01x07 - God-Fearing

[bunniefuu]

And now to give you a little
lecture on halloween safety,
here's officer papermouth.

Lecture on halloween safety,
here's officer papermouth.
Good morning, children.

Here's officer papermouth.
Good morning, children.
I guess you all know what the

Good morning, children.
I guess you all know what the
day after tomorrow is.

I guess you all know what the
day after tomorrow is.
Sure, we do.

Day after tomorrow is.
Sure, we do.
It's the day I get to scare the

Sure, we do.
It's the day I get to scare the
pants off my little sister.

It's the day I get to scare the
pants off my little sister.
[Laughter]

Pants off my little sister.
[Laughter]
oh, tommy.

[Laughter]
oh, tommy.
Well, that's right.

Oh, tommy.
Well, that's right.
It's halloween.

Well, that's right.
It's halloween.
And as much fun as it is,

It's halloween.
And as much fun as it is,
it can also be very dangerous.

And as much fun as it is,
it can also be very dangerous.
You see, with all you kids

It can also be very dangerous.
You see, with all you kids
running around wearing dark

You see, with all you kids
running around wearing dark
clothing and monster and devil

Running around wearing dark
clothing and monster and devil
masks that cover your whole

Clothing and monster and devil
masks that cover your whole
face, you'll all run into a

Masks that cover your whole
face, you'll all run into a
serious risk of becoming

Face, you'll all run into a
serious risk of becoming
devil-worshipers

Serious risk of becoming
devil-worshipers
or even buddhists.

Devil-worshipers
or even buddhists.
So, when you go out

Or even buddhists.
So, when you go out
trick-or-treating this sunday,

So, when you go out
trick-or-treating this sunday,
take an extra minute to do a

Trick-or-treating this sunday,
take an extra minute to do a
little safety check on your

Take an extra minute to do a
little safety check on your
costume.

Little safety check on your
costume.
Make sure there are no horns,

Costume.
Make sure there are no horns,
peace symbols, star of davids,

Make sure there are no horns,
peace symbols, star of davids,
or any rosaries on them.

Peace symbols, star of davids,
or any rosaries on them.
In fact, the funnest costumes

Or any rosaries on them.
In fact, the funnest costumes
are holy things, like generic

In fact, the funnest costumes
are holy things, like generic
angels or cleanliness.

Are holy things, like generic
angels or cleanliness.
You do that, and you'll have a

Angels or cleanliness.
You do that, and you'll have a
happy and safe halloween.

You do that, and you'll have a
happy and safe halloween.
Any questions?

Happy and safe halloween.
Any questions?
Uh, uh!

Any questions?
Uh, uh!
Doughy.

Uh, uh!
Doughy.
Is being a policeman scary?

Doughy.
Is being a policeman scary?
[Chuckles]

Is being a policeman scary?
[Chuckles]
no, son.

[Chuckles]
no, son.
I'm never scared when I'm out on

No, son.
I'm never scared when I'm out on
the beat, and I'll tell you why:

I'm never scared when I'm out on
the beat, and I'll tell you why:
it's because I have the best

The beat, and I'll tell you why:
it's because I have the best
darn team backing me up on those

It's because I have the best
darn team backing me up on those
streets--officers god and jesus.

Darn team backing me up on those
streets--officers god and jesus.
I know that god protects me from

Streets--officers god and jesus.
I know that god protects me from
all danger, and that jesus

I know that god protects me from
all danger, and that jesus
guides my b*ll*ts straight into

All danger, and that jesus
guides my b*ll*ts straight into
the brains and lungs of lawless

Guides my b*ll*ts straight into
the brains and lungs of lawless
slime.

The brains and lungs of lawless
slime.
Pow, pow, pow!

Slime.
Pow, pow, pow!
Ooh!

Pow, pow, pow!
Ooh!
Wow!

Ooh!
Wow!
Hey, doughy.

Wow!
Hey, doughy.
Hey, orel.

Hey, doughy.
Hey, orel.
You fellows want to go to the

Hey, orel.
You fellows want to go to the
church's haunted house tomorrow

You fellows want to go to the
church's haunted house tomorrow
night?

