03x10 - The Return of the Curse of the Creature's Ghost

[bunniefuu]

Tallyho, it's
bob and david.

[ Audience cheering ]

[ Inaudible ]

All right !

All right !

Well, thank
you very much.

Uh, we've got our
very first one-Hour
special tonight.

Yeah !
Yeah !

It's a tribute
to, uh, some of the
people and places

That have made us
what we are today.

Places like
coco's college
in vermont.

And the salzburg
academy in austria

Where i learned
to whistle.

And people like this man,
our greatest inspiration,

Our high school
guidance counselor.

Folks, live
via satellite,

It's moe phelps,
everyone !

Moe !
Hello !

Hi.

Oh, hello,
bob and david.

Hi, mr. Phelps,

We just wanted
to say thank you.

You really made
a difference.

Yeah. Hey, i don't know
if you remember
what you said to us.

When we
came to you,

We said we wanted
to be actors,

And--And you said,

"Why's anybody
wanna be an
actor for ? All-- "

"All acting is, is
jumping up and down

And yelling and
screaming a lot."

Yeah, i tell everyone that.

Yeah, well,
it really worked
for us, man,

'Cause, hey, look at us,
we got our own show.

Yeah !
On t.V. !

Oh, good luck with it,

Maybe you'll catch a break.

No, we don't need
a break, sir.

We've got
our own show.

Well, maybe it will
lead to something.

It already did.

Yeah, we're on t.V.
This is our t.V. Show.

Consider it a stepping
stone to something
worthwhile, then .

What do you mean ?

This is what we
want to be doing,

What we're
doing now.

Well, maybe you can
keep it as a hobby.

Ah !

You don't understand
what we're trying to say !

Boys !

That--That is some of
the finest acting
i have ever seen.

If i had anything
to do with it,
i'm proud.

That's why i do this.

[ Sniffing ]

Well...

Oh, hi, gus.

h*, jeez !
Goodnight, gus.

In hidden valley
high school,

One man with a mission
does what he can
to lighten the mood.

His name: gus kryzinski,

Night janitor
and community treasure.

Well...

I just think there's
a lot of sadness out
there in the world...

And in a lot of kids, too.

I'm just trying
to do my part.

[ Man ]
as the night janitor, he
plays to an empty gallery,

But that doesn't hamper
his antics one bit.

He does what ?

At night ?

Well, i don't see any
of the night workers,

But we have a pretty
good cleaning staff.

[ Foot stamping ]

Gus kryzinski.

At night, when
we're all fast
asleep at home,

He's busy doing his job

And making us smile.

For local world news,
i'm john...

[ Announcer ]
you're watching
local world news,

Local news from
around the world.

And now, here's
your anchorman,
brandt waterman.

Hello, i'm
brandt waterman.

We have an update on
tonight's top story.

Jazz witherspoon,
our field reporter,

Is on the scene in
hamilton, ontario.

Jazz.

Yes, brandt. I'm
standing outside
this humble home

In hamilton, ontario,

Where a man who calls himself
"the button man" resides.

Art keeslan has
over 30,000 buttons in
his private collection.

He is a man we can truly call
"a button collector."

Those are the latest
facts, brandt.

I'll keep you updated
on any new developments
as they occur.

Jazz, does
the button man

Plan to continue
collecting buttons ?

No official
word on that,

But the feeling
on the street

Is that this is
far from over.

Well, we certainly
wish him the very best.

Later tonight,

We'll have an update
from the w*r-Torn
gaza strip,

Where betty mcfee
will tell us all about
tripper, the counting dog.

And we'll meet a man
who makes art
out of garbage.

In a few moments, though,

A lighter side
to tonight's news.

But first,

A fluffy marshmallow
shaped like a bunny
was found today in--

Oh, i'm getting more
breaking news, heh.

What a news day this
is turning out to be.

It seems that a local boy
is making good, as we speak.

Carl bellflower
has the story. Carl.

♪ rock a bye your baby ♪

Hi, i'm carl bellflower,

The singing news reporter.

Daniel smith,
valedictorian, la flant high,

And top of his class,
harvard law school,

Is being considered for a job
at this prestigious law firm.

