03x07 - The Brandon Bubble/Jocktopizza

[bunniefuu]

[BUBBLING]

-[SONG BEGINS]
-[SINGING] One, two, three, four

Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight
Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, eleven, twelve
Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins
Flip your tail

School's out
Ring the bell!

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

One, two, three, four
Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight
Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, eleven, twelve
Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins
Flip your tail

School's out
Ring the bell!

[SONG ENDS]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]

[YELPS]

[PANTING, GROANING]

BEA: [SQUEALS] Oh, my gosh,
it's starting! Hurry!

Guys, guys, it's on!

NARRATOR: On this episode
of HTV's True Hamsterwood Story,

Brandon Bubbler.

Created by a group of scientists,
engineers, and talent scouts,

this is the story of model X-10-79-25.

After careful surveying and polling,
X-10-79-25 was re-titled Brandon Bubbler.

Singing, dancing, and girl wooing
were all programmed into his very being.

Brandon's finest gift proved
to be none other than connecting

with the youth of today.

Brandon Bubbler loves texting, chilling,
and frozen yogurt.

If that's not me, I don't know
who me is.

[SLURPS] True that, sister!

NARRATOR: But after countless world tours,
18 platinum singles,

and a failed relationship
with his backup dancer Rebecca...

[ECHOES] Rebecca, Rebecca...

Brandon Bubbler began to lose
what made him so special to so many.

Teens everywhere used to be all like,
"Yeah! Brandon Bubbler! All right!"

But now teens are all like,
"Psh..." [GROANS] "Brandon Bubbler..."

[GROANS]

NARRATOR: Brandon Bubbler has been
avoiding any spotlight

since his sudden tumble from teen idol.

But recent government reports
and popular tabloid magazines

report that Brandon Bubbler
has attempted to escape the spotlight

by attending Freshwater High.

[GASPS] Oh, my gosh! You guys!

Oh, my gosh, it's Brandon!
[SQUEALS] Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh!

This is the most amazing thing
that could possibly happen. I'm gonna die!

Brandon!

[SCREAMING]

[BELL RINGING]

Okay, keep cool, Bea. Brandon Bubbler
is gonna be in your class.

There is no reason to get worked up.

Brandon! Brandon!

Oscar, why is Bea going crazy?

OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG.

-You didn't hear, Milo? Brandon Bubbler...
-Brandon!

Brandon Bubbler's gonna be a student
in our class.

-Brandon Bubbler?
-Brandon Bubbler!

Yes, Brandon Bubbler.

-Brandon Bubbler!
-Brandon Bubbler!

-Brandon Bubbler!
-Brandon Bubbler!

-Brandon Bubbler!
-Brandon Bubbler!

Okay, everybody,
if we could all quiet down.

I know some of you have heard something

about a specific student
joining our class.

I'd like to say
that these rumors are...

true.
Please join me in welcoming

Bjorñ Uh-fur-grazuhr-zuh-zuhnonenen.

Zuhzuhnenen.

No. It's Bjorñ Ouhhfáhrrrgãwrdczhen.
"Ouhhfáhrrrgãwrdczhen."

-"Bjorkey Uhfarmargen."
-Bjorñ Ouhhfáhrrrgãwrdczhen.

-Bjorñ Ouhhfáhrrrgãwrdczhen.
-Bjorñ Ouhhfáhrrrgãwrdczhen.

Hello!

Yeah, he's our new
foreign exchange student.

-You can sit down now.
-Thank you.

Oh yeah, Brandon Bubbler's
joining the class, too.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Got a case of L-U-V

-Hey, what's up? I'm Brandon Bubbler.
-Yeah, Brandon!

[WHOOPING]

[WHOOPING]

You can go take your seat now, Brandon.

-[WHISPERS] That's Brandon Bubbler.
-We know, Bea.

-[SCRAPING]
-[GRUNTING]

Hey there, Brandon. Brandon Bubbler.

[GIGGLES]

Would you look at us, you know,
just talking like old friends.

-I'm Bea.
-I know.

-You do?
-Yeah, you're, like, the girl

who kidnapped me and had me sing
at your birthday party.

[GIGGLES]

That's me. But technically,
it was those guys.

[GIGGLES]

-I'm sorry about that.
-No, it's cool.

-In a lot of ways, I miss being kidnapped.
-Huh? What an unexpected response.

The days of being blindfolded,
taken to exotic locations,

feeling like you're worth something
to someone else, gone.

Nobody wants to kidnap
ol' Brandon Bubbler anymore.

Did you come to this school
so I would kidnap you again?

-No, no.
-Oh.

My record company thought
it would be a good idea for me to go

to high school and hang out
with kids my own age.

They think I'll get my relatability back.

