01x01 - Survival of the Fittest

[bunniefuu]

PETER: Tell me there's

something better.

Yee-haw!

Go ahead. Try.

How I spent

my summer vacation,

by Peter Benjamin Parker.

I can sum it up in one

glorious, hyphenated word.

Spider-Man.

I am the spectacular

Spider-Man!

Only one thing missing.

It's my last night

before school starts,

and I could really

use some action.

[ALARM RINGING]

Did I tell you?

One getaway jump

to the next building,

and we're a million

bucks richer.

This ain't no

million-buck haul,

not after the Big Man

takes his cut anyway.

Aw, shut up

and jump.

[EXCLAIMS]

Oh, no.

Not again.

[MARKO GROANING]SPIDER-MAN: Yep. Again.

[CHUCKLES]

What is this, Marko?

Like, the third time

this summer?

Just wait till

I get my hands

on you,

you skinny

little creep!

Okay, so Marko,

now tell me,

the new Spider-signal,

too much?

It's my first night

trying it out,

and I'm just not sure

it screams "Friendly

neighborhood Spider-Man."

[GROANS]Be brutal.

I mean, as a guy

with a lot of experience

getting thrashed

by, well, me,

I really value

your opinion.

BIG MAN:

This is a live feed?

Then I've

seen enough.

Summon the Enforcers.

Already on their way.

Livin' on the edge

Fighting crime

Spinning webs

Swingin' from

the highest ledge

He could leap

above our heads

Villains on the rise

And the city's victimized

Looking up

with no surprise

Arriving in the

speed of time

Spectacular

Spectacular Spider-Man

Spectacular

Spectacular Spider-Man

Spectacular

Spectacular

Spectacular Spider-Man

Spectacular

Spectacular Spider-Man

PETER:

I've never been so pumped

for the first day of school,

because today,

everything changes.

AUNT MAY: It isn't getting

any easier, Anna.

We're almost

out of money.

ANNA: But May,

I'm sure Ben left

Ben Parker was many,

many wonderful things,

but a financial wizard

he was not.

[SIGHS]

I miss him so.

Oh, but listen

to me go on.

We'll manage.

And please, not

a word of this to Peter.

I wouldn't want him

to be concerned.

[COUGHS]

Hey, Aunt May.

How's the most beautiful girl

in Forest Hills this morning?

[LAUGHS]

Peter.

Now hurry off.

You don't wanna be late

on your first day.

No, ma'am.

TOOMES:

I blame you for this.

You told me to bring

my magnetic air-transport

system to OsCorp.

I know, butYou arranged the meeting

with Norman Osborn.

And I had the best

intentions.

He studied my ideas

and rejected them,

then announces

OsCorp's tech-flight

four months later!

[STAMMERING]

I am sorry, Adrian.

Don't you dare apologize,

Doctor.

OsCorp has nothing

to apologize for.

Nothing to

Osborn, you stole my work!

That's dangerous talk,

Mr. Toomes.

Dangerous

and unsupportable.

Listen,

you old buzzard.

You've been at this

for decades without

one success to your name.

If you never accomplished

anything as a young man,

who'd believe

you created tech-flight

as an old one?

Boys, show

Mr. Toomes out.

Good news.

I don't blame

you anymore.

[BLOWS]

PETER: All right,

the Parkers are desperate

for cold, hard cash,

but I'm not letting that

spoil this moment.

Hey, Pete!

Harry, Gwen,

how'd summer treat you?

Science camp was fun.

Yeah, well,

the world tour stunk.

My dad spent

the whole trip

locked in boardrooms,

so I spent mine

locked in boredom.

I should have

stayed in town

with you, Pete.

At least we could've

done nothing together.

But now we're back.

So, you ready

for the t*rture

that is M cubed?

It'll be different now.

Really? 'Cause you spent

half sophomore year

stuffed in a locker.

Pete?

Where you going?

PETER:

To face my destiny.

Peter Parker's a wall-crawler,

not a wallflower,

and my life

is about to change.

[STAMMERING]

Uh, Sally?

What's he

Is he

I think he is.

SALLY:

Are you damaged?BOTH: He did.

Why in the world

do you think

I'd ever go out

with Midtown High's

champion geek?

Hey, Rand, "Puny Parker's"

hitting on your girl.

[STAMMERING]

Rand, I didn't know

you two were

It's cool.Cool?

You don't care?

Why? You wanna

go out with him?

I want to walk on

a Parker-free planet,

thank you very much.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Lucky you didn't try this

with my girl, Parker.

If your geek sweat got

within one mile of Liz

Back off, Flash.

I won't be your

punching bag anymore.

Things have changed.

[EXCLAIMS]

[STUDENTS LAUGHING]

You hear him

threaten me, dude?

Nerd thinks

he's Spider-Man.

Mmm.

Pound cake.

[SIGHS]

My lunch!

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

Come on.

The Big Man

wants a word.

Enforcers

all present and

accounted for, boss.

BIG MAN:

Thank you, Hammerhead.

Gentlemen, I'll get

right to the point.

For the last four months,

a pest has plagued

our operations.

