01x01 - Welcome to Spiderwick

[bunniefuu]

Welcome to Spiderwick.

I know this house is
weird and moldy,

but it's full of secrets
and surprises.

Prepare for The Spiderwick Chronicles.

This town is full of stories.
Some are darker than others.

I think our great-great-grandpa
Arthur Spiderwick

discovered that
magical creatures are real.

My father catalogued
each and every creature

of the invisible world.

- There's this ogre, Mulgarath.

He wants Great-Grandpa
Spiderwick's Field Guide

- so he can k*ll everyone.

You want something more.

I'm an ogre.
I want everything more.

-Find the pages.

Put Spiderwick's Field Guide
back together.

You have to save everyone.

Believe.


Dear viewer...

Like all fairy tales,
it begins, "Once upon a time..."

Our time...

- is now.

Where's my daughter?

Where's my daughter?!

I did what you wanted.

The Grace family is coming.

Living at
the old Spiderwick Estate.

So please...

give me my daughter back.

Daddy!

Oh, Calliope.

Oh, Calliope.

- I'm so...
- I'm all right.

I just want to go home.

Oh, God.

Y-You're shorter.

An inch.

Less, but shorter.

The scar from when you took
the Shrinky Dink

out of the toaster oven
too quickly, it's...

...it's on the wrong cheek.

It was on the left.
Not the right.

Stop scaring me.

Which Shrinky Dink was it?

- I don't remember.
- Try, princess!

SpongeBob.

It was SpongeBob, right?

My Calliope would never
let me call her "princess."

She'd think
it was too diminutive.

Who are you?

Wrong question.

The troll is eating...

...as you planned.

My dread Lord Mulgarath.

Shh...

When attired in this frock,

I believe it would benefit
our righteous cause

to refer to this flesh as...

Daddy.

- Daddy.
- Yeah.

We have much to do.

The Grace family is coming.

Arthur Spiderwick's Field Guide
will soon be ours.

Okay, buddy.

Who's hungry?

Doesn't this gross you out?

Feeding a windshield buffet
to your mice.

Lemondrop and Jeffrey
are starving.

Kids, can I get
some help, please?

Yeah. Coming.

We've got to smoosh
this luggage in.

Careful.
Don't squish that bag.

Okay. All right.

Okay, I want to get there
before the moving truck.

- Where's your brother?
- We were just in the mini-mart.

You think Jared's getting
into trouble, like always?

Give him a break, you guys.

We're all here
to support your brother.

And we're moving to Michigan
to help him get

the psychiatric help he needs,
so... just be kind.

-Hurry up.

We've been waiting.

- Where were you?
- I was being

inconsiderate, and in doing so,
I diminish my own dignity.

But I was using the gas station
Wi-Fi to download a podcast

so Mallory and I
won't fight over music.

- Hey! Hey, you.

I saw that.

Saw what?
What happened?

I saw him steal a pack of gum.

W-What?

What? No, I didn't.

Okay, wait, wait.
Look, he's not lying.

All right? I promise.

You know Jared hates gum.

It's true.

No breath freshener
of any kind, tragically.

He wouldn't take it. Swear.

Look.

See? He doesn't have it.

Okay.

Sorry.

Come on, bring it in,
bring it in.

We're not gonna let that
ruin our move.

This is gonna be great.

Grace family rule number one?

Don't be d-bags.

Let's do this!

♪ Boogie jive and rap is life
where I'm from ♪

♪ Where I'm from, Ahmed play
with Izzy where I'm from ♪

♪ Where I'm from, it be like
run your coat black ♪

♪ Jupiter, keeps
her fat beats by the pack ♪

♪ Where I'm from,
nappy hair is life ♪

♪ We be reading Marx
where I'm from ♪

♪ The kids be rockin' Clarks
where I'm from ♪

♪ You turn around your cap,
you talk over a beat ♪

♪ And dig some sounds boomin'
out a Jeep, where I'm from... ♪

♪ Where I'm from, the beats
is infinite where I'm from ♪

♪ Voodoo, ashubani... ♪

Please stop
with the dumb twin language.

I'm trying to concentrate.

