Dee dee dee dee
dee dee dee dee dee
dee dee dee dee
dee dee dee dee dee dee dee
dee dee dee dee dee dee dee
dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee
dee
dee dee dee dee dee dee dee
dee dee dee dee.
Alright.
Been working on a new take.
Alright, let's hear it.
- I'm still formulating it.
- Then why did you bring it up?
Okay, fine. So let's say
two dudes made the game.
Okay.
And whether they are
actual brothers
or more like, you know,
brothers from another mother,
soulmate-type dudes...
- Like us.
- Yeah, like team, you know?
- Yep.
Every team needs a mascot,
and some would argue
that Mario is the
maybe more attractive one.
- No, they have the same face.
- No, they didn't.
Yeah, they did.
Luigi was literally
the same guy.
Just a different color.
No, no,
in the first one, he was,
but they eventually
became their own people.
Yeah.
By became their own people,
you mean they stretched out
Mario to make Luigi? Sure.
Dude, whatever.
It doesn't matter.
It's not the point.
Okay, then, Billy.
What is your point?
I'm sorry. You got somewhere
you need to be right now?
- No, man.
- You busy?
I'm just on pins
and needles, honestly.
The point, my friend Ray,
is that someone is still
the face of the operation.
Okay, but why?
Because somebody's
got to be the leader.
Or appear to be the leader.
That's fine.
Someone has to look like
they are in charge.
So one brother steps
into that role
and the other one kind of
becomes like--
What, the sidekick?
No, man, I was gonna say,
like the secret sauce.
You mean like the man
behind the curtain?
Whatever, man. Same thing.
So, look, anyhow,
this got me thinking
about dude relationships
and maybe how these guys had,
like, a similar dynamic
in real life, right?
You know, like, one of them
speaks for both of them,
but in reality,
behind the scenes,
the other one...
- The secret sauce.
- That's right.
- Gotcha.
And you know how like
when people are making something,
like, they don't realize it,
they kind of put themselves,
like, in the thing?
- I do. Yeah.
We reflect ourselves
in the things that we do.
Exactly. So these dudes,
they don't realize it, right?
But they put their relationship
in the game.
And now here
we are wondering like,
"Oh, why is Mario in charge?"
Alright, go ahead.
- What?
I know you think it's stupid.
- I didn't say that.
- Well, you don't have to.
I actually didn't
say anything.
[Alarm beeping]
I hate it when you do that.
Do what?
Okay, look, man.
That's your whole theory?
It took you two weeks
to come up with that?
I didn't say it was the
whole-- It's half-baked, man.
You made me tell it
to you too soon.
That's why it sounds dumb.
Because there's so much more
to expound upon, right?
It's just plenteous
with depths to mine?
I'm being facetious.
That means I'm kidding.
Don't-- don't-- don't do--
don't do that.
I know.
- Don't do what?
- I know what that means.
- Unnnnh.
Do you? [Laughs]
You know what?
You mispronounce the word
capricious one-- one time.
One f*cking time, you know.
Yeah, well, you showed them,
didn't you?
- That's not funny.
- It's a little funny.
It's not that funny.
It hurts my feelings.
Oh, you gonna try
to take me out, too?
Oh, you'll never survive
without me.
- Oh, sh*t.
- You want some of this?
Whoo! Here we go.
- Oh!
- Truce! Jinx!
- Truce! Jinx!
Okay. Alright.
We're even now. Even now?
Oh. You know what?
Just admit it.
You love my theories.
You love hearing them.
Don't even flatter yourself.
You want a theory?
How about this?
What if Mario goes
by their surname?
Like Luigi's full name
is Luigi Mario.
Wait, then what's Mario's
first name?
It's "Mare-io" Mario
to differentiate.
That's so dumb.
I'm gonna go jump
in the shower.
- I got first shower. Unh-unh.
- Alright. You can go first.
Wait, wait.
Where are you going?
- I'm gonna keep running.
- No, you're not.
You ain't going
anywhere without me. No.
I don't want you
to run without me.
Let me go, dude. I'm going
to take a g*dd*mn shower.
I'm gonna lock this sh*t up.
No!
You are a giant man baby!
f*ck!
[Both laughing]
Ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha
[Clock ticking]
Ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha
[Shower running]
Ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha
[Clock ticking]
[Toilet flushes]
Ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha
Oh, my God. Jesus.
Need some help?
- What?
- Stream of conscious format
leaves a lot of the heavy
lifting to the reader.
It's admittedly not the easiest.
No, I'm just
trying to follow along
with all these
freaking footnotes.
Couldn't you have
stocked this place
with some more laid-back reads?
- I built it, I fill it.
- You--
Well, you didn't literally
build this place, right?
Yeah, but I did literally
save your a*s, Billy, so...
I'm just saying, throw in
a couple of beach reads, man,
and not books you would read
on the beach
like Hamilton or...
Frederick Douglass
has got a nice one.
Yeah. No, no, no, no,
no, no, no.
Normal-people beach reads.
Aren't beach reads
whatever you enjoy, man?
No, they're not.
They're easy entertainment.
That's why they call them
Beach reads. Okay?
You're on vacation. You don't
have to work that hard.
Would you call this
a vacation, Billy?
- Easy entertainment.
- Yeah.
No tiny little footnotes
all over the place.
And who doesn't use quotes
when someone's talking?
I mean, I can never tell
who's speaking.
Is it him or is it her?
- There is no her.
What are you talking about?
It takes place
inside of a men's prison.
Wait, wait. Hold on.
So it's two...
Did you-- did you read
the words?
So when they're...
Like, um...
[Whistles, imitates expl*si*n]
Well, I may have jacked off
to some stuff
I didn't totally understand.
Yeah.
Speaking of which, you and I
need to do a little regroup
on the rules, my friend.
- What's that?
Look, I get it.
Sometimes you're in bed.
You just got to take care
of something real quick.
But it's hard to pretend that
you don't know what's happening
when, you know, you hear
the little squeaking,
squeaking coming from
the bed next door.
And I'm not trying
to be critical.
I'll admit I've done it.
Not in the bathroom a couple
of times myself over the years.
Yeah, more than a couple times.
But how does a brilliant person
such as yourself
design this place...
- Oh, sh*t.
...and not come up
with a better system?
I mean, it's not like
we can put a sock on the door
in here, you know?
God. I miss college.
f*ck.
I miss... sex.
Don't you?
Dude, are you even
listening to me?
Are you-- What are you--
Ray--
- Yeah.
- Oh, sh*t.
Another one?
- Yeah.
What is that? Two left now?
Should we be worried?
Uh... It'll be okay.
Okay, good.
'Cause on the bright side,
I'm really hoping this means
we can have fish tonight.
[Chuckles]
Yes, we could.
Yes. Yes.
Which one is it, by the way?
It's, um, Sam.
- Oh, that's kind of sad.
- Yeah.
Let me get dinner ready.
- Yeah.
Diane, what are you
gonna do without your Sam?
Guess they weren't meant
to be after all, huh?
Guess not.
Now you're stuck with Woody.
Here.
You want some of this?
That is all yours, my friend.
I feel bad eating Sam,
but I needed this.
I really needed this.
- You shouldn't feel bad.
- But it's Sam.
- I know.
We've known him
his whole little fishy life.
I know, but it's part
of the design, right?
Yeah. Speaking of,
how is the cycling
gonna keep cycling
if we lose one more?
You know, are we gonna
be all right?
Yeah, it'll be okay.
