02x04 - Ride or Die

[bunniefuu]

[distant city sounds]

[theme music playing]

[Lunella] ♪ Ooh, my feet
Touched the ground ♪

♪ Here I am, world
Hear that trumpet sound? ♪

♪ Yeah, I have arrived ♪

♪ And me and my girls
'Bout to dip and slide ♪

♪ Swerve
Better make way, skurt-skurt ♪

♪ I got rules to break ♪

♪ Working non-stop
Now it's time to drop ♪

♪ Ooh, honey, boom
Cute, smart, and clever ♪

[singer] ♪ If you didn't know it ♪

♪ Now-now you know
Moon Girl Magic ♪

- [Lunella] ♪ Yeah, I'm Magic ♪
- [singer] ♪ Thought you knew? ♪

[Lunella] ♪ Thought you knew, baby? ♪

[singer] ♪ Genius inspiration overflow ♪

♪ Moon Girl Magic ♪

- [Lunella] ♪ Moon Girl Magic ♪
- [singer] ♪ Thought you knew? ♪

[Lunella] ♪ Thought you knew, baby? ♪

[giggles]

[synth-pop music plays]

[snorts]

He's a mensch, that one.

- I owe you!
- Of course!

Wrap it up, Leonardo Devil-inci.

Yeah, we're gonna miss
the live finale of...

[both] The Old and the Dutiful.

I have been waiting all season
for that conniving queen

to finally get
that sweet taste of justice.

- [grunts]
- Ooh, uh, excuse me.

Oh, honey, no prob... [gasps]

Not so fast, QuickWhip!

What? [gibbers] QuickWhip.
Who is QuickWhip?

I'm WhipQuick, her law-abiding twin.

Nuh-uh. You always manage
to trick me and slip away.

- Look! Captain America!
- [gasps]

- Double rainbow!
- [gasps]

- Look! Thanos!
- Aah!

Okay, fine.

- What's that stain on your suit?
- Where?

[gasps]

Psych ya mind, make ya booty shine!

Ugh! Get back here, QuickWhip!

Time to whip out the big gloves.

- [whirring]
- [QuickWhip screams]

Now, that's what I call
my "Gotcha Glove." Get it?

'Cause I... I gotcha!

Aw! Now come on. Let me go.

I'll let you go, all right.

Straight to S.H.I.E.L.D.

- S.H.I.E.L.D.
- Agent Hill? Is that you?

It's M-G.

And Casey Maria Eva Duarte
Goldberg-Calderon.

- What can I do for you?
- Not to brag, but, uh,

I finally got that thief QuickWhip.

Yeah, she ready for y'all to pick her up.

That's great, but we're kind of slammed.

Think you could bring her
into the precinct yourself?

- What, me?
- I'll owe you one. Thanks, Moon Girl.

We can't take her all the way uptown

and make it back in time
for The Old and the Dutiful finale.

Can we just let her go?

Now that's a plan I can go with.

No way, Road Runner.

Agent Hill gave me a S.H.I.E.L.D. mission.

I can't just blow it off.

[gasps] Hey, if you book it to the lab

and make it before the show starts,
you can set it to record,

and then we can watch it together
when I get back.

But my running legs don't move as fast
as my texting thumbs.

Okay, then take D, and I'll...

Ah! I'll take the train.

It'll be super fast,
and I can zip right back to the lab after.

Just do not watch without me.

- Promise?
- Promise.

[chuckles]

Come on, Nelson. You can do it.
Time to make your busker debut.

[dancer] It's showtime!

[techno music playing]

Yup. Bar's too high in this car.

Oh, can't you take these cuffs off?

- Nope.
- But I have a metal allergy.

Oh, is that a rash?
Now I got to pee. [groans]

Baddies like you don't deserve help.

Plus all New Yorkers know

there is no bathroom on the train.

Well, joke's on you, because technically,

I'm not a New Yorker, so, ha!
You don't know my life.

Please. You're a villain.

That tells me everything
I need to know about you.

And you'll be
with your fellow villains very, very...

[squealing]

...soon.

[man over PA] Attention, passengers,

we are currently experiencing
a mechanical malfunction.

Hey, don't worry, everyone.

I'll get this train back up
and running in no time.

But first, a little light.

Moon Girl Magic.

[gasps]

[laughs]

Ugh, this is gonna be
the longest train ride of my life.

[car horns blaring]

Just in time.

Y'all ready to watch this finale?