♪ On vibes, we freak
them universal beats ♪

♪ You find it a the spot you hit
at ends of every week ♪

♪ We twist, exists,
to spin the maddest hits... ♪

It's big.

It's a Victorian.

It's a piece of crap.

Yep. It's a big piece
of Victorian crap.

But it's ours.

It's been in our family
for generations.

It has very "haunted plantation

with tortured ghost ancestors"
vibes.

No. The North had redlining,
not plantations.

This isn't North, Mallory.
This is Michigan.

Restaurants here serve
potato salad

with raisins
and militia memberships.

-Okay.

Welcome to Spiderwick.

The outside is inside.

Your great-grandpa Arthur
planted this tree.

It's called a manchineel tree.

They call the fruit
death apples.

Indigenous people used them
to ward off evil spirits.

They're poison, so if you see
an apple growing, toss it.

There's two kitchens.

This mini-oven works
because why?

Cooking mini-c*ck
wieners, duh.

Arthur was an eccentric,

and an artist,
and an armchair herpetologist...

- Ew.
- That means he studied reptiles.

- And an entomologist.
- That means he studied insects.

I don't need you
to translate for me, Simon.

I'm not stupid.

- Debatable.
-Huh.

Well, at least
I didn't ask Athena Nguyen

how to pluck my unibrow hair.

You went through my DMs?
I am so gonna end you!

You're gonna have
to catch me first.

Oh, yeah,
you better pray I don't.

I know this house
is weird and moldy,

but I adored playing here
when I was a kid.

It's full of secrets
and surprises.

And the woods, Simon,

you can't imagine
the animals, the plants.

Stop selling sunshine.

This is a house with walls
and doors and mushrooms.

I know this is hard.

Divorce and your dad
staying in Brooklyn.

But since your
Great-Aunt Lucinda is...

Nuttier than
a squirrel on molly?

...in a hospital,
we can live here.

Once we clean this up,
this'll be great.

And this is a good time
for a new beginning.

Summer break. Time to get
settled before school.

And I know we can all use
a fresh start.

-That's the moving truck.

All right.
Come on, let's go.

♪ If I was invisible ♪

♪ No one would judge me
for wanting to be by myself ♪

♪ But I'm already
invisible enough ♪

♪ Without anybody else's help ♪

♪ If I could go back in time ♪

♪ And just change
that one thing ♪

♪ Maybe now I'd be different ♪

♪ But part of me
would always be missing ♪

♪ What if magic was real? ♪

♪ What if magic revealed ♪

♪ Something nobody would ever ♪

♪ Wish upon themselves
or anybody else ♪

♪ Maybe reality is better. ♪

Must've been Lucinda's room.

She was literally
scratching at the walls.

Those are too deep
to be made by a someone.

It was probably a something.

Some paint, an exorcism,

this could be
a good room for us, man.

In Brooklyn, we shared a room
because we had to.

And it wasn't even a room.

It was a converted pantry

that smelled like
bouillon cubes and compromise.

You know, now,

we can finally have
our own rooms.

Is this about the gum thing?

- No. It's not about the gum.
- What? So you need privacy

for some single player gaming?

- Jared. Gross. No.

Hey, you hate
Lemondrop and Jeffrey.

You always complain
how they keep you awake.

Now they don't have to.

Okay, but we haven't spent
a night apart

since Mark Novom's sleepover
party that I wasn't invited to,

and Dad took you home because
you couldn't fall asleep

without me.

Okay. You're right.

I would probably
creep into your bed at night

when I get scared.

And thanks to you,

it's not like Dad could come
help us anymore, anyway.

Mm. Nice portrait.

Those Spiderwick genes
are strong.

The both of you.

Some DNA is all
we have in common.

And we can wear the same pants.

Simon is nice and funny,

he knows what
a herpetologist is.

Everyone loves Simon.

Everyone hates me.

It's my fault
we had to move here.

You've been going through
a hard time for a while now,

and we both know
it's not getting better.

I don't know why I do
the stupid things I do.

I just do.

Okay, I said I was sorry
about the thing at school.

I found a psychiatrist
in Henson.

Dr. Brauer.

He's been analyzing
your Aunt Lucinda's case.

