02x21 - Who's Woo in America

[bunniefuu]

♪ Look at what's
happened to me ♪

♪ I can't believe it myself ♪

♪ Suddenly I'm up
on top of the world ♪

♪ It should have
been somebody else ♪

♪ Believe it or not
I'm walking on air ♪

♪ I never thought I
could feel so free ♪

♪ Flying away on a
wing and a prayer ♪

♪ Who could it be ♪

♪ Believe it or
not it's just me ♪

♪ Just like the
light of a new day ♪

♪ It hit me from
out of the blue ♪

♪ Breaking me out
of the spell I was in ♪

♪ Making all of my
wishes come true ♪

♪ Believe it or not
I'm walking on air ♪

♪ I never thought I
could feel so free ♪

♪ Flying away on a
wing and a prayer ♪

♪ Who could it be ♪

♪ Believe it or
not it's just me ♪

♪ Who could it be ♪

♪ Believe it or
not it's just me ♪♪

You can't come in here.
This is Dr. Woo's office.

- Will you keep
the little lady quiet?
- Who are you?

Did Dr. Woo get to his plane?

No, he didn't, C.C.

Where is he?

Well, let's just
say that he's not.

What do you mean, he's not?
You didn't k*ll him, did you?

- Hey, come on, C.C. I thought...
- I didn't want Dr. Woo dead!

Look. I got a phone call from
Prentice. I took care of him.

What if we can't find that microchip? He
may have already done something with it!

Just relax, C.C. I'm
pretty sure he didn't.

Pretty sure? Let me
tell you something.

Now, I got me here a receipt that
says that Dr. Woo sent something to L.A.

Now, if it was the microchip, it
is going to be Prentice's head!

You tell Prentice to get his
tail to L.A. and wait for my call!

I'll straighten him
out when I get there!

We go to L.A.

Ralph, the Bernsteins
beat us fair and square.

What's wrong with
second place anyway?

Second place is fine the first
year, but the second year it stinks.

Pamela, when it's
our ad in a tiebreaker...

and they call the second
serve out, don't you call it in.

- But it was in.
- We could have gotten another
serve out of that.

Here's your trophy.

Do you want to get
that? I can't even move.

In.

At least they could have
put some candy in this thing.

Hello, John McEnroe's residence.

If that's the Bernsteins, tell them we
can't make it. We're polishing our trophy.

Uh, I was only kidding.
Uh, yes, this is Pamela.

Mrs. Hinkley! Uh, yeah, me too.

My mother?

- Uh, hi!
- Hiya, honey.

- How's, uh... How's Hawaii?
- Oh, Hawaii was wonderful.

I'm terrific. And I'm in town
at the Harrison Arms Hotel.

You're in town? What,
here in-in Los Angeles?

I thought you were staying for at least
another month. What are you doing here?

- Didn't you get my postcard?
- Uh, check and see
if there's a postcard...

in the basket right there.

Yes, I got your postcard.
The one from Hawaii.

Yeah, I wrote and told
you we were coming.

We? Philip and I.

- Philip...
- Kaballa.

- Uh, Philip Kaballa.
- From New York.

Yes, the guy from New
York. I can't wait to meet him.

Philip, Ralph says he
can't wait to meet you.

Oh, that's great. I
can't wait to meet him.

Is-Is he there with you? Put him
on the phone. Let me talk to him.

Well, um, he-he's a
little indisposed, honey.

He's in the shower?

Anyway, why don't we
have dinner tonight? Hmm?

It'll be great. I want
the two of my men...

to get to know each
other as soon as possible.

And I can't wait to meet that
Pamela you've told me about.

Uh, yeah, sure, uh, Pam and
myself, and you and your, uh...

- Fiancé.
- Fiancé?

Isn't it exciting?

Now, I'm going to go
down and get my hair done.

And Philip's going to meet you
downstairs at the bar. You can't miss him.

He's the handsome one
with the dark brown eyes...

who's going to
marry your mother.

