04x02 - Incredible Hippo

[bunniefuu]

Up and at 'em, atom ant.

[Crack]
I think I've got something.

It's coming from over here.

[Geiger counter static]
occupato!

[Toilet flushes]
what the hell is going on?

♪ Ha
uh

Who
is the man in the suit? ♪

♪ Who
is the cat with the beak? ♪

♪ Harvey birdman
attorney at law ♪

Hey, hey!

It's bagel day.

Make way.

What'll you have?

Um...

Omar and I are curious if you
have a poppy.

Sure do.

Decent yield.

[Knock on door]
come in.

Now, that's strange.

There was a knock, and then the
door just...

Uh, harvey birdman.

Atom ant.

So, what seems to be the
problem?

The e.p.a. Condemned my home.

They say it's filled with
radioactive waste.

Are those poppy?

Inferior grade, but, yes.

Please, help yourself.

Ooh!

Cinnamon raison!

Cinnamon, yes.

Raisons, no.

[Door slams]
eh?

Eh?!

"Eh?"
You gonna tell me how good I

Look?

I lost 15.

Pounds?!

Wow!

Ounces.

My clothes are hanging off me!

Yeah!

[Sniffing]
oy, gault.

Please tell me those ain't
heisenberb brothers bagels!

What kind should I have?!

I'm uncertain.

I haven't had bread for
months.

[Shuddering]
I've had a wallear for a kaiser

Roll or something starchy.

Oyster crackers--
anything!

A sandwich without bread isn't
a sandwich--it's meat with

Mustard on your hands!

What's that one?

Poppy!

Here it is.

Here it is.

[Farts]
any scotia lox?

Members of the jury,
my client atom ant here--

Uh-uh.

Sorry, here--
protected us, shielded us if you

Will from a veritable rogues
gallery of villains.

And in thanks, has now been
forcibly removed, uprooted from

His...

Ant hole.

Home after 20 years
and plopped unceremoniously

On the street.

I had an ant farm once.

Uh...

Oh, you thought that was
going somewhere.

Nope, that's pretty much it.

My grain of rice with a
carving of st. Jabbeneezer,

Bigger than he.

My tiny, tiny dancer music
box...

Bigger.

My strontium 12 processor!

It can't be.

It's big...

Ger.

Right.

I hereby place an injunction on
any further waste production by

Mr. Short and pesty.

But, your honor, that's
outrageous.

How can you expect me to stop my
client from producing any waste?

One alligator...

Two alligator.

Now.

My teensy, tiny russian
nesting cork.

[Grunting]
[stammering]

Come on!

Stupid mustard pak!

Can't have capicole without
mustard!

Damn it!

The thing won't open!

[Shudders]
I can't open that thing!

[Straining]
[grunting]

[Roaring]
[car alarm beeps]

[Beeping stops]
[roars]

I do thank you for coming
over, detective inch.

I know we've not had the most
amicable of relationships.

Back off!

But I now realize that in
large--large measure, that it is

Because i, up till now, viewed
you as a threat, an enemy.

And now, oh, how I know better.

For there is someone smaller,
and you and I as we are now--

Bound together by the steeliest
of bonds, cuffed, manacled to

Each other by shame and hate and
rage because you and i, we--us

Two--are no longer the
preeminent in lilliputianism,

The biggest in small.

I don't know about you,
but that's actually kind of

Welcome news to m--
silence, wee willy,

Or I'll shrink you!

No, wait.

That would make you even smaller
than he.

Ugh!

Yes.

We who were once divided in
smallness are now united in our

Relative largeness.

There is something you must do.

I ain't touching the cork.

No, something different.

But I will have to get
that back at some point...

For the collection.

What happened?

Are you all right?

I have no idea.

I was in a lunch room trying to
open a mustard pak,

And now my clothes are all
ripped up.

You gotta help me.

Who am i?!

Hey, hey.

It's starting to come back.

[Whistling]
[gasps]

This pencil--
it's broken completely in half.

