03x08 - Space Ranger

[bunniefuu]

♪ Look at what's
happened to me ♪

♪ I can't believe it myself ♪

♪ Suddenly I'm up
on top of the world ♪

♪ It should have
been somebody else ♪

♪ Believe it or not
I'm walking on air ♪

♪ I never thought I
could feel so free ♪

♪ Flying away on a
wing and a prayer ♪

♪ Who could it be ♪

♪ Believe it or
not it's just me ♪

♪ Just like the
light of a new day ♪

♪ It hit me from
out of the blue ♪

♪ Breaking me out
of the spell I was in ♪

♪ Making all of my
wishes come true ♪

♪ Believe it or not
I'm walking on air ♪

♪ Flying away on a
wing and a prayer ♪

♪ Who could it be ♪

♪ Believe it or
not it's just me ♪

♪ Who could it be ♪

♪ Believe it or
not it's just me ♪♪

Fetchner here. This
is Space Ranger.

- Go ahead, Space Ranger.
- Did you confirm

my last decoding?

Uh, yes. In fact,
they're right here.

Uh, they just came
down from decryption.

You were right on
it. Of course I was.

Those casualty figures
should go right to

the State Department.

They're bargaining chips.

Uh, maybe, but we can't
act on your information

without source confirmation.

You're kidding. What does

a guy have to do to pull some
credibility with you people?

Well, you got it with
me, but it's the others...

You know, the ones
that I have to report to.

I want to bring you
in, Space Ranger.

I wanna come in,
but with a contract

and some perks.

With me working for you,
I could move the agency

up years...

in U.V. spectroscopy alone.

All we gotta do is deal.

Listen to me, Space
Ranger. You've been patching

into security satellites.

That makes you a target
once you get detected.

You could be in danger.

Gimme a location, Central.

Let's go.

Unit Two.

We have it narrowed
down to the Wilshire district.

It'll take a minute
to pinpoint him.

Let's go, Central. Let's
go. Let's get this guy.

You're afraid the
K.G.B. doesn't like me

eavesdropping on them, huh?

Th-That's not funny.
The K.G.B. could be

onto you.

What about you guys,
huh? Listen, Fetchner.

You're not pulling
any surprises on me.

I figure you've got me located
within a half-mile radius.

Leaves open a
lot of possibilities.

We got him now. He's at

a pay phone in the parking
lot at Sixth and La Brea.

Okay. I got that.

Ballantine. Yeah, this is Oscar.

Let me speak to Fetchner.

Hello? Hello?

Yeah. Hey, he burned us again.

Scrammed two pay phones
together in a parking lot.

Damn. I thought
we had him this time.

We're just going to have to
try again when he calls back.

Space Ranger?

This could be a Soviet move
to test our countersecurity

or our monitoring procedures.

With a code name
like "Space Ranger"?

I doubt it. Besides,

he's given us some good
stuff right off of Soviet satellites.

Whoever this Space Ranger
is, he must be some kind of

a communications genius.

He's a virtual genius.

I don't know why
the guy's in my class.

Does he have

disciplinary problems?

No, not that I noticed.

"Given the ratio
of intergalactic

light transponders...

"to the number of
man-made communications

in space,

the likelihood of using
additional magnetized satellites

is minimal."

Sounds like a genius to me.

Honey, can you button me up?

Mm. That's pretty. Thank you.

You know, the guy's
like an eccentric.

He doesn't seem
to fit in anywhere.

He's always so lonely.
I feel sorry for him.

Mmm. Honey, you
wearing the suit to school?

Oh, yeah. Bill was
gonna come by...

with some fingerprints
he wants me to holograph.

Oh. Why don't you
just invite him over

for dinner tonight?

I'm doing an entire gourmet meal

in the microwave oven.

Oh, honey, I'm afraid I
gotta stay after school

tonight for a while.

Oh, that's all right. That's

the beauty of microwave
cooking. It fits your schedule.

Uh... How come
you're gonna be late?

Well, sweetie, listen.

My class wants to enter
the science fair this year,

so I have to
supervise the setup.

You're kidding. Your
class is entering this year?

Yeah, isn't that amazing? I
mean, they really want to win.

This really bums me out.

