01x17 - Tales of Suspense!

[bunniefuu]

[man] During my expedition,
I discovered a hidden land

filled with prehistoric flora and fauna,

including several species
of dinosaur and man-apes.

[crowd murmurs]

[all murmur]

Do you have
any photographic evidence?

Photos? No.

I've brought a specimen.

[all gasp]

[snarls]

[Dr. Doom cackles]

From today,
at the Museum of Natural History.

Oh, think of it...

A live saber-toothed tiger,

from the strange Savage Land.

[laughs]

Oh, that would make
the perfect pet for me.

If Sabretooth gets a pet sabretooth,

Toad should get a pet toad.

And I, Batroc, want a pet bat
and a pet rock.

Silence.

The creature is being kept for study

at the Super Hero City Zoo.

Live study.

The sissies.

- [Toad] Look.
- [Zabu growling]

It's wearing a collar.

You're out of luck, Sabretooth.

That tiger is already someone's pet.

Well, well, well. Good eye, Toad.

And if you look closely,

you will see a star quartz
around the beast's neck.

Ancient alchemists believe

it has the power
to bind metals without heat.

[Doom] Don't you people read?

You mean online or, like, books?

[mutters]

I mean the star quartz
could reassemble

the Infinity Sword.

While I pore through
an ancient tome or two,

I want you to retrieve the medallion.

Can I keep the cat?

[villains laugh]

[laughing stops]

If you take care of it.

[Doom] My Latverian drapes
are not scratching posts.

[pants]

[grunts]

[grunts]

- [gasps]
- [growling]

Zabu...

Ka-Zar, Lord of the Savage Land,
will free you.

And the ones
who took you will pay.

[Doom] With that Infinity Sword,
I will rule the universe.

All right, Squaddies!
Time to Hero Up!

♪ When the bad guys are out
All you have to do is shout now ♪

♪ Who's gonna Hero Up? ♪

♪ Well, they may not get along ♪

♪ But they're always fighting strong now ♪

♪ Who's gonna Hero Up? ♪

♪ Who'll save the day?
The Super Hero Squad! ♪

♪ They'll Hero Up again! ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero Up ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero Up ♪

♪ Wolverine and Hulk are fierce ♪

♪ Dr. Doom ends up in tears ♪

♪ When Iron Man joins the fight ♪

♪ Falcon darts in from the sky
Silver Surfer by his side ♪

♪ Thor's hammer has thunder's might ♪

♪ Who'll save the day?
The Super Hero Squad! ♪

♪ They'll Hero Up again! ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero Up ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero Up ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero Up ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! ♪

I hate those Squaddies!

Fear not, Zabu.

Ka-Zar will free you
from that strange cage.

- [glass cracks]
- [grunts]

Uhh!

Uh!

Ugh!

[groans]

What magic is this?

An invisible wall?

No barrier shall prevent Ka-Zar
from rescuing his trusted companion.

- [glass shatters]
- Aah!

[alarm trills]

Zabu! More magic.

- [car horns]
- [alarm continues]

Even this stampede of strange beasts

will not keep Ka-Zar from you, Zabu.

Clever.

Those sentries use
these sleeping animals

to hide their presence.

Ka-Zar will simply use

the same tactic to sneak past them.

[clang]

- Aah!
- [gasps]

Now the beast moves
to eat this helpless woman.

[grunts]

[yells]

[continues yelling]

You stop this!
You can't do this to me.

- I'm gonna get you. Oh!
- Ka-Zar will free you.

Your struggles have made
the creature angry.

Quickly, get away. Ha-ha!

Ah!

- [car alarm]
- [Falcon] I'd be mad, too,

if I forgot to dress before going out,

but that's no reason
to take it out on the nice lady.

Aah! Oh, Falcon.
Oh, thank goodness you're here.

You. Bird who speaks like man.

Where have you taken Zabu?

Why angry monkey man
wear fuzzy diaper?

[chuckles] Fuzzy diaper.

Hulk so clever. Yeah.

I don't know what a Zabu is,

but the diaper we can change
at the police sta... Aah!

Bad monkey! [Groans]

He pinned Wolverine.

Squaddies, Hero Up!

♪ When the bad guys are out
All you have to do Is shout now ♪

♪ Who's gonna Hero Up? ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero Up ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! Hero Up ♪

♪ Super Hero Squad! ♪

Look how far he got in ten seconds.

Now, that's a speed factor.

[alarm wails]

Hulk don't understand.

This way. Follow me.
We'll cut him off.

[chortles]

Oh, fuzzy diaper!

Hulk crack Hulk up. [Laughs]

[Iron Man] I've heard of the urban jungle
before, but this is crazy.

Iron Man, I got your secret text message.

Is this the fleeing suspect
you would like me to intercept?

Nice secrecy, Surfer.
I was kind of hoping to surprise him.

[Iron Man] Hey!

Huzzah!

Fear not! Mighty Thor
hath been texted to action.

