'Hang on!'

[music intensifies]

Jonny, look!
The holographic image!

[all screaming]

[screaming continues]

A-a-a-h!

[crashing]

[Dr. Quest]
'A-are you boys alright?'

That is a question
of relativity, Dr. Quest.

Oh! Are you okay, dad?

Hadji is quite right.
Everything is relative.

Just for once, dad,
gimme a straight answer.

I'm fine, Jonny. I'm fine.

[Hadji]
I saw it, Dr. Quest.
We saw it! The Jersey Devil!

The projector threw
a perfect image.

'You were there, Jonny.
You saw it too.'

Uh, I don't know, Hadji.

[growling]

It's okay, Bandit.
We're all fine. No one's hurt.

Which is more than
we can say for our Queststream.

[Jonny]
'Perhaps we should have
ordered the combat model.'

Our systems are sadly fractured

but I trust this technology
remains intact.

Something tells me,
the cell phone

doesn't work this side of Pluto.

Suddenly, this doesn't
feel too good.

It's, like we were lured here.

[roaring]

[dramatic music]

[growling]

Bandit! Come back!

[Bandit barking]

[roaring]

Bandit! Come here, Bandit.

[barking continues]

Bandit, come here, boy! Bandit!

Jonny.

Jonny!

[music continues]

Bandit!

[dramatic music]

[g*nsh*t]
No!

Jonny!

[Jonny]
'What the..'

Jonny!

I think these people saved me.

Then I must thank you both.

Perhaps, this is one
of those occasions

when questions should be saved
for later explanations.

These must they, Rodney.

- Ya brung it then?
- Brung? Brought? What?

[male #1]
Calm yourself, mother.

These crack just seen
a spot of the devil.

Uh, pardon me...Mother.

But, you've seen
this devil, before?

Like a part
of me own family, he is.

A bearded man in a silver coach
they did say.

- Ya brung it, did you not?
- 'Brung...brought what?'

Give him a bit of time, mother.

Offer him some grubbery,
and then we'll talk business.

[dramatic music]

[male #1]
'Eaten your fill now, have ya?'

Yes. Thank you
for your hospitality.

'Ere is what ya came for.

Now 'tis your turn
to be a-givin'.

Leave him be, mother. Our labour
is to give up the purse.

The purse?

The purse we made
a collect for that.

The purse you brung.

I believe there may

be a misunderstanding,
Mr. uh, Rodney.

You see, we came
to the Pine Barrens

to investigate your devil.

To the devil
with your fancy talk!

Did ya brung it? I ask again!

Did ya brung it? Did ya?

Y-yes. But I must
examine the item first.

Who told you we were coming?

That twice cursed traitor,
Commander Washington.

[together]
Washington?

Commander George Washington?

Oh, that is quite impossible,
Mrs...eh, Mother.

Apparently not. This is the
Declaration of Independence!

Aye, it's your
filthy declaration, alright!

'Me ancestors were
smart enough to grab it.'

Many years ago, me kin
got wind of the doings

'of your Continental Congress.'

Quickly! To the scribe.

Have copies drawn up,
and do not lose it!

What is it?

It is the Declaration
of Independence!

[dramatic music]

[thunder rumbling]

[Mother]
Me kin laid in wait for your
filthy colonialist messenger.

[music continues]

[g*nsh*t]

[horse neighing]

[screaming]

[thunder rumbling]

And we hereby demand payment
of 12,000 pounds sterling

for the return of your
Declaration of Independence.

And you have the effrontery
to personally deliver

'such a demand, Mr.--'

The name is Rodney.

And if your Mr. Washington
wants his precious document back

he'll deliver the ransom at
Jersey Pines in a fortnight!

[intense music]

[thunder rumbling]

The ransom will be paid.

'And delivered by..'

...a bearded messenger
in a silver coach.

Now be gone! This stench
of extortion makes me ill.

Sir!

Save your temper and your
energy, Sergeant Williams.