I did everything it
says on the directions...

and the thing up and dies on me.

♪♪

I need this, right? Paco,

quit kidding around.

Joey worked hard
on this project.

Okay, okay. Enough
with the dead vegetables.

I got the winning
project right here.

Come on. What is this?

Okay, everybody gather round.

Okay, check this out
here. This was great.

Watch the red queen, because
it's gonna disappear right

before your eyes, all right?

All science, no
luck. Takes a buck.

I don't got a buck.
Pick the red queen.

Go ahead.

Come on! Pick the chick!

I don't wanna!

Come on, man! Why
not? Hey! Come on.

Listen. We gotta get serious

about this project if
we're gonna go to Hawaii.

Have you guys seen
what Myerson's class

is doing?

Yeah, an atomic
b*mb or something.

But, hey, man, that ain't fair.

I mean, we never
took no chemistry

or nothing like that.

Wait a minute.
Tam... Tami, you took

a chemistry class, right?

Like that time
when you wanted to

become a nurse.

Hey. You listening to me?

What?

Are you staring
at that geek again?

He's not a geek,
Joey. He's a geek.

He's not a geek.
Ooh. Joey's losing

his chick to a geek.

He's not a geek, Paco. Joey,

I got a great idea.

You should wear a
pair of thick glasses

with the lenses...

Shut up. You too.

Since when do geeks
turn you on, huh?

He doesn't turn me on.

Oh, yeah? Just
never been in a class

with anyone so smart before.

So smart, huh?

I bet you wouldn't think he
was so smart if you'd seen...

the way he threw up when
we made him smoke the cigar.

Oh, you're sick, Joey! Yeah,
well, I bet he could grow

an onion in a fishbowl.

Oooh! Wait a minute.

- Tami's right. That's it!

- Hey, man, what
are you talking about?

Allen ought to be able to
think of a pretty good idea

for the science fair, right?

Yeah, he should. He could be

our ticket to Hawaii.

Yeah. I don't know.

Yeah, man! The guy's smart.

Yeah, he could.

Hey, hey! Allen!
Hey, Allen, buddy!

Pal! Hey, man.

Where you been?

Let's sit you right
down here, fella.

Here. Have a seat.

Get rid of this, man. Come on.

Sit down, relax.

Hey, take it easy.
Take your hat off.

Relax, relax.

We love you. We love you.

How ya doing?

I don't want to enter
any science fair.

I just want to be left alone.

Come on, Allen.
Oh, please, Allen.

Come on. Listen.

Just think about it.

Wouldn't you like to
be a part of this team?

Please? Yeah, you know, like

one of the guys, you know?

Last time you said that
you made me smoke a cigar!

Allen, how were we
supposed to know it

was gonna make you sick?

Yeah, man, otherwise
we'd have started you out on

something easier, you know?

Like, uh, cigarettes. Yeah.

Paco. Yeah. Cigarettes.

Morning, class. Hey, Mr. H..

Thank you very much. All right.
What's going on here, Allen?

All we're trying to do
is make Allen feel like

part of the class.

Everybody please
turn to chapter 13

in the science books.

Well, Mr. H., see
what happened is, uh,

you know, uh, Joey's onion died.

So it's like we're
kinda out of a project

for the science fair,

so we thought that
maybe, you know,

Allen here could help us out.

Yeah. And you know, Allen,

he's about the smartest
guy in the class anyway,

so we figured he
could do it for us.

- What do you say, Allen?
- They just want me to win

the science fair for them.

No! No! That's

not true, Allen.

I really think you're
an interesting guy.

Really?

Mm. Yeah, yeah.

We all think you're,
uh, interesting.

What do you think, Allen?
Allen, you got something...

for, uh, everybody
here to participate in

for the science fair?

Well, I've got something
that I've been working,

but it's kind of
hard to explain.

Yeah, man! That's the kind

of stuff that always
wins, you know...

Something nobody understands.

Allen, you wanna
tell us about it?

It's a radio telescope for
tracking nongeosynchronous

orbiting satellites.

I've designed a
converter to make prints

out of coded signals...

Mostly communications
transponders

used by individual nations.

Their orbits are
elliptical, usually polar.

