02x10 - Droopy Botox

[bunniefuu]

And so you merely
wanted to shrink--

Shrinking!--some wrinkles.
ls that correct?

Yes.

And your doctor suggested Botox
to solve the problem.

- Oh!
- Yes.

Tell us, what happened?

Well, l think he used too much.

Mr. Droopy...

before your procedure,
do you remember signing any papers?

Some insurance forms, maybe.

You signed one other form...

one that you seem to have
conveniently forgotten.

Your Honor, Exhibit 1 2C...

signed by the plaintiff,
waiving any and all rights...

to seek damages should
the procedure go awry.

We won?

We won!

Here! Cash! Lots of it!

Who wants my Lexus?

Thank you!

Oh, and here. A coupon book
of free cosmetic surgery.

''Liposuction, liposuction,
tummy tuck...

''free entree with the purchase of
an entree of equal or greater value.''

Way to go, Bird--l'm sorry.

Vice President Birdman.

Vice President Birdman?!

Who rollin' wit da Nut?

♪ Who is the man in the suit? ♪

♪ Who is the cat with the beak? ♪

♪ Do you really want to feel him? ♪

♪ Harvey attorney ♪

♪ Habeas corpus ♪

♪ Marvey attorney ♪

♪ Harvey Birdman,
Attorney at Law ♪

You should have seen it.

Birdman kicking that defenseless
little dog around the courtroom.

That cur, that mutt, that b*tch.

Actually, he's a boy dog,
so technically he's not a--

Heel!

Harvey, would you allow me
to prostrate myself before you?

He's a k*ller, this one--
a real stone-cold litigator.

Harvey!
l'm going to get someone...

to come and redecorate
your office.

We'd never dream of asking
our brand-new vice president...

to work in such a dump.

- Technically--
- Sit!

And, Birdman,
what say you help me...

hand out these
plastic surgery coupons?

Boob job. Boob job.
Boob job.

Nose job. And a*s job.

Rhinoplasty.
Rhinoplasty. Hippoplasty.

Hi. l'm here
to k*ll--see Birdman.

- And you are?
- Ah, X. X the--

The interior decorator. Finally.

Oh! l'm in his office.
And he's not even here.

Oh, l get to sit in his chair!

The furniture shipment's here.

OK. Yeah, yeah.
Send it on in.

- Holy--
- Do you like it?

Do you like it?

l don't know what to say.

ls that a Ming?

lsn't it great?
Try out the desk.

Ouch! Oh!

Guess who just got Lasik.

Yep. lt's amazing.
l've never seen better.

And it's all because
of you, Harv--Oops!

Vice President Harvey.

lt's payday.
l'll put it on your desk.

Phil, no--

Let's see here.
Over this...

Double back.

Toile! Hardly recognize
the place.

Sharp left and back.

Nice work.
Of course you kept to budget?

Pottery Barn.
Designer secret.

l won the case, got promoted,
got all these vases...

Vases?

You know, l should feel good,
but something's wrong.

Sigh.

Sigh.

Sigh.

Wait a minute.
V.P.s don't piddle with the piffle.

- You're an executive.
- ln your pants?

To the executive pissoir.

Actually, sir,
l am not allowed.

They gave my spot
to someone...

someone more deserving.

Fellas.

Señor, jefe, if you could,
just one small favor....

Sure.

Before you enter, could you
please expectorate on me?

Just once for the honor
of my family.

l'm sorry, did you say--

Expectorate. The--

- The spitting.
- What?

Do not make me beg further
for this privilege.

Birdman, what's wrong with you?
Don't you have any feelings?

You are too kind, Mr. Phil.

Now, Mr. Birdman--

- l can't.
- Hey, l can.

- Now kick him!
- Kick him! Kick him!

l really have to...

They're all the same,
the privileged.

All they can think of
is themselves!

Wow.

V.P.!

Backrub.

Am l supposed to... in this?

Nothing like gold on gold.

You know, Phil,
l've wanted this a long time.

- The money, the attention--
- Backrub.

Backrub?

But somehow
it doesn't feel right.

You know, it didn't feel right
to me at first, either.

- lt didn't?
- Nope.

But now l can't go wee
without a little rub.

No, l mean
it doesn't feel right...

us profiting off the misery
of that poor little dog.

Oh, that. Well, think of it
this way, Birdman...

what could you possibly do
to make his life any better?

Lower. Lower. Higher.

- That's it!
- Yes, it is.

Higher!

Look out!

Check your doorstep.

l'm sorry, what?

Check your doorstep.

Mr. Birdman?

Oh, boy.
Golden and delicious.

♪ Surprisies! ♪

By the way, you really
should get a lock...

put on the windows.
Anyone can get right in.

So? What think you, Birdman?

- What's that?
- lt's an island.

With a built-in microwave.

Look out!

Hey, Harvey,
look at my new butt!

l owe it all to you.

Glad you like it.

Can you believe how shallow
everyone is around here?

Peanut, you?

Well, the doctor said Meg Ryan,
and l just said, ''Go.''

Oh!

Knock, knock. Who's there?
Filthy lucre, that's who.

Put it over there.

And a calf implant...

just because
you deserve it, Harvey!

Deserve it.

Paying it forward.

Birdman, the doctor--the one
you got off--got another case.

Botched bazungas on a--
lt's a weird name.

Let's see:
Saffola, Polyunsatura--

Olive--Olive Oyl!

We're getting more coupons!

That does it!

l, Harvey Birdman...

What's that professional-
sounding word for quit?

What's this?

''Total: $1,000,000.00...

''[or the crest on
Birdman's helmet.]

''Bwah ha ha ha ha...

''ha ha ha, ha ha ha. X.''

OK. One million dol--

Oh.

Look out!

Come on. Come on.
Come on. Come on. Come on!

You--you civil servant son of a--

Hi. How you doing today?

No. No. No. No.

lt's here. lt's here! lt's here!

Crest. Lovely crest.

Where are you?

Oh, it's not here!
l will k*ll him! l'll--

Huh? Wait.
Nose, forehead, eyebrow...

Oh, no.

He doesn't like the way l look?

That's what it's been
this whole time?

And this is his way
of telling me?

Look out!

Maybe, sir, you've had enough.

Pour!

Honey, just put on the crest, huh?

l'll snatch it,
and we'll get on with our lives.

♪ Lonely ♪

♪ That was my name ♪

♪ l feel a hit this time... ♪

Noses on dowels!

♪ Hand me downs ♪

♪ Lonely ♪

Oh, l'm so happy.
l'm just so happy.

Do you think Harvey
will be happy?

''...quit.''

Sincerely, comma,
Harvey T, period, Birdman...

Ow!

Phil, l--

Surprise!

Do l know you people?

Yeah, we really owe you
this time, Birdman.

We just wanted to thank you
for what you've done for all of us.

Thank you, Mr. Birdman.

Don't you people have souls?
l've ruined his life!

But l'm so happy.

l have lots of money now.

And Nikki and Petra here,
they love my upbeat smile.

You see, Birdman?
You've made everyone so happy--

even this b*tch.

Uh--Aw, the heck with it.

Birdman, at last!

So, what do you think?

About...

My surgery, dammit.
Do you like it? No pressure.

Um...Sure.

And it's not too much?
The nose, the chin.

l told him no pleats,
and now looking at it...

l think that was
the right way to...

- Ew.
- Damn Miracle Bras.