03x01 - Louie's Gate

[bunniefuu]

let me tell you about my family

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people have different priorities ask

anyone my age and they can tell you

exactly where they were when man first

landed on the moon where was I when the

Beatles played Ed Sullivan no idea that

asked me where I was when Cedar Knoll

cinema opened during the summer of my

eighth year that one I know I was first

in line that was the summer I discovered

the movies I watch them all musical

comedies musical w*r movies action

adventures even the foreign film Oh

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and when they ended i watched them over

again

quit worrying the boys fine oh how do

you know we've barely seen him all

summer hey I haven't seen the Dali Lama

all summer either but I know there's

nothing wrong with him

the point is we see him here for our

kids they're all over the place I can't

believe you're not even a little bit

worried about Louie Louie who's Louie

Andi I'm going to the movies be back

tonight

Berthier your son oh yeah I'm not going

back well in that case I'll be taking

you back you'd call it doc

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I'll just need to win them back that's

all you know movies very evil we need to

lure him away from the dark side the

dark side yeah well that's what they

call it in curse of the mummy here we

see that when a cinematic masterpiece

honey you're babbling how do we get

Louie back if only there was something

we could interest Larry yeah

something thats related seen it seen it

seen it twice seen it three times hey

what's the big idea it's for you Louie

come on open it it's not my birthday

just to warm to be Christmas I didn't

just get engaged and and we don't

celebrate some cost Torah so what's

going on it's a gift that's all just for

being you

well usually I get sent to my room for

being me and that's exactly where you're

gone unless you open that right now whoa

Thanks a movie camera it's a camera for

making movies get it you don't say

thanks mom dad happy some cost toward

you - Louie where are you going where

else the movies it's a double feature

where

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I don't believe it it's like one big

movie it's 50 cents make up your mind

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get my radar g*n Louie I thought you

were at the movies all right dad work

with me now move to mom like you're

gonna smooch her mom you play hard to

get now are you going no smooching in

front of the kids you know what that can

lead to can't compete with the old

American family I can't believe I wasted

my whole summer at the theater how about

we don't have lunch together

sorry no time for lunch I got work to do

I secluded myself in my room and wrote

the script turns out it wasn't so hard

what everyone says is true these things

practically write themselves my movie

was going to be an epic about a plucky

yet tragic hero Dewey

Landers a stranger who arrives in a

small town just in time to save the town

folks from the evil land barons bring

rain for the crops and win the heart of

the most beautiful girl in town the

preacher's daughter

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beginnings a little slow the secondary

characters need work the third act is

cantaloupe and everyone's a critic

interesting piece of work Louie

however I think it needs more conflict

have you seen my book how to write a

script in three easy steps

the Halloran

I read your spring I got a couple notes

for you if you're interested how about a

wedgie thing I'll take the notes all

right let's start at the beginning what

you got is okay but would it be funny if

the main character was a dog I quickly

learned that the trick to writing the

perfect script is finding the perfect

reader I think it's wonderful Louie the

best script ever you're not just saying

that are you I wouldn't change a letter

with the script finished it was time to

begin casting sorry dad

you're just not right for the part

Anderson's father needs to be a tough

crusty old guy with a heart of gold I

can do a Krusty sorry dad we're going in

a different direction next we've got a

little problem here Louie what kind of

problem now will you reconsider sorry

pop it's just not gonna work out like

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most major productions we hit a couple

of snags during casting until my caterer

came up with the perfect solution

there that ought to do it

very nice mr. Jenson you'll hear from us

chanting Jenson playing the father no

decisions have been made

what about him wha that's the part I was

born to play sorry dad I told you our

research came back and well people just

don't buy you as a father I could be on

the line don't make me call security dad

next by the end of the day I had my cast

Grunewald would play the plucky hero do

heal Anderson Jeanie would play Janie

the preacher's daughter I was lucky

enough to get veteran character actor

Glenn Glenn to play the villain the

first day of principal photography it

was time to establish the critical bond

of trust between actor and director all

right Dewey's been sent to his room by

his uncaring parents so he Consol's

himself with a doughnut you know with me

sure Louis whatever okay I want you to

play the pain of the moment ready

gotcha God stop no that's all wrong do

we wouldn't need it doing like that you

hold it in front on the side sorry Louie

donut there you go all right

thank you real depressed no with the

donut and no do wheel Anderson is a

clown guy who take a much bigger bite

one more time now Tommy do not

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what now was the bite too big too small