Oh, there he
is now. Daniel.

Daniel !

[ Audience laughing ]

Mr. Smith, welcome.

I'm francis danmen,
executive partner.

This is john hamlinson,
managing associate,

And, of course,
kennard chamberlain,

The senior member
of the firm.

Hello.
Hello.

Sit down,

Sit down.
Thanks.

I trust your flight
was all right ?

Yes, sir.
It was great.

Daniel, you were one
of the top in your
class at harvard.

The top in my class, sir.

That's why you're here.

Dan, we like to
think of this firm
as a big family.

We'd like you
to be part
of our family.

Well, thank you,
sir. Thank you.

Our offer.

I think you'll find
that it far exceeds any
of your other offers.

Dan, as a member of this firm,
you'll be one of the elite.

A life of privilege
will be yours.

Dan, we would like you
to give us a blow job.

[ Audience laughing ]

We would be very
proud to have you
give us a blow job.

You are our man.

Uh...

A b-Blow, a blow job ?

You'll have
a very bright future.

Country club membership,

A house in glen ross estates,
just across the way from me.

A brand new mercedes,
you pick the color.

I'm--I'm sorry.
A--A blow job ?

Dan, look out
that window.


work at this firm.

Most of 'em come to work,
never make more than
$45,000 in a year.

You would be in
the top 2 percent
in the country.

And that's just in the
first year. I'm sorry,
kennard, continue.

I'm--I'm sorry.
I-It's, uh, ok.

Um, it's the blow job.

Uh, i'm a lawyer.

And we're one of the
largest law firms in
the country, yeah, so...

Dan, you would have
a beautiful house in
a growing community.

I know you
wanna have--

O-Ok, please-- Sir,
i feel very privileged
to be meeting with you,

But i--I don't understand--

All right, all right,
hold on, dan.

Gentlemen,
if i could ?

[ Clearing throat ]

[ Sniffing ]

[ Clicking tongue ]

Dan, i went to school
with your father.

Ok, maybe we're hitting you
with a lot of things here.

Let me try to explain.

We want a really
good blow job,

One worthy of
your caliber.

But--But i'm--

Talk to your wife,
take some time
to think about it.

Not too long.

[ All laughing ]

I--I was the f-First
in my class.

Uh-Huh.

In law. I was
the first in my
class in law.

Well, it should
be a very good
blow job then.

[ Audience laughing ]

We will await
your answer.

Well, you don't have to wait,
because the answer is no.

Ok ? S-So you can
keep your homes

And your country clubs
and your blow jobs...

Because i'm gonna be
the best damn lawyer
in this country !

And--And i'm gonna
go to court

And i'm gonna argue every
case i can against you
and your fat-Cat clients !

And i'm gonna win !

[ All laughing ]

Oh, my !

What ? What ?

Do you really believe
that court cases
are decided by juries

Making decisions
based on evidence and
lawyers' arguments ?

Oh, danny, how could
you be so naive ?

Dan, court cases are decided
by a series of blow jobs.

[ Audience laughing ]

In fact,

Our entire
civilization is
built on blow jobs.

Everything from medicine...

A blow job ?

Oh, come on, george,
surely you don't believe
that people get well

Through treatment
with medicine or
surgery, do you ?

[ Kennard ]
to religion...

Come on, you don't
really believe that your
sins will be forgiven

By saying some prayers
and doing a few good
works, do you ?

[ Kennard ]
to prostitution...

So, i have to give you--

You don't really
believe that i just
give you a blow job

In exchange for some
money, do you ?

Yeah...

Dude, come on. The
sick kid's waiting.

Thank you so much
for coming.

All he ever does is
talk about titanica.

You're his
favorite band.

Hey, glad to
help out a fan.

Yeah.

His parents are afraid
he is going to try
to k*ll himself again.

Oh, well,

People don't usually
jump into a vat of
acid twice, do they ?

Well, we hope not,

But maybe you can
convince him that his
life is worth living.

We'll do our best.

Adam.

You have some visitors.

[ Inaudible ]

Adam.

No way, titanica !
Oh, my god !

