06x05 - Tess Friends Forever

[bunniefuu]

♪ ♪

Sneakin' some ice cream, Pop-Pop?

Holy sherbet! Where'd you come from?

Split it with me and
I won't tell Auntie Rae.

How 'bout 70-30? How's that sound?

Sounds like you want me
to tell Auntie Rae.

I ain't afraid of her.

-[alarm sounds]
-She's onto us!

Grab the goods and run!

You should be ashamed of yourselves.

No. See, um...

I was gon' throw this out, so

[softly] Alice wouldn't eat it.

Reminder: never rob a bank with Pop-Pop.

How 'bout you never rob
a bank ever. [chuckles]

And this alarm is not
for you guys anyway, okay?

Tess is coming this weekend.

Who's Tess?

Well, you met her, in Chicago.

Booker's friend? Basketball? Raps?

Oh, Tess!

Why do you have to lock down
the kitchen for Tess?

Because she's a mooch.

Always in my kitchen
takin' whatever she wants,

and complainin' about what snacks I got.

Yo, Ms. B! These pretzels are mad stale.

I've been mooched.

What it be, Ms. B?

Papa B. Baby B.

Well, I'm not a baby.

If anything, I'm a Tween B.

Hey, I heard my mama yellin'.
Must mean Tess is here.

Or Grandpa got caught tryna
sneak some ice cream again.

-You got ice cream?!
-Not for you.

[alarm chirps]

[theme music playing]

♪ Ha, ha! Lemme tell ya somethin' ♪

♪ Had my vision all worked out ♪

♪ But then life had other plans ♪

♪ Tell 'em, Mom ♪

♪ It's crazy when things turn
upside down ♪

♪ But ya gotta get up
and take that chance ♪

-♪ New city, I'm finding my way ♪
-♪ It's gonna take some time ♪

-♪ Yeah, we're gonna be okay ♪
-♪ Ya know I got you, right? ♪

♪ It might be wild, but ya
know that we make it work ♪

♪ We're just fam
caught up in a crazy world ♪

-♪ C'mon! ♪
-♪ It's Raven's Home ♪

-♪ We get loud! ♪
-♪ Yeah, Raven's Home ♪

♪ It's our crowd! ♪

♪ Might be tough,
but together we make it look good ♪

♪ Down for each other like family should ♪

-♪ It's Raven's Home ♪
-♪ When it's tough ♪

-♪ Yeah, Raven's Home ♪
-♪ We got love ♪

♪ 'Cos no matter the weather,
ya know we gon' shine ♪

♪ There for each other,
ya know it's our time ♪

[Raven laughing]

Yep! That's us.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

So... this is where Ms. B grew up.

Well, this is where she was raised.

We're still waitin' on her to grow up.

RAVEN: I heard that.

Dang! Your mom's still
got that good hearin'.

RAVEN: Aw, thanks, Tess.

Man, it is so great havin' you here.

Just like old times.

So, what do you wanna do?

I don't know. What do you wanna do?

I don't know. What do you wanna do?

I don't know. What do you wanna do?

I don't know. Whatchu you wanna do?

I don't know. What do you wanna do?

I don't know--

Ivy... come on.

I mean, you have to get past this.

You don't get it.

Okay, I have never loved like this before,

and now, it's over.

It's a reality show.

It'll be back next season.

Well, I can't wait.

Okay. Getting Down with the Gardunkians

was a dose of drama I never knew I needed.

-[Neil sighs]
-I need the drama, Neil.

I'm thirsty for the drama.

I don't know. What do you wanna do?

Well, we just gotta pick somethin'.

All right, let's go to the park
and sh**t hoops.

There. Was that so hard?

Oh... Hey, guys. What are you doin' here?

Uh, Ivy's favorite
reality show just ended,

so I'm just tryna keep her mind off it.

How's that goin'?

Only 90 days, six hours,

four minutes, and 10 seconds
until the premiere.

So, not great.

Well, I wish I could help.

My friend Tess is here
from Chicago, remember?

Oh, Tess, we've heard so much about you.

Yeah, Booker's told me
about you guys, too.

You're the nerd with the heart of gold.

And you're the weirdo
with the heart of gold.

The important thing is
you both have hearts of gold.

We were just on our way to the park
to play some one-on-one.