But I'm not sure how taking away my swag
will make me more relatable.

-I have no clue how to be a teen.
-I'm a teen! I get me!

And I think I get you, too.

I wanna show you what it's like to be
a teenager!

[SQUEALS]
And get you back in the music business!

Uh, okay. Yeah, why not?

-[MUSIC PLAYING]
-[RECORD SCRATCH]

No! No musical numbers in class.

Why can't you two be more like Bjorñ
and pay attention?

[INTERNALLY]
No, Bjorñ is not paying attention.

Bjorñ wants to know what it's like
to be a teenager, too.

Because Bjorñ is really 37 years old.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[SINGS] I come from the land
of Crenotaninia

I left my two kids and wife

I got on a boat and come over here
To learn about teenage life

Like homework and kittens
And shopping at the mall

Makeup and football
And hanging at the diner

This is what it means to be a teen

Live out the teenage dream

Then I won't be, how do you say

Lonely

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Oh, my! What a hoot! [LAUGHS]

Dude, that was so awesome.

I love being a regular teenager.
I had no idea it was so cool.

[CHUCKLES] Well,
I'm glad you're enjoying it!

More than you will ever know.
This is like a whole new world for me.

A world where I get
what I was actually singing about.

A world where I kinda understand
what it's like to be a teenager.

Great! I'm glad I solved
your little problem.

Now you can get back
to being Brandon Bubbler

and being awesome and making all my dreams
come true. [SINGSONG] Diddly-doo.

[TRUMPETS SOUNDING]

[SINGS] I'm just a girl
Who's walking to school

Who's friends with Brandon Bubbler
I'm friends with Brandon Bubbler

-[TIRES SCREECH]
-[SCREAMS]

Brandon's limo! Brandon, are you okay?

Not Brandon. It's Bjorñ!

Thanks to Brandon Bubbles, I am now a fun,
cool teenager like you.

I do not care about my parents,
not one bit.

School is stinky
because teacher Baldwin talks like goose.

[BLOWING RASPBERRY]

Take it back, Bjorñ!

Go sit on egg.

-Make me!
-Do not have cow, man.

Wait! Why does Baldwin
have Brandon's bling?

And Esmargot's got his hat?

[SINGS] You make me go snap, girl!
Got my head in a whirl

-Woah.
-DR. FROG: Music awards!

Get Brandon Bubbler's music awards here!

-What is happening?
-Whassup, Bea?

Hey, Brandon.

-Brandon! What happened to you?
-What do you mean?

Well, you've changed your clothes,
and everybody's got your stuff!

Oh yeah. That stuff was kinda weighing
the new me down. So I gave it all away.

-This is the new Brandon. Brandon Feldman.
-Brandon Feldman?

-I'm a regular teenager now, Bea.
-What? No, no! You're Brandon Bubbler,

-international pop star.
-No, shawty. It's just like you showed me.

I was missing out. Regular teenage life
is the best.

Check you later, Bea. I gotta go do
some homework

and then get to bed pretty early
'cause we have a test tomorrow.

No! You're a pop star! You're a pop star!
Come back!

[GROANS] This isn't what was supposed
to happen. Diddly-darn it!

-Money fight!
-Money fight!

[LAUGHS]

-Money, money, money!
-Money, money, money!

-[SIGHS]
-Hey, Bea, what's wrong?

You're not throwing any
of Brandon's money.

Brandon Bubbler's gone. I destroyed him.

Hey, hey, hey, girl, Brandon Bubbler
went away on his own choosing.

You just showed him a reason to leave.

Wait a minute. I got it!

I only showed Brandon fun things
about being a teenager.

But teen life is equally about the awkward
and depressing moments, isn't it?

[SNEEZES]

-Yes.
-Maybe if I show Brandon "Feldman"

the bad stuff about being a teenager,
Brandon Bubbler would wanna come back.

Well, maybe he doesn't wanna come back.

Um, if he didn't wanna come back,
he would've told me.

He did tell you.

I'm giving it all up, Bea,
and I'm never going back.

Just help me show him how bad
being a teenager is!

-Okay, okay!
-Okay, okay!

-Sheesh.
-Sheesh.

[SINGS]
Teenager, teenager, teenager life

I hate spelling words
And my mom makes me angry

Oh, teenager, teenager, teenager life

Clean up your room, get a good report card

Pimples, girls, boys, bullies
Getting sent to your room for singing

Teenager life! Teenager life!

Teenager life! Teenager life!

My life is no knock-knock joke, butt-face.
Go sit on egg.

Wow. That teenage experience
was much different than last time, Bea.

Yeah, things got a little...
Huh. What's the word...

-Sad.
-Yeah! Sad.

