03x08 - Drawn and Quartered

[bunniefuu]

[Thunder crashing]

♪

[Wind howling]

♪

[Roaring]

♪

[Thunder crashing]

[Shrill laughing]

[Zapping]

[Cow mooing]

[Panting]

This is getting bad.

[Clanging]

Just leave me alone.

I mean it.

MIKE: But, Ralph, it's

Saturday.

We've got nothing else to do.

And no one else to do it to.

♪

Come on, we'll go around and cut

him off on the other side.

No, let him go.

He's earned it.

[Sighing]

I hate those guys.

KAREN: Psst!

[Screaming]

Ralph, it's me.

Oh, Karen, phew.

Don't sneak up on a guy like

that.

I thought you were Mike and

Brett.

What is with those guys?

Why are they always bothering

you?

Who knows?

Maybe they don't like artists.

Or maybe they're jealous.

These are really good, Ralph.

Who's this guy?

Oh, that's a new character

I came up with.

He's a real mad man.

I call him Wahoo.

What about these?

Is this who I think it is?

Yeah, it's Mike and Brett.

Getting even with them on paper

isn't as good as getting even

for real.

But I'm working on it.

Oh, come on, Ralph.

Revenge isn't your style.

You're bigger than that.

And Mike and Brett are bigger

than me.

Revenge is the only way to deal

with g*ons like them.

I don't know how or when, but

one of these days I'm gonna even

the score once and for all.

Let's go, Van Gogh.

You're creeping me out.

My, my.

Ralph is looking for revenge,

but what he's gonna find is that

two wrongs only make a "fright."

[Shrill laughing]

♪

Man, you sure go through a

lot of pencils and paper.

What does all that cost?

Enough, but it's worth it.

I gotta keep my drawing up if I

ever wanna make it as a real

cartoonist.

You will, Ralph.

I think you're really going

places someday.

BRETT: She's right, Ralph.

But I can't decide if he's going

into the creek or the irrigation

ditch.

We were looking for you

today, Ralphy.

Where were you?

Maybe he thinks he's too good

for us, him being the gifted

artiste and all.

Get lost, you guys.

Why can't you leave him alone?

He likes to draw, that's all.

And he's great at it too.

Oh, really?

We'll be the judge of that.

Hey, give that back!

Ha, ha, look at that.

Give that back!

Oh, and that one.

I'm warning you!

[Both laughing]

It's okay, Ralph.

Let 'em look.

Maybe they'll finally see what

I'm talking about.

His drawings are terrific.

Uh, that's nice of you to

say, Karen, but not all of those

drawings are good, are they?

Oh, yeah.

You know, come to think of it,

I've seen what's in there.

And frankly, it stinks.

You don't wanna see it.

She's right.

I had an off day.

They're not that great.

Wait a second, Ralph.

You mean you've shown her your

drawings and not us?

Now we have to see them.

You wouldn't wanna hurt our

feelings, would you?

Whoa, oof!

BRETT: Ha, hey, look at

that one.

And that one.

This guy looks like a real

case.

Wow, these aren't bad,

Phillips, really.

Hey, this one looks like you.

[Brett laughing]

That is me.

You made me look like...

Like a...

Like a dork.

You really are good, Phillips.

[Laughing]

[Gulping]

Ha, ha, look at that.

Oh, and that one, ha, ha, ha.

They're all of you, ha, ha, ha.

Not all of them.

BRETT: Hey.

He made a real monkey out of

you.

Give me that.

My drawings!

Not anymore, they're not.

Now they're garbage.

Look what you did.

I worked so hard on these.

You didn't have to do that,

Brett.

You're in big trouble now.

Oh, yeah?

What's he gonna do, go tell his

mommy?

Come on, man.

Let's go.

I said, let's go.

This has gone way too far,

Ralph.

I think you better tell someone

about this.

Like who, my mommy and daddy?

Yeah, they'll know what to

do.

Forget it, I won't give those

bullies the satisfaction.

Then maybe you should talk to

Principal Anderson.

Or the guidance counsellor.

No, Karen, I'll handle this

my own way.

Just leave me alone, okay?

Humph!

Fine, I'll see you later.

Cool, an old mechanical

pencil.

Wow.

Nice pencil.

Um, excuse me, sir?

Does this belong to you?

No, Ralph, it's all yours.

Hey, how do you know my name?

That's simple.

I know everything.

[Gulping]

And it's written on your pad.

[Shrill laughing]

Huh?

Oh, yeah.

Well, I guess I'll get going.

I've got a score to settle.

You may think you do, Ralph,

but revenge is no way to solve

a problem.

I'm dead certain that Ralph's

new pencil will help him draw

the right conclusion.