And I've tracked
nearly 30 of them.

Well, gee.

That sounds pretty neat.

- A "nongeo" what?
- Nongeosynchronous.

Can that be ready for
us in time for the fair?

I've got most of it done. It
just has to be assembled

and hooked up.

We'd have to pick it up.

No problem.

We'll throw it in the
trunk of the Piranha.

Zip in, zip back.
We got it done.

This isn't a ghetto
blaster we're talking about.

It's real technical material,

and it has to be
handled carefully.

All right, uh, well,
Allen, why don't

we go back to your place,

pick it up, and bring it
back for the class to look at?

Mind if I go with you?
Uh, that would be okay,

Mr. Hinkley.

Yea! Yea!

We'll have to take
my van, Mr. Hinkley.

It's designed to accommodate
sophisticated equipment.

Sophisticated
equipment. All right.

It's very nice.

Well, Allen, I'm very impressed.

I mean, this is quite
an amazing setup

you got back here.

Pretty neat, huh? Yeah.

Whoo!

Do you mind if I
ask you something?

You know that, uh, my
class is a special one,

set up for students
with learning disabilities,

or, uh, problem students.

Uh-huh. Yes, Mr.

Hinkley, I know that.

Well, you certainly
aren't a problem student...

Not that I have noticed...

And... and you obviously
have no learning disabilities.

Do you have any idea
why you might have been

placed in my class?

Everybody knows why
a guy like me would be

in your class, Mr. Hinkley.

I'm a geek.

A geek? Allen,
you're not a geek.

Yes, I am. What would you

call a guy who throws up
after he smokes a cigar?

Uh, gee, I don't know.
There must be a term for it.

Yeah. It's called geek.

Tony and those guys
made me smoke a cigar.

I threw up. I'm a geek.

Don't feel bad, Mr. Hinkley.

After a while you
sort of get used to it.

Then it's not so bad.

Allen, is your mom or dad home?

Uh, no.

Uh, I... I live with
my grandmother.

But, uh, she's at a
senior citizens convention

in San Diego.

Come on in. The equipment's

in the backroom.

You live here? Yeah.

I live here.

Homey.

My goodness. Allen,
is all this stuff yours?

Yep. I'll take the
receiver desk.

Would you take that, please?

You know these guys?

Uh... they're not friends
of my grandmother.

Aaah!

Ooh! Aaah!

Ohhh!

Allen!

Allen, are you all right?

I think so.

I lost my glasses.
Everything's real blurry...

and red.

Oh, y-yeah.
That's so the traffic

doesn't hit us.

Uh, uh, can you see anything?

Hardly anything.

All right. Hold on to me

and I'll take you
home, all right?

You gotta be careful.

No, Bill. I didn't have any
idea what was going on.

That's why I wanted
you to check it out,

because your common
household thieves

don't go around...

wearing ties and jackets
and speaking in Russian.

Russian, that's right.

Well, I thought it
would intrigue you.

No, he's just a
student in my class.

His name is Allen Smith.

Fine. Well, you can let me know
what you find out over dinner.

Pam's whipping up a
whole gourmet meal,

you know?

It's part of that

cooking class she's taking.

"Cooking for the Career Woman."

Well, don't let her
hear you say that.

All right. Bye.

Okay, now, fix it over there...

Those little bits.

Looks good. I'm
gonna get the professor

and see what he thinks.

Sure. Hey, Allen, come here.

Check it out.

See if we did a
good job, all right?

What do you think?
That's... That's fine.

Okay, the angle's good.

Okay. Set it outside the
door, facing the mountain.

Okay. Okay?

Hey, man, he told me to do it.

He did not.

Guys, guys, guys.
You wanna be careful?

It's just an umbrella.
Both of you can do it.

You take the umbrella, Here.

You take the cable. Ah.

Good. Yeah.

Hey, Allen. Allen?

I got this junction
box here and I don't...

No, that's the signal moderator.

Just put that there.

Signal moderator. Yes.

Okay, what I want you
to do is attach this here.

This is nuts. Here we go.

All right, man!
Hawaii, here we come!

What are you talking about?
This is an umbrella we got here.

Hey, with all that
stuff we got in there?

If this don't win, nothing will.