What are you
doing here ?

We came to
see you, buddy.

Yeah, we were in
town doing a show.

We said,
"hey, let's go
see adam."

Hey.

[ Adam ]
hey !

Man, i have
all your albums.

Huh, you're my favorite band.

I mean, i played your
song, try suicide,

Right before i tried suicide.

Yeah, your f*ck'
parents sued us.

Yeah, but you guys won.
That's excellent !

Hey, man, we
brought you
some gifts.

First of all, an all-Access
backstage pass

To every concert
on our next tour.

Cool !

There you go.

Oh, yeah,
we got you
this t-Shirt.

Yeah !

Our new t-Shirt. Hey,
buddy, try it on.

[ Moaning ]

Oh, my god !

Oh ! Oh, jesus !

[ Coughing ]

The acid came right
up to my chin.

Yeah, the doctor said
i should be dead, huh ?

It doesn't look

That bad,
it actually looks
kind of cool, man.

Let's put the sheet back.

No, no, no, no, no,
no no, no, no ! No !

The cool air.

The cool air
feels good.

Oh !

Oh ! Oh !

Well, we,

We brought you
some other stuff.

We brought you
this cool
studded wristband.

Oh, put it on !

[ Moaning ]

Oh !

Hey, it'd make
a cool belt.

Yeah, yeah, it'd
be a cool belt.

Oh !
Oh !

[ Groaning ]

Yeah !

Oh, hey, we
got you a hat,
too, man.

Cool !

Hey, look at that.
It even fits.

All right !

I'm the coolest kid
in the world.

Everyone's going to want
to hang out with me,

Especially when they see me
hanging out with you guys,

Backstage at every
show in every city.

Yay !

[ Whooping ]

Band meeting, man.

Guys ?

Man, we can't have him
on the road with us.

He looks like
a wet cigar.

Kid, we'd never
get laid again.

I just wanted to make sure
we were all on the same page.

I got an idea.

Hey, how was
your meeting ?

It went real well.

Listen, little dude,

We decided
we're gonna write
a song about you.

Really, about me ?

Whoo-Hoo ! Yay !


One,





Yay !

[ Electric guitar playing ]

♪ try, try, try again

♪ try, try, try again

♪ head first this time

♪ dive right in ♪

Rock lyrics, do they
influence our kids ?

Our topic in 2 weeks.

But tonight,
the elderly.

Good evening and welcome to
the pre-Taped call in show,

Where we tape all our
shows a week in advance.

I'm your host ken doral...

And, uh, let's
try it again.

It's really not
that hard, ok ?

Our topic, once again,
is the elderly.

Ok. We're--We're
taping it now

And it airs
next week, ok ?

So, if you're watching me
talk about the elderly,

Don't call to talk
about it, it's too late.

Instead, call about cooking,

Which is next
week's topic. Ok ?

If you wanted to talk
about the elderly,

You should have
called last week

When our pet care
show was airing,

But we were taping
the elderly show.

[ Whispering ]
ok.

Ok.

So,

Here we go.
Hello ?

[ Male caller #1 ]
hi, ken, great show.

Thank you. What
can i do for you ?

Uh, my dog has
a disobedience problem and--

Ok, ok.
Th-There you go.

[ Both laughing ]

Ok, that's--That's
boo-Boo number one.

Hopefully,
that'll be our last.

Ok, uh, look, if
you wanted to talk
about pet care,

You should've called


When our show on racism
was airing, ok ?

I'm doing a show
about the elderly
right now...

Which, of course, for you
people watching, means

Call in about cooking.

Ok.

We'll see if we--

Hello.

[ Male caller #2 ]
yeah, hi.
Uh, what's goin' on ?

I mean, you're doing
a show about pet care,

But everybody's talking
about racism, i don't--

No ! No ! Ok,
no, no, no !

No, i'm not doing a show
about pet care,

I'm doing a show
about the elderly.

The people calling
about racism are watching
the show that aired

When we were taping
the pet show,

Which is airing now, ok ?

If they wanted to
talk about racism,

They should've called


When our crime
in the streets
show aired. Ok ?