Ah, say no more.

In one-on-one, three's a crowd,
am I right?

[laughs]

Did Booker tell you I was funny?

-No, I-I didn't tell her that.
-Okay, okay.

Well, uh, maybe we can hang out
when you guys are back.

-Yeah... we'll let you know.
-Okay.

"We'll let you know." Ouch.

You just got Gar-dunked on.

What does that mean?

-Well, on The Gardunkians...
-Mm-hm.

...it's when someone is nice to your face,

but they're really down
at the basketball court

stealing your best friend.

Yeah, but that's not what Tess is doing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Y-You're probably right.

I'm probably wrong.

But am I, though?

♪ ♪

And then, Greta threw a drink at Greg

who threw a drink at Gabby

who threw a drink right back at Greta.

And that was before the funeral started.

Did you ask her about the show?

I just said, "Hi, Ivy."

Oh, Pop-Pop, I'm glad to see you.

My class at school
needs a new Room Parent,

so I wanted to see if you'd volunteer.

I'd love to be your Room Parent.

Ouch.

-That's gotta hurt.
-What are you talkin' about?

You just got Gar-dunked on.

I don't know what that means,
and I don't care.

Um, but if I did care,
what would that mean?

Well, obviously, she asked him

because she doesn't think you
can handle being Room Parent.

-She said that?!
-Hey, that-- I mean, that's what I heard.

But, hey, you know, I could be wrong.

but am I, though?

Um... hey, Alice, uh, you know,
I could be your Room Parent.

Ooh, she tryna steal your job.

Raven, Alice already asked me.

Oh! He thinks you can't handle it.

I can handle it.

You know what, Alice...

which one of us would you like to be
your Room Parent?

Well, I can't choose between you.

Oh! Hey, you guys can compete for it,

like they do on reality shows.

-I am not gon' compete for it.
-[high-pitched] What? Oh, what?

-Why not? You scared?
-Oh, no, no.

I'm not scared... Are you scared?

I-I had no idea asking
Pop-Pop to be my Room Parent

would cause so much drama.

I know. Isn't it great?

♪ ♪

Hoo! Ay, yo, watch me dink, Tess.

You mean dunk?

Not the way I do it.

Ay, ohh! Dink!

[laughs] Nothin' but rim.

Ah! Hey, guys.

Hey. I j-- I thought
I'd just watch, you know,

make sure that my best friend
knows how much

his best friend supports him.

He does... I'm right here.

Kobe!

I'll get it, again.

Hey, Booker, um...
we are best friends, right?

-What? Of course.
-Perfect. That's what I thought.

If you can just text it to me,
so I have it in writing,

that would be great.

[laughs]

What's so funny?

Ah, just laughin' at a little
inside joke between, uh...

me and my best friend,
so you wouldn't understand.

I don't understand.

"I don't understand." [laughs]

Oh, classic Booker/Neil inside jokes. Ahh!

Yeah, well, me and Booker
have inside jokes, too.

-Like what?
-I couldn't tell you

-'cause we're outside.
-BOTH: Oh!

See, I understand that one.

You guys still dap? Dude, strangers dap.

Best friends do this.

[both grunt]

Guess you're not as inside
as you thought, Tess.

Hey, Neil, would you mind grabbing that?

Grabbin' what?

Not cool.

Booker, I know it's been
a while since we hung out,

but... we are still best friends, right?

Pshh, of course, we're best friends.

Yeah, I know that.
Stop being so clingy, bro.

I got the ball. I got it.
I think it's ours.

but, I mean, that kid
over there is crying,

but I don't think it's about this.

Thanks.

From downtown!

Booker always shoots better
when his best friend's around.

-You know what, Neil?
-Hm?

I couldn't agree more.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

And my mom's gotten really into
slip-and-fall lawsuits lately.

It's bad for her back,

but... great for my college fund.

[laughs] Ay, yo, your mom's the best.

Okay. Tess's mom's the best.
It's all we talk about anymore.

Yo, Dave, give me a beat.

[funky beat plays]

[rapping] ♪ My name is Lazlo
and I'm here to say ♪

♪ Would you like a wrap
made to your specifications ♪

Ay, yo, ay, yo, ay, yo.
Lazlo, Lazlo. Hey, man, what--

What's goin' on? What you doin'?