But that's just a normal day
in every teen's life.

I mean, when you were a giant pop star,
you didn't have to deal

with stuff like that.
But, Brandon Feldman,

this stuff is gonna be coming at you
like a bad acne breakout.

[SLOW ACOUSTIC MUSIC PLAYS]

So, I happen to have this hat
to symbolize your transformation

back into Brandon Bubbler. Would you like
to put this hat back on, Brandon?

[POP MUSIC INTENSIFIES]

No, shawty, I'm not going back.

What? But being a teenager
is so tough and weird!

I know. I know that now. But it's worth it
to me because I'm figuring things out

for myself. I know Brandon Bubbler
is pretty dope,

but maybe Brandon Feldman is pretty dope,
too.

And now that he's in high school with you,

maybe he can actually get
to know you better.

Oh, really? Wait! I can work with that.
I can work with that! [GIGGLES]

So, do you wanna go to the Hokey Poke
and get a milkshake?

-Sure.
-[SINGSONG] Diddly-dee! [CHUCKLES]

Brandon, I'm so glad we found you!
Your records are selling like crazy!

Your going back to school
was the best career decision

I've ever made! And I mean that.

We need you back on tour right now!

[CLICKS FINGERS]
Pack your things.

Wow-wow-wee!

[YODELING]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[PHONE RINGING]

Thanks for calling Jocktopizza,
home of the best family-made pizza

in all of Freshwater. What can I get ya?

WOMAN: [ON PHONE]
I'll have the usual, please.

Mama, one large special, extra sausage,
but don't make it too pretty

or I might have to marry it
instead of you.

[LAUGHS]

Jocktopus win another football game!

Congratulations, son! Have a pizza.

Nom-nom-nom, mmm.

Look at our son, Mama. He's grown
into such a big, giant man-pus.

-I think it's time.
-Time for what?

Time for you to become a part
of our family tradition.

Ooh.

Everyone in our family has made
their own personal pizza recipe.

I made a fatty pizza with lots of sausage.

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Your mom made a hot pepper pizza,

'cause she's so hot.

[LAUGHS]

Then, there's your older brother,
Rocktopus.

-Rocktopus.
-Who made his famous gold record pizza,

with bits of real gold crusted sausage!
Pizza magic.

But you have not made a pizza.

Son, my one wish for you
is that today you will make me

the happiest father alive,
that you will finally make

your own special, unique pizza.

Jocktopus wanna make Jocktopapa happy.
So he will make the best pizza ever!

That's my boy! Now let's get to it!

Here are all the ingredients you need
to make your masterpiece.

[SINGS] Pizza makin', la, la, la, la

-Oh, how I have waited for this moment.
-All done!

What is that?

It's Jocktopus' pizza!

Then I have failed. As both a pizza-maker
and a father.

Mama, bring the poison!
It's time for me to die!

[WHIMPERS]

Jocktopus just kidding!
[CHUCKLES]

[LAUGHS]

Mama, did you hear our son, the comedian?
He only pretended to break my heart!

[LAUGHS]

-Now, make your pizza for real.
-Uh, don't worry.

Jocktopus won't let you down.
But first, I have to go potty.

-[GROANS]
-[GLASS SHATTERING]

[BELL RINGS]

Now, class, who can tell me
the most important step in baking a cake?

-Precise measurements!
-Temperature!

-Frosting!
-Chocolate! It's the chocolate!

Nope. Licking the beater!

[SCREAMS]

Apparently, you should turn it off first.

Jocktopus have a Jockto-emergency!

You teach Jocktopus how to make
his special pizza now!

Let me make some room for you, big fella.
Thanks, Clamantha.

-No problem.
-Making pizza's really easy.

-Yeah, you'll be a pro in no time.
-Okay, class,

everyone got their
pizza-making mustaches on?

-Yeah!
-Yeah!

[WHISPERS]
Where's your pizza-making mustache?

Jocktopus doesn't have one.

How do you expect to make a pizza
with no pizza-making mustache?

Now you got it goin' on.

Repeat after me. "That's a spicy pizza!"

-"That's a spicy pizza!"
-"That's a spicy pizza!"

Good! Now say, "Ay, you got-a your-a
meat-a-ba*ls in my pepperoni!"

-"Ay, you got-a your-a meat-a-ba*ls
-"Ay, you got-a your-a meat-a-ba*ls

-in-a my pepperoni!"
-in-a my pepperoni!"

Teacher, Jocktopus in a hurry!

Okay, the first step in making
a delicious pizza is...

calling Jocktopizza on the phone!

Huh? No!

-One Jocktopapa special, hot from the...
-[SCREAMS]

Oh, hey, son! Did you tell
all your little nerd friends

how you're gonna finally make
your special family pizza for me?