- Where's Lu?
- She's Moon Girling,

so we promised to record the episode
and watch it with her later.

How thoughtful.

Waiting for her
while the rest of the world

tunes in to the biggest
cultural event of the season.

Well, I'm watching upstairs. See ya.

Do not watch without me.

No. You promised Lu.

So what if you don't watch the show
in sync with Kerry Washington?

No big, right?

[Devil croaks sheepishly]

[Lunella yelps]

You little devil.

[Devil whimpers]

Okay! She cannot find out.

- Deal?
- [Devil growls happily]

You better get back here!

♪ Quick flash
I'm out of sight ♪

♪ Look fast
Don't blink one eye ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Or I'll throw up the dukes ♪

♪ Love the way I move it
Miss the way I-- ♪

- Ha! Gotcha!
- Yup, you got me.

QuickWhip.

What a pleasant surprise.

Lady Bullseye.

Did you do something with your hair?

- It looks great.
- [Lady Bullseye] Oh, QuickWhip,

I taught you well.

Mantra number 343...

[in unison] Flattery before battery.

But in this case,
hope you don't mind if I skip it.

Hello. Moon Girl here. How you doing?

Don't know the story here,
but, uh, she's my cargo.

So if you could just--

[chuckles] Aren't you adorable.

I'm going to count to three,

and you're going to step aside, or else...

Ha! You gonna smack me with positivity?

[snaps fingers]

Oh, seismograph.

Man, I can't compete
with that production value.

[grunting]

[gasps, grunts]

[coughs] Do not let her escape.

Okay, what just happened?

And who was that creepy, peppy woman?

Maki Matsumoto,

criminally known as Lady Bullseye,

leads one of the most notorious
thieving rings in the city.

With her stealthy swipers,
the Diabolical Darts,

she executes high-level heists
all around New York.

Her only rule?

No one ever gets out.

I'm gonna need backup. No reception?

Ugh! Okay, I just need
to power up the train again.

But the only way to do that
is from the controls

in the operator car up front,
so that's where we'll go.

You mean the direction they just went?

It's called stealth.
We'll sneak around them.

Last I checked, this whip
didn't come with invisibility powers,

so how are we supposed to do that?

Could you be any slower and louder?

Maybe if you uncuffed me,
I could scoot better.

No way, Escape-a-rella.

Just hurry up.

[groans, retches]

That tasted way better going in.

- [grunts]
- [punches landing]

Hurry up!

[punches landing]

I will not be bothered on my break.

- Whew! Thank you, sir.
- [laughs nervously]

- And you almost got us got!
- Oh, I'm sorry.

But maybe if someone would've
uncuffed me like I said...

[Diabolical Dart]
Sorry to interrupt, Lady Bullseye,

but you know
how you told us not to lose them?

We lost them.

On a broken-down train
with nowhere to run or hide?

What is our motto?

[all] Make crafts, make laughs,

and make them pay.

Exactly.

Sounds like you need some alone time

to reacquaint yourself with our values.

Reflection corner.

[Diabolical Dart] Oh, man.

Everyone else, positive thinking hats.

Where there's a will, there's an evil way.

- [laughter]
- [Diabolical Dart laughs]

[Lady Bullseye] No, no.
Reflection time for you.

Let's see them run now.

Oh, oh, oh! And let's not forget
how you can pick a pair

of 62-micro-pin handcuffs in seconds,

but when it comes to a simple train door--

I figured I'd take my sweet time

since you were taking forever
with that Diabolical Dart.

- Fight much?
- [laughing]

- What are you laughing at?
- I don't know,

but my legs feel like... like Jell-O.

- [Moon Girl] Jell-O?
- [all laughing]

- [train driver snoring]
- Okay, it was funny,

but it wasn't drop-dead funny.

Oh, no!

We got to get out of here!

[passengers snoring]

Now what?

Nitrous oxide blend levels
are still pretty high.

We just got to wait it out.

I bet Case and D
are worried sick about me.

[woman on TV] I hope you're enjoying

that glass of prune juice,
because it's poison.

- [man on TV] No! Not again!
- This finale is amaze-ba*ls!

- [snorts]
- [cell phone buzzes]

Oh! Brooklyn just posted a guess
at how the villain's gonna get taken down.

Ugh! I want to respond so bad,

but Lu would find out that we're watching.

[croaking]

[snorting, laughs]

Of course! I'll just make
a fake account. Genius!

You know, it's kind of scary
how good you are

at this sneaky sneak thing.