I'll meet you later at
the restaurant, okay?

Right. Love you much.

Fiancé?

I can't believe you're not
happy for your mom, hon.

A postcard?

Listen, honey. If your mom has found some
nice elderly gentleman that she likes...

Nice elderly gentlemen don't take
showers in my mom's hotel room, thank you.

Sounds like the other man in
your mom's life is a little jealous.

Jealous? Me, the
perfect sibling? Ha!

I bet you're gonna
end up loving Philip.

I mean, your mom's got to have
great taste. She raised you, didn't she?

Yeah, and I turned out
to be a pretty super guy.

Yeah.

I don't know, I guess I am being a little
silly about this whole thing, aren't I?

Well, you're entitled. But Philip
probably plays a great game of bridge...

and likes to take a nice, long
stroll in the park after dinner.

He'll be great for your
mom. No way, Pam.

My mom's not a stroller.

She's a bowler.

Brown eyes is hardly
a complete description.

How in the world am I
supposed to find this guy?

Just look for the gleam.

He probably wears
glasses with my luck.

You, Ralph, are going to
make a great father-in-law.

What? What, do you see him?

Uh, maybe.

Do you think that's the guy?

Well, Ralph, you're gonna have
to go over and introduce yourself.

He doesn't know
what you look like.

Go.

Uh, hi. Philip Kaballa?

And I believe you
know my mother?

I believe you have me
confused with someone else.

I'm-I'm sorry. I thought you had
brown eyes and-and you don't.

I wouldn't have
bothered you. I... See, I...

Oh, boy. The
guy's got blue eyes.

Probably thinks I'm trying
to pick him up. I'm sorry.

Philip Kaballa.

Philip Kaballa. Pick
up the house phone.

- It's probably your mother.
- Yeah.

Well, I'm gonna get that. This Philip
Kaballa is liable to keep us waiting forever.

Hello, Mom? Ralph?
Ralph Hinkley?

Who is this? It's Philip.

Sorry I missed you, kid,
but I had to grab a cab.

Meet you in the lobby.
Doorman wants the phone.

Can't wait to meet you, son.

"Son."

Well, I'm gonna give this guy
about three more seconds... Ralph...

Ralph?

Ralph, I'm Philip Kaballa.

Hi, Philip.

So, Philip, you're a consultant?

Sounds very exciting. What kind
of consulting do you do, Philip?

- Uh, international.
- Oh, so you travel
a lot then, huh?

Sometimes. Here, Ralph.

Have one of my...
business cards right here.

Well, it's sure nice to know if we
ever need an international consultant,

we have one right
here in the family.

Well, Ralph, what do you think?

What do I think?

I... I... I think it's
great. I think it's great.

Well, thanks, Ralph.

Philip and I were
talking it over and...

we want you to be
part of our wedding.

You've always been the
creative one in the family,

so we want you to
write the wedding vows.

- Would you do it?
- You know,
something simple and...

Right. Sincere.

That would be very nice, honey.

Well, what can I say? Oh...

My men.

So when is the happy day anyway?

Sometime next fall? Or
maybe Christmastime?

- Tuesday.
- Tuesday!

Tuesday at dusk. There's a little
chapel at the Divine Light Park,

and Philip and I talked it
over... it's just what we want, so...

Uh, Mom, excuse me. Tuesday is
gonna be real inconvenient for me.

It's not that I'm not delighted
because I'm very delighted.

But do you think you can postpone it
a little bit? Let's say, next springtime?

You think we're rushing
into this, don't you?

In a word, yes.

Ralph, when
it's right, it's right.

I'm sure you and Pam
know about these things.

We didn't meet on
a beach in Hawaii.

I have to buy a wedding gown. Something
honest, something simple, you know.

An off-white caftan.

Maybe, uh... I
know just the place.

Wonderful, you can
go with me. It'll be fun.

We'll get to know each other.
After all, we're almost a family.

Almost. I'd love to, Paula.

Great. While you two
girls are out shopping,

old Ralph here and I will
spend a little time together.

