01x07 - Unavailably Available

[bunniefuu]

Shouldn't you be at work?

What, you're making house calls now?

Yes. Get on the couch
so I can therapize you.

Hmm. Sounds sexy.

Hmm.

Oh, do you always kiss your therapist?

Only in my fantasies.

Would you like to hear about 'em now
or should we talk about my mother?

Oh, no, thank you.

I don't want to talk about her today.

No, because, um, today's a really big day.

Yeah, the TED Talk.
Yes.

And I'm very excited about that.

And also, honestly, a little bit anxious,

but mostly very excited.

Um, but there's something
bigger also, kind of.

Than the TED Talk?
Yeah.

Or seeing my face?

Uh, no, even bigger
than seeing your face.

Wow.

So, you know, this trip to Alabama,

I just, you know,
I really got to learn more about my dad

and just even really see everything

that we've been through as a family.

And, you know, mostly in the process
of writing this TED Talk.

What did you call it?

"How to Fix Your Picker."

Genius.

Thank you.

So I've just gotten really in touch

with how amazing you are

and how great this relationship is.

And also, you know, just finally
getting to the place in my life

where I feel like
I'm able to pick the right kind of person.

I feel like now is the time to maybe--

Wait. Are you proposing to me?

In a way.

Um, I think that we should be
Instagram official.

Ahh!

Oh! Whoo!

- Yeah.
- This is really big in your world.

I mean, thousands of people are gonna know

that I'm Lake Harriet
Therapist's boyfriend.

- Are you saying--
- Yes.

- Yes?
- Yes.

- Yes?
- Yes!

- Can you like look at me again?
- I got something on my teeth?

No.

What the hell was that?

I-I don't do this.

Twelve hundred miles in fifteen hours.

Brother, you still got it.

I ain't gonna lie, man.

It felt good being out there
on the open road.

I saw you washed the car, too.

Man, you know
I like to keep things nice.

Oh, no. Come on. Put that sh*t away, Fox.

Job well done.

This was a favor more than a job, man.

- Whatever you wanna call it.
- Just to be clear, bro.

You got that car
from point A to point B,

and that's what I needed.

Here.

My daughter's roof,
having problems with it.

This is gonna help me fix it.

Oh, no, here comes
the poker hustler right now.

Hide your nickels, people.

Hi, Uncle Fox. Hey, Grandpa.

What up, son? You headed to school?

Yeah.

I was wondering if you could
take me to the card store after?

Only if you let me tag along.

Sure.

The boy’s been driving Miss Daisy,

'cause Daisy doesn’t have
a driver's license.

Is that right?
Yeah.

You know,
your granddad's a great driver.

I've told him that.

Believe me, he told me that.

So I'll see you after school?

I will be there or be square.

Sick.

This was a one-time thing, Fox.

Hey, man.

It ain't lying if you don't know.

Feel me?

Yeah, yeah. Alright.

Hey.

Welcome back.

Oh.

How was Cousin Bumpy?
How was your flight?

He was fine. Hey.

That was a great trip.

It was. For Finn, too.

You know, he asked me to buy
some black-eyed peas.

Hey, girl.
Yes.

That's a good kid right there.

Hey, you-you're home early.

Uh, folk not feeling
their feelings today?

They are.

But tonight's my TED Talk,
so I took most of the day off

'cause I need to finish
memorizing my speech and--

Would you like to help me
pick out something to wear?

'Cause you're so good
at making people wanna look at you.

I didn't get to wear
my own clothes for 17 years.

You best believe Imma look fresh.

I wanna look fresh.

Imma help you look fresh.

Okay, good.

Let's go.

I know it's a lot, but I'm gonna return
whatever I don't wear.

Isn’t a TED Talk
where you stand there

and you teach people about stuff
you just barely learned yourself?

And then you say too much
about your personal business?

Yes, that's exactly
what the Wikipedia page says.

Okay, I think a dress.

Why?
A dress is vulnerable.

You want people to listen to you,
you gotta be open, right?

Okay. That might be right,
but it's not very feminist.

You saying pants are the only feminist?

Just 'cause a woman wears it
doesn't mean it has less value, Paige.