Well, uh, I have this new
grilled chicken Caesar wrap,

but nobody's ordering,
so I thought if I did a rap--

-Is that what that was?
-Yeah.

If you're gonna rap, you gotta rhyme.

[rapping] ♪ My name is Lazlo
and I'm here to say ♪

♪ Would you like a wrap made your way ♪

[rapping] ♪ We got lettuce, we got Caesar,
you can add some extra chicken ♪

♪ We even got some hot sauce ♪

BOTH: ♪ If you want it to be kickin' ♪

-Ahh!
-Wow, you hear that, Dave?

The sound of two best friends rappin'.
Ain't nothin' betta.

Come on, man.

Well, uh, it's too bad you guys can't rap

to help me sell these things, huh?

Booker, we used to spit fire
all the time back in the Chi.

Oh, you're right!

Yo, we could perform Raps for Wraps!

I'mma go tell Lazlo!

I see what you're doing.

You're tryna steal my best friend.

How can I steal him
when he was my best friend first?

I know everything about him.

Pshh, so do I.

Wait, Booker told you he's psychic?

[gasps] Booker's psychic?

-Uh, I mean--
-Ha-ha! Gotcha!

Of course, Booker told
me about his visions.

But what kinda best friend

would spill her best friend's
biggest secret, huh?

I'll tell you what kind.

Whatever kind you are.

Okay.

Only one of us can be
Booker's best friend.

Hm.

And I know how to settle this.

-We'll hoop for him.
-[Neil chuckles]

Basketball or hula?

-What do you think?
-Hula.

-Basketball!
-Basketball.

♪ ♪

Okay. It's time for the first-ever
"Room Parent Challenge."

We begin with the "Juice Pouch Jam."

Picture it... A field trip to the museum.

The snack? Pretzels.

The water fountains? Broken.
Your challenge?

Prep these juice pouches
for 30 thirsty sixth graders.

Good luck, Dad.

Did you hear that?
She thinks you need luck.

I don't need luck. I got skillz, with a Z.

That means he thinks
you got skills with an S.

Well, skills is spelled with an S...

And, a-and a good
Room Parent would know that.

Okay, enough talk.

Ready... set...

Oh, Mr. B off to a shockingly
strong start.

Ohh, right through the back!

-Ah!
-Classic pouch panic costs Mr. B the lead.

-Yep.
-Woo! Ha-ha!

All this winnin' is makin' me thirsty.

You sure it's not from all that talkin'?

[laughs] Can't it be both?

♪ ♪

First one to ten wins the official title
of Booker's best friend.

You sure you wanna do this?

You don't wanna lose your pride

and your best friend in the same day.

[scoffs] Please... I don't have pride.

Yeah, if you did, you wouldn't be
wearing those shorts.

Yeah? Well, your shorts look...

comfortable and functional.

If you play the way you trash talk,

this is gonna be easy.

I probably should've mentioned...

these are my lucky shorts.

♪ ♪

Ready for the next part of the show.

I mean, I mean, “competition."

What's in the bag?

Your next challenge.

The time? Recess.

The game? Double Dutch.

The problem?

These knots.

Whoever unties their
jump rope first, wins.

Those things are more tangled than
Greta Gardunkian's love life.

Ha-ha! Dad, you are gonna get beat.

They gon' call you Chump Rope. [laughs]

-Done!
-[laughs] Pop-Pop wins this challenge.

Dang it!

How did that even happen?

Uh-oh.

Goin' down.

I did "knot" see that coming.

[laughs] Knot. Ya--
You see what I did there?

Ah!

Hey!

♪ ♪

Mic check. Mic check.

No, Mike. Table one needs their check.

Have you seen Tess?

She's not here?!

I just spent the last two hours

promoting our “Raps for Wraps” festival.

What am I gonna do?

[sighs] I guess you're
gonna have to do it alone.

No, but it's a duet.

Okay! Quit begging! I'll take her place.

Just call me Lazlo Thee Stallion.

I'm never gonna do that.

-But I will call Tess again.
-Yeah, yeah.

[phone vibrating]


You wanna call Booker now and say goodbye?

'Cause... you'll probably
be crying after I win.

No... I'll be cryin' after I win

'cause that's somethin'
I do when I'm happy.