[Falcon] No room to open my wings!

[glass shatters]

[Thor] I'll save you,
fine feathered friend.

[grunts]

[grunts]

[Wolverine] Forget about us, bub?

Tyrannosaurus head!

[Ka-Zar] At last,

an enemy known to Ka-Zar.

Hey, ow, ow! Knock it off!

Hulk knock it off.

- Oh!
- Actually, I meant... [sighs]

- Thanks.
- Why?

Surrender, my friend.
You are outnumbered.

Do you think Ka-Zar
is foolish enough

to have come to your world alone?

[whistles]

[dinosaur screeches]

[Quicksilver] Oh, watch it.

Pterodactyl wings!

- [dinosaur screeches]
- Whoa!

Apparently, Polly want a Reptil.

Perhaps we should let Ka-Zar
explain himself.

Nice monster.

Now, now, don't get
your loin cloth in a twist.

We can always
beat each other up later.

Let's talk it out.

I am Ka-Zar, Lord of the Savage Land.

Strangers took my friend, Zabu,
and brought him here.

Ka-Zar will not return home
without him.

[Iron Man] Why didn't you say so?
We'll help you.

- Got a picture of your little friend?
- Where would he keep it?

Oh, oh, I know! Kitty!

[chuckles] Now, do a bunny.

[Iron Man] Ah, that's the saber-tooth
from the zoo.

It figures you're with him.

[dinosaur screeches]

Oh, h*-h*! Nice rooster.

Take him back to the Helicarrier
and watch him.

- [dinosaur rumbles]
- Yay! Hulk get to play with rooster!

And you two watch Hulk, okay?

I don't need that thing
getting out and starting a panic.

This job calls for speed, stealth
and a whole lot of animal factor.

Falcon, Wolvie and Reptil, you're with me.

We've got a saber-tooth tiger to rescue.

[Ka-Zar] Your tracking abilities
are impressive.

Ka-Zar saw no trail
leading to this place.

What signs led you here?

That sign, vine bender.

There he is.

[growls] Again Ka-Zar is tormented
by these crafty boxes

which go empty at his touch.

Come on, that box isn't even high-def.

Ooh!

You break it, you bought it.

We'll take you to your friend now.

Zabu! Where are you?

[scoffs] And I thought
Wolverine was high-strung.

[Wolverine] I heard that, bird brain.

[people groaning]

What happened?

- Did the tiger do this?
- I'm all right, hero.

They jumped us and took the tiger.

[bellows]

[bellow continues]

Ahh! Thanks a lot, jungle boy.

You just blew out
my audio receptors.

- [sighs]
- Before you make the whole city deaf,

take a deep breath, like this.

[inhales, exhales]

[inhales, exhales aloud] Phew!

Attaboy! Good man-monkey.

[sniffs] Uh-huh!

We're up against Batroc the Leaper,

Thunderball... [sniffs]

Ugh! Toad and Sabretooth.

You called Zabu sabretooth.
What is sabretooth?

I'm guessing the irony escapes you.

Nothing escapes Ka-Zar.

Come.

[Ka-Zar sniffing]

Ha! This is about as exciting
as watching old people take nose drops.

[Wolverine] I heard that, bird brain.

Okay, hotshot. How would you
find a cat in this city?

Tell me, please.

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.

[all] Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.

[Falcon] Whiskers.

[Zabu growls]

Mon Dieu! Nice kitty.

Ha-ha! Come here, kitty.

- [growls]
- Ha-ha!

Nice kitty. Come here, kitty.

[growls]

- [roars]
- Zut alors!

- [yells]
- [growls]

Not again! [Yells]

[Toad cackles]

This sort of thing would never happen
with a pet toad.

Hey, does this toad you want
have a star quartz on its collar?

Uh, maybe?

Arrr! Quit your belly-aching!

My cat is getting away.

[Ka-Zar] Your cat?

Aah!

[yells]

[growls]

Don't waste your time.

That ball of yours
isn't going to get through my armor.

[grunts]

[Wolverine yells]

My bad.

[Wolverine] I'm okay. Ha-ha!

Adam anti um skeleton.

[growls]

[roars]

Batroc, get these heroes off my tail
and leave the cat to me.

En garde!

Cursed metal branches.

Ohh!

[Reptil] Velociraptor legs!

[scream]

Now we are brothers.

Great! Now you can do my chores.

Just don't ask to borrow my allowance.

[nail g*n fires]

[cackles]

[Zabu growls]

Not again!

I got you.

What part of "magnetic repulsion"
don't you understand?

Hold still.

Whoa!

Whoa!

Ooh!

Whoa!

[Wolverine yelps]

My bad again.

[Wolverine] Just 'cause I can heal,
don't mean it don't hurt!

[thwack]

[Toad] Not so fast, Iron Man!

Get off of me!

[Toad yelps]

Uh!

[screams]

[Zabu growls]

[roars]

I think I'll name you Fluffy.

