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01x09 - Fishing for Compliments: The Albert Glass Story/Dropsy!

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Fish Hooks". Aired: September 3, 2010 – April 4, 2014.*
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Series revolves around a fun-personified fish named Milo, his nervous brother Oscar, and their "overly dramatic" best friend Bea Goldfishberg, with whom Oscar is infatuated.

01x09 - Fishing for Compliments: The Albert Glass Story/Dropsy!

Post by bunniefuu »

[BUBBLING]

One, two, three, four

Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight

Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, 11, 12

Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins, flip your tail

School's out, ring the bell!

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

One, two, three, four

Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight

Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, 11, 12

Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins, flip your tail

School's out, ring the bell!

-Mm-hmm!
-[CROWD CHEERS]

Hey, classmates.

GIRLS: Hi, Bea.

[GRUNTING, BURPS]

Hey, Headphone Joe.

[SLURPING] Hi, Bea.

Hey, Clamantha.

[GIBBERISH]

Wow, Bea, everyone in school
seems to really like you.

Hi, Bea!

[YELPS]

-Yeah, even the teachers.
-DR. FROG: What?

It's no big deal, guys.
If you're nice to people,

they're nice back to you is all.

You make it sound so easy.

Of course, you make everything sound easy.

It's your gift.

Peace, dudes.

Hey, what's happenin'...

Goin' down this weekend with the jive?

You know what I'm talking about?

[IMITATING FUNK BASS, RECORD SCRATCHING]

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

Look, the big swirly derby is tonight

and I want tickets.

Anyone got extras?

I'll give you an "A" for the semester.

Anyone? Free "A"...

To anyone in the sound of my voice.

Oh great! My little genius Albert.

-Albert's gonna...
-[CLEARS THROAT]

MR. BALDWIN:
Right, today is Albert Glass's birthday

and he's going to hand out... cupcakes.

Just give me one.

I like you. Have a cupcake.

I like you. Have a cupcake.

[GROANING]

-I like you. Have a cupcake.
-Mm, mm.

Hey, Albert. Nice crown.

You must have made a mistake
and not have seen me sitting there

when you were handing out cupcakes.

And since you've got two,
I just thought that...

It's no mistake, Bea.

You didn't get one
because... I don't like you.

What? Why?

Um, I don't know.

I can't put my fin on it.

-No offense or anything.
-But, but...

-[BELL RINGS]
-[SHRIEKS, LAUGHS]

Wow, man, I wish these classes
were always this short.

[LAUGHING]

Right? Know what I'm saying?

-Come on, everyone loves the Swirlies.
-BEA: But, but, but...

Don't make a teacher beg.

ANNOUNCER: Tune in tonight
for live swirly coverage.

The winners, the losers, the no-shows.

It's the sporting event of the season.

There you go, Milo. It's coming in.

-Like this? Like this?
-Come on, Bea.

Milo got his satellite hat to work again.

I can't believe Albert Glass
doesn't like me.

-Well, I like you, Bea.
-Yeah, yeah.

Well, when we hang out with Albert,

he never mentions
anything bad about you.

[GASPS]
You guys hang out with him?

Uh, yeah. All the time.

You'd think if Albert didn't like anybody
it'd be me.

I mean, I'm always the one
calling him Ghost Baby.

You guys even have nicknames
for each other?

Okay, this has to be a misunderstanding.

I haven't given him any reason
not to like me.

[WHISPERS] I like you.

As my mom tells me every morning,

"To know Bea is to love Bea."

OSCAR: Guilty.

Oh hey! I have a great idea.

You should hang out with Albert today.

That way he can get to know you better
and see how nice and kind you really are.

Milo, that is a great idea!

Oh, I could kiss you.

I helped with the idea too.

[IMITATING SATELLITE]

[STRAINING]

Here, Albert, let me help.

[SINGSONG VOICE] There you go.

Thanks for holding my chin, Bea.

You know I always spittle.

What happened to Albert?

Oh, he went running that way

yelling something
about a girl he didn't like

getting germs all over his drink.

Ew!

Hi, Albert!

-I heard you love to play fiddle.
-Violin.

Look, look, I made you your own.

Ew.

No... Thank you.

-Come on, just give it a try.
-No.

-Here, like this.
-[SCREECHING]

-[GASPS]
-Whoopsie!

Here, [SINGSONG VOICE]
let me get the door for you.

Oh, thank you.

Woo! Ha, ha, ha. Finally!

See? We're friends now, right?