You will need it
to follow Mr. Rodney

into the Jersey Pines.

To destroy him
and secure the Declaration.

- A-and the ransom?
- There will be no ransom.

Commander Washington will never
negotiate with imperialists.

And sergeant, do not come out
of those woods until you have

fulfilled your mission,
to the letter.

- Is that understood?
- Yes, sir!

'Dismissed.'

But sir, by the time
the Declaration is recovered--

We'll never see
that Declaration again.

Notify the scribe.

Have him prepare
a new Declaration.

- With signatures.
- A forgery, sir?

Commander Washington
would never allow that!

Commander Washington
will never know.

[intense music]

[Dr. Quest]
'Then this
is the genuine document.'

We have come upon
a priceless discovery.

Nay, colonialist!
The price be 12,000 pound.

Did ya brung it?
Or do ya perish on the spot?

[roaring]

[Bandit barking]

Let's rush, boys.

[dramatic music]

[barking continues]

[Jonny]
'Hadji!'

[g*nsh*t]

Ah!

[music continues]

[glass shattering]

[panting]

[roaring]

[music intensifies]

[screaming]

That's enough. I have no
intention of harming you.

Let's discuss this rationally.

I told ya we didn't
oughta trust 'em , Rodney.

[spitting]

'Colonial trash!'

We're Redcoats
and right proud of it.

Rodney, there are
no more Redcoats.

'Ow can that be? You lookin'
at two of us, as you speak!

[Dr. Quest]
I have no quarrel with you.

If it's payment you're after

I can get a lot of money
for that document.

[Mother]
And pigs might fly!

'Ow do we know we can trust ya?

[dramatic music]

[Dr. Quest]
Jonny! Hadji?

'Bandit! Bandit.'

[Bandit growling]

'Bandit, here, boy.
Bring it to me.'

'Good boy.'

It's empty. Someone has taken
the Declaration.

It's the minutes that
has your boys, doctor.

Either them, or the devil.

Uh, minutes?

Minutemen. What your Commander
Washington sent to wipe us out.

- Many years ago?
- Oh, yes.

Before us fathers
and grandfathers.

You are Redcoats
and they are Minutemen?

You've been at odds
for over 200 years?

[Mother]
They did k*ll my father.
And his father too.

But not before we did burn their
homes straight to the ground.

'Tis our destiny to fight
for king and country!

[ominous music]

[music intensifies]

You're the Jersey Devil?

No, I ain't the Jersey Devil.

'But I sure
convinced you Redcoats.'

[Hadji]
But how is it, sir,
that you're able to fly?

To fly? Stay silent!

And do not ask nonsensical
questions, lobsterback!

Sir, we are not Redcoats.

Then why do you possess this?

- That was given to us.
- Given to you?

Why, you imperialist scum!

Your thieving ancestors stole
this from the State House

in Philadelphia.

- Not us, sir.
- Hold your tongue, boy!

You speak to Josiah Williams.

Descendant of the so same
Sergeant Williams

whose orders were to destroy
the Redcoats to the last man.

Orders which condemned our
family to 200 years

rotting in these stinking woods.

[gasping]

- Sarah.
- Yes, Josiah?

Come here and guard
these two Redcoats

whilst I make sure
'twere none that followeth me.

You two return to your studies
and keep the door bolted.

You two are British soldiers?

It is as we tried
to tell Mr. Williams, Miss..?

Mrs. Sarah Williams.

Jonny, look. Her left hand.

All is clear. Get to your feet.

[intense music]

Josiah, leave them be.
They're only boys.

You should be ashamed.

We've recovered the Declaration.
We have triumphed.

'And now we can finally leave
the pines in peace.'

Not yet, Sarah.

These boys were sent as men.
They will die as men.

[Dr. Quest]
'Do you not think it's time
to end your feud, Mother?'

[Mother]
'Never!'

'We was promised


'and we be a-figtin'
until them Minutes pay us.'

