01x10 - When Cedar Knoll Freezes Over

[bunniefuu]

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man it's cold out there

always remember to bundle up when you go

out especially if it's in a cold climate

people always exaggerate that cold

climate weather don't they we be careful

today your skin could freeze in 3

seconds do what I do open that window

put your hand out 1 2

you're not gonna freeze my skin and

snowball fights are great aren't they

take it hit in the air with that

snowball I am NOT crying I'm going in ok

and even though you got hit in the air

you'd always limp where's your dad knew

what was going on what are you limping

for Lilly snowball so when you go out

you'd have a snowball fight remember put

some protective ear gear on 15 feet of

snow sub-zero temperatures didn't get

frostbite by just looking out the window

and what does the fine city of Cedar

Knoll do we have a winter carnival

outdoors here we go

are you warm enough mama are you boys

ready for the winter carnival we're not

going this year that's right we're

taking us about a call what's the matter

did you see the temperature only a freak

would go out in this kind of weather did

I hear someone call me a freak jeez

Tommy that wasn't nice at all

don't worry dad he meant it as a

compliment yeah little stuffy in here

whoa this isn't called when I had the

bivouac on that floating glacier for a

month it was so cold my blood froze

wishes mouth would freeze really well

what if it froze like this okay okay I

take it back

Andy stop scaring the kids you know it

might not be such a bad idea to take a

year off from the Winter Carnival

it's family against family out there how

are they Andersen supposed to win if we

don't even show up

but Dad last year we came in last year

before we get even worse I figured it

all if we don't show up this year we'll

get our best score ever I don't believe

what I'm hearing

it's just it you get so competitive

every year it's not good for you I don't

get competitive Hey look at that logs

burning faster than yours

the carnival's supposed to be fun listen

a minute for the fire cutthroat

competition squashing the enemy and

humiliating the neighbors who's with me

quash the enemy cutthroat competition

humiliate the neighbors that's right hmm

yeah what he said twice over hey Tommy

see that castle it's made out of candy

not what I want to you not me I'm

working the skate Shack that's a real

life and could I use your muscle pushing

my slab

a little heavier this year isn't it mr.

to dessert a night well good luck out

there anything about luck this is all

about skill courage

kissing up to the judges hey there's

nothing wrong with handing out a few

boxes of fine chocolates no judges work

hard has anyone seen Tommy he falls for

that every year dumb kid very fine

Jensen

what are those C&I jugs remember to take

that second turn high on the outside

don't worry about me baby I'll make you

proud now you two be careful while

you're watching your old man bring home

the car we're covered in 30 pounds of

winter wear how can we possibly hurt

ourselves that hurt well if it isn't

little Louisiana how does it feel to

know that in about five minutes

my dad's gonna beat the pants off your

dad again

feels about Klimas last year how many

times do I have to tell you son you're

all concerned with the enemy you called

that a snowball Glen hi dad

obviously you haven't heard a word I've

said all winter look at him he's not

even crying sorry dad well going for a

new record this year 15 losses in a row

and I'm Andy you don't have to take that

kind of abuse don't worry about it honey

the joke's on him was 15 losses in a row

last

[Applause]

just a little tip Anderson up for next

year you go faster if you're on top of

the sled anyone can stand top of the

sled I was born for something more

challenging you need hmm I'm sorry aura

you know if you want you could be an

honorary Groot alone for the rest of the

carnival why would I want to do that I

didn't mean anything by it

it's just wouldn't you like to see what

it's like to actually score points in

the carnival well that's sweet of you

kitty

but don't worry about the Andersons we

won 20 years ago

so we're do you just watch and when

exactly does this miracle comeback begin

with the cedar Knoll classic I'll be

skating it myself

interesting I guess there's nothing left

to say except see ya nice Oh Thunder 50

degrees below zero with the windchill

came in dead last and dogsled race and I

had a snowball for lunch it's a great

day

don't you remember my older sister Lana

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she's on the figure skating teeth

Jeannie was the closest thing I had to a

girlfriend Lana

well Lana was a woman at that moment it

hit me

I knew Lana Harper and I were meant to

be together nothing could keep us apart

okay so maybe one thing could give us

apart is there no one who has the grace

to skate with me I said no one would I

had to do I have four hours to learn how

to skate

I'm already candy let's get at it looks

like we'll be racing pics to each other

[Applause]