There ain't nothin' wrong
with looking pretty, you know that.

You're right about
the weirdest things sometimes.

You know what else?

I think you should wear
like a bright color.

Like this?

Yep.

Why?

So they can see me
on their teeny, tiny screens?

Exactly. People can hear you better
when they're looking at you.

I like the blue.
Yellow.

No! Why?

Because yellow
is the happiest color there is, girl.

I'll think about it.

- Alright.

Um, do you wanna help me
memorize my speech?

I'd love that.

But you know what?

I told Nadine I would have
lunch with her, but Imma cancel.

No, no, no. Don't do that.
Don't cancel lunch with Nadine.

You go and have fun
and tell her I said hi.

Really?

Yeah.

That's really sweet of you, Paige.

She'll appreciate that.

She better.

Wait, slow down. Slow--
Hold up, hold up.

Slow down. Slow down. Slow down.
No.

No, I only have an hour.

I told my office
I was going to the dentist.

But I ran out of teeth
for a fake root canal, so--

Okay, wait. Wait. Wait.

This is just
a, quote unquote "cleaning."

Nadine, no, I mean it. Now--

What's going on?

I need to talk to somebody.

Is-is everything okay?

You know what I mean by that?
I know. I know, yeah.

I don't wanna compromise you.
I don't wanna compromise myself.

So I'm not gonna say too much.

Yeah, I-I understand.

All I wanted was to help
Paige fix the roof.

Baby.

All I wanted was to contribute

to the family.

And now I can.

And I'm feeling some kinda way
about this, Nadine.

I just. I-I--
I'm feeling a way about this.

I ain't never felt like this before.

Oh, Edwin.

You know, baby,
sometimes until you make the wrong choice

you don't know what the right choice is.

Just don't beat yourself up.

The thing is now I can do
a whole lot of good.

For Paige, for Finn.

Maybe I can even start thinking
about that food truck business

I've been thinking about, you know.

Yeah, yeah. No, no. Yeah.

Look, you--

You haven't given yourself enough credit.

I've never had one second of doubt
that you could turn it around.

You can.

I did.

Yeah, but you were
never really in the life, Nadine.

You just liked you some in the life d*ck.

That's--

- Oh, no. No, I've grown.
- Oh, yeah.

Uh-huh.

I only like formerly
in the life d*ck now.

You know--
Mm.

Paige has a big TED Talk tonight.

You're kidding.
Well, what's it about?

I don't know. It's--

Picking your f*ck or some sh*t.
I don't know.

- No.
- Well, as long as it's not about me.

But you know what?

She let me help her.

Hmm.
- Nadine.

I mean, she-she--

She let me in.

You know, that means the world to me.

Hmm.

She even told me to tell you hello.

- She did not.
- Yes, she did.

- Really?
- Really.

- Wow.
- I'm telling you, babe.

It's comin' around.

Guess I underestimated your magic.

How you gonna do me like that, woman?

Actually--

Put that tongue
back in your mouth, girl.

Oh, no.

I was wondering...

Uh-huh.

- ...how...
- Uh-huh.

- ...you...
- Uh-huh.

- ...could do...
- Uh-huh.

- ...me.
- Uh-huh.

Mm-hmm.

Welcome to-- Welcome-- Welcome to--

Thank you. Thank you so much.

Welcome to my TED Talk.

Hey-hey-hey.

Oh, thank you. Thank you.
No, please sit down.

I'm back.
- Oh!

God. Hi.

Ready to help.

Great. How was lunch?

Uh--
No. You know what? Never mind.

I don't, I don't want details.

So, look, I've been doing some research
into how to memorize a speech.

You did not.
Yeah, I did.

What?

So, look, there's this thing
called chunking.

Chunking?
Yeah.

It's where you break down
the speech into the big ideas.

So tell me your big ideas.

Really?

Go ahead. Absolutely.

Okay.

Wow. Okay.

This is so helpful.

Okay, so the first big idea
is that I used to pick men

mostly who were unavailable, like Bill,

because my picker was broken.

But now, finally,
I'm picking a guy who isn't.

