01x12 - Invasion of the Black Hole

[bunniefuu]

MAN: Look, up on the building!
It's Spider-Woman!

NARRATOR:
And this is Jessica Drew,

who as a child while visiting
her father's laboratory,

was bitten by a poisonous spider.

Forced to try an untested spider serum,

Dr. Drew not only saved
his daughter's life,

but unknowingly gave her
incredible spider-like powers.

Dedicated to fighting evil
while weaving her web of justice,

it's Spider-Woman!

[GROWLING]

JEFF:
I told you driving out to the country

would be a waste of time, Jessica.

That's the third story
that's fizzled out this week.

If we don't come up with something fast,

Justice Magazine won't have a cover story.

BILLY:
Holy cow! What's that?

I don't know. Maybe we should...

[DRONING]

Aunt Jessica, look. It's a UFO.

Quick, follow it.
This is the story we've been waiting for.

What are you stopping for?

I didn't stop. The engine died.

[DRONING CONTINUES]

[SONIC DRONING]

JESSICA:
Great flying spiders.

That UFO is going
to rattle us into pieces.

What do you suppose they wanted with us?

There's no sense in guessing.
We've got to follow them.

It's no use. The car won't start.

JEFF: You stay here, Jessica.

Billy and I will find a place
to call for help.

Don't worry.
Lock the doors, and you'll be safe.

We'll be back as soon as we can.

JESSICA:
Sizzling spider-senses.

I'm picking up some real weird vibes.

That UFO is headed for that house.

There's only one way to protect
its innocent occupants.

And that's with Spider-Woman.

There you go, Moosey,
I got a new ball for you.

[MOOSEY WHIMPERS]

Jason, come on in, it's bedtime.

[DRONING]

What is it, Mommy?

I don't know. Quick, get inside.

Galloping tarantulas.

I think I'm about to have
a close encounter of the worst kind.

[RUMBLING]

Anybody home?

JOAN:
Help! We're in here!

[DRONING CONTINUES]

Oh, my gosh. Look, it's the flying saucer.

Oh, rats!
I left my camera back in the car.

Jeff!

[SONIC BUZZING]

Look, Mommy,
Spider-Woman's come to rescue us.

They're disintegrating the house.
Hurry. We've got to get out.

Phew.

We made it by a spider's whisker.

[MOOSEY BARKING]

Moosey, no.

Moosey.

Don't worry.
I'll get your dog back, I promise.

SPIDER-WOMAN: I've got to find out
what those aliens are up to.

But first, I'd better get back to the car

before Billy and Jeff beat me to it.

Come on, Jeff.

We'd better get back to Aunt Jessica
before she starts to worry about us.

You're right, Billy. Let's go.

I can hardly believe it.

Flying saucers,
invaders from another world.

Yeah. Here we are sitting
on the story of the century,

and look at us,
stranded in the middle of nowhere.

[ENGINE RUMBLING]

Oh no, it's the UFO.

Look, it's Aunt Jessica.

Need a lift?

Uh... [CLEARS THROAT]
What did you do, Jessica?

Give the car a tune-up?

Cute, Jeff.

Actually, I don't know what happened.

The car just started to run again.

Hop in. Professor Jansen
at the Hawk Peak Observatory

may be able to tell us
where those UFOs came from.

[DEVICES BEEPING]

NOBOT: The black hole beam
is working perfectly, Graviton.

GRAVITON:
Excellent.

Alert all crews to activate weaponry.

We shall proceed according to plan,

and transform the Earth into a black hole.

Soon all Earth beings
will be under my control.

NOBOT: All crews signal
their readiness, Graviton.

Black energy reactors are at full power.

GRAVITON:
Good.

Graviton to Attack Fleet leader,

commence with invasion.

[DRONING]

PROFESSOR JANSEN:
That's quite a story, Miss Drew.

All we wanna know, Professor Jansen,

is where the ships came from.

I'll run back the radio telescope tapes,
and see what we come up with.

[BEEPING]

It's impossible.

Those alien spacecraft are coming
right out of the center of a black hole.

What's a black hole?

It's a collapsed star
whose gravity is so strong,

not even light can escape its pull.

JESSICA:
Blistering bed bugs.

I'm getting another spider-sense.

It looks like our intergalactic intruders
are at it again.

This is serious.
We've got to inform the authorities.

Good idea, Jeff.
I'll stay here with the professor.

You and Billy get to the jet-copter
and alert the Air Force.

Right.

I'll run some more tests
on the radio's telescope, Miss Drew.

Miss Drew?

Now for a quick spider change.

[SONIC DRONING]

Suffering spider webs.
They're disintegrating the city.

I'll venom blast that UFO
right out of the universe.

Thundering tarantulas,
I didn't even scratch it.

It looks like the only way to stop them
is to get inside that ship.

Patterson Air Force Base
is just a few miles up ahead.

Jeff, look.

Let's get out of here.

[SCREECHING SHARPLY]

Now to hitch a ride on a UFO.

Looks like my invader friends
didn't pay their light bills.

[GASPS]

I am Nobot.

I have been programmed
to destroy all intruders.

