02x09 - Chris' Brain Starts Working

[bunniefuu]

good morning guser the friendly

host pretty good huh it took me two days

to think that one up need one more cute

play on my name and I'll punt your

family jewels up into your

throat you're so

colorful now will you be a Sweet Home

Alabama and go fetch me some Flapjacks

go to

hell oh there goes another one Gess are

you losing your teeth

too it's a good thing I was born with

two rows of teeth huh you think that's

bad look at

this every time I cut it off it grows

back

again jeez I wish I had a finger that

long I'd wear about a thousand pinky

rings be the Envy of everyone in my

neighborhood I'll get

it whoa whoa hold on there little girl

we don't want to buy any cookies today

okay so why don't you just go back and

tell your crazy denm mother to send her

mindless drones into somebody else's

land of Goan all right cuz we know where

the money really goes to anyway

interplanetary terrorism hey shut the

door I'm not paying to Fan the whole

block sir we just discovered this entire

neighborhood is sitting on top of an

extremely dangerous toxic waste dump oh

so that's why my bath water C fire last

night I thought it was some kind of Goo

the kid Left Behind oh Gus Gus don't you

see what this space alien wants he wants

a little donation would you run and get

my purse you understand your lives are

in danger if you stay here we're

evacuating everyone in 24 hours you're

basically living in a death

zone oh a death zone oh no oh dear

father in hell no I can't die yet my

only goal in life was to be buried in a

piano crate but I foolishly put off

getting really fat thinking I would live

forever take it easy kid trust me

there's no danger we're staying right

here the theory that toxic waste can

hurt you is a lot of bunk oh good well

that makes me feel a lot better thanks

gas do you need a

hany

stand in the place where you live now

think about Direction wonder why you

haven't now stand in the place where you

were now face about the place where you

live wonder why you have people stand in

the place where you

live about Direction wonder why do you

have it now stand in the place where you

were

now the place where you live wonder why

you hav stand in the place where you

are so

stand H just let him try and R Us

out we'll make the Ted offensive look

like a

lovein I said Tet Offensive you giggling

twerp here take this ooh wow a 45 M&M

bolt action Graham Chapman with a five

will get you 10 x-ray vision scope you

know your g*ns huh you fire one oh sure

my dad taught me what you do is you put

this end in your mouth and then you use

your big toe to flick that little whatam

myall it down here yeah point it at them

you jerk are you sure my dad was quite

specific about that look you aim between

their eyes you pull the trigger and you

perform a brain ectomy keep alert and

watch out for friendly fire I tend to

drink heavily during

standoffs go away unless you think

you're man enough to get past the 1955

Sears traditional sleeper sofa and he's

not talking about that sectional crap

either but I don't have time to chat

blue rley come on let's go move it out

look stoe I have too many fuzzy memories

of this dump to just walk out I paid for

this place with my own hard-earned grab

and I'd rather fight to this boy's death

than to give it up fine suit yourself

all I'm supposed to do is tell you

you've been

told eat Z

sucker easy kid drywall doesn't grow on

trees you know comes into our little

fairy land in here and tells us to stay

or leave if we want

to right we'll show those babies that a

few toxic fumes never hurt

[Music]

anybody

strange what inside of

you she's a windar trle in electric blue

in her own man mind she's in love with

you with

you now what you going to

do Str

some

you she's some kind of

in if you don't watch out to you do

you what kind of FO are

you

now Gus I don't think it was such a good

idea to stay here you know that I've

thrown up a hundred times today and

that's two more than

normal you spinless little

jellyfish I had a punch in both your

mouths you throw webbed fingers and

suddenly you're a tough

guy I'll k*ll you yeah

damn you flop over here and fight like a

man nobody calls me a

man

ow oh Gus Gus are we dying yeah it's

just flu seasoned really ah who am I

kidding yeah we're

dying I could have sworn we would have

built up an

immunity Chris I'm sorry about all

this you've been like a son to

me except if you have been my son I

would have had you institutionalized

long

ago you're the drunken a*usive Papa I

never

had

[Music]

what

[Music]

hey what do you know I'm not dead after

all yeah yeah me either in fact I feel

better than before rejuvenated in def

fatigable I guess we did develop an

immunity after we passed out oh no Gus

no my naive Little Vixen no what we

experienced was a simple toxin induced

coma something screwy kid you're talking

and making sense at the same

time interesting not only that but I

also seem able to follow a conversation

H I guess the trick is not to hum

cartoon theme songs in your head while

other people are

talking hey maybe that toxins caused you

to develop a case of the smarts like in

that movie the Rainman oh I do hope

you're mistaken for that would certainly

be an indictment against our educational

system indictment well sure Gus you know

indictment i n d i c t m n t kid you can

finally

spell can here let's try it

again

spell

engorged engorged i n g o r g e

d oh yeah that's right

incredible now for the ultimate

Challenge the word I've always had

trouble with

pants p a n

TS I know that one and you're

right jeez everything seems so clear to

me now there's no silent k

sure well I understand everything I'm no

longer hudin this we're not plants we're

humans damn you get a fancy new case of

the smarts and what do I get zip no

myself a facing Patron no look you're

now able to fold paper into elegant

forms what kind of voodoo is

this it's not voodoo it's called origami

and it's an ancient Japanese art form

that dates back to the 7th century when

paper was first introduced from China

under the guidance of Shoku Tashi Regent

to the empress suko you're making my

head hurt kid turn it off jeez I'm able

to understand everything now I even know

how that Professor on Gilligan's Island

made those really cool things out of

coconuts

watch voila a CD player with surround

[Music]