Mal.
Yes! Yes.

Um, okay, so listen to this.

It's a whole new experience
because for the first time,

I don't feel anxious or preoccupied.

And I didn't know that that was possible.

What?

Uh-- Is that not working or--

Okay, Paige, let me ask you this.

Would you say
that you're in love with Mal?

We just went Instagram official.

He checks all my boxes.

Yes, we're in love.

Why would you even ask me that?

Are you in love?

Because, let me ask you this.

This Bill fella,

did you think you were in love with him?

Okay. I don't really like
where this is going.

So I think I'm just gonna
work on this upstairs.

No, wait, wait. No, no.

Hold it. Not so fast.
Baby girl, not so fast.

You just--

Baby, what I'm wondering is

if you thought you were
in love with that guy Bill,

then maybe the reason
that you don't feel anxious about Mal

is because you're not
actually in love... with Mal.

And your picker is just the same
as it always was.

Stop panicking.

You are not trying to hear a single word

this man has to say about your love life.

Please!

First of all, he's a career criminal.

He doesn't even know
what Instagram official is.

And if you don't know
what's right for you,

just go see it for yourself.

What? No.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm not listening to any of this.

Paige. Okay.

All I'm saying is,
if you're not in love with Mal,

maybe all you're doing
is rearranging the boxes, Paige.

Yeah.
- Hey. You ready?

Yep.

Come on, let's go, quick.

Your mama's mad at me.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I was thinking we should get you
a birthday present.

I owe you about 16, I figure.

My birthday isn't for months.

March 10th. I know when it is.

Wow.

My own dad doesn't even know
my birthday probably.

Something I could get you?

Well, I mean,
there's this one Magic card

I sort of want for my deck.

Okay, then let's go get it.

Plus, it'd be nice for your mom
to have me out of her way, you know.

Yeah, me too, actually.

No, no. She likes you.

Okay.

- Hi.
- Hi. I'm so sorry.

I-I don't think that Edwin is home.

Oh, no. I'm... here to see you.

Okay.

This place is really cute, Paige.

You've done so well for yourself.

Why are you here?

Well, your dad said
you were doing a TED Talk.

I am.

Congratulations.
- Thank you.

And it reminded me of that time,

I-I think you were in seventh grade,

and you had to give a speech.

Oh.

- It was Earth Day.
- Yeah.

That was a poem.

Uh, I did a poem
on the Great Pacific Garbage Patch.

And your dad had me get you
a locket for good luck.

And--

Wow.

I loved that thing.

You just kept it all these years?

He tried his best, Paige.

And I, I know I fell short.

I see now that maybe it wasn't enough.

It definitely wasn't enough.

You're supposed to lie
to make me feel better.

Well, I'm sorry,
but being a therapist

kinda f*ck with
your people-pleasing skills.

Why do you think you took me in?

I think--

I didn't do it for you.

I think I just really loved your dad.

I don't get it.

He's awful.

I mean, he's great.

He's charming and handsome,

but as a boyfriend,
he's a total sh*t show, right?

Sometimes until you make
the wrong choice,

you don't really know
what the right choice is.

Especially when it comes to men.

Uh--

Are you saying that now
you've figured out

what the right choice is?

Oh, f*ck, no. Oh.

No? Not him.

No. It-it means I make
all the mistakes I need to make

for as long as I need to make them.

Is that why you're f*cking my dad?

That is exactly why.

That was really interesting.

What's so interesting?

The fact that we just
had sex in your office?

Well, I didn't wanna meet at my house,

but I had a feeling
that we really needed to meet.

And now I know why.

I thought I was in love with you.

You're not?

No. Isn't that amazing?

But I told Jean about you.

Yes. Yes. And I think that's great.

I think that's
a really important step forward

in your divorce process.

And I think that this is
a really important step for me.

In my divorce process?

Yes, exactly.

Bill, this is really good news.

This means that we really helped
each other learn something.

Um, what did we learn?

I learned that I don't wanna
be in a relationship

with somebody who's unavailable.

And you learned--

Um, actually I'm not sure
what you learned.

I think I learned that I wanna be
in a real relationship, Paige.

With you.