Take that.

[screams] Nooo!

Told you I'm Booker's best friend!

I got his back. I got his trust.

I got 40 missed calls from Booker?!

Pshh, some best friend you are.

I would've picked up the phone.

Ah, dang it. He called me, too.

-How many times?
-Thirty-eight.

Still the best!

♪ ♪

Okay, you guys are tied.

The winner of this final challenge

will be crowned Room Parent.

Picture this, if you will.

A bunch of kids
have forgotten their lunch--

Yeah, yeah, hungry kids.
Get to the challenge.

“The Snack Pack Scramble.”

First one to pack
all their snack packs, wins.

-We'll go set up.
-Okay.

[chuckling]

I am gonna be such a good Room Parent.

Ah, you don't even know
what a Room Parent does.

Ooh, says right here.

"Room Parent does: Snack duty. Bake sale.

-Clean the gerbil cage"?
-I'm not doin' that duty. Let me see that.

"Attend a weekly meeting,

a bi-weekly retreat,
a tri-weekly weekend meet-up"?

That's a lotta weeklys.

So, you don't wanna be Room Parent?

Oh no, I wanna be Room Parent.

-Oh, you don't wanna be Room Parent.
-Oh, I wanna be Room Parent.

Oh, okay. Well, then we
both wanna be Room Parent.

We sure don't. I meant do.

I'm not gon' try to lose it.

I'm not gon' try to lose it, either.

Ohh, oh! I dropped another one.

Guess I'm not Room Parent material.

Oh, darn. I got chips everywhere.

Sorry, Alice. Raven is clearly more
cut out to be Room Parent.

No, I'm not.

-What is going on?
-I don't know, but I'm here for it.

Oh, no. Oh no, the kids
aren't safe around me.

Oh! The Room Parent Challenge

is slippin' through
my strong, strong fingers!

[crazy laughter]
I can't do it. I can't do it.

♪ ♪

Booker... we can't wait
for Tess any longer.

BOOKER: I'm not comin' out.

[sighs] Well, then I'm comin' in.

You never said anything about a costume.

I can't believe Tess left me hanging.

This whole thing was her idea.

She left us both hanging,

and I can't fit into that other costume.

I tried... I really tried.

I'm sorry, Booker.
You're gonna have to go on alone.

-Yo, drop them beats.
-[funky beat plays]

Ay, yo! Chocolate Drip is in the house!

If you're feelin' hungry say, "Yeah!"

ALL: Yeah!

[rapping] ♪ Ay, my name is Booker
and I'm here to say-- ♪

Tess, where have you been?

[rapping] ♪ No, that's not what
you're here to say ♪

-Where were you?
-Hey, you two,

you're not supposed to just stand there
and talk over music.

That's literally what rap is.

Well, at least make it rhyme.

-Booker, I--
-I said rap!

Okay, uh...

♪ Me and Neil played hoops
and you know I won the game ♪

♪ I got the best friend title
'cause your boy is lame ♪

♪ Tess, I needed you here
and you were gone ♪

♪ I thought a best friend
is someone you can depend on ♪

♪ I flew here all the way
from the Chi just to see ♪

♪ My best friend bonding
with some other guy ♪

♪ I missed our days,
chillin' at the school ♪

♪ Came here, you replaced me,
that isn't cool ♪

♪ There can be two best friends,
just let it be ♪

♪ Easy for you to say, Booker ♪

♪ You abandoned me ♪

[music stops]

♪ ♪

Oh no... I dropped another one.

Must be because of my arthritis,
because I'm old.

[growls] I can't stop eatin' cheese.

I'm cheatin' the kids out they cheese!

Is it just me or are they trying
to lose on purpose?

Holy plot twist.
I did not see this comin'.

-[Alice sighs]
-Or did I?

I can't believe you're
both trying to lose.

What?

If you think I would stoop so low...

then I definitely don't deserve to be
Room Parent. Ha, ha!

-Congratulations, Dad.
-No, no. Not so fast.

Every mistake is an opportunity to learn.

And you can share that lesson

with the kids when you become Room Parent.

I thought you wanted to be Room Parent.

We did.

[sighs] Until we found out
it was a full-time job

on top of the other
full-time jobs we already got.