Um, don't get carried away, Bea.

You just held the door open.

Thousands of fish do that every day.

Yeah, but you said, "Thank you."

Well, that's the polite thing to say.

I'm not a monster.

Ew!

[GROANING]

Ugh!

Yep, I confronted him about the cupcake.

So, then I'm like floating there

and he just goes, "eh," and leaves.

I mean, what's a girl gotta do
to make friends?

Freeze, girl.

So, do you like, like
this little glass boy or something?

What? No!

I'm just not used to having someone
not like me.

And so far I don't enjoy the rejection.
I don't!

[EXHALES]

If things keep going the way they are,

then I am going to go...

crazy!

SHELLSEA: Whoa, girl.

In...ter...ven...tion.

Boys drive us girls crazy sometimes,

but you need to hold yourself together.

Always have the upper fin.

Now come on, think with me.

Thi-i-ink.

How can we get Albert to like you?

Think.

I just got it.

Name the one thing that everyone
looks forward to this time of year.

-Grapefruit!
-No. The Swirlies.

O.M. Double G.

How did you get tickets, Shellsea?

Girl, I have got my ways.

Come on.

And if all else fails, these never do.

Thanks, girls!

I knew I could count on you.

There goes our little girl, Koi.

L...

Love it.

La

Nap time.

[SNORTING]

[SIGHS, SNORTS]

[DOORBELL RINGING]

Happy surprise birthday, Albert,

from your new best friend!

Uh, Bea, what are you doing here?

You should never walk in on a man
when he's wearing his shawl.

Well, you may want to rethink that
when you see

that I've brought you tickets
to tonight's Swirly races!

[GULP] No, thank you.

What?! Oh right, Shellsea's plan B.

Wait, wait. I've got something
for you, [SINGSONG VOICE] Albert...

A friendship bracelet. [LAUGHS]

ANNOUNCER: Welcome
to the annual Swirly derby,

where aggressive fish battle
to keep themselves from being flushed.

Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh!

[FLUSHING]

[BOTH GRUNTING]

I cannot believe you got us
front-row tickets to the Swirlies, Bea!

Yeah, yeah.

Aren't we having so much fun?

-BOYS: Yes!
-Quiet! Eat your popcorn!

Albert and I are bonding. [NERVOUS GIGGLE]

[SINGSONG VOICE]
We're good friends now, it's true.

-Right, Albert?
-Um...

Uh, Bea...

I said be quiet!

We're busy liking each other
and hanging out!

[WHISPERS] Help.

Bea, this is for your own good.

Well, Albert's mostly.

[GRUNTING]

MILO: Run!

Run, Albert! You're free!

[LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY]

Wha...

[SCREAMING]

[TOILET BURPS]

Oh, this is all my fault.

Bea!

Oh, the excitement!

Now crazed fans are jumping into the bowl.

ANNOUNCER:
Ooh, somebody get a plunger.

Wait a minute.

It's the one that just won't flush.

Come on, Albert, you've gotta help me
swim you out of here.

At times like this, you just
relax your body and accept fate.

We gotta save 'em!

-Friendship shove!
-Whoa!

ANNOUNCER:
Can you believe it?

Two more have entered the fray.

If you can't handle the Swirlies,
don't jump in the Swirly.

[BOTH SCREAMING]

Come on, guys, paddle!

I don't believe it.
I haven't seen this in years.

And of course here comes trouble.

Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh!

I'm getting flushed!

No, you're not! [GRUNTING]

Yah!

ANNOUNCER:
Oh, there goes Saltwater Sarah,

followed by Betty Beta and Nanny...
all out to sea!

The rogue spectators head for freedom!

But not if Allibut
has anything to do with it.

Hang on, guys.

ANNOUNCER:
Oh, and with that sinker,

it looks like it's
the end of the Swirlies.

I'm sorry, Albert.

Things kind of got out of hand there.

Bea saved your life, Albert.

You gotta like her now.

Eww.

No offense.

-CROWD: Boo!
-MALE: She ruined it!

Wow, Bea, now it looks like

an entire stadium full of fish
don't like you.

You know what? I don't care.

I'm sick of worrying
what other people think of me.

It took me so long to find tickets
and you ruined it.

You ruined it!

I have friends that like me.

Especially me!

Yeah, yeah.
But most importantly, I like me.

[ALBERT GIGGLING]

I like you.

That's right.

I just realized why I didn't like you
all this time.

You've always been so desperate
for everyone to like you,

and that's so obnoxious.

