01x17 - It Takes Two to Make a Team/Opera Buffa

[bunniefuu]

ANNOUNCER: The Adventures of Batman
with Robin, Boy Wonder.

Batman and Robin, Dynamic Duo
against crime and corruption...

...whose real identities
as millionaire philanthropist Bruce Wayne...

...and his young ward, d*ck Grayson...

...are known only to Alfred,
the faithful butler.

Ever alert, they respond swiftly
to a signal from the police.

And moments later, from the secret Batcave
deep beneath Wayne Manor...

...they roar out
to protect life, limb and property...

...as Batman and Robin,
caped crime fighters.

Batman and Robin,
scourge of Gotham City's kooky criminals:

The Joker, Clown Prince of Crime.

The Penguin,
pudgy purveyor of perfidy.

And the cool, cruel Mr. Freeze.

Watch out, villains,
here come Batman and Robin.

NARRATOR: A South American luxury liner
pulls into Gotham Harbor.

In its safe, a treasure map
for the buried fortune of the Peruvian Incas.

Irresistible bait for the Joker,
Clown Prince of Crime.

[LAUGHS]

No safe is safe when I'm around.
Ha-ha-ha.

Except this one, Joker.

[STAMMERS]
Batman?

ROBIN:
Going somewhere?

[ROBIN SNEEZES]

Gesundheit, ha-ha-ha, Boy Wonder.

NARRATOR: A week later,
the same Peruvian treasure map...

...Is en route to a bank vault...

...when the pudgy purveyor of perfidy,
the Penguin, attempts to purloin it.

Ha-ha-ha. The treasure map is mine.

Ah! The darned Dynamic Duo. Ah!

Unfair. Unfair.

NARRATOR:
Days later, in the darkened bank vault...

...which contains the treasure map,
a third attempt is made by the Riddler.

RIDDLER: Batgirl. How did you--?
-You're no puzzle for me, Riddler.

When is a pineapple not a pineapple?

When it's a grenade.

One out.

-Double play.
-Oof!

Ow!

ROBIN:
Wow, look at that.

-He got away.
-But that's all he got.

Blast those Caped Crusaders.

We've got to stop them
or we'll never get to the Peruvian treasure.

We must break them up or something.

That's it. Split them up.

Destroy their teamwork.
Throw off their timing.

No. Even if we split up the Duo,
there'd be Batgirl.

Batgirl. Of course.

We'll make Robin jealous of Batgirl.

-So jealous--
-The Duo will be no more.

No teamwork.

And without teamwork,
we can take care of them, easy.

And grabbing the treasure map
will be a cinch.

[ALL LAUGHING]

I turned on the alarm.
They'll be here in seconds.

Good. Now, don't forget,
make the girl look good.

[LAUGHS]

So Robin will look bad.

[LAUGHS]

Here comes Batgirl.
Get ready and let her see you.

Look out, Batman.

Thanks, Batgirl. Now, you two mop up
out here and I'll see what's going on inside.

Now.

Holy sneak attack.

[HENCHMEN GRUNTING]

HENCHMAN 1:
Yeah, let's get her.

Get Robin. Batgirl's too tough.

Come on, let's beat it.
Here comes Batgirl.

You okay, Robin?

Huh? Look out.

[ALL GRUNTING]

HENCHMAN 1: Batgirl again.
HENCHMAN 2: She's too much.

Thanks. You don't need me here.

I'll see what's keeping Batman.

But Batman said wait.

Look, Robin's disobeying
Batman's orders.

Give the signal for Plan 3X quickly.

Wait, Batgirl. You better go help Batman.
There's a trap set up for him.

Watch out, Batman.

-Thanks again, Batgirl.
-Guess it's just not my day.

Look this way, Batgirl.

Another one?

PHOTOGRAPHER:
One more, Batgirl.

Great. Hold it, again, please.

It's working. Ha-ha-ha.

Our plot is working beautifully.

[JOKER LAUGHS]

NARRATOR: Now in his real-life identity
as d*ck Grayson...

...Robin tries to fight the hurt
welling up within him.

"Welcome to Gotham City...

...home of Batman and Batgirl."

How about that?

MAN [ON RADIO]:
Good news, teen-o-reenos.

Coming up soon, a hot new release,
“The Batman and Batgirl Song."

To be sung by that new group,
the Teeny-Bats.

More Batman and Batgirl?

Don't miss tonight's special guest
on the Ed Solloman Show...

...Batman's number-one partner
in crime fighting...

...the fabulous Batgirl. And now...

Batman's number-one partner? Holy--

[RINGS]

Yes, commissioner.

No, sir, Batman's not here.

We just received word that the Joker,
Penguin and Riddler...

...were sighted leaving broadcast building.
And the Riddler left this riddle:

"What's worth two in the bush?"

Don't worry, commissioner, I, uh--

We'll solve it.

Now's my chance
to show Batgirl and Batman.

I'll get those three villains all by myself.

What's worth two in the bush?