Just... forget it.

I thought it would be a chance
to spend more time together.

Third act cliffhanger.

I'mma need a puddin' pop for this.

Now I feel terrible.

How did all this get outta hand?

When you tried to steal
Room Parent from me.

Well, that's only after
you said I couldn't handle it.

-I didn't say that.
-Then who did?

[alarm sounds]

Ivy.

Uh, I-I think I've had
enough drama for today.

You know, I'm just gonna
take this puddin' pop and go.

-Little girl.
-I'mma leave this puddin' pop and go.

♪ ♪

Tess, you think I abandoned you?

-You said you were coming back to Chicago.
-Well, I-I thought I was,

but I didn't wanna leave
my mom here by herself

to take care of Grandpa Vic and Alice.

I get it...

but then you just replaced me
with your new besties.

Tess, I didn't realize you felt this way.

I could never replace you.

I am one of a kind.

Yeah, and you've always had my back.

But when I moved here,
I was the new kid...

and Ivy and Neil had my back.

TESS: So they look out for you, huh?

BOOKER: They do.

Good. 'Cause you need
all the help you can get.

Especially in this.

Well, I guess ya heard the news, huh?

I just came to say goodbye.

[sighs] You look great, buddy.

That lettuce really, uh,
brings out your eyes.

Guys, guys! People are leaving.

Less yappin', more rappin'.

-Dave!
-[funky beat plays]

Uh, look, Neil.
There's something I wanna say.

[rapping] ♪ At first, not gonna lie,
I was jealous of the guy ♪

♪ He's Booker's best friend, too ♪

♪ I did not know what to do ♪

♪ But now I see that I was wrong ♪

♪ And we should get along ♪

♪ Go 'head, Booker, take over the song ♪

♪ Your turn, spotlight's on ♪

♪ In the Chi, I got
my older friend, Tess ♪

♪ On the court, on the stage,
yeah, she's always the best ♪

♪ But here in the Bay, not in the Chi ♪

♪ Neil is so fly,
he is the kindest and coolest ♪

♪ Just a genuine guy ♪

-Your turn, Neil!
-What?

[stops music]

I can't rap.

Then what can you do?

Uh, uh, I don't know.

Maybe, I can--

[singing] ♪ I thought I lost a Booker,
but instead, I gained a Tess ♪

♪ Just because he likes you ♪

♪ Doesn't mean he likes me
any less, oh yeah ♪

♪ Two is cool, but three is the best ♪

♪ And sometimes friendships
are put to the test ♪

♪ Now Booker's got besties
to the East and the West ♪

[rapping] ♪ Yeah, and don't forget,
there's a two-wrap minimum ♪

♪ Two wrap minimum ♪ [holds note]

Hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

What's, what's goin' on?
Whatchu you doin'?

[all cheering]

Hey, what caused all this drama
between the two of you, anyway?

Yeah, I-I don't know.

I guess I just thought that Tess
was tryna steal you away from me.

Why would you think that?

Oh, hey, Lazlo. Let me get two wraps.

Ivy.

-[angrily] Ivy.
-Oh, actually, I'mma take those to go.

♪ ♪

Wow! W-What's all this?

Well, we felt bad about
what happened yesterday,

so we called your teacher

and both volunteered
to be your Room Parent.

Our first task was to make 500 sandwiches
for the school picnic.

Whoa! Thank you!
Y-You guys made all these yourselves?

-Eh, we had some help from...
-[Victor chuckles]

...Little Miss Gardunkian over here.

I got Gar-dunked on.

Thanks for lettin' me crash.

And, Ms. B, just to let you know,

your toothbrush is outta batteries.

You... you used my--

You nasty.

Don't you have a flight to catch?

Yeah, I'm drivin' her to the airport.

Peace out, Baxters.

Ay, Ivy, from one annoying
neighbor to another...

you're killin' it, girl.

Thanks... I guess?

You want a sandwich for the road?

No, I'm good.

Why? You already got one, didn't you?

Yeah, 'cause I'm good.

Goodbye.

Be safe, okay?

Don't tell her but, you guys,
I'm gonna miss that girl.

-TESS: I heard that!
-Really?

-Oh, wait-- Goodbye.
-I'mma miss you, too.

TESS: Goodbye.

♪ ♪