01x03 - Mo-Ron / The Sewer Rescue / The Big Question / The Legends Who Lunch

[bunniefuu]

[HELICOPTER WHIRRING]

[CROWD CHEERING]

CROWD:
Three cheers for Freakazoid.

[CHEERING] Hip hip hooray!
Hip hip hooray!

Hip hip hooray!

Thanks, Freakazoid.

You saved the lives
of everyone in the city.

As well as the entire free world.

WOMAN:
And on behalf of the United Kingdom...

...I want to personally thank you,
Freakazoid, in a very personal way...

...if you catch my drift.

Yeah, well, cool your jets, princess,
and wait your turn.

- He's taken.
- Sharon.

Why, you tr*mp.

Who you calling a tr*mp,
you stuck up little...?

How dare you.

SHARON: Come on, yeah. Right now.
Dl: I'm not afraid of you. How dare you?

Ow!

Dl: I am not accustomed to your style
nor your manner.

Now, ladies, ladies, calm down.
There is plenty of me for everybody.

If not, I'll just have them
draw me bigger.

[SHARON AND DI
ARGUING INDISTINCTLY]

This was without a doubt
the most exciting Freakavoid...

[SPEAKS GIBBERISH]

[CHANTING IN LATIN]

Let me try this again.

Take two.

This was without a doubt...

...the most exciting
Freakazoid adventure of all time.

Hey, kids, sorry you missed it,
but I got started early today.

But tell me, Freakazoid...

...how did you know how to deactivate
this 800-megaton nuclear warhead?

Simple. I read the instruction manual.

See? You just raise the plunger
to deactivate the warhead...

...and you push the plunger
to reactivate it.

[BEEPING]

Ooh, boy. That was about as stupid
as me raising taxes.

[IN SOUTHERN ACCENT]
Allow me to be the first one to say "ouch."

Mm. Hello, kiddies.

I'm the network censor...

...and I just want to assure
our young viewers out there...

...that no one was hurt
in the previous scene.

Everyone is okay.

[MO ANS]

Including me.

[GRO ANING]

Oof!

The aliens may bring to us
the wisdom of the universe.

If not, we'll blast them.

I am Mo-Ron.

I come with a important message...

...for all mankind.

And what is that message?

I am Mo-Ron.

Do you come in peace or w*r?

Ooh!

Muh...

[GRO ANS]

I am Mo-Ron.

What is your purpose here?

Oh!

I am Mo-Ron.

[MURMURING]

GENERAL:
Blast him.

Uh, let me try something.

Tell us, what is two plus two?

[GRO ANS]

Twenty-two.

[GRO ANS]

I am Mo-Ron.

We can pretty much rule out
the wisdom of the universe.

Then let's blast him.

[GRO ANS]

Twenty-three?

[GRUNTS]

Mm. Hello again. I'm the network censor.

And before I was so rudely interrupted...

...I just wanted to say that no one was hurt
in the previous scene.

[MO ANS]

Oh.

[GRO ANS]

Ugh!

[PIPE PLAYS NOTE]

[SINGING] He feels no pain
He can fly quite fast

In feats of strength
He is unsurpassed

His grip is firm
Never quavery

Britannia's superhero
He's Lord Bravery

Lord Bravery, Lord Bravery

Lord Bravery

LORD BRAVERY:
Oh, let's just get on with it.

WOMAN:
Nigel, the tea's ready.

Nigel, the tea.

[GRUNTS]

- Nigel.
- Ouch!

I thought he was impervious to pain.

I am impervious to...

Do I take it the ficus hurled at my head
was meant as some sort of signal?

- The tea's ready.
- Then get it.

Well, you are up, darling.

Oh, yes, let me get the tea.

I'd hate to see either of you actually
have to walk the 3 feet...

...into this frightening,
mysterious new world we call a kitchen.

You might get lost
or attacked by the dishwasher.

Your tea.

You forgot the sugar.

Most people your age die.
Why won't you?

There's no need to be rude, Nigel.

Not being rude, darling.
Merely a suggestion.

Why doesn't he get a job?

This is my job, you old bat.

If I don't monitor
the emergency frequencies...

...I won't know who needs rescuing.

Mother does have a point, Nigel.

This superhero business
doesn't seem to be paying off.

Well, not yet, but it will.

You think Superman
started right at the top?

[IN UNISON]
Yes.

Well, yes, he did, he did,
but not the others.

It takes years to establish yourself
as a superhero.

All the same, a little less time
listening to your radios...

...and more time spent rescuing people
might be better.

Well, what do you expect me to do...

...just fly around all day
looking for people to save?

Good idea.
And get some milk while you're at it.

And some sugar.

SALOME: Oh, and, Nigel,
some chickpeas for the salad.

MOTHER:
And bouillon cubes.

Yes, Mother needs her bouillon cubes.

And some sticky buns.
Don't forget the sticky buns.

[MUTTERS]
"Don't forget the sticky buns."

MAN:
Help!

Ah!

MAN:
Help!

Help!

It's all right, my good man.

Fear not, Lord Bravery has arrived.

Young boy, right, okay, right.
Here's a video camera.

Be a good lad and get a few shots of me
rescuing the man from that hole, all right?

A nice wide shot, not too much headroom
and a nice background...

MAN:
Help!

Yes, yes, we have heard you.
We're not deaf, you know.

What was I saying?
Yes, uh, not too much headroom...

...and try to keep the camera
from shaking, okay?

Ready?

I'll find you, you little...

- Help!
- Would you stop yelling?

