01x07 - Catalysts

[bunniefuu]

PETER: The dictionary

defines defenestration

[WOMAN SCREAMING] as the act of throwing a

person or thing out a window.

[GRUNTS]

Really not my favorite word.

Okay, where's the dude

with the nasty 'tude?

Whoa.

[CACKLING]

Present and accounted for.

[ALL GASP]

[ALL CLAMORING]WOMAN: What is that thing?

Hey, did I mess up

your costume?

Leave off the threads,

Emerald Elf.

And that's an order.

Ah, but the Green Goblin

doesn't take orders

from insects.

The Green Goblin

swats them into oblivion.

See, that's a common

misconception.

[CACKLING]Spiders are actually

arachnids Uh-oh.

Livin' on the edge

Fighting crime

Spinning webs

Swingin' from

the highest ledge

He could leap

above our heads

Villains on the rise

And the city's victimized

Looking up

with no surprise

Arriving

in the speed of time

Spectacular

Spectacular Spider-Man

Spectacular

Spectacular Spider-Man

Spectacular

Spectacular

Spectacular Spider-Man

Spectacular

Spectacular Spider-Man

[CACKLING]

[WOMAN SCREAMS]

[PEOPLE CLAMORING]

May I see your invitation,

Spider-Man?

Otherwise, I'm afraid

I'll have to ask you

to leave.

Leave now?

When table seven needs

more hors d'oeuvres?

PETER:

How did a night that

started out so sweet

go south so fast?

And how'd I manage

to leave my tux

at tonight's other

black-tie affair?

[RECORD SCRATCHING]

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

Thanks for the ride,

Harry.

No prob. My chauffer is

at our beck and call.

Don't forget to vote

for king and queen

of the ball!

Who you voting for,

Glory?

Me and Liz, of course.

Who else is worthy?

[CHUCKLES]I think we know

the answer to that.

Don't we, Rand?

Far as I'm concerned,

Osborn can have the crown.

His limo,

his after party.

Dude rules.

We're going

to Le Hisayfitte,

the best restaurant

in town. My treat.

Osborn, you the man.

[CHUCKLES]

You know it.

Hi, Harry.

Did you just

get here?

Hey, let's get

a picture.

You know,

preserve the moment.

I guess that bowtie

stops the blood

from reaching his ears.

Or brain.

And the chocolate

soufflé is a must.

They top it

with powdered sugar

and gold dust.

I don't believe it.

It's true.

Real gold dust.

And

Guys?

JAMESON:

Miss Brant!

This fershlugginer

bowtie is defective.

I want a new one

around my neck

in four seconds.

Come on, Mr. J.

An investigation into

Spider-Man's true identity.

See the face

behind the mask.

Oh. And if the face

is Joe Schmoe?

Hold still, please.

All you'll do is

make the web-head

a regular guy.

And who'll pay

to see pictures

of a regular guy?

Depends on what that

regular guy does,

right, Pop?

John, my boy.

Oh. Now give

your old man a hug.

Hey, Mr. Robertson.

You keeping Pop

in line?

I do my best, son.

You know,

he's awful proud of you.

[LAUGHING]

Why shouldn't I be?

Betty Brant,

Ned Lee,

meet my son,

Air Force Colonel

John Jameson.

John's piloting his

first mission on the

space shuttle next week,

so I'm taking him out

for one final night

on the town.

Uh, planet. Get it?

Foswell, Benny,

come meet my son,

the astronaut.

Ned, that

Spider-Man exposé?

Run with it.

See where it leads.

Mary Jane Watson,

this is Professor Warren.

I'm his star pupil.

He said

he wasn't coming.

Guess he meant

he wasn't coming

with me.

FLASH: How the heck

did puny Parker land her?

Pete cleans up well.

You know, it's not

just the food.

The view from

the private room

Geeks like Parker

do not get girls

who look like her.

I mean, like us.

She must have

lost a bet.

The bet. That's it.

Mary Jane Watson,

I'd like you to meet

Flash, Liz, Rand,

Sally, Glory

and my best

bud, Harry.

They're popular.

Ah, the in-crowd.

Exactly.

So, Parker, you actually

got yourself a date.

I mean, sure, Mary here's

not the 20-year-old

you wanted to bring,

but at least

she's non-fictional.

So I guess

you win the bet.

[LAUGHS]

What did you bet?

Loser dresses

as a cheerleader

for Halloween.

Well, big boy, I hope

you've got the legs

for the skirt.

Come on, tiger.

Let's hit the dance floor.

I want to see

what you've got.

We're dancing.

Uh

Shall we?

Maybe when everyone has

a little less to prove,

you know?

Less to prove.

Right.

