02x03 - Mother, Did You Move My Chair?

[bunniefuu]

[Crickets chirping]

Mother, did you
move my chair?

What's that,
dear?

My chair--someone
has disturbed it.
Was it you?

Well, let me think.

Yesterday
was cleaning day,

And I did dust-mop
the floors.

So you did
move it.

No, no. I would
never do that.

I always
tape the legs
to the floor,

And then I
very carefully

Hand-wipe beneath
your chair.

I'm not sure
if I trust you.

This is not right.

I'm too close
to the table.

I feel hemmed in.

Help! I'm smothering!
It's unbearable! Aye!

Brak: hey, what's
going on down there?

You're grounded.
That's what.

What? Why?

For moving
my chair.

And you can
rot up there,
for all I care.

I don't think brak
moved your chair.

We both know
how upset you get

When your things
aren't exactly

Where you
want them to be.

Brak: mom, can I come down?
I got to talk to you.

Tell it to the judge...
Which is me. Guilty!
Case closed.

But I really
got to--

Appeal denied.

Brak, did you move
your dad's chair?

No. I love my dad.
I don't want to upset him.

Then you can
come down.

Woman, are you
openly defying me?

Well, you heard
what he said--
he didn't do it.

I can't hear anything.
I'm too close to the table.

Hey, dad, how's
the chair situation?

Unresolved.

Brak, there was something
you wanted to talk to me about?

What?
Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Ahem]

[Groaning loudly]

Oh, my goodness.
Honey, what's
the matter?

I'm sick, mom.

[Groaning]

I'm so sick.

Here. Let me feel
your forehead.

I don't think
you should touch me.

This disease
is on the rampage!

It's spreading
like wildfire!

Get him out!
He's a biohazard!

He'll take us all
with him!

Oh, now, really.

Forget him, mother.
He's already dead.

Will you stop?
Brak, let me feel your forehead.

Ok.

Hmm...you're
not warm at all.

Really? That's
great news, doc.

Dad had me scared
for a minute.

I almost forgot
I was faking. Oh!

Brak, why were you
pretending to be sick?

Let me break it down
for you, mommy.

I can't go to school
tomorrow.

I just can't.

Why not?

Because tomorrow...
In biology class,

They're gonna
hand me a knife,

And it's gonna
be sharp,

And they're
gonna say, "brak,

It's time
to stab that clam!"

You mean you're just
dissecting clams for biology?

There's nothing wrong
with that.

It's a simple
educational--

Ah! Educational,
you say.

You haven't seen
these clams, mom.

They're so cute.

And mine is
the cutest of all.

Every day,
I stay after school
and visit with him.

He opens up
to me, mom.

He doesn't do that
for just anyone.

Brak, it's time
for a dip

Into your old dad's pool
of fanciful wisdom.

Sometimes in life,
you must do

What you don't
want to do,

Like sacrificing
your precious freedom

To get married
and raise a family

Or riding
a moped to work.

Look at me.
I never get to do
what I want to do.

But do I cry
about it? No.

Dear.

Ok, yes, but not
in front of anyone.

The point is,
occasionally,

You must
dissect things

That you have recently
fallen in love with.

It may hurt,
but so does

Having your favorite
chair moved!

Do you
understand, son?

Not really.

Tough. You're going
to school tomorrow.

Now go to bed.

Ok.

I'm doing this
under protest.

Well, once again,
brak has found himself

In a picklish situation.

What is he going to do?

Wait a minute!
I got it!

Somebody once told me

That if you wish
upon a star with all your might,

Your wish will come true.

I wonder if that could
possibly work.

♪ I wish, I wish
my name was bill ♪

♪ But that's not
the problem at hand ♪

♪ Brak needs some help
from the stars above ♪

♪ So he can save his favorite,
got to help his favorite ♪

♪ Billy wants to save
his clam ♪

And maybe
a little pillow,

So he can sleep
next to me at night.

[Crickets chirping]

♪ Clam

[Snoring]

Hello, brak.
I'm spoony.

What the--
who the--

Spoony? How did you
get here, spoony?

Gosh, I don't know.

I'm just a talking
wooden spoon,

Not one of those
fancy silver spoons

Like the one
ricky shroeder

Was born with
in his mouth.

I met him at sundance.

He's a pretty nice guy...
If you don't cross him.

Did you cross him?

You know what?

Spoony just told brak
a blatant lie.

I don't know
ricky shroeder at all.

I bet he's nice, though.

What are you doing here?
Did you come to help me?

Help you with what?
Are you making soup?

No, I'm not
making soup!

I'm trying to
get out of going
to school tomorrow

So I don't
have to hurt
my favorite clam.

Mm-mmm! I sure love
making clam soup.
Let's get started.

No! You got to
help me.

Can't you use
your magical powers?

Magic powers? Huh.

You think if spoony
could do magic,

He'd have done all
that time in prison?

Prison?

That's right. Prison.

Some bad people tried
to make spoony into a shiv.

Spoony could tell you
some things, man.

[Shivers]

Let me level
with you, brak.

I'm just
a former mascot

From a discontinued
children's food product.

The thing was...

Some children
were injured.

Really? How many?

All the children
who used the product
were injured, brak,

But that's neither
here nor there.

The point is,
when the heat came down,

Someone had to
take the fall.