I didn't chew it right do we land ursin

doesn't breathe like that one he eats

what is it a film that's it I quit when

you can't watch me I'm out of here

after one quick stop in the restroom

fine you were cut out of the party

anyway

I heard there was some creative

differences at the star just so you know

I'm forget it dad I'm playing the part

myself

here you go Tommy just aim it at me and

turn it on when I say you want something

done right action

okay evil Ernie has captured you and

tied you down a sidewalk in any minute

now this street cleaning truck evil

Ernie's not dead big Louie you're not

paying me Oh Louie I'm working here

it's evil Ernie he won't come out of his

dressing room what seems to be the

problem mr. Glenn we're not agreed to do

your stupid little movie you promised me

snacks Louie be mayor

we got a bowl of sour ba*ls downstairs

no green ones need all the green ones I

can't walls mommy sorry boy it's not a

good time dad I haven't seen a lot of

screen time yet then wow I did give you

the camera remember that uh-huh

I worked up this gag and whatever hey

has anyone seen my tennis ball

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change of plans I'm gonna be plain evil

Ernie now but you're playing duel

Anderson we're different

are you doing I rewrote Jamie scenes

excuse me

I don't think Janie should be such a

victim the icy Janie is a take-charge

kind of gal who unties herself from the

railroad tracks I want to give her some

spunk what do you think I think you're

fired

hey Tommy there's turnover on every

movie set creative differences

scheduling conflicts you name it are you

ready

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turn over the moon I've been working on

this all week

watch this now

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perfect no can you do it one more time

for real we're got to focus you know how

many bones I just broke and I appreciate

every one of them no it's not too much

bother could you possibly bring me a

beverage that is slightly cooler than

room temperature is there a problem

pathology job did you mr. Johnson oh

dear I spent the last week's of summer

and all of my allowance finishing my

epic none of my friends stopped by to

see me clearly they all knew how

important that smoothie was to me I

worked all day I'm lost all me Louie

what are you doing it's 11:30 at night

art happens at all hours I finished

editing and it was almost time to let

the world share my vision but first I

brought in a test audience I know if the

movie was as good as I thought

it started off beautifully the credit

sequence was perfect and then it was all

downhill from there it was quite simply

the worst movie ever made I had wasted

my whole summer right there I decided I

didn't ever make another movie again

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where are you going where else

movies about your little film what about

it

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dear

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here and there

one please let's put little genie seen

back in how about this hey kid show's

over the golf I'm waiting for the next

one yeah that's nice but that was the

last show of the day yeah so what's your

point

one please

you again how many times you seen this

one

22 it's on the house kid

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stay right here

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[Applause]

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the movie didn't make one bit of sense

for no one cared they loved every frame

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I want to thank everyone who helped me

with my movie even though you all

probably hate me no after I fired every

one of you it turns out that really only

one person should have been fired from

my movie and that's me I especially want

to thank my editor my mom for digging

through the trash and finding a movie I

missed well thanks again everyone well

one more thing I start my next movie

tomorrow morning anyone who wants to

help me me at my house at 9 a.m. thanks

mom who cares about moon landings and

the world series you remember what's

important to you me I remember every

single movie I ever saw

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fun wasn't it and I remember exactly

where I was when I learned that people

can be forgiving look like a speed bump

I change my mind dad you're hired