It's-- Just-- Let's
think before we...

All right.

All right.

Ok.

Here we go. Hello ?

[ Male caller #3 ]
yes, i'd like to talk
about my grandma.

Oh, all right. Yeah,
yeah, ok. Good.

Ok, well, she has this
cat that's keeping her
up at night and, uh--

Well, sir--Sir, can i--
Can i just say that--
That-- That--That, uh,

Difficulty
with sleeping

Is a common problem with--
With the elderly of today.

Yeah, but i really think
the cat is more the problem.

I mean, the cat's
rambunctious and--

No, no. Sir, obviously
your elderly grandmother
is the problem,

Because that's what this
week's show is about !

Yeah, but i'm watching
the show right now and--

Idiot ! It's simple !
Look at this.

This is what's airing
right now !
The pet care show.

Listen, look, we're
talking about pets !

Stop calling about
racism ! We did that
a week ago. Look, here.

Listen to me,
for the last time,

Crime in the streets
happened last week.

Everything i'm saying
happened last week !

Look, here !

...and that concludes
our first show,
crime in the streets.

I can't help but think it
would've gone a little better

Had somebody actually
called in,

But i guess that's
because you won't see
me until next week.

Oh, well, as soon as we get
the kinks worked out here,

I'm sure it's gonna be
a great, great show.

[ Announcer ]
thank you for watching
the convoluted network.

And now, the 2nd half
of the premiere

Of the return of the curse
of the creature's ghost,
already in progress.

[ Thunder clapping ]

He's dead.

[ Loud thumping ]

This is it.

My friends, i'm afraid
this is the return

Of the curse of the
creature's ghost.

[ Thunder clapping ]

But how must we
stop this creature ?

It's not the creature
we have to be
afraid of, ma'am,

It's the creature's ghost.

I think we should
be worried more about

The return of the curse.

[ Thunder clapping ]

Curse of the creature ?

Curse of the ghost !

[ Thumping ]

Oh !

The ghost has returned
with the creature's curse !

So, the creature put
a curse on the ghost !

[ Thumping ]

Please, everyone,

We must know
what it is we're
supposed to be afraid of.

It's a dumb shirt.

It's a g*y movie.

Yeah ? Well, i'm wearin'
it 'cause i hate it.

That's cool,
man. Cool.

Ok, is everybody here ?
Well, let's get started then

With the president's
address.

Steve ?

[ Sighing ]

I'm the great
president, steve.

All right.
"Extracurricular clubs.

"Extracurricular clubs
are very popular
among many dumb shits.

"Chess club, french club,
computer club, are all g*y.

So why shouldn't we have
a club, just cause we're not
interested in anything ?"

People are dicks.
You know ?

This is a stupid club,
but, you know, at least
it's our stupid club,

So, you know, it's
less stupid than
the other clubs.

And--And also,
it's not g*y.

Ok, very good, any
opening comments ?

[ Sputtering ]

Ok, sarah,
you're taking notes ?

No !

All right.

Any other thoughts ?

Yeah, why does steve get
to be president ? How come
i can't be president ?

Well, do you
wanna be president ?

No.

Great. Good.

Ok, let's get
down to beeswax.

Our senior field trip.

Now, this is the last time
we get to spend together,

So let's make it special.

Now, first we
have to choose
a place we might go.

Are there any suggestions ?

Nowhere !

[ Snickering ]

Ok, well, all right.

Well, we--We did
go there last year.

You went there.

Well that's right, steve,
'cause i was the only
one who showed up.

Any--Anybody else ?

[ Sputtering ]

All right, now
we're talking,
very good.

Uh, any other thoughts ?

Um, how about...
up your mother's a*s ?

Ok, what does everyone
think of that ?

Whatever.

Whatever !

Ok, some interest
there, very good.

My mom's...

a*s.

Ok.

Now, let me suggest
one, all right ?

The henry ford museum
in detroit.

Now, i have always
wanted to go there--

Why don't you ?

Well...

We'll take a vote
and maybe i'll get to.

[ Audience laughing ]

All right. Very good.

Ok. Now, to decide,

We'll have a little
discussion, shall we ?