I can't wait for the day when
you don't say "We'll be okay."
Actually, I can wait.
But you know who can't?
- We doing it?
- We're doing it.
- We're doing it.
- Oh, you know we're gonna do it.
It's tradition. Alright.
We are gathered here today
to commemorate Sam--
Come on, man.
Get it up. Reverence.
- Got it.
- Thank you very much.
Sammy, we thank you for giving
your life for your country.
As President,
I hereby confer upon you
the Presidential Medal
of Freedom.
I'm sorry I don't have
any physical medals.
Those were all destroyed.
But the honor doesn't mean
any less than the actual medals
I would have given
to actual people
if they were still here.
Should I have given out
more medals
when I had the chance,
by the way?
Well, you were only president
for 14 months.
Well, if you count the time
we've been in here...
But I don't, so...
Well, poo on you, then.
You tasted f*cking delicious,
my friend.
Your Diane will miss you.
But sometimes we need
to go to the place
where everybody knows your name.
And they are always glad
you came.
For thine is the kingdom,
the power and the glory. Amen.
Now give your son a goodbye kiss
before I eat his face off.
Give it. Do it.
- Oh!
No. No. Kiss. Kiss.
I cannot believe
I just did that.
Yeah. Get in--
Ray.
- Hmm?
Who am I kissing?
You said this was Sam,
but Sam didn't have
that little--
the little Goldie Hawn mole
right above his--
above his mouth there.
Did he?
- No.
No, he didn't. So...
Diane did.
We ate Diane?
But, um...
Sh...
She was our last female.
- Oh, sh*t.
- Hey...
[Sighs]
It's gonna be okay.
Okay. Okay. Okay.
Ray?
- Yeah.
I think we need to talk.
I know.
- I mean--
- I know, Billy.
We will figure something out.
How come you never
taught me how to warp?
Huh?
You taught me all the moves
in "Super Mario Brothers."
Every one.
You never taught me how to warp.
To warp.
Yeah. To jump forward
to different worlds
so you can finish the game.
- I know what warping is.
Then why are you saying
"to warp"
like I'm speaking pig Latin
or something?
I don't know,
I guess I just don't understand
why we're talking about warping
right now.
Do you have any idea
how embarrassing it was
for me to show up at Yale?
I'm the only one who doesn't
know how to warp?
People were playing Nintendo
at Yale?
- The cool ones were.
- Billy, why are we talking
about "Super Mario Brothers"
right now?
Because I don't like it
when you handle me
or-- or-- or manage me.
And don't give me that face.
I know you know
what I'm talking about. Okay?
You withhold info from me
like warping and-- and Diane.
- It's called protecting.
- I'm a grown man, okay?
I can handle the truth.
- I don't think you can.
Dude, I ran the f*cking country.
[Chuckles] That's debatable.
Why do you keep things from me?
Because you are
super touchy, Billy,
and you freak out.
- I do not freak out!
As your friend,
I try to guide the situation
at the right time
into your purview
so that it is more palatable.
No more big words!
No "purview,"
no f*cking "palatable."
I want the truth.
- Okay.
- Look at me. Give me the truth.
You want me to be honest
with you?
- Yes. Yes. Please.
- I will be honest with you.
Okay?
The facts of the situation are
with no more female fish
in the pond,
they have no ability
to procreate.
Once the fish die off,
the pond will cease
to be self-sustaining.
We will officially run out
of food not long after that.
And then we will die as well
Okay.
That wasn't so hard.
[Vocalizing]
What is it?
Why are we running?
We run every day.
Yeah, but why?
What's the point?
Fuss budget!
[Video-game sounds]
What-- What?
What did you just say?
Called you a fussbudget.
I don't know what that means.
It means you're being fussy
and you're taking up
emotional space
with all your pouting.
Well, I'm sorry.
I just don't understand
the point
of continuing to run anymore.
And also, I think
I have kind of a stomachache.
I know you don't have
a stomachache.
You never have stomachaches.
And the reason why I'm running
is because that's
what we do every morning.
Respectfully, Ray,
you have no idea how I'm
feeling, so f*ck off.
You know what? If it wasn't
politically incorrect,
I'd call you a f*cking p*ssy.
Look around, dude.
There's nobody here
to correct you, so go ahead
and say what you want.
I have a f*cking stomachache!
Hey, Billy. You're a big,
fat f*cking p*ssy, bro.
What is it that I am?
You're a big,
fat f*cking p*ssy.
- Oh, okay. Okay.
- You heard me.
g*dd*mn it.
I just patched that.
Well, maybe you should have
built a better dome.
Maybe if you had done your job,
we wouldn't need
to live in a dome.
You ever thought about--
Oh, sh*t. Oh, sh*t.
Did it do anything?
No! It didn't do anything.
It's built to survive far more
than your tantrums, man.
Oh, f*ck. What does it matter?
We're just gonna die anyway.
Goddammit.
Okay, William,
I could try to explain to you
the real reason
that I keep running,
but I don't think
you want to hear it.
- Hear what?
- You know.
- No.
- Yes.
- No! Don't you f*cking dare.
- Bowling ball.
No, dude, that is bullshit,
and you know it.
Okay? This is the end.
This is real this time.
Calm the f*ck down, dude.
I'm gonna find a way
to keep us alive.
I just need you to believe.
Well, I don't believe,
that's it.
And don't f*cking
say that again.
- Bowling ball.
- Aah!
Fine, Billy.
Alright?
I'll be the only one over here
just trying to keep a modicum
of hope alive. Alright?
- Are you serious?
- What?
- What the f*ck?
- What the f*ck is what?
What?
His colors are all weird.
Look!
Ah, f*ck it, man.
We're dead anyway.
That's it.
It's probably the same thing
that happened to Diane,
you know?
There you go.
[Sighs]
Look how sick he is.
I don't know.
He seems different.
Diane didn't have these weird
growths or change in pigment.
I don't know.
- You don't know?
Yeah.
Huh.
Check this out.
It just shed right off.
Oh, God. Oh, f*ck. Oh, God.
It's real. We're gonna die.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry
I was being a d*ck.
We're gonna die this time.
We're gonna die in here.
Oh, sh*t. I can't breathe.
I can't breathe. Oh.
[Sighs] Dude.
Come on. Calm down.
It's gonna be okay.
Alright?
- I got to spin it out.
Do your breathing exercises.
Alright?
We don't-- We don't know
that he's dying
or that it's the same thing
that happened to Diane.
Diane was old.
- Yeah, but he looks...
He looks so sick.
- I know.
It just doesn't make
any sense, man.
Something would have
to be introduced
into its habitat, right?
The pond seal is solid,
and we're sealed in here.
Unless...
What?
What, you think I did something?
- I didn't...
That's the look you give me
when you think I did something.
It was your job to check
the ammonia levels last.
I did. Don't you think
I've been in here long enough
to know how important
this damn pond is?
I'm not a total f*cking idiot.
And by the way,
I'm not the genius
that only put one pond
and a couple of plants in here
for the whole f*cking dome.
Oh, bro, you're lucky
we even have one pond.
Because if I'd followed
your shitty crayon drawings,
all we'd have is
some video games and a toilet.
I'm just saying, if we're
talking about track records...
Yeah, because your opinion of
me hasn't changed since we were,
like, 6 years old.
A person can change.
They can--
[Stomach grumbling]
Are you okay?
Oh, sh*t.
[Door opens, closes]
[Sighs]
Don't tell me
I don't have a fever.