So, Bea, would you be my friend?

Friendship bracelet!

[ALL LAUGHING]

[ALL GASPING]

[ALL QUACKING]

Well, kids, it took all morning,

but I finally finished this sweet drawing

of a robot fighting a dinosaur.

[ALBERT COUGHING]

My best friend Mark
is gonna be so jealous.

-[ALBERT COUGHING]
-Albert Glass, do you mind?

-[FLIES BUZZING]
-Ah... ah... ah... ah... ah-choo!

[GROANING]

Uh, Albert, are you all right, bro?

[MOANING, GURGLING]

[GROANING]

[WHIMPERING]

Albert's got the dropsy!

KIDS: Dropsy?

Where is it? Where is it? Where is it?

Aha!

-[ALARM BLARING]
-KIDS: What's going on?

Fishington, bag him asap!

-ALL: Ooh!
-BOYS: Whoa!

-[ALARM STOPS]
-Good work.

-Now send him to quarantine.
-What's going on?

Albert here has a case of the dropsy.

It's like chickenpox, but for fish.

He'll be fine in a week.

What's a chicken?

What's a fish?

[ALBERT COUGHING, GROANING]

[COUGHING]

Sickness secure.

Everyone wash their hands
to avoid further contamination.

Criminy, Fishington!

Turn that face of yours around.

You're making him feel worse.

[FLIES BUZZING]

[GROANING]

Oh, poor Albert.

He gets the dropsy and he's stuck
in this boring nurse's office.

Yeah, it's no fun to be sick.

But it's our job as his friends
to make him feel better.

-Ooh, that looks good.
-Milo! That's for Albert.

I cooked him my famous
[SINGSONG VOICE] tuna fish casserole.

[GASPS] Tuna fish casserole?

Oh, oh, don't worry.

I used artificial casserole.

[FLIES BUZZING]

Wait.

So, if you're sick, you get free food?

Hey, Albert, buddy,
I did all your homework,

so you don't have to stress about
all that schoolwork you're missing.

That warms my sick little heart.

ALL: Aw!

And free homework too?

Jocktopus promise
not to punch face of nerd fish.

He punch balloons that look
like nerd fish instead.

Unbelievable!

Here's $10,000.

Hah! [BURPS]

Just because you're sick. [LAUGHS]

[GASPS] I just got a brilliant idea!

Cough, cough.

Look at me.

I think I got the dropsy.

[GASPS] That's terrible!

Wait a minute. You don't have the...

-[BOTH GASP]
-Oh, you are so faking it.

Uh, brother dear, a word.

Shh! I have a plan.

Look, Albert's getting all this free stuff
by being sick.

So, I am gonna be sick too.

You know that's lying, right?

I mean, it's not... that's not good.

And is that any different
than the time you lied

to Aunt Ida about losing her wig?

Uh... I needed that wig
for my role-play group.

Come on, Oscar, don't be
a stick in the mud, all right?

I'm just having fun.
I'm not hurting anybody.

Keep a secret for a brother?

Is it true we have another student
with the dropsy?

Oh! It's so true!

Cough, cough. Right, Oscar?

[SIGHS]

Fishington, you know what to do.

No, I mean bag him.

Hot dog!

PRINCIPAL STICKLER:
Well, boys, you're both

going to be stuck in here
for an entire week,

so we did our best to make you
as comfortable as possible.

Albert, check it out,
a 61" big-screen television

on top of a 200" big-screen television.

[GASPS] A waterbed...

Dude, it's like floating in water.

And an upside-down bidet!

I... I'll leave that up to you guys
to figure out.

To a speedy recovery, gentlemen.

Oh, man, this is the best!

I don't have to lift a fin.

Hey, hey, Albert, make me a smoothie.

[GROANS]

Mother, is that you?

[LAUGHING] Dude, you are hilarious.

Tell me another joke.

Uh, knock, knock.

Who's there?

Mother, is that you?

[GROANS]

Ah... ah... ah-choo!

[SNIFFLES]

[GROANING]

[GROANING STOPS]

[GROANING RESUMES]

Albert, I need my smoothie.

Milo, I heard you're sick with the dropsy.

Hey, coach Salmons.

Make me a smoothie.

Milo, I can do even better.

I can make you a [SINGSONG VOICE] Song!

It's a tropical paradise

For living the sick fish life

A place where you could go

-When the world's got you low...
-[COUGHING]

A spot where you could stay

And keep your cares at bay

All you do is play all day

In this tropical getaway...