Church's haunted house tomorrow
night?
It's only 25 cents if you wear a

Night?
It's only 25 cents if you wear a
costume.

It's only 25 cents if you wear a
costume.
I don't think I should go,

Costume.
I don't think I should go,
tommy.

I don't think I should go,
tommy.
It might be full of monsters and

Tommy.
It might be full of monsters and
devils.

It might be full of monsters and
devils.
Aw, don't be such a

Devils.
Aw, don't be such a
butter-head.

Aw, don't be such a
butter-head.
It's good to go and be afraid of

Butter-head.
It's good to go and be afraid of
all that junk.

It's good to go and be afraid of
all that junk.
That's true.

All that junk.
That's true.
Ok, I'll go.

That's true.
Ok, I'll go.
All right!

Ok, I'll go.
All right!
Yeah!

All right!
Yeah!
Yay!

Gee, I hope it's not too
scary.
Hope, doughy?

Scary.
Hope, doughy?
If you pray, you get your way.

Hope, doughy?
If you pray, you get your way.
If you hope, the answer's nope.

If you pray, you get your way.
If you hope, the answer's nope.
You're right.

[Evil laughter]

Ooh!
Aagh!
Oh!

Aagh!
Oh!
[Roaring]

Aagh!
Aagh!
Ha ha ha ha ha!

A-booga-booga-booga!
Huh?
Oh.

I now pronounce you black man
and wife.
Ha ha ha ha!

And wife.
Ha ha ha ha!
Aagh!

Aagh!
Wow!
That was so scary it was fun!

Wow!
That was so scary it was fun!
I thought I was gonna get

That was so scary it was fun!
I thought I was gonna get
spooked to death!

I thought I was gonna get
spooked to death!
Ha ha ha.

Spooked to death!
Ha ha ha.
Wasn't that fun, orel?

Ha ha ha.
Wasn't that fun, orel?
Not really.

Wasn't that fun, orel?
Not really.
What's the matter,

Not really.
What's the matter,
too scary for you?

What's the matter,
too scary for you?
I don't think it was

Too scary for you?
I don't think it was
scary at all.

I don't think it was
scary at all.
Come on!

Scary at all.
Come on!
What about the vampire?

Come on!
What about the vampire?
Gee.

What about the vampire?
Gee.
Nothing's really scary when you

Gee.
Nothing's really scary when you
have god on your side.

Nothing's really scary when you
have god on your side.
I don't know, orel.

Have god on your side.
I don't know, orel.
What about that irritated witch

I don't know, orel.
What about that irritated witch
that jumped out of the coffin?

What about that irritated witch
that jumped out of the coffin?
Weren't you afraid she'd bite

That jumped out of the coffin?
Weren't you afraid she'd bite
your throat out?

Weren't you afraid she'd bite
your throat out?
No.

Your throat out?
No.
Because I knew the lord would

No.
Because I knew the lord would
protect me.

Because I knew the lord would
protect me.
Even from being startled?

Protect me.
Even from being startled?
Yeah.

Even from being startled?
Yeah.
Well, it sure scared me.

Yeah.
Well, it sure scared me.
I want to go again.

Well, it sure scared me.
I want to go again.
Me, too.

I want to go again.
Me, too.
Let's go!

Me, too.
Let's go!
You coming, orel?

Let's go!
You coming, orel?
Go ahead, doughy.

You coming, orel?
Go ahead, doughy.
I'll sit this one out.

Go ahead, doughy.
I'll sit this one out.
[Wailing]

I'll sit this one out.
[Wailing]
[sighs]

[Wailing]
[sighs]
gee.

[Sighs]
gee.
It's just impossible to be

Gee.
It's just impossible to be
scared of something when your

It's just impossible to be
scared of something when your
two best friends are

Scared of something when your
two best friends are
jesus and god.

Two best friends are
jesus and god.
What could possibly frighten me

Jesus and god.
What could possibly frighten me
with them on my side?

What could possibly frighten me
with them on my side?
Hmm.

With them on my side?
Hmm.
If I broke all those

Hmm.
If I broke all those
commandments, I'd definitely be

If I broke all those
commandments, I'd definitely be
scared.