I know I have a fever.
- Alright.
- Don't--
- You know what?
- Yeah.
- You have a fever.
- Are you serious?
- You really do.
sh*t. I knew it.
I bet it was Diane.
Why did I eat the head?
That was so stupid.
I don't think eating her head
made you sick.
Well, you didn't eat
her head, and you're not sick.
I think you just need to rest.
It's probably stress.
Why don't you take a nap?
I'm not taking a nap.
I don't want to go to sleep.
- Oh, my God.
- I might not wake up.
- You're gonna be just fine.
- You don't know that.
I'll check in on you.
You call me if you need me.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
- What?
I don't know.
Thanks.
You're welcome.
[Clicks tongue]
Bum, bum, bum, bum,
bum, bum, bum, bum
Do, bum, bum,
do, do, bum, bum
[Laughing]
[Sighs]
sh*t.
[Exhales slowly]
What the...?
[Door opens, closes]
[Faucet turning]
Ray.
Get out here, please.
What?
- What?
- What the f*ck is that?
Oh, I know.
I mean, I don't know.
But, yeah.
- You know?
It looks like the whole world
is ending again.
No, we don't know anything.
Might not be a bad thing.
You think this could be good?
Dude, it could be a lot
of things, right?
We got time to figure
that sh*t out.
What's going on with you?
There's something else.
Something else?
[Laughing] It's remarkable.
It is remarkable,
though not unprecedented.
Right? Nature is full
of historical contingencies.
Nature.
- Alright.
You're giving me, like,
crazy college vibes right now.
Did you even sleep?
No, don't worry about that.
It's good. Where was I?
- Uh, contingencies.
- Yes, right. Thank you.
Historical contingencies
have been known to deviate,
become less predictable.
So I started thinking about
less predictable variables,
especially environmental factors
and those that affect survival.
Then-- Hey-- I remembered back
in my undergrad,
reading about the clownfish
being protandrous.
Protandrous.
Do you know what that means?
Yeah.
I-- No. No.
Listen, it's okay.
I just need you to understand
that there is a precedent here,
because I need you to believe me
when I tell you that--
You know what? Just tell me
what's wrong with Woody.
I don't think anything
is wrong with Woody.
I think Woody is adapting.
- Okay. Like how?
Well, with fish,
the anatomical boundary
between male and female is much
more fluid than it is on land.
Like the clownfish
that I mentioned,
when they lose
their main female,
another male changes
and takes her place.
His sex organs transform
into female sex organs.
And in Woody's case...
- So are you saying...
...I think that Woody
is undergoing
sequential hermaphroditism, right?
Matured as one sex and is now
changing into another.
Is this just like
a theory of yours,
or is this something
that actually happens in nature?
I can't find
any historical evidence
that a fish like Woody
has ever changed,
but clams, the clownfish,
shrimp--
a bunch of others have.
Yeah. Yeah.
But why now with Woody?
Because that's the...
- The threat to survival.
I think this is Woody's way
of opening
the door back up
to reproduction, man.
Dude, dude,
this is f*cking nuts.
f*ck, yeah, it is.
It's f*cking insane, bro.
- But it feels fast.
- It does.
- Diane just died.
It would be like evolution
in two days.
I know, I know, but with
no more females left,
there was a greater need
for efficiency.
Are we talking like...
Like brand-new, yummy,
baby fish?
I'm sure as sh*t hoping that
that's where this leads to.
So maybe we're not gonna die?
Well...
Holy sh*t! Yeah!
You said it. You said it.
You said it.
I didn't believe you.
You're always saying it.
You're always like,
"Whoa, you know what?
We're gonna find a way."
Dude.
- What?
- Life finds a way.
Oh, sh*t.
You didn't just quote
"Jurassic Park," did you?
I think
somebody else said it first.
Well, then, son,
if that's what it takes for you
to get your head up
around this thing, yeah, baby.
Life just found
a m*therf*cking way.
[Both laughing]
I mean, Woody's a she.
This is crazy.
Well, almost.
I mean, anatomically,
from exterior observations,
he's nearly there,
or she's nearly there.
And I would only presume
that internal ovaries
are progressing
at a similar rate,
given that the testes absorption
is nearly complete.
Wait, what? Testes...
Absorption. Woody's...
Woody's [sucking]
will soon no longer be.
[Laughing]
What's going--
Where are you going?
This is a...
Woody, you just
saved our lives.
This is...
- Oh!
- What?
Oh!
Aah!
- Aah!
Holy sh*t, bro.
Where'd your d*ck go?
- It's there!
- Where?
- It's-- It's hiding.
- Is it shrinking?
- No, it's not shrinking.
- Let me see.
Wait, wait.
You don't need those.
- Let me see.
- Wait.
- I have a doctorate.
- In biochemistry.
- Among other things.
- Not the time to brag.
I'm just trying to see
what's going on.
Okay, okay, okay.
Just don't touch anything.
Alright? What's happening?
What?
[Groans]
You see, that's-- that's--
I'm not--
I'm not a fish
turning into a lady fish.
I didn't say you were
turning into a lady fish.
Good. Because that would
be f*cking insane.
I said you appeared to be
exhibiting similarly to Woody.
What? So you're saying I'm
exhibiting turning into a woman?
Well, I'm saying that I think
your biological sex organs
may be changing like Woody.
- No.
What's happening to Woody
has nothing to do
with this situation.
I think you maybe have
a point there.
I don't think Woody
is causing this.
I think you're separately,
but convergently evolving.
Say what?
It's what happens
when two different species
evolve similarly based upon
similar environmental pressures.
In this case,
the threat of extinction.
I don't want to hear
about evolution.
Am I losing my d*ck?
Yes or no?
Not entirely.
I think it's gonna
become your clitoris.
My clitoris.
Because I'm getting... a vag*na?
[Laughing]
No--
No, that's not happening.
You're gonna take this
and you're gonna go back
and you're gonna do
some more research
and some more calculations
because that's wrong.
That's impossible what
you're talking about there.
The impossible is happening.
Are you f*cking
smiling right now?
- I'm sorry.
- Don't you f*cking smile.
- It's just incredible, man.
- I fail to see
how this is incredible.
- Scientifically speaking.
It's what you said, Billy,
life is finding a way.
I was just excited
when I said that.
This is what's happening.
We may be watching
accelerated evolution.
I just...
I want it to be something else.
I want it to be I got cold.
I want it to be I'm getting old
and it's shrinking up.
Like I saw my grandpa in
a shower and it was like half.
Hey, listen, it's just--
Will you hold on for one second?
Just hold on.
Hold on for one second.
- Sure. I'll just hold on.
- Here we go.
- No problem.
- Here we go.
- I don't want that.
- Take this.
- I don't want it.
- No, you need to see.
Okay? Trust me.
It's more than just your p*nis.
Just look.
What do you mean, more?
Oh, my God. What is--
Is my sack stretching
or is it tearing?
What? What is that?
That's your scrotum's
raphe line, buddy.
- Raphe-- What?
- Yeah, it's okay.
I think it's just opening
back up, you know?
What the f*ck do you mean?
Opening back up?
Don't tell me that's okay.
It starts like that
in early embryonic development.
And then for dudes, it closes up
to make your b*ll s*ck.
So I'm thinking it's just,
you know, reverting back.
Where the hell are my ba*ls
gonna go?
Oh, God, I'm gonna pass out.
I'm passing out.
Don't pass out.
Stop trying
to control the situation.
Okay?
