02x11 - SPEWEY and Me

[bunniefuu]

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knit one Pearl two knit one Pearl two

n uh picking

b*stard Pearl

Bailey those darn neighbor kids with

their Neil Sedaka records give them what

four kids no you can't kids

uh-uh

oh oh my goodness something must have

crashed either that or a couple of those

moles were experimenting in their

underground lab and they blew up the

joint Oh No this must have come from the

sky which means it can

fly it's an unidentified flying thing a

UFT oh my maybe it contains a cute

little woolly creature with a costic wit

like Alf or Ray

Walston better yet maybe it's filled

with sweet chewy

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candy

wow oh my God it is an

alien Sweet Georgia Brown there is life

in outer

space and it's really foxy

see he doesn't look injured just a

little

disoriented or drunk off its

a*s can you hear me little

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one oh he's trying to make contact with

me oh think of all this that he can

teach us all the wisdom he can share

this is a wonderful New Beginning for

mankind here's

my well maybe this is his way of saying

hello a highly Advanced super being's

greeting that our puny Minds can't

comprehend well how'd you do to you too

my friend and Welcome to our greasy

rotting

planet

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stand in the place where you live now

think about Direction wonder why you

haven't now stand in the place where you

were now face about the place where you

live wonder why you having people

standing the place where you live

now out Direction wonder why you have it

down in the place where you were now

face the place where you live wonder why

you hav't stand in the place where you

are so

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stand uh

hey what

happened oh no it must have all just

been a sweet dream H though I'm still

filled with a warm glow

inside and the remnants of last night's

canish I must now face the cruel reality

that man is alone in the

universe darn

it baby you were real oh rapure oh happy

day oh God that

hurts that hurts so good because you're

trying to reach out to me here would you

like to phone

home I don't know what that means you

want me to dial for

you oh

oh a gift

oh thank you my friend thank you look

I'm afraid I don't have anything to give

to you I'll try to return your beautiful

Vulcan

Custom G Gus prepare yourself for the

feel-good experience of a

lifetime he likes

you jeez what is it some kind of filthy

Rottweiler oh guess it's a space alien

maybe he entered our galaxy through a

black hole smells like he came through a

sewer hole let me have a

look kid I hate to disappoint you but

this is just that sick kid from down the

block he must to getting out of his

bubble G I pulled him out of the

wreckage myself as if that weren't

obvious from the many nips on my

face now trust me he's a highly Advanced

Creature From Another World well maybe

you're right I'm pretty sure that kid

down the black had

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braces I'm keeping

him damn I just mopped this floor last

April next time that thing is going to

blow put some damn newspapers down jeez

how can you be such a neat freak at a

time like this don't you realize his

every Nuance is teaching us

volumes I'm gonna name him spewy get it

it's an acronym for special person

entering the

world egg

yolks well you got the drift just get

him the hell out of here he's stinking

up to

places just go away we're busy with

something vile open up it's the

government oh no it's the government

they found out about spewy and they've

come to take him away relax kid they

could be here to bust me for a zillion

things still you better stash wretch boy

in the Next

Room no come with

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me hi you boys what can I do you for

we're from a special agency that's none

of your business all you need to know is

we're searching the area for something

that doesn't concern you yeah and it's

not from outer

space well well I guess the rat's out of

the bag okay here's the deal we've had a

report from some ham radio geek that a

spaceship crashed in the area and even

though aliens don't officially exist we

have to check it out and frankly we're

always looking for an excuse to get a

good cover up going well we haven't seen

a thing have we Gess no no we haven't

seen a

thing the hell is

that oh well that's just my house cat

he's a little under the weather you know

he got a hold of a bad pork

chop oh listen to the sad little [ __ ]