Commandments, I'd definitely be
scared.
Oh.

Scared.
Oh.
But it's not really worth it

Oh.
But it's not really worth it
for just one day of fun.

But it's not really worth it
for just one day of fun.
Gosh.

For just one day of fun.
Gosh.
I wish there was a way to be

Gosh.
I wish there was a way to be
scared of god just on halloween

I wish there was a way to be
scared of god just on halloween
and then have everything go back

Scared of god just on halloween
and then have everything go back
to normal.

Kids, today is halloween.
Not exactly the highest of holy
days, but, nevertheless, when

Not exactly the highest of holy
days, but, nevertheless, when
you take part in activities like

Days, but, nevertheless, when
you take part in activities like
egging or t.p.ing my house, I

You take part in activities like
egging or t.p.ing my house, I
should warn you that it will be

Egging or t.p.ing my house, I
should warn you that it will be
counted as a sin, and that just

Should warn you that it will be
counted as a sin, and that just
like a bulimic woman who feels

Counted as a sin, and that just
like a bulimic woman who feels
the guilt of gorging that

Like a bulimic woman who feels
the guilt of gorging that
lithe, waify body of hers,

The guilt of gorging that
lithe, waify body of hers,
you, too, will feel an

Lithe, waify body of hers,
you, too, will feel an
uncomfortable weight in the pit

You, too, will feel an
uncomfortable weight in the pit
of the stomach of your

Uncomfortable weight in the pit
of the stomach of your
conscience.

Of the stomach of your
conscience.
Then you will say to yourselves,

Conscience.
Then you will say to yourselves,
what is the finger of salvation

Then you will say to yourselves,
what is the finger of salvation
that can be thrust into the gag

What is the finger of salvation
that can be thrust into the gag
reflex of my soul?

That can be thrust into the gag
reflex of my soul?
Nyay, nyay, nyay?

Reflex of my soul?
Nyay, nyay, nyay?
There is only one answer to this

Nyay, nyay, nyay?
There is only one answer to this
dilemma.

There is only one answer to this
dilemma.
Repent.

Dilemma.
Repent.
Sin today if you must,

Repent.
Sin today if you must,
but repent tomorrow.

Sin today if you must,
but repent tomorrow.
Amen.

But repent tomorrow.
Amen.
Hot dog!

Amen.
Hot dog!
This is gonna be the scariest

Hot dog!
This is gonna be the scariest
halloween ever!

This is gonna be the scariest
halloween ever!
I don't know, orel.

Halloween ever!
I don't know, orel.
I don't think this is a good

I don't know, orel.
I don't think this is a good
idea.

I don't think this is a good
idea.
You can't just break all 10

Idea.
You can't just break all 10
commandments in one day.

You can't just break all 10
commandments in one day.
God's gonna hate you.

Commandments in one day.
God's gonna hate you.
That's the point.

God's gonna hate you.
That's the point.
What can be scarier than that?

That's the point.
What can be scarier than that?
Then tomorrow, I'll just repent.

What can be scarier than that?
Then tomorrow, I'll just repent.
And both him and jesus will be

Then tomorrow, I'll just repent.
And both him and jesus will be
back on my side again.

And both him and jesus will be
back on my side again.
Wow!

Back on my side again.
Wow!
You're right.

Wow!
You're right.
Christianity sure is convenient.

You're right.
Christianity sure is convenient.
Why would got make it any

Christianity sure is convenient.
Why would got make it any
other way?

Why would got make it any
other way?
Orel!

Other way?
Orel!
Time to take out the garbage!

Orel!
Time to take out the garbage!
Ain't gonna do it, mom!

Time to take out the garbage!
Ain't gonna do it, mom!
Orel!

Ain't gonna do it, mom!
Orel!
Oh.

Orel!
Oh.
I get it.

Oh.
I get it.
Honor thy father and thy mother.

I get it.
Honor thy father and thy mother.
What's that?

Honor thy father and thy mother.
What's that?
Do it yourself, old lady!

What's that?
Do it yourself, old lady!
Orel!

Do it yourself, old lady!
Orel!
You're the only garbage

Orel!
You're the only garbage
around here, bloberta!