Want some punch?

Please.

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

Look, Glory.

I know I was a jerk,

but I'm really sorry.

Just give me

one more chance,

please?

Oh, Kenny.

Hello?

Is someone there?

[EXCLAIMS]

Oh, look at yourself, Otto.

You're afraid

of your own shadow.

[CHUCKLES]

Next, you'll be seeing

gremlins in the machinery.

Or little green men.

[STAMMERING]

Oh, the glider.

No, no.

That's Mr. Osborn's

tech-flight glider.

[CACKLING]

[MAN GRUNTING]

Alls I'm saying is

I could have cracked

it open there.

Cops would have

cracked you open.

Cops or Spider-Man.

Look,

Hammerhead's waiting

for the Big Man's cut.

Forget the crowbar.

Blow it up.

Oh, blow yourself up.

[SCREAMS]

Did someone mention

expl*sives?

Get the freak!

[SCREAMS]

[GROANS]

I meant, get the freak

anything he wants.

What I want is your

undying loyalty.

Or the dying kind.

The Green Goblin

is nothing if not flexible.

[GRUNTS]

Appreciate the help,

but we work

for the Big Man.

We switch loyalties

and we might as well

tie on the toe tags

ourselves.

I'm good with knots, too.

As for the Big Man,

the party's over.

[JAZZ PLAYING]

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

If I might have

your attention.

As many of you know,

I am your host,

L. Thompson Lincoln.

Thank you all for coming

to support the Lincoln

Dynamic Youth Center.

Some shindig,

huh, Johnny boy?

It's great, Pop.

But to be honest,

I was looking forward

to it just being you,

me and a rare steak.

Then come on.

Lincoln's got enough

of the Bugle's money.

We can be at Luigi's

in 88 seconds.

Sorry, elevator's

out of order.

Stairs, too. 'Course,

you could try a window.

[CROWD CLAMORING]

[CACKLES]

Oops, too late.

[CACKLING]

Hello. Good evening.

Bon soir.

I am the Green Goblin,

and I am looking

for the Big Man.

Sir, I don't know

who you are, but

Of course you don't.

That's the point

of the mask, genius.

[CACKLING]

Oh, but I know

who you are,

crime king.

So step down,

or I start sharing secrets.

You're making

an enormous mistake.

Security, this man

is obviously troubled.

Take care of him.

[TSKING]

Still hiding behind

an army of th*gs,

are we?

[CACKLING]

Oh, he swings

through the air

Dishing all kinds

of fear

This daring Goblin

on the big chandelier ♪

[GRUNTS]

Pop, move.

We have to get

these people

Johnny!

[GROANS]

Now, now. Stay put.

Or else.

There's no need

to threaten my guests.

There is if

I want witnesses,

Big Guy.

[GROANS]John?

I'm okay, Pop.

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

Robertson.

Jonah?

Jonah, slow down.

A green what?

Goblin.

Green Goblin.

No, no reporter.

I'll cover the story myself

and save a few bucks,

but get me Parker.

This is right up

his freak-show alley.

Oh, and maybe

call the police.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

k*ller look, girl.

Thanks. I put it

together myself.

The top's from

a thrift store

on 22nd.

You and I so need to hang.

So, what do you think

of Midtown High?

It doesn't look

much different

from my school.

Your basic brain pit.

Well, we also have

the top-ranked theater

magnet in the city.

Theater magnet?

Hmm.

I'm starting

to feel the attraction.

That was the Bugle.

There's this maniac

terrorizing my boss,

and he wants me

to go sh**t pictures.

And I kind of have to,

or he could fire me.

Look, I'm so sorry.

Oh, it's okay.

But hustle back, tiger.

You owe me

one more dance.

Really?

You're not ticked?

That's so cool.

I won't be gone long,

Red, I promise.

[EXCLAIMS]

Ditched by the

king of the geeks.

That must sting.

[SIGHS]

Painfully.

But if I can't

dance with Pete,

I guess I'll dance with

It's Randy, right?

Very.

What do you hope

to accomplish here

tonight?

So, the whole "wanting to

destroy you and take over your

empire" thing wasn't clear?

Well, darn.

SPIDER-MAN:

Yoo-hoo. Excuse me.

[ALL GASP]Can I come in this way,

or do I have

to break my own window?

ALL: Spider-Man!

Your timing is impeccable.

So, your latest

super loser turned

on you, huh, Tombie?

I don't know

who he is yet,

but he's not

in my employ.

That's okay. I can always

pretend he's yours

while I trounce him.

I'll still feel

all warm inside.

Hello!

I'm in the room.

Really,

you're both too rude.

Oh, where are my manners?