What are we gonna

see first, Allen?

Huh? What are we

gonna see first?

Oh, uh, weather satellites
over 20,000 feet up.

Wow. Really?

Hey, Allen, we
got it all set up.

Hey, Mr. H.! Come on over.

We're just about to see
how Allen's gadget works.

There it is, directly from
the weather satellite.

It looks like a TV
weather report.

No, no, no Joey. This
isn't a TV weather report.

This is instantaneous.
It's happening right now.

It's being transmitted from a...
A satellite in this hemisphere,

is that right?

I mean, this is the way
the Earth looks right now.

Wow. Is that it?

Just a bunch of clouds?

Why do I bother?

Hey, we'll see you
all here tomorrow.

Okay.

Okay. Make sure you're here

early for the fair.

We will. Yeah, don't worry,

Mr. H..

Allen.

I am very, very impressed.
This is incredible.

Thank you, Mr. Hinkley.

Ready to go?

Sure. Follow me
back in your van?

Okay. Okay, let's do it.

It's really nice of you to
let me stay over tonight,

Mr. Hinkley.

Uh, but are you sure your
wife won't mind having me over?

Oh, no, no, no,
no. It's her pleasure,

believe me.

She's taking these cooking
classes, and when she

gets these homework assignments,

she likes to have people over
so she can try out new dishes

on them, you know?

You don't mind if, uh,
you take the first bite,

do you?

Teasing. Follow me.

This doesn't make any sense.

Okay. I press "time,"
"reset" and "cook."

Then I press "final
reset" and "activate."

Oh, come on, cook,
you stupid thing!

You're supposed to cook!

Pamela?

Ralph, I'm in here!

What are you doing?
Honey, it's not working.

Mmm. It smells good.

This is Allen, the student
I was telling you about.

Hi. Hi, Allen.

It's nice to meet you.

I've got all this beautiful food

sitting out here,

and this dumb thing...
The lights won't even go on.

Did you press "reset"? Yes.

Then did you press
"time" and then "cook"?

Yes.

Then did you
press "final reset"?

Yes.

I pressed "final reset" and
then I pressed "activate."

Hmm.

Then there must be
a short. Excuse me.

Mr. Hinkley, could I
use your Phillips, please?

Oh. Yes, okay. Screwdriver?

What are you going to do?

It's very simple. This is

a brand-new microwave.

It's still under
warranty. That's okay.

Excuse me.

Honey, does he
know what he's doing?

Don't worry.

Yep. Has a crossed wire...

in the program circuit leading
to the temperature gauge.

It's jamming your input
and message relay.

Oh.

Uh-huh.

Ah! Look at that!

It's working, the
lights are going on.

Thank you very much,
Allen. You're welcome,

Mr. Hinkley.

Thank you for letting me
stay here tonight, Mrs. Hinkley.

Oh. Well, thank you,
Allen, for fixing my oven.

You're welcome.

- Mr. Hinkley, could I

use your bathroom please?
- Absolutely.

U-turn right out here,
through the living room,

it's on the left.

Thank you.

He's a genius, huh? Very smart.

Honey, wait till you see
the feast I am fixing up

tonight.

This is fun, you know.

Boys and girls, anybody home?

In here, Bill!

Bill, I hope you're hungry,
'cause in just a few minutes...

you'll be able to sit down
to a complete gourmet meal,

thanks to the wonders
of modern science.

Oh, yeah. You're serving up

the little skinny chickens
and the m*dget potatoes, huh?

Well, keep the tomatoes
out of mine, now.

You don't have to eat them.
Okay, everybody, watch this.

Bill, did you get anything on
the information I gave you?

Ah, zip on those guys,
Ralph. Uh, the only story there

is your kid, Allen Smith.

There is no Allen Smith.
Well, there is about 35 of them

in the L.A. directory,

but none that fits
his description...

Living at that address,

with a grandmother
that's into senior citizens

conventions.

By the way, the address
that you gave me...

Uh, that's a house
that belongs to the City

Transit Authority.

It's, uh, condemned, boarded up.

What?

Look at this! They're
turning brown already.

So I think we ought to drop
a full-court press on this kid,

squeeze the story out of him,

and, uh, you know, I
mean, he could be, uh,

working with these agents.