This is my situation,
and I still haven't seen enough
to prove this theory of yours.
You said this was impossible.
Okay? If it's impossible,
there has to be
a rational explanation.
Don't-- Don't you dare f*cking
say that right now.
Say what?
This has nothing to do with
your stupid bowling-ball theory.
Okay? Ray, listen to me.
This is reality.
This is my life.
This is my ba*ls.
Hey, man.
There was a bowling ball, Billy.
Well, you know,
I wasn't there,
so I'm calling bullshit
on that and bullshit on this.
So what do you want to do,
man? Just wait and see?
[Sighs]
I just-- Can you--
Can you just give me,
like, a minute? I'm sorry.
It's okay.
I'll leave you alone.
- I'm sorry.
- I'll go check on Woody.
You need anything?
- Yeah.
Could you stop saying that, please?
Yeah, man.
I said no more bowling ba*ls.
No, no, Woody.
But, yeah, now that
you mention it,
ba*ls, too.
Doo, doo, doo, doo,
doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Wow.
Doo, doo, doo, doo,
doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
[Sighs]
Doo, doo, doo, doo,
doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
This is gonna take him
a while to accept.
It's hard to ignore, but it's
something that's happening.
Add to that, this random
green light
suddenly appears out of nowhere and...
[Sighs]
...everything is feeling
a bit unbelievable.
And we all know that Billy does
not do well with unbelievable.
When I was 8, my mom hired a
magician for my birthday party.
This guy sets up a big white pad
of paper on an easel,
and he flips
through the whole thing.
That shows that
all the pages are blank
and that there's nothing
hidden on the inside.
And then he asks me,
What do I want for my birthday?
And I say, "A bowling ball."
So he draws one--
big, round circle
with three small holes.
It's to proportion,
and then he hands me the marker,
closes the pad and motions
for me to step back.
And as I do,
he opens the pad back up
and out drops...
- [Groans]
Hey. Billy.
Billy?
- What the f*ck, man?
Just making sure you're okay.
I was-- I was okay. Jesus.
- Can I get you anything?
- No, I'm trying to sleep.
[Sighs]
How's it going down there?
I can't hear you
under the covers.
I asked if there's
any more progress.
- Ew!
- I know. Sorry.
Leave me alone, man.
Leave me alone.
Alright.
Let me know
if you need anything, okay?
- Mnh.
- Ahh.
Te-da-lo, te-da-lo,
te-da-lo, te-da-lo
[Vocalizing continues]
[Clock ticking]
- Are you hot?
- Mnh-mnh.
- What was that?
- What was what?
You don't have to let me win
just because you feel bad
for me, Ray.
Why would I feel bad for you?
Hmm?
It's your move.
Dude, why wouldn't you
take the k*ll?
- Because I want to earn my win.
- Since when?
What?
- You notice it's growing.
- What?
Green light. It's growing.
- Wait. Are you sure?
- Positive.
It's definitely gotten
bigger since yesterday.
Great. Something else
f*cking scary to be dea--
Be nice to at least know
what it is, you know?
Yeah, it would.
But not knowing kind of
keeps hope alive.
[Scoffs] You-- You--
You know what? I...
Maybe this is a good spot
to just take a little break.
Okay?
- We're almost done.
[Sniffs]
What, I smell or something?
[Sniffs]
No, no, it's just different.
[Vocalizing]
Nice.
Nice.
Why me? Why not you?
I'm way more masculine than you.
[Snorts] Sorry.
No, you're not.
Look, the movie "Sneakers"
is emotional.
That wasn't my fault.
Okay, Billy, masculinity has
nothing to do with it.
Scientifically, I guess
it's about which body
is better equipped
for transformation.
How does that not speak
to my masculinity?
You're not the first person
to have genitals
they don't want.
- It's easy for you to say.
I want to keep my f*cking d*ck.
This is bullshit.
There's literally no reason
this should be happening
to me versus you.
Maybe.
Oh, you think
this is my fault.
Us being here is just as much
my fault as it is yours.
Bullshit.
You don't believe that.
Oh, please, I do.
Because I'm the one
who put a f*cking meat puppet
in the White House.
Switch.
Dude. I said switch,
you f*cking idiot.
Don't call me a puppet and
don't call me a f*cking idiot.
I did way more than that
and you know it.
You're just being too big
of an as*h*le to admit it.
Dude, you're right because
it would have been better
if you'd done nothing
rather than all
the horrendous sh*t you did do.
Do you think this is
equitable retribution?
Oh, look who's got
the big words now.
- f*ck you, man. f*ck off.
- f*ck you, Dude.
I can't believe you were
the f*cking president, bro,
because you f*cking sucked!
Doo, doo, doo, doo,
doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
[Vocalizing]
[Video-game sounds]
Occupied.
You know...
I think I may go mad in here
if two fish are the only people
that I have left to talk to.
Hey, you guys know
I'm a registered Democrat?
Yeah.
I never deliberately
kept that from Billy.
Pretty sure he knew
and just chose to ignore it.
It's always been easier for him
to play ignorant rather than,
say, have to explain
why one of his lead advisers
is playing for the other team.
It's all about not
facing things, right?
Especially the sh*t
he can't explain.
That's why he always freaks out
whenever I say bowling ball.
You know...
I don't know why I ever thought
he would change.
What he's going through...
...I can only imagine
how scary and confusing
this must be for him.
And, yeah.
I'm glad it's not
happening to me.
Still, I wish you could see that
this is about more than just us.
There's goodness in change.
Possibility, right?
Some people call it hope.
I call it magic.
Sometimes you can't explain
all the magic in the world.
He wore a blue
polka dot bow tie.
He had curly hair.
- Hmm?
At your 8th birthday party.
The magician.
Are you admitting you
were there?
No. No, I'm not saying that.
Memory is a tricky thing.
And, you know,
I'm thinking maybe my memory
might be becoming yours.
I don't know.
I never told you that
he was wearing a bow tie.
Right?
I'm sure you probably--
You probably did.
Billy,
you saw a bowling ball, man.
I don't-- I'm not saying
what I saw
or what I heard.
- Okay, sure.
Look.
We were f*cking kids, okay?
And-- And he's a magician.
- Right.
That's the whole point,
is to stump us.
I mean, you know how to pull
a quarter out of an ear, right?
That's what that is.
But this was more than
just a quarter, man.
Because I can't hide a bowling
ball up my f*cking sleeve, bro.
Sorry.
You said what you heard, right?
What you heard.
- So what?
What did you hear?
I heard the...
the sound of the bowling ball
hitting the ground and...
You know, that's-- that--
that's how he got it
to feel real.
That's because it was real, man.
And I was standing right there
and you remember it, too.
And that's why you never want
to talk about it,
because then you'd have to face
what you saw
and what you heard, dude.
Ray, you are so smart.
Why are you so fixated
on this stupid old trick?
It's because of that thud.
It's because of that sound
that the bowling ball made.
It made that loud thud,
and we couldn't explain it, man.
That thud was magic
becoming real, man.
Dude, I-I'm not trying to be critical.
There's a part of me
that I f*cking love
that you believe this.
I love that about you.
And I feel you.
And I know--
I know you're even trying to
make me feel better,
but it's--
It's kind of making it worse.
It's just not
what I need right now.
Okay.
- Sorry.
- It's okay.
What do you need right now?
That works.
Yeah.
You want to start?
Yeah. Yeah. Um...
So...
We put a hand over?
Alright. Yeah.
