01x57 - Fish Schtick

[bunniefuu]

[Purring]

♪ She's got
a superstar cat ♪

♪ Who knows
where it's at ♪

♪ Stand up
and raise your hat ♪

♪ She's a spellbound
acrobat ♪

♪ So have you seen her? ♪

♪ She's the greatest ♪

♪ For super magic
call sabrina ♪

♪ Here comes the fun now ♪

♪ Are you ready? ♪

♪ Come have a ride ♪

♪ Get happy ♪

♪ So have you seen her? ♪

♪ She's the greatest ♪

♪ For super magic
call sabrina ♪

♪ You better watch out,
she'll bewitch you ♪

♪ Sabrina ♪

♪ You better watch out,
she'll bewitch you ♪

♪ Sabrina ♪

♪ You better watch out,
she'll bewitch you ♪

Ha ha!

♪ She's the greatest ♪

♪ Sabrina ♪

♪ Dum de dum dum dum ♪

[Panting]

24 Seconds.

Hey, not bad,
harvey.

You're really
improving.

Yeah, but I'm still not
as good as...

As you.

Nobody's as good
a swimmer as sabrina.

If it wasn't for her,

Most of these trophys
wouldn't even be here.

Come on.
Harvey's doing great.

He's a cinch to become
the school's new
junior lifeguard.

I hope so.

It's been my dream
ever since

That very special
episode
of bay watch.

Ooh. The one where
they actually went
in the water?

But I still have
to pass the test
tomorrow.

And there's a lot
of other kids
trying out, too.

But you've
been training
for weeks.

Still, maybe
I'd better swim
10 more laps

And do 100
one-arm push-ups.

Then we can go
load up on junk food
until we puke.

Both: all right!

Morning, hilda.

Boy, are your eyes
bloodshot.

You should see them
from in here.

I've been up to my ears
in homework.

[Gasps] wow.

You meant it
literally.

Oh, oh, no!
It can't be!

Hey,

I think the key word here,
hilda, is decaf.

Zelda,
it's cliché week!

[Gasps]

Well, I'll be
a monkey's uncle.

[Gasps]

Funny. I have
this sudden urge
to roller-skate.

What's going on?
What's cliché week?

It happens once
every 11 years.

It's got to do
with the alignment

Of the planets
or something.

For one whole week,

Whenever a witch
or a warlock says a cliché,

It happens to them.

Hee-ee-ooh-ohh.

You mean, if I said
something like...

Slugloaf makes
my skin crawl?

Aah! Make it stop!

We can't,
but don't worry.

It's only temporary.

But harvey's coming
to walk me to school!

Wear a sweater.

Hey! I just heard
a big storm
is headed this way.

They say it's going
to rain cats and--

Don't tell me.

It's cliché week.

Uh, hi.

Hi, sabrina.

Uh, what's with
your skin?

Oh, uh, this?

It's a new face cream.

Massage in a bottle.

Oh. Cool.

All right, now,
there's only one slot

Available
for junior lifeguards.

So whoever does
the best today gets it.

Any questions?
Coach?

Yes, I am. But if
I play my cards right,

I'll be head
of the athletic department.

Ok. Now for
the first test.

Each of you
has been assigned

A volunteer victim
to rescue.

When I blow the whistle,

You throw them
a life preserver,

Then pull them
to safety.

Got it?

Humph. Give it up,
kinkle.

You couldn't
lifeguard
at a birdbath.

Harvey's just got
to get this.

It means
so much to him.

Yeah. I'd hate
to think

He sat through
bay watch
for nothing.

[Blows whistle]

Whoa!

Is first aid
part of this test?

Both: all right!
Go, harvey!

You ought
to watch kinkle.

You might
learn something.

Oh, yeah? We'll just
see about that.

Lucky throw,
kinkle.

Ha ha!

Hey!

Did you see that?

Slugloaf
cut his rope.

I sure did!
Don't worry.

Aah!

[Mumbling]

Excellent. Heck of
a toss, kinkle.

[Laughter]

Yay!

Now remember,
these cpr dummies

Are supposed to be
drowning victims,

And you're using
mouth-to-mouth breathing

To inflate their lungs.

Harvey's dummy
is inflating.

He's going to win.
I just know it!

