03x10 - Mindless

[bunniefuu]

Oh, my god!

The thing...

On your neck.

Not that, that.

It's horrific!

Huh?

The mole.

It's back!

Avenger, get the mole!

Get the mole!

Not a mole.

More an abrasion.

Retractor.

Oh, that.

That's a cat scratch.

It sure is.

And I'd say she's a southpaw
kitty.

Harvey, for the first time,
I can say it, that

I actually admire--
stray cat.

I've been taking care of a
couple of them I found in the

Alley by my apartment.

Never mind.

Ah, you know what they say about
single guys with two cats.

No.

What?

Ahem.

Aagh!

Don't hurt me!

Oh, no, mister.

I won't hurt you...

Again.

This is the cat who scratched
you?

He's so tiny...

And purple.

[Snickering]
the bird cool?

Grr.

Peanut, benny.

Benny, peanut.

Peanut, don't!

Aw, shaking's ok.

Just don't touch the head.

So, what are you doing here?

It's my buddy top cat.

He was nabbed by the cops
outside your apartment.

That's not good.

Say, you wouldn't happen to know
what they say about a single guy

Who owns two cats, would you?

Yeah.

[Laughter]
what are the charges?

Just being a cat...

I guess.

That's outrageous!

And I'll tell you one thing:
I refuse to live in a community

Where possessing the ability to
incessantly groom one's

Nether-regions is grounds for
arrest.

I'll take the case!

[Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group]

♪ Ha
uh

Who
is the man in the suit? ♪

♪ Who
is the cat with the beak? ♪

♪ Do you really
want to feel him?

Harvey attorney
habeas corpus

Marvey attorney
harvey birdman

Attorney at law ♪
so, mr. Dum dum,

Please tell the court what
happened on the morning of the


Duh, well, it was a thursday.

Thursdays are garbage days at
our house.

This is my life.

This is what it's come to.

Off-the-charts i.q., Best
schools in the galaxy,

And I'm stuck here with
butterboob and nipsnicky.

Duh, and I know that because
thursday is the only day with

An "ur" in it.

"Don't go into law," says
mother.

"The future's in planetary
enslavement."

But do I listen to her?

You're quite certain it was a
thursday?

That's enough!

Bweeoo!

Cheeseburger, french fries,
chocolate shake.

Somebody's mind I's about
to take!

Eeenie, meenie, miney...

Mindswap!

You were saying?

Woof!

Uh-huh.

And?

Honestly, your honor, this is
juvenile--even for you.

I'm sorry, I can't hear you
over this.

[Raspberry]
no prosecuting dogs allowed in

Court, and that means recess,
y'all.

Stop!

You're smooshing my snood.

You, too, scat.

I want to lock up.

I'll bite you on the a*s.

[Sighs]
growl.

Oh, all right.

I'll switch you back.

Jeez.

Spoilsport.

Bweeoo--ok.

Say something.

Woof, woof, woof!

Uh-oh.

You?

Woof, woof, woof.

Mmm.

Not good.

Now, where did I put his mind?

Not there.

Not there.

Definitely not there.

Ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha.

Well, I guess you're coming with
me until we figure this out.

But no marking!

We'll have your friend out of
here in no time, benny.

$5.00 processing,
$5.00 city fee...

And $35 for...

Neutering?

Oh!

Where am i?

Who's he?

What's this bandage for?

Benny!

I can't feel my--
this can't be happening.

Not tonight.

I have a date!

[Panting]
oh, no.

Don't do that.

Think, think, think.

What do dogs like?

Uh...movies?

Woof!

What, a home movie?

[Whimpers]
oh, for cripes sake.

Ok, this is me as a child.

That's me right before the
planet exploded.

That's my dad.

My son...

On earth...

You will be different.

Uh...

Remember us fondly.

Momtok!

Why earth, big-el?

They're practically animals down
there.

Primitive, yes.

But not animals.

Whatever you do, mentok,
don't go into law!

Who's hungry?

Yeah, yeah.

That's great.

Got any pastrami?

You know, there's a deli
downtown that does great

Kreplach.

You like that potato salad,
don't you, t.c.?

Ok, pastrami, salad,
kreplach.