Why not the spoon?
He doesn't have
any feelings.

That was the prevailing
sentiment at the time.

Wow. That's
a sad story,

But I don't see
how it's helping me
with my problem!

No, spoony
doesn't either.

Oh, well, I guess
I'll just head
back to alpha 7

And check
my messages.

Maybe the publishers
called about my memoirs.

Later, brak.

So long, spoony.

Well, that was
a waste of time.

I guess
it's good-bye brak,

The happy-go-lucky
man about town,

And hello brak,
the heartless
clam slayer!

[Birds chirping]

[Snoring]

♪ Wake up, brak,
you sleepyhead ♪

♪ The day is
bright and new ♪

♪ Get your rump roast
out of bed ♪

♪ I have a little matter
to discuss with you ♪

All right,
who are you?

My given name
is geoffrey,

But you will address me
as...wunderburd.

Let me guess.

You're here
to make soup.

Wait a minute.
Did someone come by here

Calling himself spoony?

Yeah. He was here
half the night

Telling me
about the time
he spent in prison.

[Speaking french]

Spoony was never
imprisoned.

He made up that story
to land a book deal.

It is fabrication.

His name is not spoony.
It's claude.

He is a lumberjack,
like myself.

But he's a spoon.

Of course
he's a spoon now,

But once he was
my apprentice lumberjack.

One day, while I was
off pleasuring

The women
of the village...

Claude stole
my sharpest ax

And cut down
the largest tree
in the forest.

Huh?!

The tree fell
on the house
of a witch.

In her anger,
she turned claude
into a talking spoon.

What? Why did she
make him a spoon?

How should I know?
Do I look like
a witch to you?

No. You don't
look much like
a lumberjack either.

If you will
let me finish,
I will get to that.

You see, when
the witch discovered

That it was my ax
that ruined her bungalow,

She put my brain
into the body

Of this hideous
little bird.

Ah, don't go
selling yourself
short there, chum.

I think you're
quite handsome.

Tell that to the women
of my village.

All they
ever say to me is,

"Shoo! Go away,
little bird.

You cannot
pleasure us anymore."

I tell you, mon ami,

Once you've been
with a real woman,

It's hard to be satisfied
with a little bird.

You know what
I'm talking about?

No, I don't know
what you're
talking about,

And what's more,
I really don't care.

Why can't the stars
send me someone
who's on the level?

Can anyone help brak
save his clam?!

But, of course.

And that anyone is me...

Wunderburd!

Yeah, yeah.

It's true.

You see,
the witch told me

I could have
my marvelous body back

If I helped 100 people
by granting their wishes.

You, my friend,
are number 100.

Wow! Really?

Pretty good deal, huh?

You get your clam,
I get my body,

And the ladies
get pleasure.

Well, what are we
waiting for?

You know
what I want.
Let's do it, man!

oui, oui. I just have to
sing my little wish song,

And we're in business.

♪ Wunderburd has come today
to make your wish come true ♪

♪ The wish you made
will come to pass ♪

♪ As soon as my song
is through-- ♪

Aah!

I do not believe
you did that!

Did what?

You ate geoffrey!
I mean, wunderburd!

He was about to
help me.

Follow me around
a couple hours.
You'll see him again.

He might not look
so wonderful, though. Ha!

Oh...well, that was
my last chance.

I guess I got to
go to school now

And whack a clam.

Will you please shut up
about that stinking clam?

You've been whining
about it all week.

You don't
understand.

k*lling comes
easy to you.

I, on
the other hand,

Am the sensitive
type.

Good for you.

[Belching] geoffrey.

That freed up some room.
Let's get some breakfast.

Hi there, mom.
Hey, where's dad?

Oh, he's
in the trunk
of the car.

What?

I just needed

[Banging]

Mother,
can I come
out now?

Has it been

No, ma'am.

Has anyone
touched
my chair?!

Oh, for
heaven's sake.

You want I should go
bash him in the head
with a shovel?

I got one.
It's in my truck.

Don't you go
near him.

He's just having
a little time-out.

Suit yourself.
I wasn't gonna
charge you.

Say, it's
getting late.

Shouldn't you
boys hurry off
to school?

Yeah. Thanks
for reminding me, mom.

Come on, zorak.

[Door opens]

[Yapping
excitedly]

Aah! Luther!

Luther?

Oh, right. Where
are my manners?

Zorak, mom, luther.
Luther, zorak, mom.

Now talk to me, luther!
What are you doing here?

You say you busted
out of school?

You're on the lam?
And you need my help?

Wow. He's a big one.

Now I see why you
didn't want to cut him.

How about I hit him
with this tazer?

[Yapping]

I won't let him
hurt you, luth.

How can I
help you, buddy?

[Yapping]

You need a car?
I'll ask my mom.

Mom, can luther
use the car?

Oh, sure. The keys
are in the ignition.

You're all set,
luther.

Call me when you get
to the safehouse.

You know the way,
don't you?

[Yapping]

Dad: mother, has it been

I can't see my watch.
It's dark in here.

Why are we driving?
Are we going to get ice cream?

Luther, did you
move my chair?

[Yapping]

My chair,
luther--

Someone has
disturbed it.
Was it you?

[Yapping]

I'm not sure
if I trust you.

You cheat at cards
all the time.