Ha. Not if I've got
anything to say about it.

Huh?

Slugloaf did it again!

He's trying
to sabotage harvey.

Hey, kinkle,
you're supposed to
revive your dummy,

Not k*ll it.

Sabrina:
and revive it,
he will.

Huh?

Boy, I'm good.

This is the last
and most important
part of the test.

Each of you must save
a victim from drowning

In a simulated
rescue at sea.

In order to make it
authentic,

This wave-making machine
will duplicate high tide
in costa rica.

All right.
Who's gonna be first?

Good man, kinkle.

Uh... Oh! Help!

Um, help!

[Gasps] harvey,
look out!

Aah!

Help.

Oh!

[Coughing]

Whoa!

Um, help.

Whew.

Oh, yeah?

Whoa!

Aah!

Oh, no!

Help!

I'll save you!

Harvey!

[Gasps]

[Cheering]

And so, greendale
middle school

Is proud
to congratulate

Its new junior lifeguard
harvey kinkle!

[Cheering]

Sorry about that,
slug, baby.

Whoa!

Now, how'd that happen?

Primo dive, sabrina.

Thanks. Thought I'd
show off a little

For harvey's
first official day
of lifeguarding.

Uh-oh.

He's already
run into

A school of
man-eating sharks.

And we'd love you
to be our synchronized
swimming club's

Exclusive lifeguard.

A lifeguard?
For synchronized swimming?

Oh, yes. Why, if one
of us got out of synch,

It could be...
Fatal.

Oh, brother.

Time for a little
pest control.

And with you around,
we would be so safe.

Yes, but how safe
would he be?

Hey, sabrina.
Hi, chloe.

Spellman, that
drowned rat look

Is so you.

You know, gem,
I'm surprised to see
all of you here.

Especially with that
10-for-one shoe sale
going on at the mall.

Girls: 10-for-one
shoe sale?

It's been real,
harv.

Girls...

Hey, sabrina,
that was a great
dive you did.

You make it look
so easy.

Harvey,
you do go on.

And please,
do go on.

I mean it.

You're the best diver
I've ever seen.

Until now. Whoa!

Did you see that?

And off
the middle board!

Huh. Not bad,
I suppose,

If you like showy.

Who is she?

Oh. Her name's
dorsala finn.

She just transferred here
from riverdale.

She's training
for the state championships.

She's the greatest
diver and swimmer
I've ever seen.

Got to admit
she is good.

Humph.

Hey, how about
we all get some ice cream
after school?

Yeah. Sure.

And we could go check out
that new ska pink cd
you wanted, chloe.

Ok. Great.

Here's a better idea.

How about I take
all your brains out
and sell them for scrap?

Sounds good.
Whatever.

Hi, chloe.
How's it going?

Hey, dorsala.
These are my friends

Sabrina and harvey.

Well, look at the time.
Aren't we late for--

Hey, you don't
have a towel.

You'll catch a chill.

Hey!

Well, thank you,
harvey.

Oh, man!

Where are you going?

So she thinks
she can dive, eh?

I'll show her
a real dive.

I'm going off the...
High board!

But sabrina,
nobody goes off the...

High board!

Not until now.

Harvey, sabrina's
going off the...

High board!

What? Nobody
goes off the...

High board.

[Dramatic music plays]

Does anyone else
hear music?

Sabrina!

Sabrina,
are you serious?

Oh, you mean
about the dive?

Please. I do it
all the time.

[Gulps]

[Gasps]

[Teeth chattering]

Sabrina, are you ok?

[Babbling]

[Gasps]

What's the matter?

I don't want
to talk about it!

I've got to meet
harvey outside.

Man. I'm so hungry,
I could eat a horse.

You want fries
with that?

Harvey?

And he didn't show up
to walk me to school today.

I mean, he's
a lifeguard, chloe.

Maybe he had
a swimming accident.

He could be home
in bed, hurt,

Delirious with pain,
calling my name.

Harvey:
hey, sabrina!

Well, one out of 4
isn't bad.

Harvey,
are you ok?

I was so worried
when you didn't show up
this morning.

Oh, darn. I forgot
to tell you.

Dorsala has
a swim practice
before class,

And it's my job
as junior lifeguard
to be there.