Man to man.

I bet you play racquetball.
What do you say, 9:00 tomorrow?

But you got to go
easy on the old man.

Uh, gee, Philip, 9:00's pretty
bad for me. I got a class at 8:00.

We'll make it 7:00.

Oh.

Well, if you don't object, I'm going
to dance with your new stepfather.

Come on, hon.

I'm gonna be sick.

So, Philip's a little younger than your
mom. He seems like a very nice guy.

Honey, if Philip
was any younger,

we would've played on the same
Little League team. Come on, hon.

You don't get a tan like that by working for
a living. Looks like bachelor of the month.

Probably lives off that stuff
he wins on those game shows.

He loves your mother. And he
wants to marry her. Isn't that enough?

With all due respect
to my mother, why?

K-A-B-A-L-L-A. Philip Kaballa.

Worldwide Consultants, right?

Just a feeling, Bill, but I don't think
it'd hurt anything if you checked him out.

You know, birth dates, former employers.
See if he has a record, phony papers,

uh, ex-wives, uh,
bad checks, anything.

Who is this guy? Sounds like
you're getting ready to marry him.

You're getting close.
No, no. It's, uh...

It's just a hunch. But I'd
consider it a personal favor.

I'll wait for you at home.

Calling a cab, huh?

You're not calling Bill
about Philip are you?

Wh...

Uh, at the tone the
time will be 11:17.

Boy, I can't get this
thing to keep time.

I think there's a cab out front.

L.A. F.B.I. just hit our
line about Philip Kaballa.

They want a back check.

Respond with no priors. I want
to sell this guy with a clean slate,

and I don't want the
F.B.I. in on it as yet.

And pull the plug on the agent.

Hey, what's goin' on?

Set it up.

- Arthur Woo.
- Who?

No, "Woo." Arthur Woo.
What do you know about him?

- Nothing. I don't
know who Woo is.
- Positive, Mr. Hall.

You're from the Harrison Arms. What do you
want with me? I wasn't hitting up on you.

- What're you doing?
- I live in this house.

No, you don't, Mr. Kaballa.

Ralph Hinkley lives here.

And I have a courier receipt
signed by you from Arthur Woo.

Why? I don't know why.

Or Woo or who. My
name is Ralph Hinkley.

Why'd you introduce
yourself as Philip Kaballa?

I was asking you if
you were Philip Kaballa.

I said Philip Kaballa like it
was a question. Where is he?

- Who? Woo?
- No, Philip Kaballa.

He must be telling the truth.
All his readouts are positive.

k*ll him.

Hold it! F.B.I., Los Angeles.
Freeze it babies, right there.

What have you got, Ralph?
A little party here, huh?

You, hold still. Easy now.

Stand easy.

Hey, what's going on?
What's going on here?

Please!

Prentice Hall. Senior vice
president of Universal Petroleum.

The question is, what do they
want with a high school teacher?

They didn't want me.
They wanted Philip Kaballa.

That doesn't help us any. I ran
him. I told you. He's squeaky.

This Worldwide Consultants is nothing
but a phone drop for a courier service.

What's that? Like, uh, a
gofer service or something?

Yeah, kinda. Guys
that work that scam, uh,

deliver dated portfolios
and stuff for big corporations.

It's a puff job. Most of 'em
are gigolos or ski instructors...

flying around the world
working on their tans.

How do you know this guy?
I don't know him very well,

but my mom knows
him a little bit better.

I hope she doesn't know him too well, 'cause
this guy's got some wires burning someplace.

These Texas dudes are
tough, got a lot of juice. Uh, Bill,

I gotta go meet Philip
Kaballa in about a half an hour.

Play a game of racquetball.
You wouldn't by chance...

wanna come along and see if you
can haul this guy off for something?

On what charge? I already told
you. I ran him. He's squeaky clean.

If you think he stinks,
you keep after him.

See if you can come up
with something. Let me know.

Is there a court for
a Philip Kaballa?

