03x02 - Harvey's Civvy

[bunniefuu]

Now for the weapon
that will finish you off--

your own winged shadow.

Murro controls
the shadows with his ring.

l must stop him
and my shadow double.

Well, Avenger,
l think we won't be hearing...

from Murro the Marauder
for a long time.

Oh. Can't--can't get up.

My legs! l can't feel my legs!

l can't feel my d...

♪ Who is the man in the suit? ♪

♪ Who is the cat with the beak? ♪

♪ Do you really want to feel him? ♪

♪ Harvey attorney ♪

♪ Habeas corpus ♪

♪ Marvey attorney ♪

♪ Harvey Birdman,
Attorney at Law ♪

l can probably get it down
to 70 miles per hour...

but the monkey in the trunk
is going to be a little difficult.

All right,
ready for the next case.

Someone got a summons.

Congratulations, Harvey.

A summons? Really?
Where did l put my glasses?

- Here. Use mine.
- Thanks.

"Come now, Murro the Marauder,
and stand before this court...

"in your complaint against Birdman.

"...physical and emotional
suffering...

"sustained in 1967--"

A million dollars!

l'm being sued!

Right?

Yeah. l-l think
that's fair to say.

Quick. l need a lawyer!

- Wait--
- l need a good lawyer now!

Hey, anybody got
an extra set of trousers?

Damn intern ripped
my good chinos.

Save me!

Yeah, sure...but l'm going
to need your belt.

Who's that guy?

Fools!
l am Shado, the Brain Thief.

l am a new lawyer at
Freezoid, Zarog, & Skon...

hired for my persuasive
power over juries.

l shall demonstrate.

Must obey evil leprechaun.

Need l go on?

Can l get the rubber back?

Let us start.

Hi, y'all!

Savanna!

Who's ready
for some lap candy?

l will have the Cobb Salad.

Nonsense. We'll have
four Bloomin' Onions...

and the full slab of baby backs
for the table.

l am no longer eating pork!

l just telepathically communicated
that l am no longer eating pork.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So this one blasted this one...

a couple of centuries ago
and now he's looking to cash in.

What's it going to take
to make this go away?

A fortune for you!

My client has expressed
his desire...

to pursue this case in court!

Wouldn't happen
to have a volume knob...

on that thing, would you?

l don't even remember
blasting this guy.

lt was such a long time ago.

Maybe l did ruin his life.
You ever think about that?

- l mean--
- You are going to lose.

You are going to lose!

Curse you, Shado,
for entering my head.

Anyway, couldn't
there be hundreds of people...

l've injured through the years?

Nah.

- What?
- What?

Look out!

l found some documents that--
What the--

Are you going
to work on my case?

OK, OK.

Here. Request for discovery...

medical records,
materials, two weeks.

You happy? Now l got a pressing
engagement at the Lucky Spa.

What's going on?

Pride weekend?

Hippo, bird...

and who are you?

l am Shado...

The Brain Thief!

No, you don't.

No brain-thieving in my courtroom,
you understand?

This is mind-taking
country, pardner.

You got it? Good.
Purple team, you're up.

That thing...

That thing!

Ladies and gentlemen,
what you are here to answer...

the question that,
frankly, is never far...

from my own mind is...

Did...you...get...

that...thing...

Did you get that thing...

that...

l sent you?

Can l sit down now?
My bunions are k*lling me.

Ladies and gentlemen
of the jury...

because of a reckless use
of force by Mr. Birdman...

my client has been
unable to walk...

without the aid of crutches...

has been incapable...

of having an...

intimate relationship.

That was head-stealing.

lt was not.

lt was mere manipulation
of the lacrimal glands.

Noted, but l'm warning you.

Strike the weeping
from the record.

Sadly, Mr. Birdman
maimed countless others...

many of whom sit
among you today...

broken!

Whatever you decide
will directly affect...

their impending
class action suit...

against this so-called, uh, hero.

Class action suit?

And your opening statement
was whether or not...

they got that thing
you sent them?

Check out the ha-has
on Miss Steno Pad.

So Birdman and l get into
an argument...

about me stealing--
allegedly--some missiles.

Whatever.
And so his answer...

his way to deal with
the situation like an adult...

is to reduce my home to rubble
in, like, what? 2 seconds?

Look, l'm Professor Nightshade.
Professor Nightshade.

l don't care who you are...

you show a professor
a little respect.

You don't just blast him
in the nads five--

S--No, six times in the nads.

l got pains
that run down my arms...

And if it's humid...

my ankles get so stiff
l can't move 'em...

And l got tingles in my bosoms.

Thank you.

Tell us, Mr. Marauder...

what were you doing
when Mr. Birdman arrived?

Plotting to become
the ruler of the world...

or commissioner of
Major League Baseball.

Tell us what happened
when my client arrived.

l said, "Birdman,
how did you find my lair?"

Uh, no, wait, hold on.

"Birdman, how did you find
my nefarious hideout?"

"Nefarious" works better.

Uh-huh.

Did you do anything else?

"Murro then aimed
his fire cannon at Birdman...

"and fired-- in self-defense."

While you were trying
to take over the world?!

- Yes, that's right.
- So, you were just...

innocently sitting there,
minding your own business...

while plotting to take over
the world when--

- Mr. Potamus.
- Nothing further.

That blast Mr. Birdman
used on you...

what did it do...to you?

Let's see. Broken pelvis...

broken tibia,
broken kneecap--

Fractured a*s!

Fractured a*s, yes.

You were left a broken heap...

forced into years of
wrenching physical therapy.

lt's not you. lt's me.

What did l say?

How dare you defy me, Mentok...

The Mind-Toker.

Um, uh--Mentok...

the Milf Spunker--

Oh, l see.

Good trick.
But can you do this?

Stop! l'm exhausted.

What do you say
we get some drinks?

Look out!

Know what else l hate?

Yes, as a matter of fact, l do!

A joke. A good joke.

Do people always ask you...

Where they lost their keys?

All the time.
You know what l say?

Ask your wife
where your keys are!

And then there's the guys
that come up to you and ask--

Who's going to show
in the trifecta?

Not good.

Oh, mein gott,
she's bending over....

Anything else?

l think that about does it.

Mr. Potamus?

Mr. Potamus!

More witnesses, evidence,
anything like that?

Nah. We're done.

Call Shado to the stand.

l...call...Shado...

to the...stand.

Now what?

Ask him the question.

Eh, did you...

Go on.

Did you get that thing l sent you?

The thing you sent?

l'm sure l did! One moment.

l think it was on buff
or maybe goldenrod.

And how long did they have
to respond, Mr. Potamus?

- Two weeks.
- Oh, and let's see...

That was two weeks ago...

right...now!

Mistrial!

But nobody knew about
that request for discovery.

l hid it so well. How--

Did l know?
Back at the bar...

when you thought we were
getting all palsy-walsy...

l was actually flipping through
that sorry organizer you call a mind...

looking for dirt!

You know what we call that?

Mind-taking, baby!

Accept no substitutes!
You've tried the rest.

- Now try the best!
- So l didn't hurt this guy...

- or that guy or that guy...
- Once you've had black...

- or this gal...
- you never go back.

Oh, no.
No, you hurt 'em, Birdie.

You hurt 'em real bad.

But you won...

and that's all that matters!

l won. l won a case!

l can't feel my leg!

My third leg!