Oh. Of course,
duty comes first.

Well, tomorrow's
saturday, so maybe
you'll have time to--

Sorry, sabrina.
No can do.

Since school
is closed,

I'm meeting dorsala
at the lake tomorrow

To help her
practice.

Got to go.

Can you believe that?

Hey, you helped him
become a lifeguard,
remember?

Anyway, dorsala's
not that bad.

You ought to get
to know her.

And she is
a great swimmer.

Thanks for
the suggestion.

Let me guess.
Something's wrong.

You can say
that again.

I could, but what
would be the point?

I used to be
the best swimmer
in school,

But then dorsala
came along.

The only way
I could be better

Than she is
is if I could--

It's still cliché week!
Don't say...

Swim like a fish.

That.

A cat babysitting
a fish.

Ooh. The irony.

Come on, salem.
It's not funny.

Change me back!

Sorry. I can't undo
a cliché week spell.

It's a union rule.

Oh, great.

So, how long am I
supposed to stay like this?

Hard to say.

Clichés spoken
out of jealousy

Can last
a long time.

Well, there's got
to be some way
to change me back.

Maybe hilda or zelda
knows how.

Yeah, but they're
at the mall.

Great! Let's go.

You want me to take you
to the mall?

See, I'd go there myself,

But I have this one,
teeny problem--

I'm a fish in a jar!

All right.
All right.

Cool down,
or you'll end up
as an hors d'oeuvre.

Nope.
They're not in there.

Wait! There's that
shoulder bag I wanted.

Great. Then all
you'll need

Is a shoulder
to carry it on.

Oh. Right.

Huh. Never mind.

Let's try the stalls.

This could be hilda's.
Check them out.

[Sniffs]

Bah.

Sure, what do you care?
You're underwater.

Aah!

Whoo! Ooh!
O-ooh!

Whew.

You ok?

Yes, but after
that experience,

I'm hoping for amnesia.

Cool. A sushi bar.

Whoo! Feels like
you've gained
a few pounds.

Yeah, but it's all
water weight.

Look, I can
cover more ground

If I scout around
alone.

You can't just
leave me here.

You'll be fine.
I'll hide you.

Don't go anywhere.

The only place
I'm going is crazy

If I don't get out
of this jar pretty soon.

How do fish do this
all day?

There they are!

Hey, guys!

[Girls gasp]

Mmm mmm.

Huh?

[All scream]

Aah!
Aah!

[Both gasp]

No luck, sabrina.
I couldn't--

Sabrina?

Oh, no!

Sabrina!

Sabrina, where are you?

Hmm.

Sabrina!

Sabrina: salem!

Aah!
Yikes!

[Gasps]

Sabrina!

Over here!

Oh, thank heavens
you're ok.

I won't be...
[Gasps]

Unless you put me
back... [Gasps]

In the water.
[Gasps]

What? Oh, right.

Sorry.
[Gasps]

Get a cup or something.
Hurry!

[Imitating
arnold schwarzeneger]
I'll be back.

Hey, I'm busy here.

Er, i, uh...

Well--would you
look at the time!

Fins, don't fail me now.

Ooh! [Gasps]

[Grunting]

♪ Nyah-nyah nyah-nyah
nyah nyah ♪

Watch this action.

Uh-oh. Aah!

I think I can.
I think I can.

Aah!

Not again!

I think I can.
I think I can.

I think I can...
Use some help, salem!

[Gasps]

Aah!

I'm getting too old
for this.

Aah!

Whoo-hoo!

Whoa!

Hilda, zelda!

2 Tickets
to massachusetts,
please.

Huh?

Sabrina went over
the waterfall.

Both: sabrina went over
the waterfall?

Where is she?
I don't see her.

Sabrina: help!

Over there!

Hel-l-p!

There.

Sabrina's a fish?

Didn't I mention that?

Oh, well,
sabrina's a fish,

And she just went
down the drain!

Whoa!

Sabrina: help me!
Help!

The aqueduct!

Where could she be?

Help!

Thar she blows!

Zelda, come on.

Water, water,
blues and greens,

Turn us into
submarines.

Oh, man. And I
really hate water.

You're doing great,
dorsala!

Ow! Something bit me!