Match waiting.
Court six, Mr. Kaballa.

Uh, I'm... Never mind.

Sit down, please,
Mr. Kaballa. Have a seat.

Would you guys take
it easy? I know the drill.

Shut up, Mr. Kaballa. You'll
be hurt. I am not Philip Kaballa!

Shut up.

What do you know
about Arthur "Who"?

"Woo," and I don't know the man.

Don't lie to us, Philip.

We know that you met with Woo in his
office in Hawaii. He gave you something.

Something you
signed for. Where is it?

Tell us, Philip. I am
not Philip Kaballa.

My name is Ralph Hinkley, and I don't
know an Arthur Woo or Who or who Woo is.

Philip, tell these
guys that I'm not...

Again?

Ralph, they put you
on the wire again?

The House of Polygraph
must be having a sale.

Yeah, only this time the guys were Arabs,
and they thought I was Philip Kaballa again.

Kept asking me if I... I
knew some guy named Woo.

- Uh, who?
- Woo. Arthur Woo.

Apparently Philip Kaballa picked
something up from him in Hawaii.

Bill, I'll fill you in
when you get here.

Oh, by the way, go by my
house and pick up the "uit-say."

And, uh, don't forget
to dress for lunch. Bye.

Let's follow this guy.

He'll lead us to the microchip.

Mr. Heller? This
is Philip Kaballa.

- Trace this.
- I have a delivery for you
from a Dr. Arthur Woo...

from the Universal
Petroleum Lab in Hawaii.

Yes, Mr. Kaballa, we've been
waiting for your call. Where are you?

Never mind where I am.
If you want the Woo chip,

be at the Divine Light Chapel
this afternoon at 5:00 p.m.

There'll be a wedding
rehearsal going on.

I'll meet you there.
And bring cash.

Uh, how will I know you?

You won't.

Kaballa. Philip Kaballa. Now,
you said he was a courier.

Well, Arthur Woo hired him
to transport something to L.A.

Whatever it is, these guys from Universal
Petroleum and the Arabs want it bad.

I'm on strictest orders from
Carlisle to stay off of this thing.

Comes from way, way upstairs.
We'll have to work it on the inside.

Got the suit? We'll stick close
to your mom. It's gonna be okay.

Soon as it gets shaky, my mom is
out of it. What could these guys want?

Isn't it beautiful?

Pamela, I don't think I've
ever been happier in my life.

It is gorgeous. And you are
going to make a beautiful bride.

Thank you. Hello, g*ng.

- And where's Philip?
- Uh, he couldn't make it.

I guess he had to get his tux
pressed or something. I don't know.

Oh, probably getting a case of
cold feet. You know how grooms are.

Uh, Mom, I'd like you to meet
Bill Maxwell. He's a friend of mine.

This is my mom, Paula
Hinkley. Well, Bill, hello.

- Ralph has told me
so much about you.
- Same here.

Only thing is, he didn't tell
me how handsome you are.

- Shucks! Thanks,
Mrs. Hinkley.
- Paula, please.

Okay, Paula. Ralph, I have
something I want to show you.

I'd like to talk to you
about something. No, no.

That can wait. Look.

Isn't it beautiful?

Philip gave it to me last night.

But you should see the gown
that Pam and I picked out.

Oh, but we still have
to go get the shoes.

We can do that after lunch,
right? And then we'll all meet...

at the chapel for the rehearsal.

Oh! Who's... Who's
getting married?

Didn't I tell you, Bill? My mom is
going to marry Philip Kaballa... tomorrow.

Oh-h... Congratulations.

Thank you. Ralph, you didn't
forget to tell your best friend, did you?

- And I thought I was
the nervous bride.
- Uh, Mom...

You didn't forget the
wedding vows, did you, honey?

He's writing the wedding
vows. Isn't that terrific?

Mom, I don't want you
to marry Philip Kaballa.

Ralph!

Why? I-I thought you
and Philip were fine.

