01x08 - The Fourth Thursday in November

[bunniefuu]

yeah I guess I cooked this a little too

long there's a lot bigger when I put it

in the oven just thought I get a little

of this white meat before the relatives

arrived well you love Thanksgiving was

my mom's favorite holiday she loved to

cook she's heard about a month before

she's cooked a lot of stuff sometimes

she took seven eight hundred pounds one

item sweet potatoes and then she tried

to push him on you during the meal

there's sweet potatoes Louie there's

more in the oven there's some in the

garage the restaurant the Johnsons hade

your mom ever do this you're finished

with the meal you're into the dessert

all of a sudden she stands up and

screams the cranberries

we forgot um hit him we'll either on the

second show mom we're done with that

part of the meal and you know you're

getting older too when the first thing

you do after you eat look for a place to

lay down well have a happy Thanksgiving

everyone

enjoy the show oh my well you look at

ignoring look at this what a mess you're

probably wondering how perfectly normal

Anderson family Thanksgiving turned into

this four-alarm disaster who knows the

Heimlich maneuver only cousin Sophie

could see this it's an interesting story

it all started the Wednesday before

Thanksgiving you got to get dressed the

pageants about to start I know I have to

play the turkey every year I want to be

Squanto you're the only one who knows

the turkeys 9ji you play the turkey ones

you get typecast for wine next year you

can be Squanto principal's honor they're

gonna change me no one will tease you

no one will gobble at you just one more

year please

I'll say read where the hybrid

celebrates offering for even though I

already taught the pilgrims how to grow

it I'm not sure why I was invited guess

all I have to wing it

I'm very disappointed Louie

what do you have to say for yourself I

told you the Gees me hero the Goblin

that's no reason to go hurling yourself

into the audience we've got four kids in

the infirmary with turkey bites

retrimmed

no how are all those kids supposed to

learn about the meaning of Thanksgiving

a career book on Monday morning you will

deliver an oral report to the entire

student body on the meaning of

Thanksgiving I don't know the meaning of

Thanksgiving will by Monday or it's two

weeks detention

I had five days to find the meaning of

Thanksgiving I figured I better get

started right away mom just

hypothetically uh what's the meaning of

Thanksgiving Oh everyone knows that it's

pumpkin pie

I'm comply oh sure on the one hand

you've got pumpkin filling on the other

tip that pie crust two entirely separate

entities but when combined and baked to

350 degrees they make a single thing of

beauty

it's what Thanksgivings all about you

know it's there's nothing about then

they're history books

take a nice long look at the meaning of

Thanksgiving mom thanks a lot

once again you've been quite a big help

you're welcome yeah I could just see

myself telling the entire student body

that the meaning of Thanksgiving was

pumpkin pie it was time to bark up

another tree

yeah my friends are they talking about

Thanksgiving

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annoying people showed up at your house

Louie

Andy help you set the table no I'm busy

grandma

now keep her away from the windows she

gets cold

cousin Keaney he can't sit in there

grandma because he still owes her money

and Sylvia now she won't sit near cousin

Joey because at that time he insulted

her wig it took over an hour well we

just about finished the Anderson family

jigsaw puzzle win uncle Sammy put him at

the head of the table my dad couldn't

stand Uncle Sam it wasn't just that he

was my mom's brother or that he was

never in the military what he really

hated was that Sammy was rich and he

never let Dad forget they don't

celebrate Thanksgiving which of course

gets us back to the unanswered question

what's the meaning of Thanksgiving

anyone I got just that secret dining

room oh my god Andy Sammy can sit next

to me you know you really should give

Sammy a chance what are you talking

about

everything's giving the insists on

cutting the turkey like it's his house

well he did loan us the downpayment I

paid him back what do they want blood

sorry

yeah who cares of his great-grandfather

swamp that get to the main flower the

shower

there's your meaning of Thanksgiving

Lily once a year you get together with

all your relatives and you're trying to

make them think Airlines is better than

man no we're getting somewhere

every year our Thanksgiving got bigger

so every year mom had to get up earlier

get that turkey we still have it all

began favorite part of the hall ready by

one o'clock our quiet suburban home had

become a teeming hotbed of Anderson

family rivals strangely enough the only

person who seemed to be enjoying the

holiday sweater whoa

what kind of medication you got dad on

happy pills no uncle Sammy never showed

up

it's 2:30 not coming he'll be here

you're delirious as usual come on get

the kids again it's time for annual

turkey day Todd football

Game one annual touch football game do

you think we are

the Kennedys red 21 green 34 army-navy

around the then we're ready down

freezing all right kid

cool let's go check it out come on

what's mr. moneybags driving this time

credible sports car think bigger

high-priced German sedan stretch limo

engine turbo cross our dad you know mom

and her stupid rules no m*ssile silos in

the yard

hey and Happy Thanksgiving

ah right back at you Sammy so what do

you think of my new toy hey I've seen

bigger actually Sammy truth is we're

right in the middle of a little turkey

day touch football game here who do you

think you are the Kennedys postponed it

I was gonna give the kids a Joyride in

the wild blue yonder well you can ask

him but I really don't think

[Music]