With a welcoming committee like you,

I don't imagine you have many visitors.

[CRACKLING]

My sticky web fingers got me away
from that mecho-maniac just in time.

NOBOT:
You cannot escape.

My programming is infallible.

A little web-like rewiring job
will take care of your programming.

[WHIRRING]

There. That should hold you for a while.

Now to find out
who's behind this evil invasion.

Wondrous web weavers.

What on Earth is that?

It looks like black energy.

[SONIC BEEPING]

Who are you? Come out where I can see you.

GRAVITON: I am Graviton,
leader of the universe of black hole.

There is nothing you can do
to save your doomed planet.

Even as we talk, my forces are
changing Earth into a black hole.

What makes you think I'm going to sit back
and let you destroy Earth?

GRAVITON: All of you dwellers
in the universe of light

never seem to know when you are beaten.

Resist if you must!

Your time is up, earthling.

I'm afraid your watch
must be a bit fast, Graviton.

Say, you're not too bad for a beginner.

GRAVITON:
I've only been toying with you so far.

Prepare for your doom.

Very clever, strange one.

But not clever enough.

[MACHINE WHIRRING]

SPIDER-WOMAN:
Snapping spider claws.

I've been hijacked.

GRAVITON:
Do not despair, earthling.

You made a valiant effort.

But you never had a chance
against my black energy.

I've got to get out of this deadly trap

before that black energy
turns me into a black widow.

Just a spidery second.

If I can unscrew that nut,
I may have a chance.

That was a pretty good escape trick,
if I do say so myself.

Now to take care
of that gruesome Graviton.

GRAVITON:
Excellent!

The Earth is nearly ours.

[SONIC BEEPING]

What happened? Where are we?

Don't ask me.

Whatever that black ray was that hit us,

it turned everything dark and creepy.

And it made us and the jet-copter
twice as heavy.

We're going down.

BILLY:
What do we do now?

I think we go with them.

NOBOT: All earthlings
are under control, Graviton.

They are being used
to pilot the ore crushers.

GRAVITON:
Very good.

In a few hours,
the entire Earth will be pulverized

into fuel for our black energy reactors.

Soon we shall have enough power

to take over the entire universe.

SPIDER-WOMAN:
Walloping web strands.

I've got to get out of here
and stop Graviton's galactic g*ons

before they turn the Earth
into a dusty rock pile.

[RUMBLING]

Gosh, Jeff.
We can't just grind up our own planet

because those guys
have a laser at our backs.

Uh, right. I was just going to suggest
the same thing.

We'll show them they can't push us around.

[RUMBLING]

GUARD:
Guard 17 to patrol.

We have two of the agitators here.
You know what to do.

Attaboy, Jeff,
we've got them on the run now.

[MACHINE WHIRRING]

I don't think your idea
was so hot after all, Billy.

SPIDER-WOMAN:
If my spider eyes see right,

it looks like Billy and Jeff
are in quite a pinch.

Jeff, look. It's Spider-Woman.

Now to make this big bully let go.

[WHIRS]

Hey, watch it. I just had my hair done.

Thundering tarantulas.

That's it!

In this black hole, my light venom energy

acts the opposite
of Graviton's black energy.

It's time to hijack me a UFO.

My venom blast should turn
this black energy white.

GUARD: There's a malfunction
in our black energy reactor.

Don't worry, fellows.

I have something for you too.

Now to use this saucer's light energy

to turn the Earth back to normal.

[SONIC BEEPING]

GRAVITON:
What's going on?

Attack Ship 7 is turning the Earth
back to normal!

NOBOT:
It is the spider-like woman.

She has escaped.

GRAVITON:
Bring her back, Nobot!

I'll destroy her for sure this time!

[SONIC BEEPING]

[IN QUIVERING VOICE]
Vibrating venom blasts.

Now I know what it feels like
to be a milkshake.

Let's see if Graviton
falls for the old dead spider trick.

[RUMBLING]

GRAVITON:
I've shot her down.

Now to finish her off for good.

[SONIC BEEPING]

She's tricked us!

We're losing our black energy.

[SONIC BEEPING CONTINUES]

So much for Graviton.

Now to go around the world in 80 seconds.

[UFO DRONING]

[SONIC BEEPING]

Golly, Jeff, we changed back to normal.

Oh no! It's another UFO!

We're finished.

BILLY:
Spider-Woman!

Stand back. I've got to air-mail
this UFO back to Graviton.

Wait.

I never got a single picture
of any of those UFOs.

Jessica will probably fire me.

BILLY: Come on, Jeff,
we'd better get back to the observatory

and tell Aunt Jessica what happened.

Bye, Spider-Woman.

SPIDER-WOMAN: Before Jessica meets them
back at the observatory,

there's one thing
I've got to take care of.

Don't worry, Jason. We're safe now.

But where's Moosey? I want Moosey.

JESSICA: Hello, Jason.

You promised you'd get my dog back,
Spider-Woman, but you didn't.

Here, Jason.

Take this spider line, and give it a yank.

Moosey, you're back.

[MOOSEY WHIMPERS]

Gosh, thanks, Spider-Woman.
You're the greatest.

[CHUCKLES]