02x07 - Tail of Two Crabs

[bunniefuu]

[Theme music playing]

[Dolphins chatter]

There he goes,
riding around

like he was king
of the sea.

But your hideousness...

Tritonisking
of the sea.

I want you two slugs
to spy on triton.

Discover his,
hmm, weakness.

Keep an eye
on those around him.

There must be some fool
I can use

to destroy the king.

Heh heh heh!

As the king's
closest advisor,

I know my way
around,

but I still
always carry

my trusty
crab scout compass.

-Cool!
-All right!

Excellent, crab scout
leader Sebastian.

Oh, Sebastian sure loves
his little crab scouts.

And they love him.

Hey, cut that out!

[Tweet]

Pop quiz.

Crab scout
handbook rule number 25.

Stay away
from giant clams.

Uh, yes. Very good,
my little crab scouts.

[Gasp]

Hello, Sebastian.

Oh, hello there, Zeus.

Zeus!

Oh, no. Sebastian
broke crab scout
rule number 25.

[Coughing]

Been a long time,
old friend.

[Sputtering]
Uh, yes.

To what do I owe
the pleasure
of your visit?

Oh, as crab of the year,

I have to tour the sea,
doing good.

Oh, that's nice.
Crab of the year.

[Gulp] Crab of the year?
You are crab of the year?

Oh, well,
that's great.

And what have you
been up to, Sebastian?

He's been teaching us
how to make shadow puppets.

-Yeah!
-Yeah!

Not to mention
I am advisor

to the king
of atlantica.

King triton.
I'd like to meet him.

Oh, I can arrange
that, mon.

The king and I
are like this.

It's nice to meet
you, Zeus,

but I'm afraid I have
a problem to attend to.

Well, I'm sure
that whatever
the problem,

I, your royal
advisor,

will advise your majesty
to some brilliant...

Ptooey!

It's not that
easy, Sebastian.

Atlantica has
a housing shortage.

Huh?

Aha! Well, I see.
A housing shortage.

Short houses.

Well, we can't have
short houses,

no shorter than me.

Well, you see,
you simply must--

that is, you could...

Well, sheesh!

Oh! I got it!

What was the question?

If I may be
so bold, your majesty.

It's possible to encourage
coral growth over the long-term,

so that housing
will exceed demand

in roughly 7.36 megatides,
and in the interim,

a system of diminishing
space rationing

should allow everyone
in your kingdom

to live
quite comfortably.

Brilliant.

That Zeus
sure is smart.

Yeah. I just wish I knew
what he was talking about.

We'll implement your plan
immediately, Zeus.

Well done, Zeus.

Oh, it was nothing.

I bestow upon you
the starfish of honor

for meritorious service.

Ohh...

[Orchestra tunes]

Music. This is my specialty.

Hee hee hee!

Hey! Get off
of there!

Get off of there!

Go away!

Get off of there!

Let me help you,
Sebastian.

[Orchestra plays
brilliantly]

I never did that before.

Ohh, something
about that Zeus.

He's amazing.

Excuse me.

Something's
bothering Sebastian.

What makes you
say that?

Aah!

Sebastian, what's wrong?

Huh?

Oh, nothing,
nothing at all...

Nothing except...

That no-good, stuck-up,
show-off,

so-perfect-he-makes-me-sick
crab, Zeus!

But Zeus is your friend.

Yeah. I hope you don't
talk about us like that.

Oh, flounder, Zeus
isn't really my friend.

He is my competitor.

He beats me at everything,

and now he has a great
big medal to prove it.

Sebastian, you don't have
to prove yourself to us.

Ha! That's because
you don't care

that I'm a bumbling,
second-rate, no-talent crab.

-Exactly.
-What?

That does it, mon!

My crustacean pride
is on the line.

I'm going to find

something I'm better at
than Zeus,

no matter how small,

no matter how ridiculous!

-Mmm!
-Oh, this is much better.

Oh, don't you
think so?

[Gulp]

Zeus, I dare you to face me

in the big crab challenge.

-[Gasp]
-[Gasp]

Why, I would be honored.

Yeah, mon.

I'm gonna wipe
the ocean floor with you.

[Cheering]

Everybody be there!

Oh, this crab could be
the weak link

in triton's
chain of command...

Or the missing link.

Ooh, I'll have
to keep my eye--

or should I say...

My eels on him.

Heh heh ha ha!

[Neighing]

[Hammering]

[Grunting]

We only have one tide

to finish this stupid
crab challenge arena.

Hey, what's this?

It's some sort
of glowin' stone.

Well, better
tell the king.

It's precisely two million


was buried during
the late mesozoic era,

and should be kept
in a safe place,

for it's quite rare.

Zeus, I want you
to oversee removal

of the glowing stone
to the palace.

Sebastian is better suited

for the stone-moving job,
sire.

Oh, of course I am.

All right, all right,
let's get moving.

Here, give it to me.

Aah!

Here, let me help you.

I got it! I got it!

I didn't want to alarm
the others, your majesty.

That stone is dangerous.

It has strange,
magical powers.

You should've
stopped them.

Oh, it's quite harmless
as it is,

but when the light
from the stone
is focused properly,

it turns anyone in
its path into a sea worm.

Oh, my!

You were right to keep this
between the two of us, Zeus.

No one else must know
the power of that magic stone.

That magic stone is just what
I need to turn triton,

and anyone else who
forgot my birthday,

into sea worms!

All that's missing
is some good old
evil laughter.

Heh heh ha ha ha!

Jumping Jacks.





Sit-ups.



Push-ups.



The big crab challenge.

I haven't heard a more
bean-brained idea

this century.

On the other tentacle,

it might work right
into my plans

to get that magic stone.

Oh, mon.