[purrs]

[rumbling]

I know you did not just--

Oh, stop. It was my stomach.

I got snacks in my boot to share,

but I can only reach it
if you take the cuffs off.

You want me to take off
your cuffs for boot food?

- Hard pass!
- [stomach gurgles]

Okay, we'll just let 'em hear us, find us,

and hand-deliver us
on a platter to Lady B.

Fine. It's not like you can run anyways.

Yo! This is crazy good!

Mm-mm-mm.

Where'd you steal
this cake thingy from anyway?

One, it's not a "cake thingy."

It's an éclair-macaron
fusion pastry, okay?

And two, I didn't steal it.
I don't have to. You know why?

Because I made it myself.
Not that you care.

I'm-- I'm sorry.

I guess I just thought
since stealing is your thing--

You think I sat on a playground
dreaming of being a bad guy?

I wanted to become a Michelin star chef.

I'd stay up all night
practicing my bake technique

till my dad would shoo me away
from the oven saying,

"Zekiyah, stop before you run
my power bill all the way--"

"All the way up to heaven's doormat"?

My pops used to say the same thing to me.

Uh-uh. Seriously?

You'd be surprised how much
electricity science requires.

[chuckles]

This is really good.

You're clearly mad talented.
What happened?

Well, I made it to New York,

but the city was crazy expensive.

Before I knew it, I was on the street,

barely scraping by
doing food performances.

Lady Bullseye saw me one day
and said I had potential.

I was so desperate to get back on my feet,

I thought a little stealing from the rich
wouldn't be too bad, so I joined her.

Turns out, I was good at it.

Even became her number two.

But I realized I'd strayed
so far from the vision

I had for myself,

so I left her Diabolical Darts,

hoping to turn a new leaf.

Been on the run ever since.

Wow.

Told you you didn't know my life.

But why not just go to S.H.I.E.L.D.?

They could help, right?

You wanna what happens
when villains go to S.H.I.E.L.D.?

They get locked up.

And when they finally get out,
hoping for a new start,

no place will hire 'em,
because much like you,

all people see is a rap sheet.

There should be another choice.
A better way.

No one cares for a better way
when it comes to villains.

[gasps]

Oh, O2 levels are back to normal.

We should keep it moving.

Oh, it's all good.

I mean, you have a metal allergy, right?

- Can I hold that blaster too?
- No. Don't push it.

[Moon Girl grunts]

[snoring]

- Coast seems clear.
- [both gasp]

Never said I had X-ray vision.

Well, guess who has night vision.

Oh, they might have night vision too, huh?

I was just about to tell you that.

[gasps]

[grunting]

Ah! Ah! I can't see!

- Ah! I can't see!
- Oh, my eyes!

[whip cracks and reverberates]

[sucks teeth, sighs]

[clear throats]

I'm running out of reflection corners.

That was the hottest of messes.

[laughs] Yeah! But we made it work.

[loud thud]

- Huh?
- [gasps] What happened?

Hey, the train's fixed.

Uh, I don't know. Something's not right.

[Lady Bullseye over PA]
Attention, Moon Girl.

I'm done playing.

You have something I want,

and now I've got something you care about,

a train full of innocent people.

So, either you hand over
that criminal QuickWhip,

or I crash this train.

Choice is yours. Ticktock.

- Oh, no!
- [man] We're all gonna die!

I just got a date match,
so you better turn her in.

She's a villain.
Who cares what happens to her?

They are wilin'. Help me out here, M-G.

Wait, you can't be
seriously thinking about...

I... I don't know.

I can't just let these innocent people
get hurt for... for...

Someone like me?

- QuickWhip...
- It's just like you said before.

Baddies don't deserve help. Right?

Moon Girl's their hero, not mine.

[woman on TV] Even though I'll be gone,

tell the world the truth!

[both sobbing]

Right? Who knew?

The whole time, it was a misunderstanding.

The queen wasn't evil at all!

- [Devil whimpers, gasps]
- [call alert ringing]

- Agent Hill?
- Change of plans.

I've got to run, so tell Moon Girl

I won't be at the office
when she gets there.

- Wait, she's not already there?
- She never showed,

and now I've got an uptown train
speeding toward the train yard.

Moon Girl's train?

[Lady Bullseye] There she is.

Hand her over first,

then you'll get the key
to the conductor's car.

- Hey!
- I can't believe

you actually thought
I was going to play fair.