He could be, uh,
a sleeper agent,

you know?

All right. Now, Bill,
the kid's only 16.

I don't want to alienate him.

Well, yeah, but...

Ah! Look at that.

Dinner's ready.

Uh, counselor, why don't
you try a new cooking school?

That was in there for only
three and a half minutes.

That's the magic of
microwave cooking.

Ahhh. My third lesson.

Wonderful. Put it
on hold, will you?

Or just on warm?

'Cause Ralph and me
are gonna have a little story

conference with the kid here.

Not too long.

Look, Fetchner. I was just
starting to trust you guys.

You had no business
sending those gorillas in

after me.

- It was a breach of faith.
- Listen to me, Space Ranger.

I had nothing to do
with it, but I warned you

something could happen.

Now, play straight with me.
I'm not buying that, Fetchner.

You know all about it.

Allen? Oh, hi, uh...

Hello?

I was trying to get in
touch with my grandmother.

Who doesn't exist.

Okay, Allen, or
whatever your name is,

you may be able to con
your schoolteacher here,

but you can't con the F.B.I.

Now, you and me are gonna
have a little conversation.

Let's go.

Take it easy on him, Bill.

Hello? Hello?

Did we get a trace on this yet?

Almost.

Well, just as soon
as you get it, move.

Allen, we know you're
in some kind of trouble,

and Bill and I wanna help
you, but you've gotta be honest

with us.

You could start by
giving us your real name.

That'd help.

Allen Longstreth.

I've always hated it,
because kids used to call me

"Allen Longbreath."

My formative years
were a real bummer.

I am just about
ready for you guys!

Is that why you
changed your name?

Ralph, will you punch
up your dimmer?

He changed his name
because he's hiding...

something from somebody.

Would you get off my case?

How do guys like him
get in the bureau anyhow?

All right, Allen.
Allen, okay, now you

ran away from home,

and you've been
living alone ever since?

Yeah. I left home in Pomona
right before school started.

I just couldn't take any more
of my parents' harassment.

Let's face it. I'm
not your ordinary kid.

We just couldn't relate.

Come on, everybody.
Wanna take your seats?

Honey, we'll be there
in a minute, all right?

How'd you get into
that abandoned house

you're living in?

I knocked a few boards
out of the front window.

I worked in a county
office during the summer.

I had access to a
lot of computers.

I found out about those
abandoned houses,

and I figured I could
stay there for a while

before anyone found out.

Then I enrolled in Whitney.

My one mistake in
computer programming

landed me in your class.

I was supposed to be signed up

for Calculus with Binkley.

Huh. Binkley.

Come on, you
guys! Dinner's ready.

Isn't anybody hungry?

Come on. Let's go.

Look what I did. Ta-da!

Allen. Bill.

Very, very nice.

Thank you. Those
are the Russians!

Don't sh**t!

- Don't sh**t!

Hold it right there! C.I.A.!

Hey! Longbreath, wait for me!

Go around the
house! Out, out, out!

Who are you guys, huh?

Oscar, C.I.A.

You're coming with
us now, Space Ranger.

You wanted to come in.

Now you're in.

But until you tell us the truth,
we're not going to be able to

help you, Space Ranger.

Listen. I've already told you,

I'm not Space Ranger,
and I don't need any help.

I gotta tell you. I
think that red suit

is a real nice touch.

I especially like the cape.

Is... Is that all wash-and-wear,
or do you have to get it

dry-cleaned?

Listen. I've told
you a hundred times,

I am a high school teacher,
I'm putting on a science fair.

And this is a joke
because I'm entertaining

the rest of the faculty.

Who were the guys
that fired on my men

from inside your house?

- I don't know.
- I suppose you also don't know

about Soviet code decryption...

or security satellite
interfacing either.

No, I don't.

Listen to me, Space Ranger.

You have cracked into some
of the most sophisticated...

Soviet satellites
floating around up there.

You've also tapped into ours.

Now it's not that hard
for anyone to locate you

by tracing your frequency.

That means that if
we could find you,

so can anyone
else whose satellite

you might have intercepted.

Cooperate with us...

or things could become
very unpleasant for you.