Yeah. [Clears throat]
Okay.
We're gathered here today
to commemorate
and remember... Billy's p*nis.
As advisor to the President,
I hereby confer upon you
the Presidential Medal
of Honor because...
...we thank you
for your service.
From the moment I knew you,
I loved you.
Sometimes I felt I was the one
attached to you
and not the other way around.
You made me feel beautiful
and powerful.
- Hmm.
I could--
I could take over the world.
I could do anything.
And...
And I let you lead me.
And-- And I know-- I know
that it wasn't always in the--
in the perfect direction,
but I...
I think that you--
You had our best interests
in mind, I think.
Actually, I don't know
if that's true.
[Sighs]
[Breathing heavily]
I'm really confused.
Uh, it's like I want
to say goodbye,
but I don't want
to say goodbye.
[Crying] I want to...
Does that make me a bad person?
No, not at all.
You take your time.
sh*t. I want to...
Oh, f...
Okay.
Bye.
Goodbye.
[Vocalizing]
- You sit tight. I'll be back.
- Hey, hey, hey, Riggs.
You're acting strange, man.
What's the matter with you?
There's a b*mb
in that building!
There's a b*mb
in that building.
There's a b*mb
in that building!
You know how I know there's
a b*mb in that building?
'Cause I got eight days
to retirement,
and I will not make
a stupid mistake.
There is no b*mb
in that building.
I will bet vital parts
of my anatomy to the fact.
What's up?
You okay if we watch
something else actually?
Hmm... this is my favorite,
dude. Come on. It's my pick.
No, I'm just not
really in the mood.
- What? For the best movie ever?
- Oh, come on.
This isn't even the best
in the series.
Dude, Joe Pesci is great in
this one with the white hair,
Always freaking out.
"Okay. Okay."
Come on.
I thought you liked this movie
because Riggs reminds you
of your dad.
No, he does.
It's just...
I don't know, something about
it's kind of making me feel
a little sad or something.
Because one of them
goes rogue,
makes a stupid mistake
and blows everything up?
Actually, I hadn't made
that parallel before.
Thank you for that.
- You got it.
No, just, um...
It's weird.
It's like making me
miss the team
that-- that we used to be,
you know?
What are you talking about?
And we're not... No?
- I don't know.
- Dude.
We're still a team, right?
A team that's gonna keep
watching this sh*t.
Come on, give me that.
Give me that.
Give me--
- You know what?
You know what? It's all good.
You win. You win.
We can keep watching.
You don't have to...
- Come on.
- You don't have to let me win.
Why are you moving around,
man? What's going on?
I gotta go to the bathroom
real quick.
You want to wait for you?
No, I'm good.
You keep playing.
[Door closes]
Okay.
[Vocalizing]
No, no, no, no, no
No, no, no, no
No, no, no, no, no
- Morning.
- Thank you.
Woody.
Did you just make a b*ner jab?
I was attempting to use
some humor
to address the elephant
in the room.
Okay, fine. You know what?
We should talk about it.
It's admittedly hard for me--
- [Laughing] Sorry.
I'm trying to be serious.
Alright?
I am a straight man
that hasn't seen
a touch of titty
in a number of years. Okay?
I didn't mean
to have a reaction.
Look, it's cool.
It's totally cool, man.
Alright, I get it.
We're like brothers.
I was just giving you
a little sh*t, you know?
Plus, that wasn't the elephant
I was talking about.
Go look in the pond.
Take a look.
[Speaks indistinctly]
Whoa.
Holy sh*t, dude.
Oh, my God. Whoo!
Oh, and the eggs...
When I say eggs, you say...
What?
[Both laughing]
[Vocalizing]
63, 64, 65, 66,
67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72...
sh*t, I may have
already counted that one.
I will make an educated guess.
There's just--
There's so many of them.
It's crazy.
Oh, f*ck. No, dude. Sam!
- What?
Sam just ate, like,
five of his babies.
What the f*ck?
Sam's probably gonna eat
a whole lot more than that.
Only 1% actually survive.
They eat their kids?
It's-- He's a parent.
He's supposed to take care
of him. Dude, that's f*cked up.
It's okay.
We'll have enough. Don't--
That's--
That's disturbing, man.
That's really--
- Yeah.
I get it.
Do you want to keep counting?
No, no, no.
I just need to--
- Okay, calm down. It's all...
- Okay. Okay.
How about-- How about
I teach you how to warp?
[Vocalizing]
It's not your week.
Yeah, I was up early.
I just figured I'd do it.
Huh.
Well, thanks.
Wait up. I'll, uh.
I'll come with you.
Right on.
[Straining]
Okay. Are you ready?
Yeah. Let's do it.
Go.
Oh, sh*t.
This is... different.
Um...
is it okay if we walk
actually?
- Yeah.
- I'm sorry.
That's okay.
So you're up early?
- Yeah. I couldn't sleep,
so I was just
watching the fish, you know,
actually kind of getting into
the whole cycle of life thing.
It's this one little runt
in there who's fighting
like hell to make it.
I'm kind of rooting for her.
- What'd you name it?
- I haven't yet.
I'm, uh, I'm recognizing
I might be getting
a little too attached already.
You know?
- You're incredibly self-aware.
It's probably good
that you recognize that.
There's a lot of...
You think we could make a baby?
Hmm?
Do you think we could?
[Laughing]
Ah, Billy. Billy.
I'm serious.
Alright. Okay.
To make a baby,
you would need to produce eggs.
Yeah, ovulate.
I've read about it.
Okay, so then you
probably know
that you also have to have
a menstruation cycle.
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Wait. What?
- I got my period.
- What?
Why didn't you tell me?
- I don't know.
It's-- It's-- It's--
It's personal, you know?
And I didn't want you
to get all weird about it.
Pull out the goggles
and want to observe it
and, you know...
- Was it-- Was it weird?
Yeah, but it was, um...
...powerful.
- Oh, my God.
It was really cool.
Holy sh*t, dude.
Wow. Wow.
- So...
- So what?
- So...
- What?
So I've been looking
at these fish,
and I'm watching them
become a family.
And there is a part
of me that is...
...that's starting to ache.
William.
What are you--
What are you asking me?
Think about how cool
it would be to have
a cute little baby around.
You must be out
of your g*dd*mn mind.
Are you crazy?
What, it's okay for the fish?
It's not okay for us?
The fish procreating
helps us survive,
not having another mouth to feed
because you all of a sudden
developed a biological clock.
I'm sorry.
I thought you were the one
who's all hopped up
on the wonder of possibility.
Bowling ball,
bowling ball--
You're not a scientist, Billy,
so I don't expect you
to understand.
But without proof,
I'm not gonna experiment.
Sure, but isn't that
what an experiment is?
A way to get proof?
- No, not in this case it's not.
Well, fine. Okay, then,
we already have proof.
It's in the pond.
There it is.
- Humans are not fish.
- Right.
But you said that we seem to be
evolving similarly to the fish.
Hold on. Are you not
the least bit curious to see
if this could actually
work scientifically?
As a scientist.
Science thing.
- Scientifically speaking?
- Yeah. Mr. Wizard.
I am technically curious
about analyzing
the prospects
of this experiment.
Yes, the possibility
is exciting,
but f*ck no, dude.
Not the way
you're talking about it.
Okay?
How are you, of all people,
even comfortable having
this conversation?
Well, if you hadn't noticed,
Ray, I'm changing a little bit.
I thought you of all people
could appreciate that.