- Ugh!
- [Zabu growls]

Ah!

[groans]

[roars]

Oh, my eyes!

[roars]

[Zabu growls]

Confound this place.
I cannot see! Oh! Oh!

[sighs]

Uhh! [Sighs]

There you are, Zabu.

Let us return to the Savage Land.

[roars]

Yes. Good boy.

[Zabu growls]

Ah! Good kitty, good kitty.

[laughs]

[Iron Man] Nice job, Ka-Zar.

You didn't even
have to catch him by his tail.

[yelps]

Ooh, ow!

Come on, Reptil.
Help me gather up these crooks.

All right. Then, let's go
watch Wolverine heal.

Ka-Zar thanks you all for your help.

No problem.

Hey, that's not a fractal,
but what is it?

I've never seen anything like it.

[Ka-Zar] The star quartz.

It melts and binds any material,

but only in the presence
of vibranium.

Is that a problem?

Vibranium is scarcer than
soap at the Mole Man's house.

In the Savage Land,
there is much vibranium.

I bet that star quartz
is what Doom is really after.

He could use
something like that to weld

the fractals
back into the Infinity Sword.

[Dr. Doom] He could.

[cackles]

And he will.

Morons! [Cackles]

Yes!

[Dr. Doom cackles]

[popcorn pops]

[Captain America hums "Yankee Doodle"]

- [microwave dings]
- [humming "Yankee Doodle"]

♪ Stuck a Deutsche Mark in his skull ♪

♪ And called it Schicklgruber ♪

[Iron Man] Hello, Captain America?

Whoa! What's going on here?

Cap, we need you
and that shield of yours

to take a little ride
on a giant Pteranodon.

Sir, yes, sir.
No jibber jabber, sir.

Hup, hup, hup.

Jim Dandy.

Ah, did you say the Savage Land?

So many memories.

I was there during the w*r.
That's where shield comes from.

It's made of pure vibranium, you know.

Yeah, that's the idea.

Ah, man, the Savage Land.
What memories!

Probably wouldn't know
the place anymore.

Is the Red Skull's
secret Hofbrau still there?

Mm, what schnitzel.

[Dr. Doom cackles]

[groans]

We cannot let Doom
get back to Villainville.

Not this time, heroes.

Doom's day has finally come!

[Thor] Cower, foul villain!
The star quartz belongeth

to Thor's ally with the funny pants.

Thou escapest not.

Huh, huh. Hulk stop Doom.

[yells]

[Dr. Doom] Fools! Ha!

Doom will destroy you all.

[bellows]

[screeches]

Fall back and let this shield
blow freedom over the land,

like the gusty wind that follows

a Fourth of July
weenie with extra onion.

Yankee doodle dandy.

[energy whines]

Ah, what is this?

[screams]

[Doom] My armored helicopter is melting!

What a world! What a world!

Let's Yankee our doodles
out of here.

Whoa!

Your vibranium shield! Of course.

Proof the star quartz works.

I can't let you stop me now.

[squish, squish]

What's this? No!

The star quartz affects all metals, Doom.

Give it here, or the world will know
what kind of underpants a despot wears.

Hah! I'm wearing a metal thong.

Blast it!

No, no, don't look.
Just kidding! Just kidding!

Take it! Nuts!

MODOK, MODOK,
emergency extraction!

Code Doom, code Doom!

[sighs]

Ha-ha! That's how we do it
in the good old U.S. of A., mister.

Oops. [Chuckles]

♪ Oh, say can you see ♪

Uh, did I mention that I've been
to both London and France during the w*r?

Stop looking at me.

[screeches]

Where is Zabu?

He, uh, he won't come down.

[growls]

Ah, Zabu is a marvel
at climbing up... but not down.

I have the perfect thing
for stubborn cats...

The Stark-a-Tronic 4600.

Uh, you're not going to...

Don't be ridiculous. Tuna fish.

[beeps]

[purrs]

[purrs]

[Iron Man] What the heck?

[laughs]

[laughs]

[groans]

Maybe we should hold on
to that star quartz for safe-keeping.

Hmm, Ka-Zar thinks not.

[Iron Man] Well, consider this, Ka-Zar.

If the star quartz wasn't interacting

with all that vibranium
in the Savage Land,

you could have all sorts of metal stuff,

like a jungle-jungle gym.
Wouldn't that be fun?

Hmm. Metal.

Hey, Wolvie. Crush that can
for me, will you?

Yeah, sure.

You know, you really should start
wearing shoes, kid.

Okay, how about a swap?

Quartz for metal.

Ka-Zar may be ignorant of the ways
of your civilization,

but he is no fool.

What else will you trade?

A fair deal. [Chuckles]

All right, see you.

- [grunts]
- [screeches]

[overlapping chatter]

He can have my shorts, guys.

There's no way I'm wearing this.

[Wolverine] Yeah, perfect.
Let's wrap this up.

[theme music playing]