Institutionalized Aunt Lucinda?

Lucinda is
my favorite person ever.

I've told you
all her stories about ogres

and wood elves and her
invisible little boggart friend,

Thimbletack.

But then she believed
her stories were true.

She thought
Thimbletack was real?

Dr. Brauer is a thoughtful

and highly respected
psychiatrist.

He'll help us figure out
what's going on

inside that incredible head
of yours.

See?

So it is my fault we're here.

Having mental health issues
isn't a fault.

It's just how you were made.

Yeah, but...

I wish you made me
more like Simon.

Come here.

All right.
Come on, dinner's ready.

Come on.

Simon?

Did you hear that?

Mom?

Mallory, is that you?

Blood?

"A. Spiderwick."

Arthur Spiderwick?

Welcome to our "people" house.

So gross. Pets.

CFC air conditioning left on.

Triple-wall cardboard boxes
with bubble wrap

and packing tape used to ship

two double-A batteries
and a USB cord.

The world would be
a better place without humans.

That's why
I'm going to consume them.

And I am starving.

Hi. It's Stacy.

Varnow. From next door.

Dinner's here.

I saw you pull up.

My cat Goneril hasn't come home

and you left
your bedroom window open.

Uh, uh, yeah. Hi, Stacy.

-Can I come in?
-Yes.

No.

Yes.

No. It's too soon for our plan.

You know you want a taste of
her warm blood on your tongue.

I think I just heard her.

Goneril? Is that you?
It's Mommy.

No.

Now's not a good time.

We'll keep an eye out.

Thanks, Stacy.

Okay. Thanks for checking.

Goneril?

Hey, I'm hungry, too.

You promised me death.

A whole town.

Everyone?

I found the egg.

With that,
I'll be able to devour

every last soul in Henson

and you will get the death
that sustains you,

my loyal fetch.

But if you require a snack...

♪ Rescue me ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ Rescue me ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ Rescue me ♪

Where could they be?

-Check the cabinet.
-Check under there.

-Are you kidding me?
- ♪ Rescue me. ♪

No, no, look under the sink.

Why would they be in the sink?

- Why are we freaking out?

Lemondrop and Jeffrey
are missing!

I heard something in the house.

A possum I think.
Maybe it ate them.

Maybe it was
Lemondrop and Jeffrey.

No, no, it was bigger. Way.

Probably the thing that made
those scratch marks.

I stabbed it with Mal's sword.

You touched my gear?!

-What?

- I was trying to help.
- Why didn't you wake me up?

- You wouldn't.
- You broke my sword!

- It was an accident.
-Accident on purpose.

You know I have a fencing tryout
with the maestro today, okay?

That's important.
She's trained elite champions.

Okay, okay. Just--

I was being inconsiderate,
and in doing so,

- I diminish my own dignity.
- Shut up, Jared! Shut up.

I bet there wasn't a critter.
Look, there isn't any blood.

Why would I make that up?

Remember when you hid
Dad's car keys

and we couldn't find them

for a week and he got
three parking tickets

all because he wouldn't
take you to McDonald's?

We all know you hate
Lemondrop and Jeffrey.

And why couldn't you let Simon
have his own dumb room?

What's the big idea?

-Mallory...
- Whoa.

- Mom.
- Oh.

I'm not hungry anyway.

Wait, Mallory, just--

Look, we can go into town

and get some humane mousetraps
for Lemondrop and Jeffrey.

I'll help you find them.

Promise.

Just make sure you're back
before noon, okay?

You have your first session
with Dr. Brauer this afternoon.

Right.

Well, the hardware store guy
said that these

catch-and-release traps
are the best, so...

Come on, dude.

You don't really think
that I let

Lemondrop and Jeffrey out,
do you?

- Nope.
- Simon.

Excuse me.

Dude, did you just see the way
that guy was staring at us?

Yeah, we have that, uh,
new car smell.

Uh-huh. Yeah, new and un-white.

Okay. Stop thinking
the worst of everyone.

This place is nice, okay?

They got a firefly catching
contest tonight.

It's based on an old tradition
when people believed

fireflies were fairies,
and if you catch one,

it'll grant you a wish.