At first, I could hardly

credit the reports.

Thought the boys

were trying to stiff us.

Had to get a little

rough to make sure

they was sincere.

Establishing

patterns of movement

took all summer,

but last night,

we had confirmation.

The Spider-Man is real.

And you want the Enforcers

to wrangle up

this here spider.

No, Montana.

I want you

to squash it.

[BELL RINGING]

Chapter one by tomorrow,

ladies and gentlemen.

Mr. Parker, Miss Stacy,

a word.

I wonder if either of you

remember a field trip

we took last year

to the laboratory of

Dr. Curtis Connors

at Empire State University.

[EXCLAIMS]

[HEART BEATING]

[HEART BEATS ACCELERATING]

[CHUCKLES]

Trust me.

That's one field trip

I'll never forget.

Me neither. Dr. Connors'

research was thrilling.

I'm glad you

feel that way,

because he's offering

two internships

to promising high schoolers.

I recommended

my two star pupils.

You start

this afternoon.

PETER: Thanks for

letting me k*ll time

at your place, Harry.

[SIGHS]

I'm not due at the

E.S.U. lab for another hour.

I'm just surprised

you're not hanging

at the school paper.

Aren't you their

star photographer

or something?

Not anymore.

Someone else

can take pictures

of Flash prancing

around the gridiron.

I'll be too busy

raking in the green.

Is this part of

the same reality

where Sally Avril's your

A minor setback.

But at least this

lab job solves

the Parker money problems.

I mean, look around.

All this belongs

to your dad,

and he's a scientist.

NORMAN: Boys,

come out here.

I couldn't

help overhearing.

I'm sorry,

Mr. Osborn. I

Don't you dare

apologize, son.

I never do.

So what's this

about a lab job?

At E.S.U., working

with Curt Connors.

Connors, huh?

Quite an opportunity.

Don't suppose

you were considered

for the honor, Harry?

No, sir.

It's totally not

a big deal, Mr. O,

but thanks.

We'll get out

of your way now.

Osborn!

[GASPS]

Dad.

[NORMAN SCREAMS]

What do we do?

I

Call the cops.

Do it. Go!

Tell the truth, Osborn.

Can your tech-flight do this?

[NORMAN SCREAMS]

Toomes?

Not Toomes now.

I'm what you called me.

I'm the Vulture.

I called you

a buzzard.What?

You can't even

get the name right.

[SCREAMS]

Toomes, stop.

What will any

of this accomplish?

A means to an end,

Osborn.

Something you know

all about.

You will announce

to the world

that Adrian Toomes

is the genius

behind tech-flight.

You will pay me

all that I am owed,

and you will publicly

apologize for

stealing my invention!

I never apologize,

old man.

I may be an old man,

but I'm not a patient one.

[SCREAMS]

[SCREAMING]

SPIDER-MAN:

Whoa, guys, you play

hot potato hardcore.

What is this?

These skies

are mine now!

SPIDER-MAN:

He may be right.

I really just rent.

What are you

babbling about?

Put me down!

Dude, you are the bossiest

damsel in distress

I have ever rescued.

Also the ugliest,

heaviest and the first.

BOTH: Who are you?

Why, I'm your

friendly neighborhood

Spider-Man, of course.

Spider-Man?

I thought you were

a myth.

Man, I need

a new press agent.

He's not helping, Stan.

The perps he nabs almost

always walk and

[GASPS]SPIDER-MAN:

Heads up.

[GRUNTS]

What's going on?Explanations inside!

Now!

Look, beaky, I admire

anyone who dresses up

as their favorite animal,

and better still,

you can fly.

So I gotta ask.

You heard the one

about great power coming

with great responsibility?

[SNARLS]

Whoa! Beaky,

don't fly away mad.

The name

is Vulture!

[STAMMERING]

That's great, Harry.

I'm glad that your dad's safe.

Me? Well, you know, I tried

to follow 'em on foot,

and I ran for blocks,

but

Yeah, I guess

that was pretty useless.

Hey, look, I'm late,

and Gwen's giving me

the look, so bye.

I so was not

giving you the look.

But I am late,

right?

EDDIE: Always, bro.

Eddie!Hey, Gwen.

Bro, what are you

doing here?

Work here.

I'm the Connors'

personal lab assistant.

Not bad for a frosh,

huh?

[CHUCKLES]

Eddie Brock's a freshman.

College freshman,

little man.

But I'm guessing

you're missing me

at Midtown High, huh?

No one to keep

Flash Thompson

off your back?

Stole your shoes

again, huh?

[CLEARS THROAT]

Peter Parker,

Gwen Stacy,

I'd like you to meet

Dr. Martha Connors.

Eddie's told us great things

about you both.

Said you wore

clean underwear.

Lucky I didn't

say socks.

[BEEPS]MARTHA: Curt,

stop hiding in the office.

New interns are here.

I'll be right out.

Peter, Gwen, this is

E.S.U.'s resident genius,

my husband, Curt.

It's an honor to

meet you, Dr. Connors.

You look familiar, son.

Weren't you the boy

that was bit

By the science bug.

You know it!