[Gasps]
[giggles]

Ow! Ow, ow, aah!

You're going
the wrong way!

Harvey,
something attacked me.

It was horrible.
Horrible!

Something
attacked you?

Well, if it
involves water,

I'll handle it.

Unfortunately,
today's saturday,

And it's my day off.

[Shouting]

Salem, is that you?

Go on, run,
you lily-livered
land lubbers!

Salem, what happened
to you?

I said that if I could
find sabrina,

I'd be happy
as a clam,

Next thing I know,
I'm a giant bivalve.

Go figure.

Speaking of which,
has anyone seen sabrina?

Both: no.

Then it's time
to dive! Dive!

I can't believe
I actually bit her!

I just know
I'm going to feel

Horribly guilty
about this--

Help!

[Grunting]

Isn't there anything
you can do?

When you make a wish
out of jealousy
during cliché week,

You just have to let
it run its course.

But you can't
leave me like this.

I could be in here
forever!

Nah. 200,
300 Years tops.

Hmm. Let me
check something.

Ah. Here it is--
the only cure.

Whenever jealousy
makes you a fish,

The one you care for
must give you a kish.

A kish?

[Blows]

Sorry. Piece of dust.

Well, that's just great.

That'd be harvey,

But how do I get him
to kish--

I mean kiss a fish?

I got an idea.

But we'll need
chloe's help.

In here. Hurry.

Where's
the emergency?

Who needs
professional help?

There's a loaded
question.

Not us. The fish.

The fish?

It's sabrina's
pet fish.

It needs mouth-to-mouth
resuscitation,

And we didn't know
who else to call.

Mouth-to-mouth?
For a fish?

It's drowning.

Mouth-to-mouth
for a fish...

That's drowning?

The water's very dense,
and it can't breathe.

I'm sorry.

I'd like to help,
but I'm allergic to fish.

Better call
someone else.

But the fish
will die!

How about if I just
buy sabrina a new fish?

She'll never know
the difference.

Harvey kinkle,
you are a lifeguard.

You took an oath
to save lives--

All lives, and that
includes fish.

I didn't take
any oath.

Well, you must've
said something.

Hilda, it's obviously
too much

For a junior lifeguard.

What we should've done
is call

The senior lifeguard.
He'd help us.

You know,
you're right.

I'll get
the phone book.

Ok, ok.

Wasn't exactly
the look

I dreamed about
for my first kiss,

But it'll do.

Uh, hi, sabrina.

Hey, what happened
to your fish?

I put her
in the other room.
In thinner water.

Thank you, harvey,
for saving her.
You're my hero.

I am? Cool.

Harvey, I want
to apologize.

For what?

For being jealous
of dorsala

And the time you two
were spending together,

And because
you didn't think

I was the greatest
swimmer you ever saw
anymore.

Sabrina,
dorsala's great.

I mean, she's training
for the state championships,

But you'll always be
my favorite swimmer.

Thanks, harvey.

Walk you to school
monday morning?

What about dorsala's
swimming practice?

Oh, I was only
helping her out

Until her coach got back
into town,

But he's back now.

In that case,
see you monday morning.

Great!

You know, sabrina,

Did you ever try
to get to know dorsala?

Well, no.
I guess not.

She's really
pretty nice.

Matter of fact,

I bet you two
would get along great,

If you give her a chance
to get to know you.

You're right.

I just can't believe
how low I sank.

I mean, I've been
jealous before,

But I've never actually
bit someone's toes.

Jealousy is a very
powerful emotion.

I owe you all
an apology.

I'm sorry I caused
so much trouble.

That's all right,
sabrina.

But we accept
anyway.

Personally, I'm not
going to worry

My pretty little
head about it.

Oh, no!

Let me
rephrase that!

[Laughter]

♪ Dah-dah dah dah-dah ♪

♪ Dah-dah dah-dah ♪

♪ Dah-dah dah-dah ♪

♪ Dah dah-dah ♪

♪ Doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ Dah-dah dah dah-dah ♪

♪ Dah-dah dah-dah ♪

♪ Dah-dah dah-dah ♪

♪ Dah dah-dah ♪

♪ Dah dah-dah ♪

Freaks.

♪ Doo doo doo doo doo ♪