If you're gonna keep him,
then you have to charge him.

Mr. Ballantine, I'm
Ralph Hinkley's attorney.

But you're also his wife.

That's beside the
point. It doesn't mean

the judicial rules change.

Now what are you
charging him with?

Mrs. Hinkley, this is
a matter concerning

the Central Intelligence Agency.

When we're finished
questioning him,

then we'll let him go.

You have kept
him here all night.

How many questions does
my client have to answer?

Thank you.

Excuse me.

This just came up from the lab.

Those voice charts
of the Space Ranger

and this guy don't match.

No, they sure
don't. And his wife's

an attorney,

and she's out here beating me

with legal speeches.

I think we oughta let him go,
else we might have some trouble.

Okay, you can go.

Thanks.

Why did we spring him?

You got something
up your sleeve?

No, he's not Space Ranger.
The voice graphs don't match.

But he knows who
Space Ranger is, 'cause

the calls came from his house.

I want him followed. Got it.

I'll use Burke and Babcock.
They can follow anything.

Good, 'cause anybody who
can't stay on a guy in red tights

is a moron.

Did you bring my clothes?
Oh, yes, but I left them

in the car.

Oh, great, great, great.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

That's all right. There's just

so much going on.

Listen, honey. I know
I'm gonna be followed.

So why don't you go
downstairs, get the car,

drive around the corner
and wait for me, okay?

Okay. Be careful.

Who is Space Ranger?

Well, I'm guessing it's Allen.

I mean, they were talking
about codes and satellites

and Soviets and stuff.

It probably all ties in with
the radio tracking device

that Allen built.

Well, then did you
tell them about it?

No.

No, no, no. I didn't have

the heart. I want to have

a chance to talk to Allen first.

Oh, honey, well, he's
been with Bill all night,

so I don't think it's
been too easy on him.

Okay, that's it! I got
you, you dirty little rat!

You're finished!

What... What are you doing?

Well, what are you
doing? We're playing

Space Wars.

At 7:00 last night, I
was down 10 bucks.

I'm making a comeback.
Come on, play, kid.

Mr. Hinkley, you
knocked the door in.

Weak hinges, Allen.

Uh, yeah, Ralph, uh, you
want to put the door up?

I got neighbors here.

What, you, you've been
playing video games

all night long?

Well, what did you expect?

The kid was so nervous
after that shootout

at the O.K. Hinkley Corral,

he threw up three times
and started to stutter.

So we stopped by his joint
to get some clothes, and he

brought this thing along.

Well, anyway, it keeps him calm.

Where you been all night?

Well, Bill, I've been with the
C.I.A. answering questions

about the Space Ranger.

C.I.A.?

Allen, you wanna
tell us a little bit

about the Space Ranger?

I'm sure you know more
than all three of us here

about the Space Ranger.

Okay, okay.

You're looking at
the Space Ranger...

from Geeksville.

Allen, you've been
making it real difficult

for a lot of people.

Who were those guys that
were chasing you today?

I think a couple
of K.G.B. turkeys.

K.G.B.? What are you
talking about, K.G.B.?

Allen, why?

It all has something to do
with the... the project he did

for the science fair at school.

Well what did he
build, a nuclear sub?

It's just a homemade radio
telescope I put together from

scrounged parts, that's all.

Yeah, scrounged
parts that allow him

to decipher Soviet codes.

Look. I just got lucky with

some prime-number base
codes off a Soviet satellite.

I wasn't trying to
break into their system.

It just happened.

Allen, what is all this Space
Ranger business about?

It's my code name for
when I'd call the C.I.A.

with the information.

All I wanted was a job.
That's all I've ever wanted...

To work for the C.I.A.

I was just trying to gain a
little credibility with them,

that's all.

Well, Allen, try gaining
a little credibility with us,

all right?

Now you got some
real trouble here, man.

All right. Okay.

Trouble right
here in River City!

Listen, Allen. I'm an attorney.

I can help you, but you have to

be honest with us.

Now, you're a minor
and we can probably

work this out.

Okay, boys and girls,
uh, just, uh, let's back off

a second.

We're not just talking about
sending Allen to his room

'cause he's been a bad boy.

