01x14 - A Crime in Time

[bunniefuu]

MAN: Look, up on the building.
It's Spider-Woman!

NARRATOR: And this is Jessica Drew,
who as a child

while visiting her father's laboratory,
was bitten by a poisonous spider.

Forced to try an untested spider serum,

Dr. Drew not only saved
his daughter's life,

but unknowingly gave her
incredible spider-like powers.

Dedicated to fighting evil
while weaving her web of justice,

it's Spider-Woman!

[ROARING]

[SNARLING]

JEFF: You sure we're headed
in the right direction, Jessica?

There's nothing out here
but sand and more sand.

According to this map,
the secret government base

is just ahead of us.

Gosh. I can't wait to see
the military's new, top-secret invention.

Imagine, a time machine.

JEFF:
Speaking of time machines,

if we don't step on it, we're going
to miss our private press interview.

There they are.

Those fools from Justice Magazine

are going to lead me straight
to the top-secret time lab,

where, without much effort
from my brilliant scientific mind,

I'll steal the Army's new time machine.

[CHUCKLING]

There's the heliport right below us.

They've landed. Excellent.

BILLY: But this can't be the place,
Aunt Jessica.

There's nothing around here for miles.

You'll just have to trust me, Billy.

[RUMBLING]

What's that?

BILLY: Holy cow!
Get a load of this underground city.

WILLIS: Halt. No one enters this complex
without official clearance.

It's okay, Sergeant Willis.
They have security clearance.

Please step into this tram.
It will take us to the time lab.

Halt. Identify yourself.

DR. T:
Why, I'd be delighted to.

I'm the infamous criminal genius, Dr. T,

and this is one
of my brilliant inventions.

BILLY:
Wow. What a far-out looking time machine.

Can I take a ride?

I'm afraid not, Billy.
It's far too dangerous.

It's never been tested on humans.

But you're welcome
to watch a demonstration.

Stand back.

[PULSATING]

BILLY:
Look! It disappeared.

DR. MICHAELS: Our computerized
time-tracking device allows us

to watch the machine's progress
as it moves into the past or future.

JESSICA:
It's incredible.

The time machine went back
millions of years in just a few seconds.

That's right, Miss Drew.
Now, you'll see it return just as fast.

NAGATA:
As you can see, our time machine

has the potential
of great benefit to mankind.

And it also has the potential of making me
the most powerful man in the world.

Now to rewire this electrical system
and set off a decoy alarm signal.

[ALARM BLARING]

What's going on?

Someone has broken through
the outer security barrier.

This could turn an ordinary interview
into a great story. Come on.

Shivering insects,
I'm getting a spider-sense.

Dr. Michaels and the others
are headed in the wrong direction.

The intruder is back at the time machine.

It's time for some speedy spider spinning.

I've done it.

With those fool scientists out of the way,

I'll be able to rip off this time machine
in a matter of seconds.

JESSICA:
Not this time, pal.

Spider-Woman, not even you
can stop the great Dr. T.

Hey, spider under glass
isn't exactly my favorite dish.

Not very polite of him,
leaving without saying goodbye.

DR. MICHAELS:
There's something going on in the lab.

Uh-oh.

What's going on?

There's nothing to worry about.
Your time machine is safe.

The intruder must have left
before he could get to it.

You're wrong, Miss Drew.
There's plenty to worry about.

He may have left the time machine,
but he stole the plans of how to build it.

In the wrong hands, they could be deadly.

JESSICA:
We'll just have to see about that.

Thanks for everything, Professor Nagata.

Come on, Jeff. We better head back
to Justice and write this story up.

Any moment now,
and my duplicate time machine

will be complete.

Then, the riches of the past and future
will be mine for the taking.

[CHUCKLES]

It's time for the first trial run.

Northfield, Minnesota, in 1876.

Ought to be a profitable year.

[PULSATING]

It's fantastic.

The time machine works perfectly.

JAMES: Come on, Frank.
Let's get back to the hideout.

It's Jesse James, all right,
just like the history book said.

Now to stop time for a moment.

JAMES: Heck, there must be 50,000 in gold.

DR. T: That's right,
and with a hundred years of inflation,

it'll be worth 50 million.

At this rate, I'll be the richest man
in the world in no time.

[LAUGHING]

No time at all.

[PULSATING]

BILLY: This will make a great cover photo,
Aunt Jessica.

These shots will go great
with the story I'm writing, Jeff.

Take them down to Hank
in the printing department.

JEFF: Sure thing, Jess.

JESSICA: Sizzling spider-senses.
I'm getting some real strange vibrations.

JAMES:
I don't understand it.

Where could that there gold
have disappeared to?

JESSICA: Oh, no! Dr. T has built himself
a duplicate time machine.

I've got to stop him before his tamperings
with history prove disastrous.

Um, listen, guys, I just figured out
a new angle on this time machine story.

Finish up the photos.
I've got some research to do.

And Spider-Woman
has some spider snooping to do.

[WHIRRING]

We've got to find a way to stop Dr. T.

Everyone in the future and past
are at his mercy.

Our time controls have no effect
on his machine, Spider-Woman.

If he continues to tamper with history,

there's no telling what might happen.

JESSICA:
There's only one thing to do.

I'll take this time machine
and go after Dr. T.

No, Spider-Woman. It's too dangerous.

It's never been tested on a human before.

JESSICA: Don't worry. I'm not exactly
your everyday, garden-variety human.

All systems ready.

Your tracking computer is locked in
on Dr. T, Spider-Woman.

-Switch on.
-[PULSATING]

She's gone!

JESSICA:
Trembling time travelers.

Dr. T is headed into the future year 3000.

BATCHI:
Hurry. We must cut through the dome

before the city dwellers are alerted.