MARTHA: Now,

we won't overdo it

the first day.

Eddie will show you

around the lab,

but the real work

can start tomorrow.

So, questions welcome.

Here's one.

What does

this gig pay?

Pete, you're

a high school kid

with zero experience.

You're not getting paid.

[PETER SIGHS]

Aunt May needs my help.

I don't know

what I'm gonna do.

Oh, Pete,

don't angst, okay?

It'll come to you.

Well, I'm waiting!

You gotta admit,

the girl knows her stuff.

Oh. Today's been

one-stop shopping

for disappointment.

No money at home,

no cool at school,

I nearly pavement splat

fighting a wacko with wings,

and nowDaily Bugle security

won't even let me

use the elevator.

But May and Ben Parker

didn't raise no quitters.

Any quitters.

You get the idea.

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

JAMESON:

Get that downstairs now!

Robbie,

where's my layout?

Foswell,

I ordered that rewrite

12 seconds ago.

Lee, I'm not paying you

to sit on your keister!

And you!Me?

Yeah, you! I sent you

for my bagel and schmear

nine minutes ago.

You sent Benny,

Mr. Jameson, and it's

only been three minutes.

Actually, sir,

I've got something

better than a bagel.

Oh, yeah?

What's that?

A proposal.

I think I can get

you pictures,

photos of Spider-Man

in action.

I bet it would sell

a lot of newspapers.

What do you know

about selling papers?

You're a kid!

Worse, you're a teenager.

Miss Brant, call security.

Get this wailing infant

out of my face,

out of my city room,

out of my town!

Hey, what the Bugle

needs is photos of

Spider-Man in action.

Now that would sell

newspapers, huh?

[SIGHS]

Today officially reeks.

Not one thing's gone right,

and now the amazing

Spider-Man is reduced

to sneaking around

for his shoes.

All clear?

VULTURE: Osborn!

Go! Go!

You won't escape me again!

My thought exactly.

Target sighted

at last known location.

Boys, let's

squash us a bug.

[BEEPING]

SPIDER-MAN:

Trick or treat!

[GROANS]

[CHUCKLES]

I mean, you are celebrating

Halloween in September, right?

Or am I not one to talk?

[GRUNTS]

Whoa!

Huh?

Whoa!

Strangest darn gig

Big Man's ever

slid our way.

We're flying with

the freaks now, boys.

I got no idea what

that big bird's about,

but I am mighty glad

he's keeping our bug busy.

[BEEPS]Target locked.

Whoa.

My Spider-sense is

[GRUNTING]

Whoa!

[GASPS]

Ox, Fancy Dan,

you're up.

[GRUNTS]

[GROANS]

Look, pal, if you

needed a breath mint,

you just had to ask.

[GRUNTING]

[GROANS]

Oh. That's not good.

[GROANS]

MONTANA: Ah, ah, ah.

Boys need a workout.

Now, no turning tail.

Seriously,

who are you guys?

I think we lost him.

[POUNDING]

[GROANS]

It's not that I'm running,

but there's this Vulture guy

out there,

so if we could

just postpone

[GRUNTS]

You're strong.

Point taken.

But can you

do this?

[OX GROANS]Didn't think so.

Now I know

you can tear

right through that,

but I wouldn't

recommend it.

Son, you're making

the Enforcers look bad.

I can't have that.

You will apologize!I won't!

Man, this is a sweet ride.

That sunroof come standard?

Why do you defend

that thief Osborn?

Uncool!

Do you know what

these Spider-suits cost?

Never fought anyone

like this group of bozos.

Only one thing

I know for sure.

I can't let Harry

lose his dad the way

I lost Uncle Ben.

[GROANS]Surf's up!

[WHOOPS]

There!

The car park!

Go! Go!

No!

This is all your fault!

Two birds, one stone.

Where'd that varmint

get to now?

Did you really

think you could hide

from me there?

My wing!

I can't steer!

Yeah, but you're

still airborne.

How does that work,

exactly?

Yo, Vultie,

your hump's humming.

You idiot!

You've doomed us both!

[LAUGHS]

You so have not

been paying attention.

Yee-haw!

[SIRENS BLARING]

[GRUNTS]

Well, three out

of four ain't bad,

especially on bizarre

bad guy night.

Now, if I can

just get my shoes.

Oh, perfect end

to a perfect day.

Aunt May,

you're awake.

Sit down, Peter.

We need to talk.

I know you're

a good boy

and growing up to be

a fine young man,

the man

of the house now.

But you're still

my responsibility.

I can't have you

out till midnight.

You're to be home

by 10:00.

That's my bedtime.But Aunt May

If you're late,

you call before 10:00.

If you do call,

it had better be to say

you're on your way home.

That's the law

in this house, Peter.

Do we understand

each other?

[CHUCKLES]

Sure, Aunt May.

That's fair.

Lovely. Now,

how about a slice of

banana cream pie?

Okay, nothing went

as planned today.

Understatement of the year.

But I'm still Spider-Man

and still undefeated.

And I still have

this amazing person

watching out for me.

Tell me there's

something better.

Go ahead. Try.