Mom, this is very hard for me. Last night
somebody thought I was Philip Kaballa and...

- Ralph!
- Well, this morning there
was two guys and they...

Ralph! Uh, Carlisle...

There's just a lot of reasons why
I don't want you to marry the guy.

- Like what?
- Well, like... like... Well, uh...

Like who in their right mind wants to go
through life with a name like Paula Kaballa?

Philip is going to make
me a wonderful husband.

He's warm and he's honest.

Besides, I have enough
love for both of you.

That's the woman
Kaballa met in Hawaii.

We follow her, and
she leads us to him.

Uh, telephone call for
Agent William Maxwell.

Uh, yeah, right.

Maxwell. Yes, Tommy.

When? Yeah,
I'll get right on it.

Universal Petroleum just
posted a one million dollar bond...

and Prentice Hall... walked.

- Prentice Hall?
- Who?
- No, Hall.

Uh, let's pay this gentleman
a visit. Shall we, uh, Ralph?

Ladies, if you'll just
excuse us for a few minutes.

Guy named Calvin Coolidge
Smith owns this whole latch-up.

Raises horses. He also
owns Universal Petroleum.

His execs stay here
when they're in town.

Agent William Maxwell, F.B.I.,
Los Angeles to see Prentice Hall.

No, I don't have a warrant. No.

But I can sure get one if
you think that's... Tell 'em...

Philip Kaballa is here.

Name-dropper.

How could they let these guys
out, Bill? They tried to k*ll me.

We were only holding him on as*ault
charges and Hall didn't have any priors.

Universal Petroleum's
got a lot of clout, uh...

Money talks, what can I tell ya?

Bill, look.

Prentice Hall. Looks like he
didn't get his job done in time.

Ralph!

Come on. Get going.

Ralph, you okay? Yeah.

I got the suit on. Just
knocked me off balance.

Go on. Get going!

Go get 'em, Ralph.

What the hell is that?

We've got something
closing in on us, C.C.

Lose him.

I can't. He's on us.

Throw him the groom.

No! No!

He's a good catch, isn't he?

I think Philip's great. And Ralph will get
used to him. It'll just take a little time.

I certainly hope so.

There you go. I've got two
boutonnieres for my boys.

And a bouquet for my maid
of honor. Thank you, Pamela.

I am flattered. Whew.

We'd better get going. You don't
want to be late for your rehearsal.

I'll bet Philip's having
his tuxedo fitted right now.

We have found that these little
machines save us a lot of trouble.

The first time this little needle
here tells me you're lying,

you are dead.

You understand that?

Oh, yes, sir.

- Set for reading?
- You got it, C.C.

What is your name? Kaballa.

Philip Kaballa.

O-Or Fred Keller or Steve Tyson. I
use a lot of different names. I see.

Tell me what you
know about Arthur Woo.

Arthur Woo...

called my service last week
and said he might want me...

to deliver something for him to a man
named Heller at the Department of Interior.

I picked up an envelope at Woo's
office at Universal Petroleum in Hawaii.

Woo gave me $10,000 and told
me to wait till last Wednesday.

If I didn't hear from him, I was to
come to L.A. and give it to Heller.

Upon delivery, he'd
give me another $10,000.

Have you contacted
this Mr. Heller?

No. U-Uh, only by phone.

I told him I'd meet
him this afternoon.

- You have the microchip then.
- Not exactly. I... I...

I gave it to Paula Hinkley.

- Who?
- My fiancée.

Lie detectors, helicopters, three-piece
suits. I can't believe these guys, Bill.

Whole nother level
of crime, Ralph.

Big, big bucks and so much
power you can't believe it...

till some day it lands on you,
and then you believe it okay.

It's got to be about oil!
It's got to be about oil!

That's the only thing that explains the
Universal Petroleum guys and the Arabs.

Boy, how'd my mom
get involved in this mess?

There. There it is.

Hey! Hey, somebody!

Bill, call the police.
You all right? I think so.

They came in here and asked
me where Philip Kaballa is.