I'll just leave
the cat food out for...

Where's buttons?

Kicked him out.

What?!

Well, t.c. Was allergic to
him.

[Sniffing]
who's that?

Um...

My dog.

I love dogs!

Weird night.

Getting weirder.

[Kissing sounds]
oh, he's hungry.

No, he needs to go out--
again!

Hang on.

That's disgusting!

Yeah.

Thanks for your input, harpy.

Now, where were we?

Here.

Oh, he's thirsty.

Time for plan bweeoo!

Eeenie, meenie, miney,
mindswap!

Hmm!

Gotta go potty.

That's disgusting!

He's 4.

He's 4 years old.

You were 4 once.

[Buzzes]
hey, snoozy,

Who do I gotta groom to get
breakfast around here?

This is it.

Uh-huh.

Our moment.

The moment.

Say it.

I'm gonna bweeoop you silly.

Honey.

I had a bad dream.

I want to sleep with you.

Who doesn't?

Oh!

Mr. Feetsy pjs, come here.

Oh.

How adorable is this!

Oh!

Aw!

And mindswap!

Wow.

That clears the romance right
out of this room.

[Goat bleats]
and the goat.

Hey, everybody,
I'm going to work.

Perhaps you've heard of it.

It's what pays for things like
rent and food and craps...

[Toilet flushes]
...tables.

Ahem.

Aagh!

Um, how long you been there?

Long enough.

Listen...

The cops nabbed t.c.

Again?!

For what?

Just being a cat.

I thought we took care of
that.

And book-making.

Oh.

Excuse me.

Stapling.

Thank you.

Aw, my trusty mouthpiece.

What are we looking at?

Time off for good looks, huh?

They've got you for
book-making, for running an

ill*gal gambling establishment--
out of my home--

And for...

Pimping?

Oops.

That one's mine.

Hello.

Lady intrepid to place in the
fifth?

No, I'm sorry.

I think you have the wrong--
freeze, dirt bag!

Uh, I've gotta go.

What?

How much for a half and half
with starla?

Mine again.

All right.

Your judge had a frustrating,
frustrating night last night,

So I'd appreciate it if everyone
just played nicey-nice.

What have we got?

Harvey, you're wrapped up in
this?

No.

Your honor, there's a
reasonable--

I gotta say, orange is your
color.

It's a good thing, too.

Remand these miscreants to
county.

Let's give 'em some time to
think about what they've done.

Bweeoo!

Uh, quick question.

Anyone seen a mind just sitting
around, like on a table--

Or anywhere?

You know, two dates,
two nights.

People will start a-talking.

Are you comfortable?

Not with these clothes on.

They're tight and clothesy.

This is why I came to earth.

Take that, momtok!

Reverse swap!

Mommy, I want some juice!

I'm thirsty.

Oh, god, oh, god, oh, god.

Think, mentok, think.

Aagh!

Baby-sitter!

[Buzzer]
where the hell could he be?

Oh.

[Snapping]
your honor!

Are you here about my case?

No.

Well...

Yes.

Oh, I can't believe I'm reduced
to this.

Look, I'm taking care of this
adorable 4-year-old boy...

And if you could just watch him
for just a--

You'll rule on my case?

Yes!

God!

Whatever!

Ok.

Good!

Uh...

[Buzzer]
huh?

Here you go.

Don't wait up!

[Snaps]
hi, henry!

Gigi?!

Will the defendant please
rise?

Watch this.

I am a changed cat, your honor,
with love--

Pure, clean, honest love in my
heart and a desire to put myself

On the right track.

[Sobbing]
wow.

Um...

I may need a moment...

Just to collect my--
that's enough.

I sentence you to time served
plus probation.

Only problem is you need a place
to stay.

I can crash at his place.

So ordered.

But, your honor!

Oh!

There's something crawling
on my--

Oh, my god!

Of course!

That's where I put it!

[Snaps]
what's this?

Aagh!

Well, everybody...

I think all of us have learned
just a little bit more about

Ourselves.

This from the guy with...

Two, 3...


[Laughter]
cuatro gatos.

[Laughter]
what does that mean?!

[Laughter]

♪ Harvey birdman is over ♪