First of all, "nowhere."

Ok. Well,

We went there last year
so let's kinda skip that.

Ok. All right, um,

Tom's fart. Now,
who likes that ?

Of course you do, tom,
you suggested it.

Ok. Now, um...

Ok, the henry ford museum...

[ Sighing ]

Let me say
a little something
about this.

Now, this is really
where america

Came into its own.

To think that
this man,

This henry ford,

Through sheer
industriousness,

Built an empire,

I think we'd all find
it quite humbling.

[ Laughing ]

Um..

It sounds g*y to me.

Well, yeah, it
is a little g*y.

No takers ?

Ok.

My, uh,
my mother's a*s. Now,

Can anyone tell me
what would be, uh,

Fun or great or educational
about this ?

Uh, it would be
a great way to learn

How to have fun up
inside your mom's a*s ?

Sh-Should we
take a vote ?

No.

Well, we can't really
decide if we don't vote.

So what ?

[ Sighing ]

"So what."

You know, when i suggested
this club, the principal
said, "so what ?"

Some of your parents
said, "so what ?"

One of them said,
"see if i care."

But i said, "uh-Uh !

"If someone will
just take those
kids seriously,

They'll change."
And you know
what they said ?

[ Sputtering ]

That's right, tom.

Well, i'll tell
you something.

You didn't change,

But you changed me.

That's right.

You taught me
that not everything
is stupid.

Some things
are g*y.

And i thank you for that.

I guess what i'm
trying to say is,

Pack your bags,
g*ng, we're going
up my mom's a*s.

[ Audience laughing ]

Come on,
step right in,
it'll be fun !

C'mon, jump in,
you're gonna
love it.

♪ dear mister teacher

♪ you crawled up
inside my head ♪

♪ and i can't remember
everything you said ♪

♪ you taught me so much

♪ but a lot of it
was geometry ♪

♪ remember that time

♪ when that bee flew in ?

♪ ooh, teacher,
shakin' that teacher ♪

♪ now shake it, shake it,
shake it up now ♪

♪ teacher, shake it,
shake your booty now ♪

♪ shake it, c'mon
now shake it up ♪

♪ shake

♪ out on the dance floor

♪ you're the king
of the dance floor ♪

♪ you're gonna be
a disco star ♪

♪ light the night on fire

♪ burn that disco
ghost, yeah ♪

♪ c'mon, burn that
disco ghost down ♪

♪ burn it down

♪ burn that disco down

♪ burn that disco ghost
to the ground ♪

♪ mister teacher phelps ♪

That's for you,
mr. Phelps.

Well, thank you
very much, david.

This has been one of the most
wonderful hours of my life.

Cool.

And maybe someday
you'll get to sing
that on a t.V. Show.

Jesus christ.

Mr. Phelps, we're
all actors, and--

Well, i'm sorry to
hear about it, john.

Well, it is hard
being an actor, but--

What's so hard about it ?

I've seen actors
in plays before.
It's stupid !

Everybody says
shakespeare's so great.

Well, how come nobody's
ever heard of him ?

Hell, i'll write
you a play !

All you need is
a silly old king's hat,

And some fancy
sissy clothes out of
your sister's drawers,

And ya get up
on the stage,

And ya go nuts.

I'm the king !
I'm mad !

I want the news
from my kingdom !

Help me out
here, g*ng !

I'm the queen !
Blah, blah, blah !
Look at me !

Excellent !
Now you're
getting it !

Your majesty,
i'm a clown
or something.

I've got makeup
on my face,

'Cause my mommy and
daddy didn't give me
enough attention !

Excellent, tom !

Paul !

I'm a big actor !

Look at the great
big actor on the stage !

I yell the loudest !
Look at me !

Excellent job.

Oh, mighty king,
we are your sons,

And we're loud, stupid actors,
and we're gonna have

A big, dumb sword fight
in your honor !

[ All ]
we are a collection
of screaming jackasses !

Let the loud screaming
sword fight begin !

[ All screaming ]

[ Screaming ]

Ooh ! I am dead !

Oh, yea ! Oh, yea !

[ Screaming ]