Ain't in it for the money
no more. This be what we do.

They be killin' us,
we be killin' them.

It's in our blood now.

[Hadji]
'Did you see her tattoo, Jonny?'

Do you remember the news
clipping we saw earlier?

You know what this means, Hadj?

That she is Alisha Robertson.

Yeah, but more than that,
it means that the Jersey Devil

hasn't been stealing those
babies for the past 200 years.

'It's been the Williams clan.'

Uh, Mrs. Williams, please, you
must tell me, are you an orphan?

[Sarah]
Aye. Josiah's father
found me abandoned as a baby.

'But how would you
come to know such as that?'

Wait! You never
told her the truth?

- Hold your tongue, boy!
- What is he saying, Josiah?

Nothing but lies, Sarah.

[Jonny]
'Mrs. Williams,
you've gotta listen to me.'

Your real name
is Alisha Robertson.

Uh!

Enough of your falsehoods!
Stand up and march!

[intense music]

Turn around. I will sh**t
no one in the back.

Not even an imperialist.

Where is your King George
now that you need him?

Josiah, no!

[g*n clicking]

Thank you, King George.
Wherever you are.

Guard these two Redcoats.

Sarah, you gotta listen to us.

Ask Josiah where
you really came from.

How his father stole you
from your parents.

Ask him how his forefathers
have been stealing children

to keep this blood-feud alive.

[g*n loading]

The symbol on your hand,
it stands for peace.

[intense music]

Do they speak the truth?

'Josiah! Stop!'

[g*nsh*t]

[Jonny screaming]

Oh, let go!

[grunting]

Oh, this is madness!

No, woman. It is not madness!
It is destiny.

Help, Hadji!

Jonny! Grab my turban, Jonny!

Hadji, it's four feet away.

Take this back to the cabin.
Our work here is done.

I will finish this business.

[Mother]
Stand where you are,
colonialist dogs!

[Josiah]
Come for a taste of Republican
lead, you royalist cur?

Stop! Hold your fire!

You've all been fighting
a w*r that ended 200 years ago.

To continue is pure insanity.

And Josiah, what about our boys?

'Would you have them live
under such fear and hatred?'

All for what?
This piece of paper?

- Here's your feud!
- Sarah! No!

[dramatic music]

For king and country!

[g*nsh*t]

A-a-h!

- Death to all traitors!
- No!

[g*nsh*t]

[Sarah]
Enough of the k*lling!

[g*nsh*t]

A-a-h!

What have I done.

[shrieking]

Nay, Mother. Young girl
took the lead for me.

She's right. 'Tis time
to stop the k*lling.

- But...he k*lled your father!
- And we k*lled his.

[melancholic music]

We've been too long
with the hate, Josiah.

It's time to think...peace.

- Dad!
- Jonny!

So what did I miss?

Just the last battle
of the Revolution.

[Hadji]
Dr. Quest, are you sure it's
wise to leave those people

alone here?

No, Hadji, I'm not sure.

But it seems to me they're not
ready for the 20th century.

Their families have survived
here for over 200 years

despite their feud,
living in peace together.

Why should they not survive
another 200 years?

That's all very well, dad.

But we lost the original
Declaration of Independence.

[Jersey Devil roaring]

[intense music]

[Bandit barking]

It's here!
The Declaration of Independence!

Know what this means?

[Jersey Devil roaring]

[Iris]
'Welcome
to the Questworld archives.'

'Downloading archival footage.'

'Phase 1.'

'Dr. Quest developed a computer
system to partially vectorize'

'the human body, which he
termed, "Hyper-realism".

'Phase 2.'

'Wiromatic stasis.'

'Phase 3.'

'Block mannequin maturation.'

'Phase 4.'

'Cerebral chrysalis'

'Phase 5.'

'Mellifluous resonance.'

'And finally, phase 6.'

'The fully developed body
of current day Questworld.'

[instrumental music]

'Thank you for accessing
Questworld archives.'

[theme music]

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