A bird in the hand

The bird, the Penguin.
And the hand is Hand's Hotel. Of course.

The young bird fell for the bait.

[JOKER LAUGHS]

We've done it.

What--?

What's worth two in the bush?
A bird in the hand is right.

And the bird in our hands is a Robin.

[RIDDLER & JOKER LAUGH]

NARRATOR:
The villains' trap has been sprung.

Robin is trapped, and the Duo is split.
What more can happen?

Don't miss the thrilling second half of
“It Takes Two to Make a Team"...

...coming up next.

NARRATOR: Falling for the foul,
fiendish plot of three feckless felons...

...Robin believes he's being surpassed...

...as Batman's number-one
crime-fighting partner by Batgirl.

Then the unhappy Boy Wonder foolishly
sets out to capture the villains alone...

...but instead, he is trapped.

Now, in an abandoned factory building...

[LAUGHS]

Watch this.

[CROCODILES GROWL]

NARRATOR:
Meanwhile, in the Batcave...

And the riddle, commissioner.
"What's worth two in the bush?"

Robin, of course. I'd better find him fast.

NARRATOR: And in the apartment
of librarian Barbara Gordon...

BARBARA:
You don't know it, Commissioner Gordon...

...but your daughter's got a date
with action...

...now as Batgirl.

ROBIN:
Holy crocodiles.

Wait, Boy Wonder.
Maybe this light will help you.

[VILLAINS LAUGHING]

Cut the lights. I can't see. I can't see.

[CROCODILES GROWLING]

Come on, Batman.
Tune me in and I'll never drop out again.

[BEEPING]

Come on. Now we can steal
the Peruvian treasure map.

Yeah. This half of the Dynamic Duo
will still be here when we get back.

[LAUGHS]

JOKER: That is, if he doesn't, ha-ha-ha,
drop in on the crocodiles.

[VILLAINS LAUGHING]

[RECEIVER BEEPING]

Robin's homing transmitter.

Hang on, lad, wherever you are.

[RECEIVER BEEPING]

Keep on playing that tune, Boy Wonder.

I'll join you in the chorus.

ROBIN:
Got to get out of here.

[CROCODILES GROWLING]

Holy nick of time. One more second and--

Shh.

There's nobody here but us crocodiles.

Who--? Oh, Robin.
Thank goodness you're all right.

-Thanks to Batman.
-You were very foolish, chum.

Do you realize you fell for a villainous plot
to break us up?

I do now, Batman. I'm sorry.

-Together again?
-You bet.

Come on, let's go find that terrible trio.

NARRATOR: At this moment, three
familiar figures slink through the shadows...

...and sneakily approach the side door
of the Peruvian ambassador's mansion.

When is a diamond ring not a sparkler?

[LAUGHS]

PENGUIN:
When it's a glass cutter.

[LAUGHS]

[JOKER LAUGHS]

Beautiful, little Penguin. Beautiful.

BATGIRL:
That's the Peruvian ambassador's mansion.

The map Robin heard them mention
is in there.

So are they, I'll bet.

Let's find out. But quietly, now.

Hold it. Just to be sure
we all stick together on this...

...we'll each take a piece of the map.

One piece for you, one for you,
and one for-- Oh!

Good work, chum.

I have caught the crooks.

[BLUSTERS]

Wait. This is Batman.
You let the real crooks get away.

Oh, I'm a dum-dum.

An honest mistake.

We'll get the map back
the same way they tried to steal it.

-By breaking up their team.
-Let's start with the Penguin.

Hello, Riddler.

The Dynamic Dodos are on television
right now, if you care to look.

I feel sorry for the Penguin. The other two will
no doubt cut the evil bird out of the treasure.

-Is that so?
-Oh, no. I think Penguin is too smart.

The Riddler and Joker aren't
much on brains.

Nonsense. I'll bet the Riddler
has a plan right now to cut out the Joker.

Well?

[ENGINE HUMMING]

Don't move.
Just hand over the other parts of the map.

[RIDDLER CHUCKLES]

Get lost, birdbrain.

When you came through that door,
you were sprayed with knockout gas.

[LAUGHS]

Don't put me on, you-- You...

[YAWNS]

Good night.

Now we just have to split two ways.

[RIDDLER LAUGHS]

Correction. One way.

You were sprayed too.

[LAUGHING]

You sure know how to hurt a guy.

Now the treasure map of the Incas
belongs to me...

...and me only.

[LAUGHS]

NARRATOR: Moments later,
at the Gotham City Yacht Basin...

Captain. Get under way, Captain.

Make for Peru.

Get under way at once, I said.

No need to shout, Joker.
My bet was on you all the time.

Oh, no.

Oh, yes.

Congratulations, Dynamic Duo.

And of course, you too, Batgirl.

You've outdone yourselves this time.

Teamwork, commissioner.
That's what does it.

You can't beat it.

NARRATOR: Citizens of Gotham, take heart.
Criminals, take heed.

The Bruce Wayne Foundation
is building an ultramodern crime lab...