[Shrill laughing]

♪

♪

Hi, buddy.

How was your day?

It was okay.

I'm not feeling too good.

Can I just go to my room?

I'll get those guys for this if

it's the last thing I do.

Look at what those jerks did to

Wahoo.

Man, if I was a cartoon I'd show

'em.

First, I'd yank their underwear

up around their ears.

[Laughing]

Then pull their hats down around

their ankles.

[Laughing]

And that's just for starters.

♪

[Ghostly laughing]

♪

I gotta say, I love this pencil.

My drawings have never felt so

alive.

But these are just cartoons.

I need a real way to get even

with those guys.

Revenge will be mine.

[Yawning]

First thing in the morning.

♪

Let the games begin.

Wahoo!

[Snoring]

[Knocking on door]

MOM: Ralph?

Karen's here.

[Smacking lips]

[Gasping]

Mom, was Tim in here?

Did someone take one of my

drawings?

MOM: No, Ralph, we'd need a

jungle guide to find anything in

that room of yours.

KAREN: Ralph!

[Grunting]

You won't believe this.

Hey, Karen, I thought you

were mad at me.

I'll be mad at you later.

This couldn't wait.

You did it, didn't you?

Did what?

Got even with Mike and Brett.

And don't try to deny it.

Because Kim Harris told me that

Julie Marie heard Rose Herschel

tell Suzie that she saw you

really give it to Mike and

Brett last night.

Karen, I didn't do anything.

I was here all night drawing.

Well, if you didn't, who did?

Beats the daylights out of

me.

But whoever it was I owe 'em

one.

Well, somebody did it.

Atomic wedgies just don't happen

on their own.

Wait a minute, what did you

say?

I said someone gave Brett a

wedgie and pulled Mike's big

dumb hat down around his ankles.

Did anything else happen?

Oh, yeah, whoever did it

capped it all off by soaking

them with a big ol' squirt

bottle.

[Gasping]

Whoa, this is freaky.

Hey, how could you draw all

these before I even told you?

I drew these last night with

this.

I found it yesterday.

So, what are you saying?

That everything you draw with

that actually happens?

[Indistinct yelling nearby]

[Gasping]

[Pounding on door]

What was that?

[Wahoo growling]

Something's in there.

Open it.

You open it, it's your

closet.

[Gulping]

[Wahoo yelling]

Ralph, what have you got in

there?

Nothing.

Nothing alive, anyway.

Ew, what in the world is

that?

It looks like bug guts.

It looks more like...

Oh, man, don't touch it.

[Sniffing]

Paint.

It's paint.

My art supplies are in there.

[Yelling]

[Both screaming]

[Wahoo laughing]

What is that?

It's like... a cartoon.

I don't know, but I'm gonna

find out.

One, two, three.

Thanks, I needed that.

Ralph, that is a cartoon.

There's a toon in your room.

Oh, man.

I don't believe this.

He's not just any toon, he's

mine.

He's Wahoo.

This old pencil brought him to

life.

But that's impossible.

Then how do you explain what

happened to Mike and Brett?

And how do you explain him?

He's alive.

Say that again?

I said, you're alive.

I'm alive?

I exist?

Look at me, ha, ha, I'm real.

I'm really real.

Watch, if I turn sideways I

don't disappear.

Ha, ha, I have bulk.

[Sniffing]

And B.O.

And bad breath.

[Coughing]

What?

Cartoons don't stink, do they?

Not since the late '80s.

But how did this happen?

Who do I have to thank for this?

I'm cracking open a big box of

love.

Mwah!

Thank him, he did it.

With that.

It's like a magic pencil.

You did this?

With that?

Where can I get one?

I'd like to be taller.

[Laughing]

But really, thanks, man.

I owe you my life.

If there's ever anything I can

ever do, you know...

Well, now that you mention

it, there is something you can

do.

[Growling]

♪

[Growling]

Ralph, you really shouldn't

do this.

Talk to them, reason with them,

but don't sic that thing on Mike

and Brett.

But it's perfect.

They make fun of me and my

drawing and one of my drawings

makes mincemeat out of them.

But he's a cartoon, a loony

cartoon.

What if he goes too far?

What if he drops an anvil on

their heads?

Karen, relax.

As long as I have the pencil,

I'm in control.

[Ticking]

And if Wahoo gets out of hand,

I'll just turn him into a big

ol' p*ssy cat.

[Meowing]

Or I'll make him as harmless as

a little baby.

And if that doesn't work, I can

always erase him.

I hope you're right.

Okay, this is getting tired.

It's go time!



Right, it's the ugly

bungalow.

[Laughing maniacally]

[Phone ringing]

Huh?