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one hardcore comb put a hat on it there

ya go

what's on your mind can you teach me how

to skate now Louie I haven't been on

skates in 30 years I just fall and break

every bone in my body I already know how

to do that

oh no there's a teacher for you fifty

cents

oh thanks for the family discount Andy

Anderson 20 years of winter carnival

competition over 15 events per carnival

you know that's over 400 losses in a row

good for you Oh Williams finally

mastered those advanced mathematics yeah

how do all those losses make you feel

it's all how you look just see I'm just

getting all my losses out of the way

right up front good any day now the

parents gonna turn so tell me do you

think the ice carving contest could be

your event some people look at an ice

cube and see the way to cool their drink

I look at an ice cube and I see poetry

making fun of you dad

they just tell us America now you just

stand back there and watch this modern

day Mecca Angela make some art kit

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very grateful Louie

thanks I wanted to talk to you about you

teach me skate good idea

that way we can skate together at the

ice dance tonight oh yeah that's what I

was thinking what do you want to learn

Fred let's not get too ambitious right

away

how about standing

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never get in the Olympic whose way

[Applause]

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you'll never learn anything now get up

listen oh I was wondering you know I was

a student of scanning what I have to do

anything different if I were skating

with someone I'll say tar no not really

what about skating with someone who's

older who's way older actually there's a

little different skating with someone

taller and older somebody's cranky

thanks for the lesson I know you you're

Lenny right actually employee many and

then moving right well you be careful

now and keep on practicing Lenny I'm

sure you want to be ready to skate at

the big dance tonight yes I couldn't

believe it unless I was reading

something into it she wanted to skate

with me at the dance tonight she was

gonna be mine all mine it was me and

Lana forever

do you look like you lost your best

friend maybe I have you know Jenny when

I was a little girl I brought my dog to

the skating rink of the Winter Carnival

he got lost too want to know what

happened he fell through the ice and

drown heavens no that didn't happen

though years later no he went off

chasing rabbits clear across the other

side of the pond did he catch him nope

but he came back I guess he just had to

go to the other side of the pond to

realize that he was much happier and

when he was next to me that's a nice

story now if you'll excuse me I've had

one too many hot chocolate and I'm

wearing far too many layers of long

underwear if you know I mean I've been

there hay bale out now for I am the

cheese you could not find water in Lake

Michigan this is a chunk of Wisconsin's

finest cheddar cheese sliced by the

mayor of Cedar Knoll himself don't worry

dad you'll find a way what's the secret

weapon meat little boy lured here he's

gonna leave us the cheese heaven but Dad

the guy said the trunk was made out of

bronze details details

now he's pointing is this is a great

plan done tell you what you give me a

call when you get the cheese heaven and

I'll cut your care

pick up the pink Spanish soldier ghost

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there's a lunatics day out thank you

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you should get those eyes checked all

right I see two are both tied double

knots as usual

Hey

[Applause]

did that hurt now like a Swedish massage

jeez dad you sent him the golden chunk

of cheese that's beautiful gotta say I

never thought I'd live long enough to

see this day

promises promises I live you and II like

a c*ck

why so glum my little golden chunk of

cheese boy quit calling me that

whoa touching I don't know what to do

about the big ice dance tonight no

partner hmm setup rejected just do it

dear old dad we're doing steel some

other SAP stick no I am a partner and

the best partner in tone and what's the

problemo

I'm the worst skater in town oh so

ashamed

Louie let me give you a piece of advice

then a sweet little girl once gave my

the Winter Carnival is not about the

competition it's not about who's the

best photos the worst or beating the

pants off the neighbors unless of course

it's Simpson that lizard no the Winter

Carnival is for one thing fine fine fine

your mother's right about things and

even though she's not here right now

I convention wherever she is she's

having a fine then honoring the spirit

of the winner got your lady

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you know you're a neighbor and a friend

so we paid for first place and I was

about to slide around a frozen lake with

a woman of my dreams and a thing I

didn't even want to go to the Winter

Carnival this morning hey milk was

thrown over for an incredibly swamp

good-looking guy named Milton hey Lenny

what gives

we're supposed to skate together don't

you remember little champ your day'll

come little champ a mistake alright he

meant me he just got the two of us mixed

up okay is that right Lenny it's Louie

it was the bump on the head to get it my

friends get weirder every year Jamie

give me a call in 10 years or so cute

Jeanne Lewis thanks a lot

and

I'm sorry for what cuz cuz maybe you

thought you were older than you are

yeah that and I'm sorry for that and and

maybe you forgot who your real friends

were

yeah that's a good one too yeah and

maybe the person that really wanted to

be with you was right next to you the

whole time

give it a rest oh I've heard of your

Yakkity Yakkity Yakkity all day it's my

job yeah are you size 9 or what how do

you figure

I'm good with feet come on let's go hey

the carnival continued long after the

Sun went down the temperature probably

dipped into the negative 100's but I

didn't care

maybe it was the skating maybe it was

the company or maybe it was frostbite

whatever it was I didn't feel a thing

for the first time all day I was warm

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