sound wow kid I'll bet with a watermelon

you could make me a really cool eight

track for my truck I mean with your

brains we could change the world you

could cure diseases uh build a pollution

car save the rainfor US yeah or maybe

win every single spelling be on the

planet yeah that sounds good let's go

with that we are now down to our two

finalists Billy metf from Greenville Jor

high and Chrissy Peterson from the death

zone

we don't usually get competitors as old

as yourself well you know it's always

been my dream to match wits with

13-year-olds and

win believe spell phyto

Alexian phto alexin p h y t o e wrong

wrong w g

wrong yes I am I'm sorry Billy but that

is

incorrect chrisy you have 10 seconds to

spell the same

word phyto alexin p h y t o a l e x

[Music]

i

n I'm Victorious I'm Victorious you're

not Victorious you're just the big fat

adversary who

failed wait here chump squirt your tears

into this paper

daffodil chrisy it is my pleasure to

present to you the Winner's

C A Andy pocket

dictionary and this $10 savings

bom I love him brain activity give you

great I think you're ready for the big

leagues really guess now doesn't this

all seem a little boring to you I mean

you tend to favor more common and base

pastimes are you kidding spelling bees

have the best open bars I am

face Mr Peterson Please spell the word

Telesis tesis progress intelligently

planned t e l e s i s tesis I'm sorry

that was incorrect I'm afraid you're out

out learn a spell jerk I just nailed

that

one I beg your pardon Mr Peterson I was

mistaken there was an error on my car

all right well apology accepted you

ecoin

posterior Senor Peterson spell the word

in

goar in gazar i n g o ZZ a r e in gazar

that is

correct

congratulations hey you got

m

all the money for you I treat her

right

Mone thank you very

much

years

[Music]

come on kid don't smoke remember you're

in

training guess I'm burned out this past

swasan tee has caused me extreme a*s

fatigue I mean spelling words in a

different country every day the damn B

group is knocking on my hotel door at

all hours that reminds me thanks for

tossing me your

leftovers and where's the big payoff all

we have is about a zillion stupid cups

Chris don't give up now next week is the

world spelling be no forget it forget it

Gus I'm retired from here on in I'm

devoting all my energies to developing

edible clothing one day everybody will

be clad in my delicious cheese flavored

pants Chris please one more be the first

prize is a jewel encrusted

dictionary Gus you know I need another

dictionary like the ilad needs about 100

more verses about Agamemnon you're not

looking at the big picture we can pry

the jewels off and haw them like Jake

lamama and Raging

Bull calculate me in

welcome to the finals of the 60th World

spelling beam carried live to 36

countries with a total viewership of 57

billion later today we'll be joining the

Super Bowl already in progress you did

it kid it's just you and that Godless

Kami Russian

robot we are ready to commence the final

spell off between the Ugly American

Chris Peterson and the Russian Ivanovich

Smith if only all the world's

difficulties could be settled not on

battlefields but by spelling P Mr

Smith spell aetr physics aetr physics i

a t r o p h y s i c srop physics that is

correct yeah sure you can spell iatro

physics but can you justify your

country's role in the 1877 Russo Turkish

w*r I don't think so Mr we set aside

politics during spelling pleas are you

ready for your turn yeah yeah go ahead

Hit Me With Your Best Worden Worden

that's the preonic word for the word

word Mr B spell

titm um I'm sorry judge could you repeat

that the word is tit Mouse

that's q*eer he hasn't giggled like a

school girl since his brain lurched into

gear can you spell

Tios I would probably experience just a

slight bit of difficulty with the first

Triumph of

letters Mr Pon time is running out kid

kid you're going to blow it just think

about hacking those dictionary jewels

get out of my face hag my glass SI is

going to

crack M

usae that is correct Mr

Smith spell

coration

coration c o a r c t a t i o n coration

that is correct

[Applause]

uh-oh we're in

trouble Mr Peterson Mr

Peterson spell

Pence

PS uh-oh normal clear non-m milky

sweat uh could you repeat the word

please

hence do do you mean pants as in

trousers or um pants as in really fast

sports

cars pet why are you conducting yourself

in the manner of a complete

[ __ ] I'm not a [ __ ] I think I me I I

don't think uh could you use pants in a

sentence please try on this pair of

pants well that's no help at all Mr

peton you are running out of time all

right

uh K hey he is a [ __ ] he must have

gotten his intelligence from toxic waste

that's the worst kind of cheating

k*ll oh Gus look somebody wrote welcome

home Chris on the side of your barn SL

spaceship how

considering jeez when you revert back to

being an idiot you don't fool around

What You Need is Another near fatal dose

of happy juice and we're back on Easy

Street well if it isn't that cheating

spelling be b*stard drop dead creep

thank you very much it's nice to be home

what are you doing in my house ma if you

found those pictures of me in the diaper

it was a frame job finished pumping out

all the toxic waste this neighborhood is

completely safe now you louse you had no

right to do that I'll sue hey toxic

poisoning is a privilege not all right

come on if everyone had free access to

toxic waste spelling bees would be more

credit than they are

now oh well Gus I guess you and I just

have to go back to being uh being darn

it what's that word that rhymes with

normal that starts with an

N maybe if you sat in a tub full of raw

sewage and

gasoline I'm sorry I was just humming

Georg of the Jungle in my head I swear I

always lose it when I get to the watch

out for the tree

part forget it you're too far gone you

have absolutely no ability whatsoever to

make us one more stinking dime your days

of special powers are over

kid I guess I'll just go down to the

store and get myself some

[Music]

candy

The Simpsons have football fever if you

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