Appreciate you wanting
to have sex with me?!
- What?
- You're not--
I thought--
- Dude, no!
- No!
- Not even.
- Okay.
- This is...
Okay. My-- Okay.
I'm talking
you go into a cup,
we insert it into my hole
and-- and the legs up and...
Billy, that's not
gonna work.
- Why not?
- Okay, first of all,
sperm dies
incredibly quickly, okay?
You can't just get pregnant by
sticking it up in your vag*na.
Okay, fair enough.
I'm still learning
about this stuff.
I just thought that could be,
like, experiment number one.
- And then what?
- And then... I don't know.
Like, that's where you come in.
We start to teamwork.
You're the scientist.
You got any ideas?
- No.
- Why can't we talk about it?
- Because we can't.
- Why not?!
It's too f*cking weird.
So you're the
registered Democrat, right?
What?
You're the one that's all
progressive and sh*t, huh?
- So?
- So I don't understand
why you're being
such a d*ck about this.
Because you're not
a f*cking dude anymore.
No, I got lady bits now.
Isn't that what you like?
No, dude, it's not what I like.
It was enough to give
you a b*ner last time.
Billy, shut the f*ck up.
sh*t. You're scared.
I ain't scared of hit, Billy,
back up.
- Who's being a p*ssy now?
- Come on, dude.
- I'll get you there again.
- Billy.
You want me to?
I'll get you there right now.
Come on. I'll get you there.
- Billy.
- I'm asking you to stop.
- Come on.
I'm not a f*cking fa...
God.
[Door opens]
[Door closes]
[Vocalizing]
[Video-game sounds]
[Clock ticking]
[Sighs]
Hey, Woody,
how you doing in there?
Doing all right next to Sam
all the time?
It's not easy.
I get it, you know?
He's very smart.
He's very charming, talented.
Kind of better
than you at everything.
Yeah, you're not
the brightest bulb in the bunch.
I know it makes you fussy
sometimes, but, um...
Do you tell him
how much you look up to him?
Um...
it's important
that he knows that.
You know, he makes mistakes,
but not like you make mistakes,
you know?
You all know
that I ruined the world?
That was me.
I did that. Um...
Sometimes I like to...
kind of play it off
like it was a mistake,
but, um...
...I think I knew
what I was doing.
I just wish I knew then
what I know now, you know?
Me too.
[Vocalizing]
Sorry, man.
- No, I'm sorry.
No, I can turn around.
- Thanks.
- Mm-hmm.
You know the family
that I came from, Billy.
A man was a man
with a very narrow,
rigid definition
of what that meant
with no room to vary.
Yeah, man, I get it.
My parents were
super h*m*, too.
It's more than that, man.
And that mold of men
and manliness...
it is so ingrained in me, bro.
And I spent my whole life
trying to be a more open person.
But when pushed...
...I just defaulted back
into those old molds.
Scares me how quick that switch
could be flipped back on.
Yeah.
[Sighs]
I know you.
I known you my whole life,
and you are way more
than those shitty impulses.
We got to be more
than that, right?
I should have
stopped you back then.
I should have let you,
you know.
When I asked you
to build me this thing, I...
I-I never thought we were
gonna need it, man. I just...
- I did.
- You d-- Really?
I had a hunch.
I mean, I just-- I just gave
you this task because...
I was just trying
to distract you.
- How so?
- All the managing.
You know, like, the...
I just wanted
to get away from it.
I'd-- I'd--
I'd finally made it
and I...
Yes. With help.
But...
I just wanted to prove
I could do it on my own
without you being my--
my secret sauce all the time.
Yeah.
I never showed you how to warp
because I liked having
special powers over you.
Helped me not feel under you.
I didn't mean to make
you feel under me.
I know, but you did.
Yeah, that-- that's not all
on me, though, dude.
I wasn't...
Sorry. Let me s--
I think a lot of the way
I was acting there, that--
I was just afraid, you know,
because you're--
I saw that.
And I kept pushing.
- [Sighs]
I kept, um... managing...
[Chuckles]
...to the point where
you just pushed me away.
Relegated me to go
build you a dome.
Well...
...it is an excellent dome.
- Hey, thanks, man.
- Yeah.
[Both chuckling]
Just can't help but think
about all the...
...incredible things
you could have done
for the world...
if I had...
...given you the space
for that, you know.
f*ck yeah.
Also don't give yourself
that much credit.
Alright? Just...
Anyway about that whole
procreation thing...
that was a dumb idea
and probably wouldn't
have worked anyway, so...
It actually could work really.
W-- W--
Then why couldn't we even
just talk about it?
Besides the obvious, dude?
I don't know, but I just...
We don't even know if your body
could handle the pregnancy.
Yeah, we could lose the baby.
No, Billy, dumb a*s.
I'm worried about losing you.
- You want to go play a game?
- Sure.
We have to keep it
purely scientific.
There's potential
for advancement, then...
I guess you could say I wouldn't
be a very good scientist
if I didn't at least try to test
for all possible outcomes.
Uh, yeah, I mean,
that makes sense.
Mm-hmm.
[Cracks knuckles]
- So...
- So.
Yeah, so, uh...
should we start with my idea?
You know, like,
you in the cup and I...
Yeah. Come on, dude.
I literally question
whoever taught you sex ed, man.
We were in the same class.
Like, I was the one who asked
about the precum on the tip.
They would say anything
to get us to not stick it in
before marriage.
Okay, so what
about senior year?
Remember Scotty?
He claimed he pulled out,
but he still got
his girlfriend pregnant.
Of course I remember,
'cause it freaked you out.
Yeah.
I didn't lose my virginity
until sophomore year of college.
Because that's...
- That's not why you didn't.
Don't do that. Don't do that.
Point is, he pulled out,
a little bit got in, and--
and she got pregnant.
So that is a strategy
that could maybe work for us?
Not only did I never
believe that,
because it's
damn near impossible,
it also sounds like
you're asking me
to jack off into your crotch.
I just don't know
how to do this non-sexually.
I'm trying to, like--
- Okay.
- I'm spitballing.
No, wait, hold on.
That's a good point.
Since when is trying
to make a baby actually sexy?
Remember when a bunch
of our friends
were going crazy
trying to get pregnant?
There's nothing sexy.
It was like they were
showing up for an oil change.
Right?
[Making mechanical noises]
Temperature checks,
fluid checks.
- Feeling warm.
- Here comes the calendar.
Is that the right temperature?
Yeah. It's just mechanical.
- That's it.
- All about making a baby.
That's it.
Keep your eye on the prize.
You focus up.
- Exactly.
We just got to figure
out our mechanics now.
- What's our formula?
- Right.
You know, we got
the A plus B equals C,
and then we got to put the
P and the V, and then voila.
Scientifically speaking,
I like that.
- Okay, okay.
- There you go.
- Okay.
- Alright, so, um...
So, A.
- What's A?
A is I lay down. Yep. Right?
- Okay.
- I'll start...
You know, I just lay here.
If I lay like this?
And then I would just have to,
you know, get hard somehow.
- We could put on some music.
- Nah, that's too sexy-time.
I could show you my t*ts.
You could.
But I wouldn't want you
to do that. That's way too much.
No, we need to keep this
mechanically focused.
Okay.
I could just literally not move.
Yeah, that might work.
And then I would just...
I would just get on top
and get right in there.
That's it.
You probably
have to move a little bit
to let me in, though, right?
- Yeah, right.
- Yeah.
- Get you an angle.