We're talking K.G.B.,
satellite trackers.

The first thing we have to
do is find this thing, whatever

it is, the genius has built.

Where is it?

I wonder where Mr. H.
Is. It's getting close to 8:00.

Maybe he went out
and bought himself

a Hawaiian shirt.

You know, you guys,
there is a chance

that we might not win.

Nah. I looked at all
the other projects.

Most of 'em look like
Joey's dead onion.

♪♪

This geek better make the
game, or one of us is gonna have to

figure out...

how to pilot this
pile of test tubes.

Allen will be here. I
mean, who wouldn't?

Whatever this stuff is, it's
something to be proud of.

Yeah? So are you.

The way you've been
hitting on this geek,

it's sure making me crazy.

Joey, shut up.
I'm just being nice.

I mean, look. He helped us out,

didn't he?

Yeah, well, somebody
better help us out,

'cause, uh, here's Mr. Knight.

Yes. Hi, Mr.

Knight. How are you doing?

The entry for
Mr. Hinkley's class, huh?

Mm-hmm.

Where is Mr. Hinkley?

Uh, we expect
him any minute, sir.

Yeah? Well, I'm
sorry. We can't wait.

The Whitney High School
Science Fair rules book

clearly states...

that all science fair
entries must be registered

before the homeroom bell.

Yes, so I will need an
explanation of your project,

its function and capabilities.

Oh, uh, this one here
is easy, Mr. Knight.

Uh, you see, what it does, uh...

I mean, uh, its, uh,
functional capabilities

are, uh...

Yes? What Paco

is trying to spit out,

is that the beauty
of this project

is its simplicity.

In other words... It's
like growing an onion

in a fish tank...

without any sunlight. Exactly.

Now, I know you're probably
asking the same questions I did.

Why did these plants
appear to grow more rapidly...

when given large audio
doses of Led Zeppelin...

as opposed to their
rapid deterioration

when regular a.m.,

or more precisely,
Top-40 music is played?

The answer is
quite simple, really.

Did you ever wonder about
the structural resiliency...

of ultra-light
construction materials...

and their reflective
qualities pertaining to, like,

heat and cold?

It's really fascinating.
We traced Hinkley to this

school so he should be here.

We can only hope that he
leads us to Space Ranger.

Yeah.

Punch.

Why didn't you just
turn your contraption

over to the C.I.A., Longbreath?

See what I mean, Mr. Hinkley?
"Longbreath." Big joke! Ha ha!

All right. Bill,

would you take it easy
on the guy, all right?

Allen, if you played it straight
with the C.I.A., the whole thing

would have been easier.

You think the C.I.A. is gonna
take a teenage geek named

Allen Longbreath seriously?

No way. Oh, come on, Allen.

You may have made a
few mistakes along the way,

but that satellite tracker you
developed is something you

should be proud
of... real proud.

Yeah, after they send me
to reform school, I'll be able

to start my own fan club.

"Science Freaks and
Slide-Rule Geeks."

Maybe I'll even
have a newsletter.

Allen, come on. No
one is gonna send you

to reform school.

Well, I wouldn't exactly
take that to the bank, Ralph.

Bill. All right,

but that satellite tracker...

goes to the C.I.A. first thing,
and, uh, young Longbre...

Longstreth here gets debriefed
and put on a short leash,

just in case he gets
any bright ideas about

building a neutron b*mb...

out of baling wire and a
couple of busted toasters.

Can you do something with him?

I was just telling
Clarence here about

my first science fair win.

I won the Whipply
Corporation Award...

for my work with
friction reduction...

in internal gear
sprockets development.

Now, I know that
doesn't seem like much...

in light of what Clarence
has put together here but...

Aw, Dad, get off it, huh?
Oh, now, Son, you should

be proud of your work.

A solar-powered attache case.

Does Clarence here
take after his old man

or what?

Uh, yes, I'm sure he does,

Mr. Mortner.

You'll excuse me?
Ah, Mr. Hinkley!

I'm so glad you
could make this fair.

I was just about to disqualify

your class's entry.

Well, that's Hinkley,
so the guy with him

must be Space Ranger, huh?

- That's him.
- Tell me, Mr. Hinkley.