[PULSATING]

Amazing.

So this is what the Earth
will be like in the year 3000.

Look, a stranger descends upon us
from the heavens.

We sought only to conquer
the doomed city of Peace.

Spare us!

Hmm.

These hairy creatures think
I'm some sort of super-being.

I know just how to turn this
to my advantage.

Rise.

I am Dr. T, traveler of time.

If it's cities you wish to conquer,

then come with me back
to the 20th century.

There, we can conquer the entire world.

Batchi agrees.
We follow you and conquer the world.

[ALL CHEERING]

Looks like I found Dr. T.

right in the middle
of a futuristic family reunion.

Look, another comes from the world beyond.

No, she is an enemy. Eliminate her.

[GROWLING]

Strap her to the time machine.

Hey, watch it! Spiders are delicate.

DR. T:
With your time controls jammed in reverse,

the world will soon forget
that Spider-Woman ever existed.

[CHUCKLES]

[PULSATING]

JESSICA:
I've got to get out of this time trap

before I wind up
at the beginning of time itself.

NAGATA: Dr. Michaels,
we've got to help Spider-Woman.

She's about to be destroyed
in The Big Bang,

which gave birth to our universe.

There's nothing we can do.
Let's hope she can save herself.

DR. T: Hang on. We're about to take
a little trip back to the 20th century

and conquer the Earth.

[PULSATING]

Spidery space phenomena.

The universe is closing in on itself.

I've got to cut off these seatbelts.

Hmm, the time controls are stuck.

I've only got seconds
before there's no time left to travel in.

Wondrous web-climbers. I just...

Now, back to business.

Dr. T and those futuristic Bigfoots

have just landed somewhere
in Washington, D.C.



[PULSATING]

This abandoned air hangar

must be where Dr. T
built his duplicate time machine.

I've got to find out where he went.

But first, I'd better get back
to Justice Magazine

before Billy and Jeff get worried
and send the police out looking for me.

[TELETYPE CLACKING]

JESSICA:
Hiya, fellows. What's happening?

What's happening?
Where have you been, Jessica?

Didn't you hear about the invasion
of Washington, D.C.?

"Dangerous hairy creatures
attacking the nation's capital.

Army powerless."

So that's what Dr. T has been up to.

Well, Spider-Woman
will put an end to that.

Come on, Jessica.

I've got the jet-copter fuelled up
and ready to go.

Yeah, we'll get the story
right as it happens.

But, um, I have to, uh...

No buts. Let's go.

Their defenses are crumbling.

Soon the capital will be ours.

Holy Toledo! Those woolly weirdoes
have captured the Capitol building.

I'll get some great photos.

Take us down, Jeff.

We can't just snap pictures
while our country is under siege.

What about our patriotism?
What about our civic duty?

What about Spider-Woman?

JEFF:
Okay, Jessica, we've landed. Now what?

Uh-oh, looks like
we got a welcoming committee.

You don't suppose all they want
is a haircut?

BATCHI: Quiet. You are prisoners now.

Look out!
The Washington Monument, it's falling.

JESSICA: I've only got a few seconds
to save those innocent people.

But I can't change into Spider-Woman
in front of Jeff and Billy.

I haven't any choice.

Sorry I had to keep it a secret
from you guys,

but it was for your own good.

-Keep what a secret?
-JESSICA: This.

-JEFF: Huh?
-Aunt Jessica?

[GROWLING]

Uh-oh, I've got company.
There's only one thing to do.

Come on, you hairy baboons.
Try and catch me.

BATCHI: Keep searching.
She's around here somewhere.

JESSICA: Up here, handsome.

Time to go home to the future.

And to prevent your return,
I'll take this.

[PULSATING]

That fool Spider-Woman can't stop me.

Once I get to my time machine,
she won't have any way to follow me.

Shivering spider splits.
He's getting away.

So long, Spider-Woman.

-Oh, no, you don't.
-[PULSATING]

DR. T: Get off. I don't need
any spider stowaways.

JESSICA: Nice try, Dr. T,
but a spider line in time saves nine.

Whatever that means.

[PULSATING]

Sorry to interrupt your joust, boys.

But I've got to borrow
a spare suit of armor.

[METAL CLANKING]

Now for a quick spider weld.

DR. T: Help! Get me out of here.

JESSICA:
Have a good day, knights.

[PULSATING]

POLICE: Thanks, Spider-Woman.
We'll take care of him.

JESSICA:
Now that Dr. T is safely behind bars,

I've got some unfinished business
to take care of with Jeff and Billy.

[PULSATING]

JEFF:
I still don't believe it.

Jessica can't be Spider-Woman.

We'll soon find out. Look.

[PULSATING]

Spider-Woman?

Aunt Jessica, is that you?

JESSICA:
It sure is, Billy.

And I hate to do this to you,
but for your own good,

you mustn't know the true identity
of Spider-Woman.

So the three of us are gonna take
a little trip 24 hours back into time

before this all began.

[PULSATING]

JEFF: You sure we're headed
in the right direction, Jessica?

There's nothing out here
but sand and more sand.

According to this map,
the secret government base

is just ahead of us.

There they are.

Those fools from Justice Magazine

are going to lead me straight
to the top-secret time lab.

Gosh. I can't wait to see
the military's new, top-secret invention.

Imagine, a time machine.

I've been thinking, guys.

This time machine stuff
has nothing to do with Justice Magazine.

I've decided we're gonna cover
the Policemen's Ball instead.

What?

No. They're leaving the desert.

I've lost my only chance

to find the government's
secret time machine base.

But, Aunt Jessica,
the government's new time machine

could be the greatest invention
since the wheel.

I'm telling you, Billy.
There's just no story in it. Trust me.

Just trust me.