You're the only garbage
around here, bloberta!
You just wait till your

Around here, bloberta!
You just wait till your
father gets home!

You just wait till your
father gets home!
Yes!

Father gets home!
Yes!
[Laughter]

Yes!
[Laughter]
thou shalt not covet thy

[Laughter]
thou shalt not covet thy
neighbor's possessions.

Thou shalt not commit adultery.

Thou shalt not steal.

Thou shalt not take the lord's
name in vain.

Thou shalt not have
any other gods,
and thou shalt not worship

Any other gods,
and thou shalt not worship
any graven images.

Thou shalt not bear false
witness against thy neighbor.

Thou shalt honor the
sabbath day.
And you keep breaking

Sabbath day.
And you keep breaking
commandments, and you might get

And you keep breaking
commandments, and you might get
hit by lightning.

Commandments, and you might get
hit by lightning.
And I'm worried for your

Hit by lightning.
And I'm worried for your
immortal soul, orel.

And I'm worried for your
immortal soul, orel.
Ok, doughy.

Immortal soul, orel.
Ok, doughy.
Enough of your problems.

Ok, doughy.
Enough of your problems.
Huh?!

Enough of your problems.
Huh?!
This is serious.

Huh?!
This is serious.
I have one more commandment to

This is serious.
I have one more commandment to
break.

I have one more commandment to
break.
[Gasps]

Break.
[Gasps]
oh, no, orel!

[Gasps]
oh, no, orel!
Not k*ll.

Oh, no, orel!
Not k*ll.
Aren't you scared enough yet?

Not k*ll.
Aren't you scared enough yet?
Let's see.

Aren't you scared enough yet?
Let's see.
Nope.

Let's see.
Nope.
I still feel god's love.

Nope.
I still feel god's love.
Boy, I'm never gonna be scared

I still feel god's love.
Boy, I'm never gonna be scared
enough of god by tonight if I

Boy, I'm never gonna be scared
enough of god by tonight if I
don't k*ll someone.

Enough of god by tonight if I
don't k*ll someone.
I guess this halloween is

Don't k*ll someone.
I guess this halloween is
ruined.

Poor orel.
What is wrong with you?!

After you, sir.
Oh.
Why, thank you.

Oh.
Why, thank you.
What a good--

Why, thank you.
What a good--
dad?!

What a good--
dad?!
Orel, what have you done?!

Dad?!
Orel, what have you done?!
You k*lled him!

Orel, what have you done?!
You k*lled him!
I did?

You k*lled him!
I did?
Oh.

I did?
Oh.
Hurray!

Oh.
Hurray!
I did it!

Hurray!
I did it!
What has gotten into you,

I did it!
What has gotten into you,
young man?

What has gotten into you,
young man?
First you're rude to your mother

Young man?
First you're rude to your mother
and now this.

First you're rude to your mother
and now this.
Sounds like we need

And now this.
Sounds like we need
to reconvene--

Sounds like we need
to reconvene--
in my study.

To reconvene--
in my study.
[Gulp]

In my study.
[Gulp]
see you there.

[Gulp]
see you there.
[Siren wails]

But, dad,
I was going to repent.
Repent?

I was going to repent.
Repent?
Oh, um...

Repent?
Oh, um...
Well, that's different.

Oh, um...
Well, that's different.
You should have told me that

Well, that's different.
You should have told me that
before I gave you the old...

You should have told me that
before I gave you the old...
I know.

Before I gave you the old...
I know.
I tried, but I couldn't get a

I know.
I tried, but I couldn't get a
word in edgewise.

I tried, but I couldn't get a
word in edgewise.
Oh.

Word in edgewise.
Oh.
Ha ha.

Oh.
Ha ha.
Sorry.

Ha ha.
Sorry.
This baby's a little loud.

Sorry.
This baby's a little loud.
Tell you what...

This baby's a little loud.
Tell you what...
Let me call reverend putty and

Tell you what...
Let me call reverend putty and
set you two up with a little

Let me call reverend putty and
set you two up with a little
chat.

Set you two up with a little
chat.
He should be able to unravel

Chat.
He should be able to unravel
this moral rat's nest.

[Sighs]
sorry to interrupt your
dinner, reverend.