Yeah, I know, I know,
but you actually don't.

Oh, really? How do you know that?

Well, because
now I don't really want to be

in a relationship with you,

which makes me unavailably available.

And so now you want
to be in a relationship with me?

Okay, one of the sneakiest ways

that unavailable people
keep themselves unavailable

is by only being available to other people
who are unavailable.

Does that make sense?

Should I lie down?

Oh, no, I-I have to go.

I'm-I'm sorry. I just--

I have this whole work thing,
and I have to get ready and--

So, if you don't mind,
I think it would be good if you leave

only because it's 5:30
and I have to be ready at 7:00.

So, um,

we're out of time.

What game are these people are playing?

Magic: The Gathering.

Normally I play online,

but, you know, people.

Huh.

You’re not a fan of people, right?

Not people in person.

Yeah.

Hey., Finn?
Mm-hmm.

You know, I've been thinking,

thinking about your daddy.

- Whoa.
- No, wait.

I--

I've been meaning
to ask you this for a while

and then you brought it up and--

How do you feel
about your dad being gone?

Can't miss
what I've never had, right?

Mm-hmm.

Now people say that
but it's not true, son.

- It's not?
- No, son.

People miss what they love, Finn.

Period.

Whether they know it or not.

Your daddy's missing out
on something very, very special.

You.

Thanks. I guess.

Uh, so, which one
of these cards can I buy you?

Are you sure?

Come on. Let your grandpa
get you a card, man.

Which one of these cards would

really make your deck like baller?

Okay, well, um,
maybe Collected Company.

Pretty much you can put down

six mana worth of creatures
for only four mana.

I have no idea
what you are talking about, son,

but I'll tell you what.

I will get you that card on one condition.

Mm-hmm.

I get to see it in action.

Like... over there?

- Over there--
- With actual people?

With the actual people, man.

How you doin'? Look, here.

Alright, don't turn around,
there's a dude--

Don't turn around. In the black--

- You see him in the black beanie?
- Yeah. No, I saw him.

Okay. He looks like
he needs an a*s whooping.

Absolutely not.

Hey, I will get you that card
if you go over there and whoop his a*s.

How you gonna play it, Finn?

Shh. Grandpa, I need to focus.

How about the one
with the spooky earrings?

No, no, no.

Maybe the one with the,
the one with the double heads.

- God, Grandpa!
- Okay.

Dude, don't make me get out the timer.

Ah! That's right, that's right.

Abracadabra, m*therf*cker.

What the--

Actually, Grandpa,

we lost.

Juju Bubble is the worst card
you could’ve played right there.

What now?

Finn, why’d you play the Juju Boob, man?

We were gonna lose anyway,

so I thought it'd be cool to play a card
I've never played before.

Sometimes I just wanna see
what would happen.

You are an interesting cat.

Uh, you know what?

Can you drive?
I don't think I'm up for it.

Yes.

Before your TED talk,

I just wanted to remind you
that you are a queen,

and I'm so proud of you.

And I just got 200 new followers,
so thanks for that.

Go out there and k*ll it.

Looking for this?

Thanks.

Your dad was 1,000% correct.

You want to be the girl
who's in love with a super good guy.

But that's not you.

Not today.

Womp, womp.

And now you gotta go do a TED Talk?

b*tch, sorry.
Your picker’s not the least bit fixed.

You know, you should watch your mouth.

Man, that game--

That game is something else.

And I’m starting to pick up on it now.

So kitchen table, that's no rules.

- Right?
- Yeah, kind of.

But that's more for, like, noobs.

Is that like a type of card?

No, it's a type of person.

So it's like 99 problems
but a Juju Boob ain’t one?

Huh?

Oh, sh*t.

What?

We getting pulled over.

- What?

Okay.

Everything's gonna be okay, Finn.
Everything's gonna be fine now.

What is happening?

Okay, just follow my lead and stay calm.

Now put your hands on the dash
and keep them there.

Go ahead.

That's right. Just stay right like that.

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

f*ck.

Yeah, it's okay.

Oh, my God.

Nothing's gonna happen.
We good. Alright?

Woo-hoo!