This workout has me
pooped out.

I'm never gonna win
the big crab challenge.

Zeus beats me
at everything.

Like a drum,
he beats me.

[Gasps]

Ah, Sebastian,

I have just what you need.

I'm a crab enchantress.

I can magically make you

super smart,

super athletic,

a super crab!

Everything you need to win

the big crab challenge.

-I know who you are!
-You do?

You're my fairy
crabmother!

Right.

And all I want in return,

is that glowing stone...

Ha ha ha...

For my glowing stone
collection.

I'll meet you here
tomorrow morning

before the competition.

Fail to bring me the stone,

and, oh, I'm so very
sorry to say,

you lose, pal.

[Snoring]

Your majesty...

Can we talk?

About that
glowing stone?

Glowing stone...

Buried it out in the...

The wilderness.

Yes, yes, go on.

Sebastian?

I'm not disturbing you,
am I, your majesty?

Why, whatever
gave you that idea?

Good. We were just chatting
about that glowing stone...

Ow! Oof!

Uh...why did you
get rid of it?

Uh, well, it annoyed me.

Its glowing kept me awake,

like someone else I know.

Oh, I see.

Well, good night,
your majesty.

Sleep tight. Don't let
the waterbugs bite.

Aha!

Ahh...at last.
Heh heh heh heh!

I'll be better than Zeus.

I'll be crab of the hill!

The top crustacean!

The winner of
the big crab challenge!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Hello, there,
short, squat,
and crustacean.

Got my glowing stone?

Uh-uh. First,
the super crab spell.

Very well.

Abra-da-crab-a...
Bibbity-bobbity boo.

There.
Now give me the stone.

Hmm. Idofeel smarter.

Stronger, too.

Ha ha ha ha hey!

Look out, Zeus!

Here comes your
worst nightmare, mon!

Oh, get a life,
crustacean breath.

That spell is no good,

and neither am I.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

[Fanfare]

Let the crab challenge
begin!

[All]
Yay!

Go get 'em,
Sebastian!

[Cheering]

[Trilling]

-Hooray!
-Hooray!

[Flounder]
You can do it!

Whoo!

The poor
little fella.

[Sebastian
continues digging]

[Crash]

[Digging]

[Whump]

Oh, boy...

[Digging]

[Thump]

[Flounder]
Come on, Sebastian,
you can do it!

For the game--

who's the world's
most perfect...

Crab?

I am.

[Crowd cheers]

Oh! I'm supposed
to be winning.

Where's my
fairy crabmother?

A little of this...

[Humming]

Ooh-hoo hoo hoo!

Spot of lizard,
hair of frog,

twitching tail
of pollywog,

make me queen
of all the sea!

Give what I deserve to me!

This will enable me to focus
the stone's magic power.

Now it's time
to give triton a...

Wormwelcome.

Heh heh heh heh!

Aah!

[Crowd cheers]

You can do it,
Sebastian!

Give up, Sebastian.

Stop making a fool
of yourself.

Never!

[Grunting]

Sebastian,
it's the middle
of the night.

Maybe we should stop.

Never!

I've got it--

a contest I am sure to win.

Who knows the most
about Sebastian?

Ahem.
First, I was born--

off the coast
of Jamaica,
thus the accent.

-When I was 6--
-you went to crab school,

where you were
the second best pupil,
next to me, of course.

And upon graduation,
you went to Trinidad
to study music.

Where you met
a beautiful girl crab
who dumped you for me.

Then you decided to move on
and grieve in solitude.

Then, finally, you
challenged me to, well,

to this competition,
which I won--

from the
first event on.

In a moment, you're
going to scream.

I am not.

Oh, yes, you are.

I am not!

See?

All right, all right!

You know more
about me than I do!

Exactly.

The final competition in
the big crab challenge is...

Sculpting a life-sized
statue of the king!

Ready?

You may sculpt.

Oh, no, Zeus.

It looks nothing
like the king.

The nose--the nose
is much too big.

Here. I'll remove...
Some of the Clay.

Oh. Hah!

Oh, hi, there,
your majesty.

It's over,
Sebastian.

It is?

You lost 7,000
events in a row.

Oh.

Let's call off
this silly contest.

[Cheering]

Oh, mon,
I'm such a loser.

Even magic
couldn't help me.

It's all right,
Sebastian.

You can't
win 'em all.

Unless, of course,
you're Zeus.

Where did
the royal guards go?

Oh, they slithered off
somewhere.

-Ursula!
-Ursula!

Swim, everyone!

I'll keep her busy!

Yaaaaaaaaa!

Hey, ow.

Come back here,
smart guy!

Uh, let me see.

If I stand here,
according to
my calculations,

it should
bounce off.

Oh! Oh!

Your stone
is destroyed...

And so is your spell,
sea witch!

Ohh...

You're all o.K.

Ursula got her
tail fried by--

uh, somebody or other.

Zeus.

Uh, good guess.

But you were really brave.

[Flounder]
You sure were.

Uh-huh! Yeah.

A true
crab scout leader.

Yeah, sure.

Well, you're the best
at everything, Zeus.

I tried as hard
as I could,

but I just
couldn't find

a single thing i'm
better at than you.

I know one thing.

You're better at making...

Friends.

I try to make friends...

But they always end up
wanting to compete with me

because I'm so...

[Sobbing]

Perfect!

[Crying]

You're the lucky one,
Sebastian.

E-Even the little
sea slug bothers you,
because he likes you.

Uh-huh!

Oh, I am
a lucky crab, mon.

All right, mon!

You're better
at crying.

O.k., now let's
go to my place

for some seaweed tea
and plankton cupcakes.

Mmm...
Sounds wonderful.

From now on,
no more competition.

Never!

Race ya.

You're on.