Uh, hello?

WAHOO:Ralph?

Wa.

I got someone here who wants to

say hi.

Say hi.

Say it!

MIKE:Hi, Ralph.

It's Mike.

We're real sorry for what we

did.

He's got us in old man

Crawford's barn.

Please, Ralph, I don't know

what he's gonna do.

WAHOO:Neither do I, but the

night is young!

[Wahoo laughing crazily]

Music to my ears.

Okay, Ralph, enough is

enough.

Those guys sound really scared.

I know.

Isn't revenge the best?

Ralph!

All right.

I guess we're even.

Let's go bail them out.

KAREN: Are you sure this is

the place?

I don't see anyone.

Hello?

Anybody here?

MIKE: Who is it?

Who's there?

It's me, Ralph.

BRETT: Oh, Ralph.

Thank goodness.

We're saved.

MIKE: Back here, Ralph.

Hurry, before he comes back.

Boy, you guys have sure

changed your tune.

I hope he wasn't too hard on

you.

He said he was gonna

rearrange our faces.

And then he did!

[Both screaming]

Oh, no.

Wahoo, what did you do?

Where are you?

You can fix this, right,

Ralph?

I mean, he'll put us back for

you, won't he?

Please, Ralph?

Don't leave us like this.

But how?

I don't even know how he did it.

What about the pencil?

Yeah, whatever I draw with it

happens, right?

I'll just draw them back to

normal.

Hurry, Ralph.

This is awful.

KAREN: Come on, Ralph.

What's wrong?

I can't find it.

It's gone.

WAHOO: Not exactly.

Oh, no, he's back!

I lifted this off you

earlier after you said you were

gonna rub me out!

It's that kind of loose talk

that makes Wahoo furious!

Wahoo, stop it!

This has gone too far.

You wanted revenge, didn't

you?

Now you got it.

How does it feel?

It feels lousy.

I wish I never found that stupid

pencil.

I wish I'd listened to Karen.

Two wrongs don't make a

right, you wahoo.

You know, I'm getting a

little tired of her mouth.

Let's zip it!

[Muffled yelling]

[Laughing crazily]

Wahoo, no!

Give me that pencil.

No can do.

Because if you toy with Wahoo...

[Yelling]

Wahoo toys with you!

[Muffled screaming]

Oh, we're having some fun now.

Ha, ha, it's great to be alive,

ain't it?

[Laughing]

That's enough, Wahoo.

I'm warning you.

You're warning me?

That's rich.

I hate to burst your bubble,

kid, but I got the pencil.

I'm holding all the cards.

You're right, but sooner or

later whatever magic is inside

that pencil will run out, just

as sure as the lead inside will

run out.

And without it, you'll slowly

fade away never to be seen or

heard of again.

Aah, it's happening already!

I can't fade away now.

I just got here.

RALPH: But it doesn't have to

be that way.

If you let us go, I'll draw you

every day and for as long as I

can hold a pencil, I'll keep

Wahoo alive.

Really, you mean it?

You're my toon.

How could I be mad at you?

Now, what do you say I take it

from here, pal?

Hand over the pencil.

All right.

I'm sorry.

Take it, take it.

I wanna live, do you hear?

I wanna live.

[Air deflating]

♪

Man, if I had known that

riding you would have caused

all that I never would have

done it.

It was a lousy thing to do,

Ralph.

No hard feelings?

Forget it, I'm just glad we

finally worked things out.

Ralph, check this out.

Your mom said it was from the

newspaper.

What newspaper?

Ralph sent them some of his

drawings a while ago.

"Dear Mr. Phillips."

We received your submissions and

are pleased to say that we were

impressed by what we saw.

We were particularly amused by

"the character you call Wahoo."

Tell me about it.

My face still hurts from

laughing.

Shh!

"And we are all certain that"

you and Wahoo are destined to

become real audience-pleasers

"someday."

Wow.

Way to do, Van Gogh.

I told you were going places.

Yeah, maybe I am.

It's so nice to see that

Ralph and his new friends have

patched things up.

Ralph found out that trying to

solve a problem by getting

revenge was a sketchy solution

at best.

But all you boils and ghouls

know that.

And if you don't, I can always

pencil you in.

Well, that's our "goon-y" tune

for today, kiddies.

So remember, "creep" out of

trouble because I'll be

watching.

Hey, what is this, amateur

hour?

Who am I gonna maim for this?

Pipe down, you whiney toon,

before I "draw" and quarter you.

That's it, I'm gonna

rearrange your face.

It's go time!

CRYPT KEEPER: Take that!

WAHOO: Come on, fight like a

dead man.

CRYPT KEEPER: Get your hairy

paws off me!

♪