well why don't I just go see if I can't

shush him up just

to now shush there snowball shush that's

a good house

Kitty that's the how big and how sick is

this

cat well uh that actually wasn't the cat

uh that was me o

oh good buy that right frankly either

way it's disgusting let's get the H out

of

here oh you that was close Jee for a

second there Gus I thought you were

going to give away skewy are you kidding

if the government wants him that bad

just think what a Cirus will pay for it

better yet Michael

Jackson This waking bag of Goo is a gold

mine God

it's okay it's okay Daddy didn't mean it

he's just erecting emotional walls cuz

he's afraid you might leave us that's

all oh look how happy that made him CU

he's making pudding for us yeah you

never know what's going to come out of

this thing next hey it does look a

little like pudding wonder if I could

sell him to Bill Cosby just quick grab a

mug we don't want to offend him get away

from that that's not a Mr Softy

machine that's some kind of alien gunk

or worse yet some of that low-fat yogurt

crap try nectar of the

Gods maybe you come here to end world

hunger just get it the hell out of here

so I can make some calls oh with any

luck I can get a bidding w*r going

between hard copy and a current affair I

think I'll take spewy out and introduce

him to my old high school buddy the

pope hi pop hope I'd like you to meet my

friend spewy you

could oh look watch your

y Bight him back cuz he likes that he

likes

you you sure he'll be just please PR

you're just in time these gentlemen are

from Michael Jackson's private Zoo this

is peo Griffin and Nick The Keeper

gelotti so where's the alien well he's

resting right now underneath his blanket

but I must tell you gentlemen that he is

not for sale what I don't worry the kid

just gotten a little attached it's for

sale all right Chris you got to think

about what's best for the creature in a

zoo he'll have all kinds of other little

animals that he can torment well let's

just take a

look

the going to make absolutely sure that

he gets a good home now it's important

to them every 4 hours being very careful

with his special Parts which I have yet

to determine exactly where they

are he swallowed my

ear forget it man this thing is

right wait fellas fellas wait wait he's

just not used to our water little cepto

he's

fine he makes some

py damn D you were my last hope turns

out the circus already has an alien and

it can juggle and get shot out of a

cannon oh well maybe I can still squeeze

a little beer money out of the

government yes you can't turn him in

what if his friends come back to rescue

him kid nobody's coming back for that

they may be nuts in space but they're

not that nuts Gus the government is such

a cold unfeeling bureaucracy I mean they

might tease spewy about the size of his

bottom or Worse make him work in the

post office don't be ridiculous don't a

few pictures maybe cut his head off now

guess I'm not a fool I know that that

could cause permanent damage look you

have got to open your mind more

importantly your heart come on spew is

here to spread compassion and hope to

our world he's a disgusting puking

b*stard and his point of your butt is

out of

here hello G yeah I got that little

space monkey you're looking for right

1804 York Lane yeah and if you don't

want it to accidentally get away you

better bring your

wallet wow they were

close go away we were just joking

there's no alien here April fools come

on let us in you just want to take some

pictures and maybe cut its head off come

on spewy we've got to get out of here

run run like the wind

spewy come

on come on let us

in all right pal where's the alien ah

that kid just dragged him out the back

door yeah right you know what we do to

people who make crank calls to the

government

no it's true Liz I got everything

repainted repolished and steam cleaned

for 50

well they were immigrants they didn't

know any better I

know oh excuse me Liz Chris Peterson

just showed up and now I also have to

call the fumigator

yeah Sharon oh Sharon I need your help

what's going on what have you got under

the blanket sugar and spice and

everything nice but you can call them

spewy whatever it is stink so bad it

makes my eyes water or is that you

Sharon that's the smell of fear we're

being chased by very very very bad bad

bad bad bad bad men that want to do very

very bad bad bad bad things to us that's

why we need your help all right calm

down now calm down God knows what their

fish Minds may have concocted maybe they

want to chop us up and put us into jars

of faldy and then keep us in separate

cabinets so we never ever ever see each

other again really well just who are

these nice people who else sharing the

government you you you mean the ones

right down the

street you wouldn't happen to have their

number just by any chance would you well

yes as a matter of fact I do right here

on this card I keep it with me so I

don't accidentally call

it Chris I I want you to feel free to

hide out here for as long as you need to

all right but will you just excuse me

for a moment because I have to go in the

kitchen to make a private and totally

unrelated phone call certainly I

understand it bless you Sharon bless you

you're an

angel hi Chris what's under the blanket

oh this is it ah this is the magic

moment when the children oh the dear

sweet innocent children get to

experience the magic of a Creature From

Another World get ready Amy get ready to

be transformed by love and by

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Magic it I want

it oh leave it to the children to

understand his special

language thank my baby's

Molly

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beautiful get that c thing out of here