he's just buying their love no one will

ever accuse you of that you got that

right

you didn't want to go with them did you

a private airplane ride around the

neighborhood on a day like today I never

seen one like that pop-up maybe it's

broken maybe it's stuck

Sammy things again he's taking over and

he try and be nice he's just

overcompensating maybe you should write

again dad where's your grandmother in

the kitchen

alright alright alright here's a keeper

they're good to see how was your own

time wait a sec it's time for the

Thanksgiving Day Parade I sponsored a

float this year oh well that's a delayed

telecast from this morning Navy wins by

six

come on the parade it's a Thanksgiving

tradition don't you want to see my float

all right Sammy TV plays football

doesn't get parade I favor veteran oh so

that's the problem why didn't you say so

I almost forgot I had this beauty in the

plane I'm bringing it back to the store

trading it in for something bigger but

then we already know who won

[Music]

it's okay we'll have something delivered

they're doing wonderful things with

turkey pizza these days you can't have

pizza for Thanksgiving try the Chinese

place take your shakes people let the

eating begin Oh Ranma I've been looking

all over for you have a seat son

we gotta talk interest you owe me five

bucks ten what my Thanksgiving is ruined

listen buddy no cracks about my hair

understand I'm not talking to you and

I'm still not talking to you

is there a worse seat at this table

let's go kids

all right if you don't come sit down now

you don't get to hear me tell the story

of Thanksgiving finally Khomeini no

thanks kid

oh boy here we go again November 16 2011

throk a sailboat the Mayflower filled

with over a hundred brave little

voyagers from England

the pilgrims finally arrives in the new

world America they're welcomed by the

Pawtuxet Indians

I'll give it a rest me everyone knows

the Patuxent we're dead by sixteen

twenty mile packs listen Andy I think

I'm entitled to tell the story of

Thanksgiving well not to get c*ck or

anything but face facts

my family has simply been here longer

than yours oh really

gather around my little pilgrims

November 16 10 23

that's right Sammy ten years earlier

that rock was still underwater the

Patuxent was still driving a Viking ship

from Norway is watching the Atlantic

when it hits a creep everyone has lost

at sea

everyone that is except for one plucky

wife dr. Anderson handed in a foreign

land without any of his friends or

family Gunter let's just start over

you will not dare - hearing Harry that's

correct

push over Harry plenty of room like I

was saying oh pretty soon and 10 years

later guess who's there to meet a great

great-great-great-great grandfather mr.

johnny-come-lately little fart get my

musket good there

Nancy chana Wow no family of his own but

all the riches in the world what a

tragic figure that Gunther Anderson was

you're telling me now it's time to catch

some turkey Oh

this is my turkey for mine if you want

to cut a turkey after that it was like a

nuclear accident one long chain reaction

same day you stop nagging my way don't

you wigs fine if the rest yet can't

stand looking at it was an Anderson

family melt there was nothing I could do

until Thanksgiving the window well this

is where you came in at this point

things took an odd turn you think he's

all right

there's a kid who really likes you spy

who can blame them have you tasted this

fantastic

grandma about that money I'll get a

check out to you the first thing in the

morning don't worry about it good pie

and I've got 12 more in the kitchen I

never meant what I said about you wait I

mean your hair no you're right it's time

to stop hiding the real me lunch

tomorrow what are you talking about

dinners ruined now the TV just needs a

new tool and you know I bet this turkey

is still pretty good taro Tammy

why don't you do the honors Tammy

where's Sammy

he's leaving why why I don't know I

imagine he felt insulted why

what you say

[Music]

what about I ruined Thanksgiving Andy

what are you doing yes the little

wing-walking

for that Tector sorry about what I said

back no I'm sorry Andy I didn't mean to

cut in on your family no that's what I

mean I was wrong

whenever you want to borrow my family

their yards okay in fact the best part

of the meal she's all yours

brother-in-law on the following Monday I

gave my oral report ladies and gentlemen

I give you the meaning of it was not a

complete success and so I was granted an

additional two weeks to continue my

quest for the meaning of Thanksgiving I

didn't know where else to look after all

I'd asked my entire family her mama was

pumpkin pie for dad it was cutting the

turkey and for me well for me I guess

the meaning of Thanksgiving was that I

had a family to ask and for them

he's a PI principal Halloran

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[Applause]

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