I didn't want to tell them, but
they said they were going to k*ll me.

- Who are you?
- Uh, Maxwell, honey.

Bill Maxwell, F.B.I., Los
Angeles. Yeah, Tommy?

We need some backup here. It's,
uh, Atlas Intercontinental Services.

It's a phone drop for
Worldwide Consultants, okay?

Right away. Thanks. I
gave them his hotel room.

Not the Harrison
Arms? No, no, the...

The Holly Mar Motor
Lodge, Room 206.

I'm sorry if I, uh... That's
all right. That's all right.

Okay, yeah, I got it here.

Holly Mar Motor
Lodge. It's on West Main.

Couriers always check in with us when they
arrive in town, and they, uh, leave an address.

- Uh, Ralph!
- Oh!

Excuse me for a minute.

Yeah. Room 206,
please. Room 206.

Ralph, try this. All right.

Sorry you're gonna have
to miss the wedding, Philip.

We'll give your
regards to the bride.

They've got
Philip Kaballa, Bill.

Okay. Talk me
in, will you? Yeah.

Okay, honey, come on
out of there. Come on.

Uh, who... What?

We don't even know
what he looks like.

But he told me we could
pick up the Woo chip...

at a wedding rehearsal
at the Divine Light Chapel.

Stay ready because
I have a hunch...

that whoever k*lled
Dr. Woo is after Kaballa.

And we could be in for
some trouble. Let's go.

Who's there? Somebody?

- It's me, Dad.
- Oh, Ralph.

Thank God it's you. Look. Some guys from
Universal Petroleum were here, and they...

Shut up, Kaballa. I want
some answers real fast, all right.

Wait a minute, Ralph. Take it
easy. How did you get in here?

Shut up. I'm asking
the questions.

Now, I want to know what's going
on and who is Arthur Woo? Who?

Arthur Woo. He gave you something that
everybody and their brother seems to want.

I-It's a microchip of some kind.
That's all I know, Ralph, really.

Microchip. Where is it?

Uh, where is it? Where is it?

I gave it to your mother. It's,
uh, in the engagement ring.

Why you little slime ball.

Oh, Ralph! Would
you please cool it?

Bill, I want you to meet
my mother's ex-fiancé.

Look. I love your mother,
Ralph, really. I want to marry her.

Yeah, sure, Phil. Working the
old marriage scam, huh? Terrific.

Hey, hey, look, you guys.
These guys mean business.

I mean, th-th-they're
tough. They've... got g*ns.

What'd you tell these guys from
Universal Oil about my mother?

I told them she has the microchip and they
can pick it up at the wedding rehearsal.

Know how Kaballa's
transporting the Woo chip?

No. Ridiculous, isn't it? We
got a computerized microchip...

programmed with a formula
that can put the Arab cartel...

and the Texas oil
tycoons out of business.

And we're supposed to pick it up from some guy
we've never even seen at a wedding rehearsal.

Just exactly what
kind of formula is it?

From what I understand
it's a variation on something...

the Germans used
during World w*r II.

Something to do with
converting coal into oil.

We don't want to scare
Kaballa off. Let's take cover.

Let's go. And stay out of sight.

Looks like they're gonna
have a big wedding. Pity.

All right. Now,
this Hinkley dame...

has Dr. Woo's microchip
in her engagement ring.

I want it. Even if you have
to take her finger with it.

No problem. Let's
go wait for the bride.

I thought this was going to
be a small wedding. Me too.

Philip's always surprising me.

This place looks
like the Colosseum.

Philip wanted to
get married here.

I thought it was going to be
a quaint little outdoor chapel.

It's going to be
lovely. I know it will.

When it's all finished with flowers and
everything. About five thousand flowers.

Big wedding, hmm?

I wonder where
Philip and Ralph are.

They should be here.

Ralph, I thought you said this
was going to be a small wedding.

Wedding's off. Come on.

Hey! That's that
fed, what's-his-name.

Get down.

Go!