...to serve
the city's law enforcement agencies.

Mr. Wayne, every citizen of this town...

...will be most grateful to you
for this crime lab.

NARRATOR: Not so,
Commissioner Gordon. Not every citizen.

Not the Riddler,
who watches from his newest home base...

...the Dirdler Computer Service Company.

PUNCHCARD:
That's trouble, Riddler.

That crime lab's gonna put
our crime computers out of business.

We must prevent that, Punchcard.

We must persuade Mr. Wayne
to abandon the project.

Yeah? How? Riddle me that.

How do you make a rich guardian
do what you want?

You take his ward.

His ward. d*ck Grayson. Ha!

You sure are smart, Riddler.

NARRATOR: Later, baffled by a cryptic
message from the Riddler...

...the police commissioner and his daughter,
librarian Barbara Gordon...

...try to solve the riddle.

BARBARA: "Abandon crime lab
or consider this riddle.

'What will I have
when the hair of my heir loses its color?"

Hmm. "Heir" could mean son.

But what will he have
when his son's hair loses its color?

He'll have a gray son. Grayson.

He's threatening to abduct d*ck Grayson.

My stars.

Uh, sorry. Gotta run now.
See you later, Dad.

NARRATOR:
Within minutes, Barbara Gordon...

...In her secret identity as Batgirl...

...races in hopes of foiling
the Riddler's plan.

Meanwhile, the Dynamic Duo
as Bruce Wayne and d*ck Grayson...

...enter stately Wayne Manor.

-Alfred?
-Funny. He's always here to greet us.

Holy surprise package.

RIDDLER: Hold it right there, Mr. Wayne.
-The Riddler.

With a riddle. When is a bird in the hand
worth two in the bush?

[LAUGHS]

When it's an ambush.

No crime lab, Mr. Wayne.
Promise, or there'll be no Dickie boy. Clear?

Don't let him scare you.

BATGIRL:
Uh-oh. The Riddler is already here.

RIDDLER:
Can't four big men handle one teenage kid?

Geronimo!

-Thanks, Batgirl.
-Hurry. Untie the others.

Run for it, d*ck. Quickly.

Grab her. Grab her. Let go of me.

BATGIRL:
Thanks for the lift.

Quick, after her. Don't let her get away.

d*ck: Careful. It's dangerous
to fool around on diving boards.

Yeah?

You fellows really go off the deep end
for a girl.

d*ck:
Anyone for croquet?

Good work, d*ck. Call the police. Hurry.

[GASPS]

Ah. Take her, men.
Now, Mr. Wayne, we've got our hostage.

Call off your crime lab
or you'll never see Batgirl again.

Come on.
We've gotta get Batgirl out of trouble.

To the Batcave, chum. On the double.

-Yes, commissioner.
-The Riddler just phoned in another riddle.

"When is a double-crossed mastermind
like a funny comedian?"

When he brings the house down.

He's warning us that if we go ahead with
the crime lab, the walls will come down.

-Contact you later, commissioner.
-Holy Jericho.

How can the Riddler make the walls
come tumbling down?

I don't know, Robin. Let's check
the construction site. To the Batmobile.

A riddle, men. If you had sandwiches here
and rotten apples there...

...which would you use
to feed a hungry man?

The sandwiches here.

Correct. The sand which is here
is what you'll use to weaken the concrete.

Mix a lot of sand into these cement bags.

PUNCHCARD:
No, Caped Crusaders.

Ain't been a soul in this pit
since the workmen left at 5:00.

RIDDLER: They won't spot Batgirl
in those dark shadows.

NARRATOR: Searching desperately
for some way to attract Batman and Robin...

...the girl crime fighter spots
the construction crew's steam whistle.

[WHISTLING]

Batman, there is someone down there.

Come on, Robin.
Let's go have a look-see.

-There she is, Robin.
RIDDLER: Let's get them, men.

Oh!

Up you go, chum.

Good thinking, Batgirl.
Anytime you need us, just whistle.

Thanks, Boy Wonder.

BATMAN:
Sorry if I "board" you.

DATA:
There's Batgirl and Robin.

That was a lead-pipe cinch.

There's more. Come on.

Punchcard, get Batman.

BATMAN:
Punch that on your card.

Batman, mayday!

[SPLASHES]

-Help!
BATMAN: One minute, Robin.

Stand aside, Crusaders.
Let me by, and I'll let you go.

Riddle me this, Riddler.
What kind of mill makes tire treads?

Uh, a treadmill?

That's my cue.

Stop it. Please. Turn it off.

That's what I call a running gag, Batman.

[SIREN WAILING]

Here come the police for the wrap-up.

GORDON:
Good work, Crusaders.

I assure you,
Mr. Wayne will be very grateful.

Yes, I'm sure he will.

Say, commissioner,
how's your daughter, Barbara?

Oh, keeping herself busy.

She told me she's going to start
working evenings at the Wayne Foundation.

BATGIRL: Well, I didn't tell a fib.
This is the Wayne Foundation.