Here you come

to terrorize the Tombster,

and I don't even

say thank you.

My only excuse is that

you're also holding

innocent people hostage.

It's confusing to

my poor spider-brain.

Yes. Quite the puzzler.

But the Green Goblin

has a solution.

You and I join forces.

Consider what

we could accomplish

by combining our powers.

We could rule New York!

We talking Manhattan

or all five Nah.

Sorry, I make it a rule not

to partner with anyone green.

Or, you know, psychotic.

Hmm. Oh, well.

Your loss.

Of life!

[PEOPLE GASP]

[GROANS]

Okay, where's the dude

with the nasty 'tude?

Whoa.

Present and

accounted for.

If I might have

your attention.

The votes are in

for king and queen

of the ball.

Your king is

Flash Thompson.

[ALL CHEERING]That's my man.

MAN 1: Yeah! All right!

MAN 2: Get up there!

MAN 3:

Yeah, all right.

All right.

And your queen is

"the redhead girl who came

with Peter Parker"?

Is that right?MAN: [WHOOPS] Yeah!

Okay, I know it's

totally petty,

but seeing Peter's date

crowned alongside Flash

makes me smile.

[ALL CLAMORING]

May I see your invitation,

Spider-Man?

Otherwise, I'm afraid

I'll have to ask you

to leave.

Leave now?

When table seven needs

more hors d'oeuvres?

Pop!

Oh, did you want

a ride?

Keep our guests

comfy, boys.

I'll be back in

a New York minute.

Seriously, Gobby,

do you have a license

for this thing?

Don't panic, Spidey.

Still one web-sh**ter left.

Okay, now you can panic.

Web-sh**ter's empty,

but I've learned never

to web-sling unprepared.

Yes.

Web head 1,

gravity 0.

[GRUNTS]

You know the old saying.

If you can't join 'em,

beat 'em.

Took the words

right out of my mouth.

Is that a felony?

I certainly hope so.

This little goblin

wouldn't be caught dead

committing a misdemeanor.

[BEEPING]Ooh, nice banter.

Aim still needs work.

Well, practice

makes perfect.

Keep telling

yourself that.

[BEEPING]

That's for making me

protect Tombstone.

Okay, wow. Just wow.

[CACKLING]

Yee-haw!

[GREEN GOBLIN CACKLES]

Now what's so funny?

Just the special

fire and brimstone

pumpkin I left behind

as a present

for our Mr. Lincoln.

Any minute now,

the crème de la crme

of New York City

is going

to paint the town red.

Well, the ballroom,

anyway.

[CACKLES]

THUG: What are we

supposed to do?

Keep everyone here

until the Goblin

comes back.

Or maybe evacuate

before the Goblin's

b*mb goes off.

Clear the room!

[ALL CLAMORING]

What are you doing?

You have to get out.

Bad guys included.

We work

for the Goblin.

Every single blasted

fragment of you?

You're bluffing.

Is that a risk

you're prepared

to take?

Especially when

you've already taken

so many.

Everybody down the stairs.

If the b*mb goes off,

the elevators won't be safe.

Stay calm.

Don't push.

Go, Pop,

I'm right behind you.

Okay, if I were

an evil pumpkin,

where would I hide?

I'm surprised

you're sticking around.

My party, my mess.

[GREEN GOBLIN CACKLING]

This daring Goblin

on the big ♪

Chandelier.

John, don't.

We can still get that steak.

[SIGHS]

Spider-Man,

chandelier!

Thanks. Now go!

Ugh, we're going

back down?

Oh, now you're

just torturing me.

[BEEPING]

[BEEPING FASTER]

[SIGHS]

You know,

applause from you

makes me want to shower.

Perhaps.

But someone should

point out, I offered you

a handsome salary

to do just the sort of

thing you did tonight.

And instead, you've done

the Big Man's business

for free.

That, my heroic friend,

is what grownups

call "irony."

[POLICE SIREN SOUNDS]

Robbie,

I got your headline.

Colonel John Jameson

saves New York's

Dad, there will be

an investigation.

They could scrub me

from the mission.

[GROANS]

Robbie,

scratch that headline.

[MUMBLES]

Give the credit

to Spider-Man.

To Spider-Man,

confound it!

But fire Parker.

The kid never showed up.

What? What do you mean

he just e-mailed photos?

[SIGHS]

SALLY: See, Glory?

You're so selfish.

Everyone knows you

don't dump the guy

with the limo,

nothing personal,

Kenny,

until the day

after the dance!

FLASH: Where is Osborn,

anyway?

[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]

[SIGHS]

Nice, Pete.

You blew it.

Again.

MARY JANE:

I wouldn't say that.

I saved

the last dance

for you, tiger.