This town loves
its old folklore.

Look.

Someone even built secret
fairy doors all over Henson.

Hey...

W-What's that circle thing?

It's... nothing I know.

I found that same symbol

on something
Arthur Spiderwick drew.

Yeah, it was an ogre.

And it was kind of like
those animal books you love.

There was this-this weird
writing on it.

- But it wasn't English.

There's over 7,000 languages.

You barely know
one and three-quarters.

Did you know
that insane Aunt Lucinda

actually believed that these
magical creatures were real?

Okay, listen,
you don't have to say "insane"

every time you say
"Aunt Lucinda."

Look, I know you think
this place is all innocent,

but there's something weird
about this fairy stuff, okay?

The tiny rooms, Spiderwick.

Simon. Something about
this place feels dangerous.

Mallory?

Boys?

Anybody want to help?

Right.
They're all gone.

Little Miss,

this is a terrifically
important lesson.

Manchineel tea is useful
for fighting ogres.

Mom said the apple is poison.

Not if you prepare it correctly.

A full cup makes you
turn invisible.

Just a few drops.

Stir with your forefinger.

And then with your thumb tucked

and pinky all the way out...

Drink.

Are you crazy, Lucinda?

You could've k*lled her.


I'm only trying to protect her.

Hi. Hi, I'm Tanner.

I just wanted to welcome you
to the neighborhood.

That's so nice.

Um, I'm Helen.

I made you
a whitefish casserole.

It's a Midwestern delicacy.

I'm sure my kids will love it.

- Oh, they won't.

It's really a magnificent home.

Spiderwick.

It's a bit of a disaster.

Oh, the upkeep is overwhelming.

I'm a Realtor
and I'll pay way over market,

and I can get you into
an affordable condo downtown.

You'd appreciate
the ethnic vibe.

That is kind, very,

but we're going to give this
a go here.

- Sorry.
- Don't apologize.

This is your family home.

Now that you're here,

spacing on that banister
is over an inch.

I'm a librarian, so compliance

is in my top three
Pinterest searches.

HOA standards. Grass height.
Fence maintenance.

You get the drill.

Helping maintain a nice,
clean neighborhood.

Welcome to Henson.

Halt.

Dismissed.

Has Mallory Grace arrived?

She's coming over.

Is she staring, Bree?

She is staring, Maestro.

I wouldn't let
not being able to see

stop me from getting
what I want.

Would you?

Mallory Grace?

No. No, Maestro.

Good.

Thank you.

Show me.

Yeah.

Not with a blade.

With your mind.

Mental fencing.

It's how I focus and how I train
without sight.

Visualize the bout.

- If I go high sixth?
- I-I'd parry.

- I drop to midline.
- Hard riposte.

- Feint. Touch. Point.
- I keep my distance.

- Nullify the trap.
- Feint.

- Parry.
- Counter.

- Riposte.
- Passata Sotto. Touch. Point.

I cannot teach you,
Mallory Grace.

Why? Because I won?

One score does not win a match.

Maestro, I've been training
since I was six.

Waking up at 3:00 a.m.
for endurance runs.

My lunge speed is 2.873
meters per second. 2.873!

I mean, I've...
I've done everything right.

I-I have plans.
Scholarship to Notre Dame.

Make the Olympic team,
move to Paris,

and open my own gym
in the Marais.

Solve et Coagula.

It's alchemy.

It means
"dissolve and coagulate."

Something must be broken down

before it can be built up again.

You're too fixed.

All your plans are set in stone.

I can't unteach you
from yourself.

Your toughest opponent,
Mallory Grace,

will always be Mallory Grace.

Mom, how is this guy
any different than Dr. Fox,

Dr. Woodworth, Dr. Kao,

or even that
behavioral therapist dude?

Dr. Brauer works
in a group setting

with other kids like you.

No parents allowed,
so you won't self-edit.

I'm gonna go visit Aunt Lucinda.

All right?
You'll text me right after?

Hey.

You got this.

Okay.

Nice suit. Archive hues.

Rolling
the Michigan colorway, son.

I'm Emiko. That's Hatcher.

Welcome to the group.

We're like a messed-up,
heavily medicated Avengers.