- Yeah, okay. Yeah, I like that.
Ain't nothing sexy about that.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
I mean, that's...
- Whoaaaahh-ahhhh!
- We're gonna get--
Billy, you talking
about right now?
You want to do this?
I feel like
if we keep talking about it,
we're just gonna wimp out.
We got to get in there,
deposit and get out.
Oh, sh*t. Yeah.
Okay. Right. A-Agreed.
Okay, so I'll do this.
You just look away.
Don't look at my face.
- I'm not gonna look at anything.
- I'll get doing this.
I think the hair
on your legs, though,
might throw me off a little bit, right?
Well, I can pull these down.
I know, but I think, like,
all your hair,
like the face and the head
and all of this stuff, the hair.
Right, just the whole...
Right, right.
Okay, well, look,
you'd already be hard then,
so you could just
close your eyes.
I don't think--
I think it might be dangerous
for me to walk around with,
like, my eyes closed and a--
and a b*ner out.
You know what I mean?
- Yeah, that's a good point.
That's what I was thinking.
That's what I was thinking.
Okay, how do we get
our crotches to touch
but nothing else
and also not see anything?
I don't know.
Okay, okay. Um...
I'm getting,
like, half an idea here.
- Okay.
- Um...
You-- You get rampin'.
We're still doing it?
We're still doing it now,
though, right?
- Yep.
- Yep? Okay.
- We can take a bit.
- Got it.
Okay, so you get going.
I'm gonna go away for a second,
but you just don't think
about my my face
or my hairy legs
or anything, okay?
And then when you're ready,
I'm gonna come back.
I'm gonna make sure
that you don't see
anything you don't want to see.
- How are you gonna do that?
- I don't know yet.
I'm gonna figure it out.
But let's get you--
You go behind the TV.
- That's where I'm going?
- You get it. Okay.
- I'm going over here.
- Alright.
- Okay.
- You got this.
- [Barbells clink] Thank you.
- I believe in you!
- Okay.
Oh. Ohh.
[Rattling in distance]
What's going on?
Don't worry about it.
Don't worry about me.
You just think boobs and a*s.
[Quietly] Boobs and a*s. t*tties.
[Humming to self]
You let me know
when you get close.
Stop talking.
Mm.
Okay. Alright.
Okay, I'm all set.
Don't say anything.
I'm just gonna come
straight over in here.
Alright, here we go.
[Humming to self]
Alright.
[Table clatters] Ooh!
Oh, sh*t.
Dude, this is the plan?
You-- You want me to answer?
You told me not to talk.
You look like a one-eyed ghost!
Just stick it in the hole, dude.
Ahh! Stick it in the mother--
Okay. Okay. Here we go.
[Groans]
Okay. Okay.
Mm.
Okay. You okay?
Yeah, I'm good. You okay?
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
So it's a vag*na.
Oh, f*ck.
Mm.
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
[Vocalizing]
[Insects chirp in distance]
[Sighs]
Hey.
Are you okay?
Yeah, I--I am.
Are youokay?
Yeah.
I think I am.
[Sighs]
Alright, Ray. We want fast?
We want slow?
What are we feeling?
- Uh, you pick.
- It's my pick.
["I Love the Night" by Zeus
plays]
Okay.
May I have a tomato, please?
One tomato coming up.
Sometimes late at night
- Oh!
- What are you doing?
What are you doing?
- Okay. It's coming. Ready?
- I don't believe you.
Whoa-whoa-oh!
Oh!
It's okay. NOW I'm feeling it.
We got a shaker.
I got it it in the back.
I got it in the back.
I put on my clothes
and I grab my hat
I go walking
out on the street
It's a different world
for crazy boys and girls
There's no telling
who you might be in the night
I love the night,
I can go where I want
I can do anything
that I please
I love the night
This is the time that I like
I love the night
Down the avenue
and up the boulevard
Like we're walking
into the night
Cars are passing by,
buildings touch the sky
I can do anything I like
Smoke a cigarette,
maybe have a drink
There's no worry,
I take my time
It's a crazy life,
but it's the one I like
There's no telling what you
might find in the night
I love the night
I can go where I want
I can do anything
that I please
I love the night
Yeah, I love the night
I love the night
I don't want to be lost
I don't want to be found
I just want to be by myself
Sometimes I wanna laugh,
sometimes I wanna cry
Sometimes I just
close my eyes
That's good. Come on.
That's good. It's good.
Oh, no, now you're not
gonna get up.
- Oh, hell, no, dude.
- Come on. Why not?
Because what if it's a girl?
Why can't a girl
be named Mario? It's symbolic.
This baby is
gonna be like the new mascot
for the future of humans.
- Oh, my God.
I don't think I like the idea
of our child being a mascot
or named after an inside joke,
regardless of what gender it is.
You know, I've been thinking
about that a little bit lately.
- About what?
- About gender.
How so?
Well, now that I am growing
life in the belly, I'm...
I'm kind of feeling
a little confused about it.
How so?
Well, I always thought
I was a man, you know?
Mm-hmm.
But is that just because,
like, I had the parts
and that's who I was told
that I was?
So you don't think
you're a man?
No, I...
I actually do think I am a man.
And I think that's what's
confusing me, you know?
It's like--
- Yeah.
So you're...
You're you.
Yeah.
Yeah, I like that.
- Thank you.
That's great, because then I get
to keep calling you "dude."
Oh, hell, yeah. Always, dude.
Come on.
[Groans] Oh, God.
It's so good.
- You like that, don't you?
- Stop it. [Groans]
- Yeah. Take that sh*t.
Oh, dude, it's so good.
Oh, my God. Jesus, dude.
It smells like
you got strep butt.
What?
Wait, I'm a pregnant person.
I can taste it.
Hey, don't stop rubbing.
Not if you're gonna keep
farting in my face. Alright?
Dude,
I'm making life in my belly.
That's just the exhaust that
comes from the factory, okay?
That's just--
Well, you don't have to get
all morose about it.
I mean, it's just--
- I'm not.
Oh, you're thinking about it
again, aren't you?
No, I'm not thinking about it.
Hey. Hey.
You can't be worrying
about it like this, alright?
There's only so much
we can do to prepare.
The baby's going
to do its thing.
We just got to hope my hole
opens up wide enough and...
That's where you normally go,
"That's what she said."
- Yeah.
- You know?
I set you up for that.
You think we deserve
this baby?
I don't know.
I know I blame you.
It literally is my fault, so...
It's not your fault.
If it wasn't you, it would
have been somebody else.
You're just a product
of our species.
I guess the real question
that I don't know about is,
do humans
deserve another chance?
How are you feeling about
that green light these days?
I don't know.
More to lose now if it's bad.
Mm.
[Rattling]
What is it?
- What is it?
- I don't know.
[Walls rattle, wind whistles]
It sounds like a storm.
What? Wouldn't that mean...?
Oh, God. Oh, careful.
Okay.
[Groans]
Ray, what's going on?
Ray! What do you see?
[Thump]
[Glass shatters]
Ray!
It's okay.
It's just the outer layer.
[Glass shatters]
- Ahh!
[Wind whistling]
Here, take this!
Go grab the bedsheets!
Come on!
[Coughing]
Come on.
Watch your feet!
Hold tight!
- I can't!
- Yeah, you can.
[Both coughing]
You okay?
Can't breathe.
You gotta get up to the pod.
- I can't.
- Come on! Come on!
You got it!
I got you.
[Coughing]
- What are you doing?