[SOBS]

[SCREAMS]

Well, if you didn't want me to eat them,
you should've told me that

before you asked me to babysit your kids!

Jocktopus, you big dummy! What's going on?

You need to get it together.
Because this is not working for me!

You don't understand, Piranhica!
This is a family issue.

And we're not married yet!

[GROANS] Oh, you need family?
I'll call you some family.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

-[CELL PHONE RINGING]
-[MUSIC STOPS]

Who is making all the noise?
Oh, wait. That's me.

Yello? This is Rocktopus.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER OVER PHONE]

Rocktopus be right there. Concert is over.
Rocktopus has to go help little brother.

I love you, Rocktopus!

-I can see you hiding, you dummy.
-Jocktopus not here.

-This just a talking goal post.
-He's all yours, dude.

ROCKTOPUS: Hey, Jocktopoop.

Wanna do some donuts
in Rocktopus' sweet ride?

Very much, yes.

[WHOOPING]

-So, what you gonna do?
-More donuts!

No, about making pizza.

Okay, Jocktopus has plan.

Jocktopus run away!

[SCREAMS]

[GROANS] Let me go!

Not till you tell Rocktopus what wrong.

[GRUNTS]

Jocktopus sad 'cause he knows
there's no special pizza inside him.

You not alone, little brother.
Rocktopus once felt same.

Rocktopus lie! Rocktopus only ever feel
the awesome power of rock.

No, back when Rocktopus was supposed
to make his own pizza...

Rocktopus don't care about pizza.

Rocktopus only has room in his heart
for rock 'n' roll! [WHOOPING]

Son of mine, you got a big heart.

There's lots of room in there
for both our dreams.

ROCKTOPUS: But Rocktopus
still not understand.

So he drove sweet ride up to top
of tanks and poured all feelings

into song.

[SINGS] La, la, la, la, la!
Baby, baby, baby, baby, la!

Rocktopus then realize
that song was his pizza.

Your gold record pizza?

Little Jocktopus just gotta take
what he best at, and put it in pizza.

-Jocktopus best at football!
-Yeah! Football pizza!

-Football pizza?
-Football pizza!

-Football pizza!
-Football pizza!

Football pizza!

-[ALL SCREAM]
-Football pizza!

Football pizza!

Football pizza!

Football pizza... Eww...

So, uh, where'd you say we were goin'?

[LAUGHS]

Okay, Jocktoparents, take off blindfolds.

Hey! We're at the football field!
I didn't realize you had a game today.

Oh, yeah! It's Jocktopus'
most important game ever.

-Is Rocktopus ready?
-Uh-huh. Is Jocktopus ready?

Uh-huh.
You dumb nerd-fishes ready?

Uh-huh.

-Why are we doing this?
-'Cause Jocktopus said he'd turn us

-into fish paste if we didn't.
-Fish paste. Yeah.

[SLOW MUSIC PLAYING]

Well, look, Ma! There's Rocktopus!

[SIGHS]

Jocktopus can do this.

[SINGS] Girl, you're so hot
And I think you're fine

See that sweet ride?
Yeah, you know it's mine

You want a ride?

Hut, hut, hut!

ROCKTOPUS: Get inside

Oh, my gosh! Will you look at that!
They covered the field in pizza dough!

Drivin' around
Sweet ride takes us there

We're drivin' without no care

'Cause you look hot tonight

All right!

Mamma mia! Our son has turned
the football field into a giant pizza!

Look at my awesome hair

It don't seem fair

Drivin' round
Sweet ride takes us there

Mozzarella cheese fireworks!
[CHUCKLES]

Oh, pizza magic.

Now, the game breaker.

Son! Son! Are you okay? Speak to me!

Jocktopus did it! He make
his own special pizza!

That was some good work, dude!

I don't think this is gonna come
out of my clothes.

-I knew you could do it.
-[SIGHS HAPPILY]

Dumb Jocktopus forgot one thing.

-Nuh-uh.
-Nuh-huh.

-Good pizza gotta be cooked!
-Oh, yeah.

Don't worry. Rocktopus got it.

Rocktopus call on ancient spirit
of rock 'n' roll to come help.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]

Uh-oh.

You made it on the menu, son.
I am so proud of you!

[GRUNTS HAPPILY]

-[BELL RINGING]
-CUSTOMER: Uh, excuse me...

Yeah, I'd like to order
a Touchdown Special.

Football pizza time again!

[LAUGHS]

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

Is he still out there?

Yeah.

[SLOW MUSIC PLAYS]

[DOG WHINING]

[WHINES]

He's kinda creepin' me out.

Yeah, I don't do well
with needy people.