I'm Jared.

So, what's Dr. Brauer like?

Like store-brand vanilla yogurt.

This whole town lags.

Kids think denim jackets
and Crocs are on trend.

I like Crocs.

Duh. Me, too.
But, like, ironically.

Salehe Bembury
collabs with Crocs.

Kid's a hype beast.

Well, I just bid on the RealReal

for a Gucci
monogramouflage jacket.

Those are like six grand.

I hacked .0002 cents

from every bank account
at Michigan Savings & Loan,

equal housing lender FDIC,

and stashed the loot
into a secret Swiss account,

only I forgot the password.

So... Emiko is obvs
a pathological liar.

I have body dysmorphia
and generalized anxiety.

So, what's your
differential diagnosis?

Um, I'm not really
diagnosed yet.

Well, you must've done something

to end up
in dysfunctional daycare.

Well...

They say I have
oppositional defiance disorder,

but I don't know.

You really are a Spiderwick.

What's that supposed to mean?

H-How'd you know
I moved into Spiderwick?

Everyone knows that house.

Arthur Spiderwick
decapitated his brother

and blamed it on an ogre

that lives under
the Claire River Bridge.

No, i-it wasn't an ogre.

Spiderwick said a troll
m*rder*d his brother.

Same dif.

Ogres and trolls
are different races.

Put it in your TED Talk,
Mr. Tolkien.

Did you know
the Firefly Festival

started after
Spiderwick axed his bro?

People believed his stories
about ogres and fairies.

Turns out crazy is infectious,

but it also runs in families.

I mean, you seem kosher, Jared,

but then again,
so do most serial K*llers.

Know what?

Your track suit's tragic.

Screw this.

You like my suit, right, Hatch?

Lucinda.

It's Helen.

Little Miss?

It's not you.

She's barely said a word
since she was admitted.

That was decades ago.

I'll leave you two alone.

Nice room.

Good light. Comfortable.

Although, these nurses

have no idea what to do
with your hair.

Mom sends her love.

I'm sorry it's been so long.

I've missed you.

I always felt like
you were the only one

who really listened to me.

I, uh, I have three kids now.

Can't wait for you to meet them.

Mallory is 16,
and she's a fighter.

And the twins,

Simon, he's just the purest.

And Jared, Jared is
fearless, mischievous

and impossible.

I do what I can to help him.

Therapy, research.

And, unfortunately, divorce.

Richard said he didn't want
to do it anymore.

Said he didn't feel like
he was a good dad.

Especially with Jared.

He said that I made him
feel small.

And he was done, so he quit.

So I'm hitting reset.

I don't know, maybe I'll even
go on a date, again.

Someday.

But moving to Spiderwick,
it's just--

Leave. Leave.

Little Miss, you must leave.

Spiderwick is dangerous.

It's all real.

The fairies and hags
and unicorns...

Thimbletack and Mulgarath.

Mulgarath wants the Field Guide.

Mulgarath will get you!

Mulga--
You have got to go!

- We all m-must go!
- It's okay.

- Lucinda, you're okay.
- We all must go!

- Little Miss, leave!
- It's okay, Lucinda.

- Leave!

The elusive dragon egg.

We procured this
from a local estate.

It's coated in an opaline enamel

and encrusted with diamonds.

Strangely, no one's figured out
how to open the egg

to discover
what Fabergé hid inside.

Ah, ah.

We touch with our eyes,
little girl.

But there is indeed
something contained

within its
impenetrable shell, right?

Yes.

Unfortunately,

the enamel has minerals
that make X-rays unreadable.

So, it's a mystery.

How much for the egg?

Perhaps I could show you
another piece?

We have some cucumber-persimmon
water if you're thirsty,

or the most scrummy petit fours
you've ever tasted.

Darling, didn't you say you
were feeling hungry?

- Yes, Daddy.

Mm.

What is that?

It's a mystery.

Smells like turtle vomit.

I think that's Havarti.

It's a local delicacy.

And the stove is broken, so...

That's the noise.

I told you, there's
a critter inside the wall.

Please stop with this "critter
is inside of the wall."

- It's an animal...
- It's a trash panda.