- We need to empty it.
No, Ray, no!
This is the only thing
that's strong enough to hold.
- They'll die, Ray, no!
- We may die
if we don't
get that thing closed.
One, two...
- Just go.
[Both straining]
[Groans]
Hook it up.
[Wind whistling]
[Groans]
[Wind quiets]
[Gasping breath]
[Storm rattling in distance]
[Groans]
- sh*t. Oh, sh*t.
- We gotta get up.
Wait, do you see that?
Do you see that?
I don't know what I'm seeing.
Yeah. We can see.
Look at all this.
It's like the sky
is opening back up.
This damage is extensive.
Yeah, but we can
fix it, right?
Right?
There's too much.
We don't have the supplies
to tackle all this,
and there's multiple places
where we're down
to the inner stratum.
Yeah, but that's why
we have two.
You know,
I'm gonna go clean up,
see what we can salvage
from the pond.
What about all this?
How's it looking?
I'd say we have enough food
for maybe 40 meals if we ration.
Actually, probably
less than that,
since you're eating for two.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
- I shouldn't have done this.
- No, come on. Come on.
Look. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
You had no option, okay?
You were thinking fast
in the moment.
You were saving us.
- I k*lled us, Billy.
- Hey.
- Hmm.
I've been doing some research.
Oh, wow. This really
is the end of the world.
I can read some science sh*t.
Are you not curious
what's going on out there?
I don't have time to sit
and read right now, man.
[Faucet running]
Alright. Sorry.
What can I do to help?
Could you grab
some plastic wrap?
I'm gonna try to keep these
things as fresh as possible.
Where is...?
- Over there.
- Yeah. I knew that.
Hey, Ray?
- Hmm?
Now that I'm being
all helpful and stuff,
wanna hear what I'm researching?
- Humor me.
- Alright.
So as you can see outside--
We don't know what we're seeing.
Well, something could be
better than nothing, right?
- Sure.
- Jesus,
when did I turn
into the optimist here?
What is happening?
Okay. Okay.
Alright, fine. Tell you what.
Humor me
for a second here, okay?
Alright.
What if others survived?
You mean, like,
if other world leaders
had their own Luigi
to save their a*s?
I mean, basically, yeah.
You know, they...
They could be out there
somewhere, you know?
Maybe living
in their own bunker thingy.
Maybe they're pregnant, too.
I mean, who knows, dude?
Even if that were--
We can't go outside.
Oh, look, who knows so much.
You see, this is
where my research comes in.
Because remember
how I was saying
it looked like the sky
was opening up?
- Yeah.
- Well, I read some stuff
about the sky in your little
book over here, okay?
You okay if I get
some fishy hands on your book?
Sorry.
So there's something called
the troposphere layer, alright?
And apparently that's where
weather happens, okay?
Now, I'm not like,
a scientist or...
Oh, my God, that smells awful.
Sorry. Blech.
I'm not a meteorologist, right?
But last night, that seemed
like some weather sh*t to me.
Alright? And it also says
you can't have weather
unless you have an atmosphere.
You see what I'm saying?
Could I be kind of right?
And the green light
was maybe our atmosphere
coming back
or something like that?
I mean, it wouldn't
be that simple.
Well, alright. Fair enough.
You have taught me that nothing
in life is simple, but...
I mean, I just--
Are you gonna make me be the one
to call the magic word or what?
I mean, come on.
- Really?
We're down to
limited food again.
Now we have limited supplies
in a dome
that may not hold much longer,
and we have a baby on the way.
I know.
We have to start thinking
logically at some point.
I get it.
[Sighs]
[Water dripping]
Want coffee?
- Thanks.
- Enjoy it.
It might be the last.
See, it's not too bad.
Did you know just one dude
created Mario Brothers?
What? No.
You knew this whole time
and you didn't--
You know, it kept you busy.
Get out! Get the f--
Get out!
Get the f--
You son of a b*tch.
That's crazy.
I was just thinking
about those dudes this morning.
- Oh, yeah?
- Mm-hmm.
I don't think
you're just Luigi anymore.
So you do admit that
you thought of me as your Luigi?
No, no, no, I was gonna say
that you're not
justLuigi anymore,
and I'm not just Mario.
Because you read
one science book?
No.
Yes. [Laughs]
But it's true, man.
I think we're both.
Or like, we take turns.
Sometimes I'm Mario.
Sometimes you're Luigi.
Sometimes you're the secret
sauce. Sometimes I am.
It's kind of like...
- We're partners.
Team.
This time, with a new mission.
Oh, yeah? What's that?
Well, we got to save
this 8 pounds of magic
in my belly, right?
Look, man.
The thing about us having to
start to think logically,
you know?
I get it. I'm hearing you.
But, um,
none of this is logical.
I mean, look at me.
I'm me, and I'm pregnant.
And more fish were made.
I mean, we're kind of f*cked
that up a little bit, but...
And after years,
yearsof darkness in here,
a f*cking green light came
and a storm.
So yes, yes, I know
there is no logical reason
whatsoever that
we should continue to survive,
but, dude...
You know what? Hold this.
I want--
I want to show you something.
- Okay.
- Alright.
Close your eyes.
What is this, dude?
Some kind of trust exercise?
I don't trust you for sh*t.
You one of them squinty peepers.
Turn around. Turn around.
Okay. Don't look.
- I'm not looking.
- Don't look. Hold on.
[Object dragging]
[Clicking]
Okay. You can turn around.
I'm sorry.
I know that you and I disagree
on what actually
went down that day.
- What?
- How it went down.
Whether I was there or not.
What we heard or didn't hear.
Alright, yeah. Got it.
As you can see,
the pad is empty.
But I think we can agree
on one thing.
A man walked into a room
that day
and where there was previously
no bowling ball...
suddenly...
...there was an 8-pound
bowling ball.
Okay.
And because of that...
and because of this...
we know that things happen
that we cannot explain.
And no matter how hard
and scary things get...
...there's room for hope.
So...
Would you like to try
and prove your magic theory
once and for all, my friend?
Billy.
Hey, no peeking.
[Choir vocalizing]
Okay, done.
[Paper flipping]
[Thud]
All my life,
I've been searching
For a girl like you
And just like a song,
you came along
And then you
pulled me through
Well, I've been up and down,
been all around
But now I finally know
you're the only girl for me
This time, I'm in love
Well, I can't go on
pretending any longer
No, this time, I'm in love
Yes, this time, I'm in love
Well, this time, girl
You know I'm in love
Well, I used to think
Love was just a game
I couldn't play
Time after time,
I'd lose my mind
Trying to give
my heart away
Like a thief in the night,
you came in my life
And when I wasn't looking,
you stole my heart away
This time, I'm in love
You know, this time,
I'm in love
Well, I can't go on
pretending any longer
You know,
this time, I'm in love
Oh, this time, I'm in love
Well, this time, girl
You know I'm in love
I never thought I'd find
someone like you
I didn't think
that love would come my way
Just when I thought
I had to live my life alone
You came into my world
And you're calling out
my name
This time, I'm in love
You know,
this time, I'm in love
Well, I can't
go on pretending any longer
This time, I'm in love
You know, this time,
I'm in love
Well, this time, girl
You know I'm in love
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Biosphere (2023)
Moderators: Maskath3, sidolanters, GabrielAlejo2341
Watch on Amazon Sci-Fi Merch Collectables
Space, Time-travel, Futuristic, Aliens, Sci-Fi movie collection.
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