Just what is your class's entry?

- Hold it! Don't move.
- The boy's coming with us.

You, identify yourself!

Maxwell, F.B.I.! Who are you?

Henry Fetchner, C.I.A.

William Oscar, C.I.A., Maxwell.

Hold your fire.

Don't tell me you're
Space Ranger, Maxwell,

or you're up to
your hips in this.

Since when does
C.I.A. jurisdiction...

include science fairs
at a high school, huh?

Space Ranger? Give me a break.

- What do you think I am,
some kind of egghead?

- Where's Allen?

He was stepping
out of here fast, man,

when you guys started
throwing around all that lead.

And he had two
g*ons on his case.

Oscar, you better
call in backup.

Let's see if we
can't pick him up.

Now, you gotta
slip into the suit,

and grab something
of Longbreath's, and,

uh, go for a holograph.

We got to stop 'em before
he wins the science fair

in Moscow.

- No! I don't want to go!
- No!

Oh, hello. I-I'm part of

the class science project.
That's why I'm wearing this.

See, I'm a human antenna.
Uh, if you had a radio,

I'd show you.

Uh, hold on to this
for a minute, will you?

Sure.

Bill, Delaware Park.

They have Allen and
they have a chopper

waiting for him.

Okay, kid, go get
him and talk me in.

I'll do that.

Honey, would you do me a favor
and make sure the kids in here

are taken care of?

Bill, come in, are you
there? I found them.

Gotcha, kid. I wrap 'em
up. You grab the chopper.

You've got the wrong guy!
I'm just a high school kid!

Let me go!

Shut up!

Come on. Get up. What happened?

You wait here.

Okay, hold it! F.B.I.!
Right there. Freeze it!

Freeze it, hot shot!
Now, throw 'em out.

Toss 'em.

I mean it, baby! Toss 'em!

Come on. Come on.

All right. Hold it right there.

Freeze it.

What's the trouble?

Oh, him? Well,
what can I tell you?

When he was in high school,
he won his science fair too.

Ralph, I gotta tell you,
it's a total mystery...

how a card-carrying genius
like this Longstreth kid...

ever got stuck in your
class full of mental midgets.

Well, Bill, I already told you

it was a mistake.

But, you know,
kids today aren't just

academically maladjusted.

There's all kinds of
reasons why a kid like that

could be in my class.

Oh, yeah, sure. Grand
theft auto, rock and roll,

surfing, all that.

You know, it must be real hard
for a kid as bright as Allen to

find friends he can relate to.

Ah, come on. He's only a genius.

Uh, him and me
didn't have any trouble

communicating at all,

once he figured out who
was wearing the badge.

Well, my parents are coming in
from Pomona later this afternoon

to pick me up,

and Mr. Knight said
that if I finish my studies,

he'll sponsor my application
for the special student program

at Cal Tech.

They have a heck of an
astrophysics department.

Oh, yeah, astrophysics.
That was always

one of my favorites.

- Bill, come on.
- Come on, Mr.

Maxwell. No more
"Longbreath" stuff.

Oh, okay. Oh,
Bill's just giving you

a hard time, Allen.

As a matter of fact, he spoke
to his buddies down at the C.I.A.

about you this morning.

And, they said, if you
finish high school...

and get a college
degree, and stay out of jail,

they figure maybe they could use

a guy like you...

in their special
reconnaissance program.

Really? Mm-hmm.

Well, like the lady says,
you gotta stay out of jail.

No more spy stuff.

- What is all this?
- Well, Mr. H.,

uh, we all know
that if it wasn't for us,

uh, you know, trying to
get Allen to win this trip

to Hawaii for us,

that, uh, he wouldn't have
got his invention trashed.

So... Ta-da!

We kicked in all
the brainy stuff

we could find, and, uh...

So that way you can
put together another one

of them genos... geos...

You know, those
"geno-syncrosis" things.

Yeah, and maybe next year
we can win that trip to Hawaii.

Gee, guys, uh, thanks a lot.

Now, are you gonna be
able to put something together

with all this junk?

I mean, you got Mom's
toaster, and Paco's old amplifier,

what's left of a video game...

Oh, and we got the
bottom of a telephone.