Ha, ha! Let's go, baby.

[NEIGHS]

-We've got coconuts
-Coconuts

-And more
-And more

Video games and fun galore

Fun galore

And when you've lost
your stress and strife

That's when you've found
the sick fish life

Sick fish life

Oh yeah!

Oh, Milo, that was so much fun.

Tell me, did it help you feel better?

Not one bit.

[LAUGHING]

Hey, Albert, I brought you some ice cream.

-Whoa, whoa. What?
-[CAT SCREECHES]

You brought ice cream?

Yeah, I brought ice cream...
for sick fish!

Here you go, Albert.

Gee, thanks, Oscar.

Ice cream.

No.

Give it.

You're not sick.

Nyah.

Oh.

Aunt Ida!

Fine!

Thank you.

This isn't right, Milo.

It's okay, Oscar. [COUGHING]

Milo needed it more than me.

That was very kind of you to say.

[GROWLS]

Okay, it's been a week.

Who's ready to be all better?

[GIGGLING]

Wait! It can't have been
a week already.

Whee! I'm healed!

I'm a-singin'. I'm a-dancin'.

I'm a-singin' and a-swingin'.

[SINGS] Doo, Doo, Doo, Doo, Doo

Oh, Albert, this is such great news!

Milo, that means you should be better too.

Yeah, Milo, all better.

So, you can come out of that tank
and you can live

some sort of regular honest life.

No! I'm so weak.

I think I've gotten way, way worse.

Ah, cough, cough.

Worse? Milo's worse?

Fishington, that must mean

he's part of that five percent
that never heal.

[FLIES BUZZING]

You sure you're not sick too, toots?

Oh, don't worry, Principal Stickler,

I'll be fine with some more casserole.

Oh, I'm so sick,

[SINGSONG VOICE] So, so, so, so sick.

Casserole will not fix this.

We need something more drastic.

We need to send Milo to...

the dropsy colony...

A place where Milo can be with fish
just like him.

Just like me?

Hi, I'm Milo.

I like to party.

[GASPS] What a coincidence!

Dude, my name is Milo as well,
and I also like to part-ay!

Um, excuse me.
I couldn't help but overhear.

You mention something about a party?

Because that...
that is something I love to do.

By the way, dude, my name is Milo.

Milo, this is serious.

You have to confess or they're gonna
send you away forever.

Don't worry, dude. I got this.

I'll send you a macadamia nut.

You're jealous.

I'm not jealous, Milo.

I... I don't think this is a good idea.

I'm afraid of losing you.

Tell them the truth!

You got it, bro.

I love you all! I love you each!

And that's the truth.

ALL: Aw!

We'll miss you, Milo.

I'll miss you too, friends.

Bring me lots of casserole!

He... he's really gone.

It's okay, Oscar.

He was really sick.

You don't know what you're talking about!

[SOBBING]

And you men think I'm the drama queen.

Bye, friends.

I'll send you guys a postcard
from paradise.

Whoo-hoo!

I'm on my way!

Dropsy rules!

[FISH COUGHING, GROANING]

So, is this where the party's at?

[GROANING]

[COUGHING]

Hey, uh, anybody else here named Milo?

Anybody named Milo?

Hey h*,
[SINGSONG VOICE] Milo!

Coach Salmons! Oh my gosh,
you've gotta help me.

They sent me to the wrong tank
by mistake.

I'm surrounded by sick fish.

Oh, Milo, that's terrible.

Well, I'd love to help you,

but I have to give my gift of song

to Albert Glass for his recovery party.

Recovery party?

All right, what kind of tomfoolery
is this?

Hit it, [SINGSONG VOICE] Fellas!

It's a tropical paradise

For living the healthy life

A place where you could go...

Life is a tropical paradise
now that I'm healthy.

Wait, wait! I was kidding.

I don't have the dropsy.

I'm... I'm all better now. See?

I'm afraid it's too little, too late.

Guess you should have listened
to the sage advice of your old brother.

Oscar, I need your help.

Hey, don't worry, buddy.

I'm sure somebody'll
make you a casserole over there.

Here, have some of mine.

[SCREAMING]

MOUSE: Yo, snake, wanna get some din-din?

Sorry, mouse. I'm studying.

Well, do you mind if I practice
my flute solo then?

Not a bit.

Sometimes music helps me think.

[PLAYING]

[SNORING]

Mm, I must have dozed off.

Hey, where did you get the cheese?

Oh, um, delivery.

SNAKE: Ooh! Did you get me anything?