- Trash panda?
- Yes.

It's an old house.
What do you expect?

Probably some mutated racoon
or something.

- Stop fighting, for real.
- Shut up, Mallory.

- Who asked you?
- Don't tell me to shut up.

'Cause there'd be
a mutated racoon in our wall,

- Jared, okay?

Mom, you good?

Well, we got to rebuild anyway.

So, let's do this.

♪ I got so much trouble
on my mind... ♪

Come on, grab something.

It's right behind this wall.

-Let's do this.
-Let's go.

Did you hear that?
It's in here.

Okay.

Keep going!

♪ My home is your home ♪

♪ But welcome
to the Terrordome ♪

Ew...

Whoa...

Gnarly mousetrap.

Lemondrop and Jeffrey?

No, these are too desiccated.

What the hell is this?

It's a dumbwaiter.

A tiny elevator
that takes food between floors.

But I don't know why
it was covered up.

I'm talking about
the mouse-oleum.

Let's see where it goes.

No. No, no, no.

No way. This is too dangerous.

You guys, clean this up.

Mal, can you clear
the table please?

I need to call the repairman,
an exterminator,

a contractor, a chiropractor...

Come on, we have to go up there.

Uh, I...
I have to clear the table.

Dude, I bet there's some

weird Spiderwick death cult
stuff up there.

Mom said not to go.

Bring snacks.

Jared, wait.

Jared!

Jared, I said don't go!

The hell is wrong with you, man?

Can't you for once
just leave it alone?

Don't you want to find out
what's up there?

I want you to stop.

I am so sick
of defending you, Jared.

At school,
at the stupid gas station,

with Lemondrop and Jeffrey.

I didn't do anything to them.

What do I get for helping you?

I had to leave
everything I loved, okay?

My friends, our house, Dad.

Whoa.

What is this place?

Lemondrop? Jeffrey?

So, you're Arthur Spiderwick.

Boo!

-Mom! Mom!

In here!

- I-I saw...
-What?

I-I don't know what.

Lucinda was telling the truth.
Arthur knew.

These-these creatures are real!

- Someone's starved for attention.
- I know what I saw!

Hey, please calm down, sweetie.

We had to do what Lucina said.
We have to get out of here now!

Huh.

You ditched therapy?

Because how would you know
what Lucinda said

- if you were with Dr. Brauer--
- I was being inconsiderate

and in doing so,
I diminish my own dignity.

- Whatever!
- Jared,

I've tried so hard with you.

Didn't you hear
what I just said?

These creatures are real!

Come on.
I'll show you.

Uh...

I am so done.

Done!

We came here to see Dr. Brauer,

and that's what we're gonna do!

- Let's go.
- Mom. Mom.

♪ Everybody ♪

♪ Needs a friend... ♪

Will it grow?

We're gonna need the Field Guide
to know how to raise

this creature from a sapling
idea into a grim endeavor.

But I do recall Spiderwick
saying that it needs protein.

♪ 'Cause I know
just what you... ♪

♪ When you need me ♪

Did she call the police?

Maybe they'll go away.

Here. Just in case.

Hi, Dr. Brauer.

Well, I'm so glad you came.

♪ Do you see it too? ♪

♪ I don't know what to do ♪

♪ Call me on the telephone ♪

♪ Because I'm feeling
all alone ♪

♪ So where you wanna go? ♪

♪ We can hit the road ♪

♪ We can
hit the road ♪

♪ We'll find the sun out there ♪

♪ No need to run out there ♪

♪ Another fire, I'm not afraid ♪

♪ To see new worlds
come off the page ♪

♪ I'm not a hero but I can see ♪

♪ There's something special
in you and me ♪

♪ There's something magic
in the sky ♪

♪ And no one gets it
like you do ♪

♪ There's something magic
in your eyes ♪

♪ And no one gets me
like you do ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh ♪

♪ There's something magic
in the sky ♪

♪ There's something magic
in your eyes ♪

♪ There's something magic
in the sky ♪

♪ There's something magic
in the sky ♪

♪ And no one gets it
like you do ♪

♪ There's something magic
in your eyes ♪

♪ And no one gets me
like you do. ♪