No ordinary man could have done
this--unless he's a mutant giant

Fiendish monstrosity man.

I must track it and find it and
capture it, and depending on my

Mood, either k*ll it or bring it
to justice.

What's this?

A torn piece of khaki fabric.

I know someone in the office
wears khaki, but I can't

Remember whom!

No, this is more of a cheap poly
blend while the sample is

Cotton.

Not to mention, mine's blue.

Next.

Ok, that's rayon.

Let's see if there's cotton
under here.

Cotton all right.

And missing fabric...

In the crotch.

Lucky for you, lady, this came
from a cuff seam.

Hey, hippo!

Want a doughnut.

Don't make me hungry,
mr. Peanut.

You wouldn't like me when I'm
hungry.

Oh, you're right.

Blow on!

Oh, sorry.

I thought this was the
gentleman's.

Wait.

Are you all right?

Huh?

No, no.

It's nothing.

I gotta be going.

You're bleeding.

That's jelly doughnut.

Wait.

You're the creature, aren't you?

No!

I want to help you.

But you wouldn't understand.

There's a beast, an animal,
like a raging...

Uh...

Hippo?

Nah.

What are them ones with horns?

Uh, rhino?

Yeah, rhino!

A raging rhino inside me that I
can't control.

Look, I can help.

I know what it's like to have to
hide in plain sight,

To deny part of who you are.

I will keep your secret.

Oh, hello, judy.

Hi, daddy.

Left my book in here.

"Families don't keep secrets
from each other, especially not

Two secrets at once."

You'd never keep a secret from
me, would you, sweetheart?

Oh, no!

I promised to help peter,
but to help me, I have to keep a

Secret from daddy...

While I'm already keeping a
secret from him that I am, in

Fact, also birdgirl.

That's two secrets!

How's it going?

Goodly.

You?

I been better.

Sorry to hear that.

Been busy?

Among my normal duties,
I have this fabric sample from

The clothing of a monstrous
creature that's been terrorizing

The office.

Looks like this.

That's it!

Come with me!

You have to learn to control
your anger so the creature

Doesn't come out.

First, deep breaths.

In...

And out.

In...

And out.

Feeling calmer?

Calmer?

No.

Ok.

Let's try poses!

Legs off the wall pose.

Intense spread legs stretch.

Beaver pose!

You wouldn't like me when I'm
horny.

Take it one step at a time.

Control your anger.

You can do it.

Hey, boss,
you get that thing I sent you?

What thing?

No!

No!

Control it!

The creature!

[Screaming]
the creature!

He's becoming the creature!

[Panting]
who are you?

Who am i?

I am the same as you.

I have the same hate as you.

I have the same love as you--
the love of deli meats and eggs

And strippers.

Show your face.

All I want is to get rid of
the creature.

So do i.

Step out of the shadows.

Mr. Sebben, you risk bringing
out the creature in me.

Now, please--
please leave me alone.

We both know what can happen!

The mask, now!

[Grunting]
ha ha ha ha!

Numby nutkins!

Your tyrannical rule over the
weensy is over!

I can't do it.

You have to.

Decork!

He's gonna blow!

Judy!

Sweet, tender flexible judy is
trapped by a rack--

A rack of carbs!

[Grunting]
judy?

Judy?!

Oh, god!

Have you seen judy?

She wears a yellow cowl and has
big wings.

No, wait--that's birdgirl.

The creature is attacking judy.

But, phil, he's saving her!

My god, you're right!

I can't believe it.

I was so wrong about that
creature.

Dead wrong.

Ha ha!

Foreshadowing...

About the dead part,
not the wrong part.

I only saw his grotesque visage,
not his noble, majestic heart.

Judy!

Daughter!

Um, daddy,
your panzer is parked on my

Foot.

Well, everybody, all's well.

And it turns out atom's waste
wasn't radioactive after all.

Oyage.

Ha ha ha ha.

[Laughter]
where is the little fellow

Anyway?

Come on, do something.

Maybe if I shake it.