And you, QuickWhip,

I gave you a bright, new future.

And you broke my heart
by throwing it all away.

- And for what? Patties?
- Patisserie.

Michelin star chef? Ha!

That straight and narrow path is gone.

All you are, and all you ever will be,

is a criminal.

Even Moon Girl knows that.

Why else would she hand you over to me?

Maybe because Moon Girl knows
that's not true.

Maybe she realized
that QuickWhip's got a lot more

going for her than working for you.

And maybe because Moon Girl
knew you'd lie and has a plan.

Hey, what's that stain on your suit?

- Huh?
- [both grunt]

Whoa, what are you doing?

Being your hero.

You didn't really think
I was gonna give you up like that, right?

- Psych ya mind...
- Make ya booty shine.

That's my line. I like how you did that.

Sorry to interrupt,
but reflection time is over.

Get 'em!

If I'm gonna die on a train,
it's gonna be a soul train.

Come on, y'all!

[funky music playing]

♪ I've been running too long ♪

♪ It's time to sing my song ♪

♪ He's gonna do it ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Now I'm rolling up my sleeves ♪

♪ I will fly
Trust and believe ♪

♪ She's gonna do it ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Go on, let yourself be free
Let your light shine, come on ♪

♪ Let them see
Go on, let yourself be free ♪

♪ Let your light shine
Come on, let them see ♪

♪ Go on, let yourself be free ♪

♪ Let your light shine
Come on, let them see ♪

♪ Go on, let yourself be free ♪

♪ Let your light shine
Come on ♪

M-G, Bubble Blaster!

- Uh, we talked about this.
- Just trust me.

Throw me the Blaster,
I'll throw you the whip!

♪ I'm back in my zone
And I'm ready to rumble ♪

♪ It's time you fools learned my name ♪

♪ Go on, let yourself be free ♪

♪ Let your light shine
Come on, let them see ♪

♪ Go on, let yourself be free ♪

♪ Let your light shine
Come on, let them see ♪

♪ Go on, let yourself be free ♪

♪ Let your light shine
Come on, let them see ♪

♪ Go on, let yourself be free ♪

♪ Let your light shine
Come on ♪

- ♪ I can do it, I can do it ♪
- ♪ Let your light shine ♪

Bon appétit, Lady Bullseye.

♪ Yeah ♪

No one gets out. Ever.

[electricity crackling]

Oh, snap.

[all screaming]

[all screaming]

Oh, no. This thing is fried
and speeding out of control!

[grunts]

[groaning]

[powering up]

[QuickWhip] We're gonna crash! Oh, no!

[screaming]

[gasps]

[growling]

- [tires screeching]
- [Moon Girl] Yes, D!

[grunting]

- Wow. Good work, Moon Girl.
- [camera shutter clicking]

Oh, yeah. It was light work.

Oh. Right.

Um, Agent Hill?

Wait.

I know you tasked me
with bringing in the bad guy,

but if there's anything I learned today,

it's that not all villains are bad people.

There's no way I could've saved the day

without Quick-- I mean, Zekiyah.

I know she's made mistakes,
but she's so much more than that,

and I want to be the kind of hero

that helps everyone be the person

they dream about being.

Just like The Old and the Dutiful finale.

Wait, what? You watched it!

- Ah! It was his idea.
- [Devil snarls]

We will unpack this later!

What I'm trying to say is,

I want to try something different.

It's a classic Mille-Feuille cake,
but deconstructed.

[Devil belches]

Yeah, D deconstructed it, all right.

You know, I was a bit nervous
when you asked me to hire an ex-villain,

but she's an excellent employee.

I love her!

And this is just the beginning.

Yep. Through Moon Girl's
new Good Word program,

we'll work together to help
lots of reformed villains

get back on their feet,

plugging them into great jobs like this.

Without being judged on their past.

After all, a villain is way more
than their rap sheet, right?

I can't thank you enough.

I'm learning a ton
and saving for culinary school.

My criminal days are far behind me now.

[sobs, gasps]

What? It's a transferable skill.

[laughter]

[woman on TV] The truth is,
my lost twin doesn't exist!

[man on TV] What?
But I sent her chocolates.

[woman] And I ate them.

[man] Well, too bad for you, my queen,

because they were poison! Ha-ha!

[woman] I knew they were poison!

I ate them so my lost twin

wouldn't fall for your treachery!

[man] But you said she doesn't exist.

[woman] I lied! Again!

Long live the queen!