Sorry.

All right, all right. What's the problem?

I fell in this hole. I'm trapped.

Fine, hold on. I'll come and get you.

[SNIFFS]

- What's that smell?
- I think I fell in the sewer.

The sew...? Oh! Well, can't you climb out?

If I could climb out,
I wouldn't be yelling "help," now, would I?

Well, you could have at least yelled,
"Help, I'm trapped in a sewer."

- What would that have done?
- Saved me a trip.

MAN:
Do you think you could get me Superman?

Oh, Superman?
What do you need with him?

I'm a superhero, aren't I?

I don't know. Are you?

Yes, I told you.

I said,
"Fear not, Lord Bravery has arrived."

MAN:
Oh, I thought that was a joke.

A joke?

Yeah, you know, to keep me
from focusing on my horrible pain.

- Yes, well, it's not a joke.
- Good, because it didn't work.

[MAN MO ANS]

Look, I'm going to throw a rope
down to you.

MAN: A rope?
I thought you were gonna come get me.

From the sewer?

Superman would do it.

Well, he's not here.

MAN:
Could you go get him?

Look, just grab onto the rope
and I'll pull you up.

Or maybe you could get
those turtle fellows with the bandannas.

I don't think they'd mind
the stench down here too much.

In fact, I think they'd rather like it.

You are a remarkable twit.
Do you know that?

In fact, I think those turtles
live in the sewers.

Listen, would you please stop talking
and just grab onto the rope, all right?

Whoa!

[WATER SPLASHES]

MAN: Do you want to call for Superman
or should I?

LORD BRAVERY:
Oh, fine.

NARRATOR: We interrupt
our regularly scheduled program...

... to bring you this special report
from The WB Network.

What exactly is The WB?

Can someone tell me this?
What's it mean, "The WB"?

The water bucket? The wimpy boy?

The wet bananas? I don't know what.

The weird butt? What? I'm asking.

NARRATOR: This has been a special report
from the Weird Butt Network.

We now join Freakazoid,
already in progress.

That's Uranus.

[SCREAMING]

Greetings, inhabitants of planet Earth.

Uh, greetings.

I have traveled many millions of light-years
across 40 billion galaxies to come here...

...for the answer to a vital question
that concerns the entire universe.

And what is that question?

Please tell us:

That doll, Barbie,
what's the name of her little sister?

Hey, all I can think of is Pebbles.

[WHISPERS]
Let me handle this.

[IN NORMAL VOICE]
It's Skipper.

Skipper.

Huh.

Hey, everyone, it's Skipper.

[ALIENS CHEERING]

[GRO ANS]

I am Mo-Ron.

Now, knock that off.

Oh, now I've hurt his feelings.
Hey, I'm sorry.

[MO-RON GRO ANS]

Mo-Ron forgive.

Lucky me.

NARRATOR:
And now...

[NARRATOR READS ON-SCREEN TEXT]

[PLAYING "CHOPSTICKS" POORLY]

NARRATOR:
This concludes our musical interlude.

We now return to our program.

NARRATOR:
And now...

[NARRATOR READS ON-SCREEN TEXT]

Candid conversations
with the superheroes of yesteryear.

Aquaman is staring at Zippy's food,
so Zippy the fast boy says:

"Hey, I'm having the shrimp scampi here."

And Aquaman says,
"That ain't no shrimp scampi.

That's my Uncle Leo."

[LAUGHING]

I was with Aquaman
outside Sy's Clam Bar once...

...when we ran into the Green Fog.

Oy, what a stink.

The Green Fog? Piffle.

Like lilacs in springtime.

You want to fight a stench,
try doing battle with the Brown Fog.

Now, that was a smelly fog.
He'd creep up on you too.

You'd be standing there,
minding your own business...

...then out from nowhere, a smell...

...oy, like something crawled
under the porch and died.

And there he is, the Brown Fog,
choking you, your eyes burning.

I thought I was gonna die.

- Well, what'd you do?
- What could I do?

I lit a match, he blew up. End of story.

[LAUGHING]

[GASPS]

Hey, blue boy,
did you check the pastrami?

How do know
it ain't got a b*mb in it, huh?

I have many enemies.
Get it away from me.

Yes, sir.

Hurry, it's gonna blow.

"I lit a match."

[LAUGHING]

[CROWD CHEERING]

Thank you. Thank you so much.

Well, that's our show.

I hope you had as much fun watching it
as we had making it.

WOMAN:
You're not the boss of me. I'll make you...

MAN 1: I've a parking space. I'll show you.
MAN 2: I own everything in the world.

MAN 1: I've got my own parking space,
you do not. I drive your car.

Ahh, come to think of it...

...I hope you had more fun watching it
than we had making it.

So till next time.

Hmm...

Hmm...

Hmm...

I am Mo-Ron.

You're still here, huh?

I come with a important message...

...for all mankind.

Yeah, so we've heard. Wonderful.

[GRUNTS]

Me remember message.

Could it be, "I am Mo-Ron"?

No, it is, uh, um...

A giant comet heading to Earth.

Now he tells us.

[CROWD SCREAMING]

All right, folks.
That's all we have time for today.

We have to run.
So next time, don't forget to freak out.

[GRUNTING]

Mm. Hello...

I quit.

WOMAN:
Out here...

... we're on vacation.

We have left work behind.

That's why we don't have any clips
to show...

... from the next episode of Freakazoid.

We'd better get to work.

So fade out already.

Say, here's a sound
you don't wanna hear at 3 a. M:

[GAGGING]