Sorry to interrupt your
dinner, reverend.
Company isn't an

Dinner, reverend.
Company isn't an
interruption, orel.

Company isn't an
interruption, orel.
Just an occasional reminder of

Interruption, orel.
Just an occasional reminder of
my involuntary solitude.

Just an occasional reminder of
my involuntary solitude.
Oh, good.

My involuntary solitude.
Oh, good.
Yeah, good.

Oh, good.
Yeah, good.
So, I hear you've been breaking

Yeah, good.
So, I hear you've been breaking
some pretty important rules out

So, I hear you've been breaking
some pretty important rules out
there.

Some pretty important rules out
there.
Yeah.

There.
Yeah.


Yeah.
Mm-hmm.


Mm-hmm.
Look, we'd all like to break the

Mm-hmm.
Look, we'd all like to break the


Look, we'd all like to break the
some commandments more than


Some commandments more than
others.

Some commandments more than
others.
But they are there for a reason.

Others.
But they are there for a reason.
I know.

But they are there for a reason.
I know.
I just wanted an exciting

I know.
I just wanted an exciting
halloween.

I just wanted an exciting
halloween.
And I thought being scared of

Halloween.
And I thought being scared of
god would do the trick.

And I thought being scared of
god would do the trick.
My boy,

God would do the trick.
My boy,
god is scary enough without

My boy,
god is scary enough without
getting under his skin.

God is scary enough without
getting under his skin.
I mean, think about it.

Getting under his skin.
I mean, think about it.
He makes hurricanes

I mean, think about it.
He makes hurricanes
and diseases and stress

He makes hurricanes
and diseases and stress
and foreign cultures

And diseases and stress
and foreign cultures
and bees and choking!

And foreign cultures
and bees and choking!
Gee.

And bees and choking!
Gee.
He sure works in mysterious

Gee.
He sure works in mysterious
ways.

He sure works in mysterious
ways.
He's not mysterious, orel.

Ways.
He's not mysterious, orel.
He works in one way.

He's not mysterious, orel.
He works in one way.
Give him the opportunity,

He works in one way.
Give him the opportunity,
and he's gonna get ya!

Give him the opportunity,
and he's gonna get ya!
But he's god, reverend.

And he's gonna get ya!
But he's god, reverend.
Isn't everything he does good?

But he's god, reverend.
Isn't everything he does good?
[Snickers]

Isn't everything he does good?
[Snickers]
no.

[Snickers]
no.
Not by a long shot.

No.
Not by a long shot.
Everything he does is right,

Not by a long shot.
Everything he does is right,
but that's very different.

Everything he does is right,
but that's very different.
Now, go do us all a favor and

But that's very different.
Now, go do us all a favor and
repent before you make the whole

Now, go do us all a favor and
repent before you make the whole
town go up in flames.

Repent before you make the whole
town go up in flames.
I sure will.

Town go up in flames.
I sure will.
Bye, reverend.

I sure will.
Bye, reverend.
And thanks.

Bye, reverend.
And thanks.
Now I know

And thanks.
Now I know
that god is the scariest monster

Now I know
that god is the scariest monster
of all on halloween.

That god is the scariest monster
of all on halloween.
Yes.

Of all on halloween.
Yes.
But also remember that the

Yes.
But also remember that the
lord's terror is not just for

But also remember that the
lord's terror is not just for
one day.

Lord's terror is not just for
one day.
You must keep it in your heart

One day.
You must keep it in your heart
all year round.

You must keep it in your heart
all year round.
You bet.

All year round.
You bet.
Would you like some soft

You bet.
Would you like some soft
steak before you go?

Would you like some soft
steak before you go?
No, thanks.

Steak before you go?
No, thanks.
My mom's making meatloaf

No, thanks.
My mom's making meatloaf
tonight.

My mom's making meatloaf
tonight.
Sounds joyous.

Tonight.
Sounds joyous.
Sure is.

Sounds joyous.
Sure is.
Bye.

Sure is.
Bye.
[Door opens, closes]

Bye.
[Door opens, closes]
[captioning made possible by

[Door opens, closes]
[thud]

[Thud]

Hello, good-bye.