Maxwell, F.B.I., Los Angeles.

Heller, Department of Interior.
We're on your side, Maxwell.

- Ralph, go get 'em.
- Stay down.

Hold it! Hold your fire.

Anybody moves and
Kaballa here gets it!

Up!

Oh, boy. Ralph,
that was terrific.

You'd better get your tux back
on and get back to rehearsal.

All right. All right, you guys.

Do either of you ladies
know where Philip Kaballa is?

Good question. I was just
about to ask the same thing.

What is going on? Well...

Mr. Heller? Maxwell,
F.B.I., Los Angeles branch.

You guys did a real good job.

And those birds you can book
for m*rder, attempted m*rder,

interstate flight and
anything else you can think of.

Paula, you okay? Davidson? Fine.

Just fine, Bill. What
is happening here?

Uh, well, I think you
better hear that from Ralph.

Hey, Mom!

You must be Philip
Kaballa, the bridegroom.

No, sir. My name is Ralph Hinkley.
This is Philip Kaballa right here.

Ralph, are you all right?

Philip? What's going on?

Philip was using you as a cover-up to deliver
something to the Department of Interior.

He never intended on
marrying you. As a matter of fact,

the diamond engagement ring that
he gave you contains a microchip.

I feel like such a fool.

Mom, don't worry. You're
much too good for this guy.

Uh, Paula, would you
mind handing over...

your engagement ring,
please, to Mr. Heller now?

It has a rather
important stone in it.

With pleasure.

It's gone!

It's... It's gonna work.

Don't worry about a
thing. We got it right now.

I'm telling you, Paula. It's
gettin' real serious around here.

Last year, my boss,
Ace Aarons? Yeah?

He was out jogging.
Fit as a fiddle.

Bang! There goes the
old pump. Gee whiz!

They're dropping like
flies. Ace was my age.

Bill, you're fit as a
brick... whatdyamacallit.

You got nothing to worry
about. Oh. Oh, okay.

Hi, guys. Mom.

Hi, honey. How are
you doing yourselves?

I gotta tell you, your mom is some
kind of a champion. Filed that report...

just like a pro.

Put a wrap on the whole
scenario. Believe me, I had help.

I'll bet.

How they doing with the
microchip. Have they found anything?

No. They got 100 guys out there
going blind with fine-tooth combs.

So far, I think
they've turned up...

about $300 worth of empty bottles, a
couple of wristwatches and a lost dog.

That's it. I feel terrible.

No fool like an old fool, huh? I don't
know what you're talking about, lady.

Well, is anybody hungry?
I've got dinner all ready.

I only need a little
help with the salad.

Famished. Okay,
you guys go ahead.

Ralph and I got a
little rap talk to do here.

Uh, we'll be in in a minute.

Boy, your mom is a heck of
a lady. You know that, Ralph?

She really bounced back off of this Kaballa
creep like a real trooper, you know?

Mmm, yeah. Yeah.

You know, you
don't really find, uh,

women with that kind of resiliency
that much anymore, you know?

Uh, yeah, and, uh...

Well, pretty and witty and
charming and everything and, uh...

Right. Right. You're really not going to
make this easy on the old man, are you?

- Heck, no.
- Okay. All right, Ralph,
I hate this.

I'm just going to have to lay it out
for you because you're old enough...

and your mom is old enough...
she can do whatever she wants,

whenever she wants, with
whomever, uh, w-w-whatever.

So, what I'm going to do is I'm
going to, um... Uh, I'm gonna...

Would you mind if I take
your mom out to dinner?

Just dinner and drinks,
real simple, something nice,

and I don't want a lot of arguments
out of you, because you're just a kid.

Who cares what kids think,
anyway. What do you think?

Well, you know, Bill, after
this Philip Kaballa thing, uh,

I just can't have my mom going out
with anybody, you know what I mean?

Wait a minute, Ralph. I'm not
some dinky donkey off the street here.

This is your best
friend you're talking to.

This is Bill Maxwell here.

Who?