don't you see Sharon he's teaching us

about love my living with you

jackass oh congratulations you finally

found something more disgusting than you

are the

government you called the government

Sharon two

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Sharon come on spewy we'll run away

together come on my special friend no

one understands us here come

on come on spewy come on let's fly you

and me forever come on let's fly across

the big fat Moon here we

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go what the hell happened to you you try

and make out with it oh no C no spewy

was taking me flying and well we hit a

downdraft either that or he just doesn't

fly but whoever heard of a space alien

who couldn't magically

fly is it my imagination or does spewy

look a tad

off know it seems okay to

me Chez

you look his pudding's an odd

color and tastes kind of garlicky

especially after about the fifth helping

and listen to this

you're imagining things you worry wart

there's nothing wrong with that thing

that a few well-placed corks wouldn't

fix jeez how can you be so casual at a

time like this don't you realize our

baby needs our help you got to get spewy

some medicine Chris this is Earth you

can't get medicine for a space alien Gus

hello in there there's a new thing

nowadays it's called a supermarket where

the hell have you been my only concern

and please don't take this the wrong way

because you know I do simply adore you

is that while I'm out you'll sell spewy

to the government like a common two bit

weasel

b*stard relax in the shape he's in I

couldn't get Jack spit for

me I knew you'd come around go ahead and

give him a kiss oh kiss

him

jeez

all right you guys have a good time now

see you

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later well Mr naysayer Mr cynic Mr Food

eater looky what I got here in regular

and non-d drowsy

formulas so where's the apple of my

thighs the

spewer um yeah about that kid uh you

sold him to the government I did not I

said I wouldn't didn't I Justus bordon

is a man of his word geez guess I'm

sorry I I apologize I don't know what

came over me so where is

spy I beat him to death with a

rake what well sorry kid but I had no

choice the thing barfed on me one time

too often I starting to get a skin ratch

so you can clearly see it was simply a

matter of

self-defense God

no my my spewy is no

more kid I'm all for a suitable period

of grieving but enough is enough you

know what they say tragedy plus time

equals

comedy life has no meaning for me

anymore I don't care if I live or if I

die or if I get really really fat

watch there

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see so where are the last une Earthly

remains of my spewy you're eating

them uh

spewy

really you know I'd probably be a tad

more upset if he wasn't so darn

tasty a he though see I couldn't see

letting perfectly good meat go to waste

what with roadkills down and all damn

peders with their reflective

collars you simply got to give me the

recipe for this it is divine sure and

the great thing is there's no need to

baste because it's self-

saucing what well kind of ironic spy

used to melt my heart now he melts in my

mouth all right boys no more games we

know you've got the alien and we want it

yeah on a platter well that's convenient

grab a fork and pull up a

chair God you mean you're eating it are

we pigs or what

oh well I guess it's okay as long as you

promise to send us the leftovers and be

sure to use glad rra for freshness you

got hey you know Gus I finally realized

now what spy's special message was to

our planet be happy and eat

well

Gus what are you doing up hey are you

thinking what I'm thinking yep if he's

half as good

cold let's dig in Compadre wait let's

make a pack not to finish him tonight

because he's going to make some mighty

great

sandwiches

wow oh sorry I've been meaning to clean

in there Gus it's the ghost of spewy

he's back to haunt

us that's no ghost it's the real thing

he must have regenerated from his own

leftovers in an accelerated cloning

process how'd you figure that out he

wasn't hard still covered with A1

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Sauce spy spewy where are you going

spewy

spewy are you mad because we ate

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you

look GS gu it's the mother ship look

they've come back for him they're

levitating spewy back up into the ship

using highly advanced technology that we

can barely understand yeah big rope I

guess they're more nuts than I thought

or maybe just

hungry goodbye spewy goodbye my sweet

tender juicy mouth walking

friend

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a

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